Break Down
by shuusetsu
Summary: Takano Masamune, a bored doctor. Onodera Ritsu, a mental patient. Takano never would have thought that in meeting Ritsu, his boredom would turn into something else. With Miyagi involving Shinobu, with Usagi neglecting Misaki, with Kirishima and Yokozawa trying to kill each other. How will their struggles end and finally have the happily-ever-after? WARNING: u may see (USAMIxRITSU)
1. Angel in White Coat

**Dear Readers**_: if you are reading this, ARIGATOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND INNARDS ^^_

_It's up to you to dig to the story and surprises I've written in here! Muahahahaha.^^ _

_**warning**: you may encounter _**Usami Akihiko X Ritsu Onodera (**this has a reason.)

_and you know..i love wasabi and riding trains with no particular destinations...LOL..and if i were a guy, i am a CHIBI-SEME. (｡ ‿ ｡)_

_what am i blabbering here!_ **HERE GOES THE FIRST CHAPPY OF THE FIC THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIVES!MUAHAHA *EVIL GRIN***

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**_It was a view that kept on hunting him. He's only been three weeks in his new post. But that hauntingly pale face against the midnight blue sky, that silky brunette hair dancing at the slightest breeze, that white coat in the middle of the dark grounds shining like a fallen angel, and that green eyes gazing into oblivion was etched in Takano Masamune's head that left him breathless._**

* * *

**ANGEL IN WHITE COAT**

"So, Takano, have you already settled in your new residence?" Miyagi Yo, the general director of Nishijima Mental Institute asked as he sipped his coffee

Takano Masamune, a general practitioner with a psychiatry background, was assigned in Nishima for they were lacking of personnel at that time. Takano willingly accepted because of the sole reason that he was beginning to get bored with his job and he's looking for a change.

He looked at the director then at the staff list, he's having difficulty remembering their names and faces since he wasn't really interested.

"You know I accepted to be transferred here because I'm looking for some thrill. But I suppose there won't be any. What could I expect from talking to mentally challenged people anyway?" He said with a complete dejection.

Miyagi chuckled as he begun to browse his emails for the day. "I know you're bored with your life but please don't treat the patients here as a subject for your enjoyment. Besides, this institute has been only open for a year so there isn't much patient yet, if you're looking for so many thrills, why didn't you join the military instead?"

Takano chose to be a doctor for no reason in particular. He didn't choose the profession to save the world and make it better. Or even to help people. It's part of his job, nothing more, nothing less. But lately his boredom is getting more intense that he's beginning to ask what he's doing with his life and why he's even living.

It was eight in the morning and the patients were being led to the institute's grounds for some sunlight and a little exercise. Though all of them are not in their senses, being under the morning sun makes them look livelier. As if remembering a part of themselves they already lost.

Takano gazed out the window and grimaced at the sight of a forty year-old man knocking at the window and yelling words he could only understand. _"I feel like they're contagious in some sort of way…"_

"Miyagi, if I remember correctly there are 8 permanent doctors here. Me and this Sakami in health care, two assigned in diet and nutrition and three in psychology department and you in the Special Care. Do we have any other departments here?"

Miyagi frowned a little as he turned to look at Takano.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, all of the doctors here as part of the code wear a green coat instead of the white one right? I'm just curious if there is a department here that wears a white coat."

Miyagi crossed his arms and smiled teasingly. Takano got irritated at the way Miyagi is looking at him, like he's being toyed with.

"What?"

"So you saw him? When?"

"Huh?"

"Oh right, you're assigned the other night to do the night shift correct? And while doing the rounds you saw the doctor in white coat."

"What are you snickering about? Was he a ghost or something?"

"Does he look like a ghost to you?"

"Oi, if you're not answering my question, then don't." Takano said in a cold manner and started to gather his equipment for his early round.

"Onodera Ritsu, been here since the institute started. Assigned in the Special Care ward. And he likes strolling in the garden every midnight. Why, concerned or something?"

"What are you saying? I just thought he looks awfully young to be a resident doctor in this exclusive institute."

Takano started walking out the office when Miyagi called out to him again.

"Don't be so cold! I'll introduce you to him if you want!"

Takano glared at Miyagi. "Huh? It's not like I want to make friends with that doctor. I'm going on my rounds now."

"Tsk. Aren't you going to help me? He's being a pain in my ass these past few days just like you. I guess he's bored too. Maybe the two of you will get along just fine. Don't you think?"

"I don't have the time to mingle and have a chat with a fellow who's bored as I am. Manage your subordinates properly."

"Maybe he's getting bored of my face," Miyagi muttered. "Alright! Takano, follow me, I'll introduce you to him right now!" And Miyagi walked passed Takano and pulled him by the arm.

The hallway to the Special Care ward is deserted and quiet. It's separated from the other wards for reasons unknown. And as irritated Takano feels being pulled to meet with a doctor he isn't interested with, he just went with the flow. Too lazy to raise any more discussion with his happy-go –lucky senior and mentor.

Miyagi stopped in front of a steel door and swiped his pass. It beeped thrice and the knob made a clicking sound. Takano couldn't help but think that the Special ward is too much secured. He's never been in the Special Care ward so he didn't know what to expect. And he's now starting to think that a doctor being assigned in this ward must be a real genius.

Once they entered the entrance to the ward, they are welcomed by a wide reception area. It also has a mini library on the side where only a single person was occupying the large round table. The person, totally absorbed at what he was reading, didn't notice the two resident doctors approach him.

Takano glanced at the other books laid out in front of the young doctor. "The Mentality of the Mentally Challenged", "The Brain Theory" and other psychiatric books thick enough to make him go sleepy again. _Well, I guess there was a time when I was also eager to get to work. But this is too much. It's just what, eight-fifteen?"_

Miyagi knocked on the table.

"Hello! Onodera-kun! You're busy as always." Miyagi said in a very playful tone it made Takano feel Miyagi is talking to a child.

Onodera slowly raised his head and looked at Miyagi and slowly turned his gaze to Takano. His long eyelashes fluttering as he glanced at them.

"Miyagi-san? Good morning and good morning to you too –uhm…"

Miyagi tapped Takano's shoulder and smiled broadly at Onodera.

"This is Dr. Takano-san. A new resident here and a friend of mine and also my good old follower," Miyagi said tapping his chest while Takano's face is in disbelief. " Takano, this is Dr. Onodera Ritsu. I hope the two of you become good friends, okay?"

Onodera smiled at Takano and sat back. Takano on the other hand stood there motionless. _No matter how I look at him, he's really young to be a doctor…_

"Takano, about Onodera…"

"What?"

But before Miyagi could speak, his phone rang and he ran to the far side of the room to take the call. Takano, being forced to act polite sat across Onodera and tried to start a conversation.

"It's early in the morning and you're reading books already? You're really hard working aren't you?" Takano said, suddenly hoping that the person across him didn't hear the sarcasm in his voice.

Onodera looked at Takano without saying anything.

_What's with this guy? Oi, if you've got something to tell me, spill it. You creep me out by staring without saying anything. _

"Uhm actually I am waiting for my patient to come back. He said he's going to the wash room but he's taking some time now," Onodera said as he turned to look at the grandfather clock not far from them.

Takano adjusted his eyeglasses and yawned. _Wha-this person is really boring._

Then Onodera suddenly stood with a look of irritation on his face.

"Haitani! What took you so long?"

_Ah, so the patient is back. I really hate making pleasantries in the morning…_

He turned to look at the patient Haitani. He looked sideways and in front of him but the only one he saw was Miyagi on the other side still absorbed in his phone call. _Where?_

"Ah you. Always making excuses. Did you sneak in the nurse's station again?" Onodera scolded the person who was apparently standing beside him.

_What on earth…_

Onodera then smiled apologetically at Takano.

"Ah-Takano-san, I'm sorry for acting like that. This is the person I'm in charge with. He's Haitani Shin. Oi Haitani, you go greet Takano-san too!" Onodera said as if scolding the person that he only can see.

Dumbfounder and didn't know what to say, he remained just looking. He then felt Miyagi's hand on his shoulder signalling for him to stand. Miyagi then ruffled Onodera's hair.

"Don't be too harsh on your patient Onodera-kun. Take it easy, okay?"

Onodera pouted as he saw Takano stand up. "You're leaving?"

"Ah—I have patients too just like you Onodera," Takano said unsure if what he said is okay.

Miyagi smiled an approval to Takano and waived at Onodera. "I'll be back in a few, in the meantime, take good care of your patient there okay?"

Onodera beamed and Takano suddenly felt something inside him that seems to be tearing apart.

"You don't have to say that Miyagi-san, but I will. Nice to meet you Takano-san. Let's have a chat one of these days!" Then Onodera faced and scolded the Haitani patient that is nothing but an air.

Takano and Miyagi were walking in a brisk manner, making the soles of their shoes echo in the quiet hallway.

"What the hell was that?" Takano said in a low voice.

"I figured it's best for you to understand his case yourself."

"I never would have thought…"

"That he's also a patient here? Everybody that sees him for the first time has the same reaction. And right now, I am the only one who's able to converse and go near him. He goes hysterical when meeting other people aside from me. I am even surprised he smiled and talked to you like that on your first meeting without him going to hysterics. Like he already accepted you in his world just like that. It's unusual but it makes me kind of relieved."

Takano stopped walking and stared at Miyagi dead in the eyes.

"Why'd you introduced me to your patient?"

Miyagi sighed and a look of defeat flashed on his face for a while.

"Takano, would you mind looking after him while I am away?"

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_**-**_**春-SHUUSETSU**


	2. Found It

**FOUND IT**

Another day has passed at the institute. Another day of boredom Takano painstakingly waited to end. He declined Miyagi's offer earlier that day. He got his hands full already and adding another person under his care, not to mention someone from the Special Care ward will only make his head ache. Besides, he feels bothered by this Onodera. He knows he wanted a change but Takano knows when to stay away from something or someone that smells trouble.

He pulled his eyeglasses and massaged the bridge of his nose. _Should I just quit this profession and live in the provinces instead? Damn it. I don't even know what I want._

"Ah, Takano-san, me and the nurses are planning to have a drinking session later. Wanna join?" Sakaki, the doctor assigned in the same department as him offered. He's only a year older than Takano but he looks way younger. He's glowing and lively. One who really enjoys what he's doing.

Takano pulled his "friendly smile" and looked at the expectant doctor.

"I'm really sorry Sakaki-san, I already have plans for tonight." _Amazing—I'm still in awe at how much I can sound so sincere when I feel the opposite._

Sakaki pulled off his coat and hanged it inside his locker. "That's too bad, the female nurses are really into you you know?"

Takano chuckled. "I'll go next time. Thanks anyway."

Sakaki, with a look of disappointment just sighed and went out the locker room.

Suddenly tired of acting friendly, Takano sat on the nearest bench facing a huge window. Funny that day or night, he feels restless no matter what. He then suddenly remembered what he saw the other night. It was his night shift. One of his patients puked on him that he hurriedly went to the locker room to change. He was too irritated that he didn't notice it at first. He only thought it was some group of fireflies dancing in the middle of the institute's garden that can be seen from the inside of the locker room through that huge window. Just when he's about to go out did he got a closer look of what was really outside.

There in the middle of the smiling nude statues was a doctor standing still. At least he thought that the person was a doctor because of the white coat that was standing out against the dark surroundings. He can only see the profile but he was able to take notice of the person's eyes staring at the sky. He was looking up though he seems to be seeing something else.

When the grandfather clock struck 12, the doctor in white, apparently Onodera Ritsu, one of the few patients in Special Care walked rather quickly back to where he came from.

_Come to think of it, Miyagi had to swipe a pass to enter and leave the Special Care premises, how come that Onodera was able to go outside that night? _

He stood up and put on his jacket. Not that he really cares. It may be just the in-charge allowing him to take his midnight stroll or something. He closed the door and glanced at his wrist watch. Six-thirty five. He's got plenty of time to play around tonight.

The only thing that Takano can hear was the loud moaning of his partner under him as he thrusted deeper into her body. He doesn't even remember where he picked her up. What mattered for him was to release some bodily tension. But no matter how hard, how deep or how fast he does it, he cannot feel any satisfaction. The voice of the woman crying out loud that was a turn on for him before was now nothing but a noise to his ears.

"Ahh—can you—aa-slow down p-lease?" the woman said while gasping for air.

Takano, as if not hearing anything pulled the woman's legs on his broad shoulders and began thrusting faster and much vigorously. However, instead of feeling any better, he gets more the feeling of frustration chewing in on him much heavier than before he started screwing the woman-from-nowhere.

_Damn it. In work, in being alone, even in fucking I still don't feel any better. What the fuck should I do then? Drugs doesn't do me good. Drinking is no better…what? Should I try fucking men now?_

His thoughts were taking over his senses that he didn't realize he said the last train of his thoughts out loud.

The woman slapped Takano hard that he's pulled back into reality.

"Pull out! Pull out! Pull out!" The woman screamed while hitting Takano's chest.

Takano who was still gathering his thoughts stared at the woman's teary eyes.

"How dare you? DO you mean I am no good as a partner? For a man to think of even fucking the same sex while still inside some woman is the biggest insult!"

The two of them stared at each other's eyes for a long time. Before the woman could say another thing, Takano's phone rang.

Takano pulled out abruptly that made the woman gave out weird voices. Takano smiled at the woman as if teasing her. He didn't even bother to cover himself when he stood and picked up his phone.

The woman hurriedly put on her clothes without removing her gaze at the nude Takano who's now talking on the phone.

"Yes? Minami-san?"

"I have a huge favour to ask of you. I know you just did your night shift the other day but please Takano-san, there are only two of us doing the rounds aside from the nurses of course. Higuchi can't make it tonight because his wife is in labour. I am not rushing you to come here, but if you could come and be on standby, we'd greatly appreciate it. We really need another doctor here."

"Uh man, I'm in the middle of you **know** right now," he said as he turned to look at the woman who was staring at him.

"Sorry, Takano-san, if it's really not possible—"

'No, it's okay, I'll be there in an hour. My partner can't cope up with how I do it anyway."

The woman threw a pillow at Takano's face but missed. He started to get dressed fluidly clearly showing how used he is to such situations. He left a wad of cash on the bed side table and went out the room without a word or so much as a final glance at the woman.

When Takano reached the institute it was an hour before midnight. Everything seems fine and nothing out of the ordinary. He swiped his pass on the entrance and walked slowly towards the reporting room. He passed some nurses doing their night shifts in a lively manner. They bowed at him and continued chatting.

_Where do these people get that enthusiasm_? he asked himself a little irritated that he feels unsatisfied with almost everything. He then swiftly changed into his green coat and went to the nurse's station.

"Good evening Dr. Takano" The woman greeted over a sleepy voice.

He took the current records and rested his back on the wall. "Any unusual behaviours from the patients within the last two hours?"

"None so far. They're all sleeping soundly. Based on the latest round," the stubby woman replied looking over the copy of the reports as well. In this mental institute, aside from viewing each patient using the CCTVs attached in their rooms, the nurses make separate notes of the state of the patient when they last checked on them. Convulsions and sudden rampaging and hysterics are very common especially at night.

After Takanos' first round, he decided to take a smoke outside. He stood against the wall behind the building. Far from the possibility of running into someone and making a forced conversation. He just wanted to be alone and enjoy the one thing that at least soothes him a little.

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. He thought he was falling asleep already or something for he heard footsteps against the marble paving that leads to the institute's garden. He opened his eyes and realized it was Onodera walking earnestly against the dim lighting, eyes straight ahead, his white coat billowing with each of his huge step. He passed Takano without even noticing.

"The crazy doctor is on his own rounds too I guess," Takano said out loud. He followed the doctor in white without thinking.

He stopped a few yards away from Onodera. He doesn't have any intention of revealing himself. All he wanted to confirm is if the nurse in charge of special care is around watching this restless patient from somewhere. So far, he doesn't see or feel any other presence aside from him. _What's the nurse in-charge doing allowing the patient to stroll at this time of night?_

Onodera stood on the exact spot where Takano first saw him. In the middle of the nude statues, looking up at the sky. The wind blew suddenly sending the leaves all around flying. It even made Takano flinch though he's wearing his eyeglasses. When he opened his eyes, he saw Onodera sitting on the pavement rubbing his eyes heavily. Apparently some dirt flew to his eyes when the wind blew hard.

_How troublesome. _He muttered under his breath as he begun to walk towards Onodera.

"Onodera, something went inside your eyes?" Takano asked pulling Onodera's hand that is rubbing his left eye.

Onodera blinked a couple of times as he tried to make out the face in front of him. "Ah, I guess so."

"Don't rub it. Just blink it off together with the tears to wash it away." Takano let the cigarette from his mouth fall to the pavement and crushed it with his shoes. Takano led Onodera on the nearby bench, more like pulling him towards it. He was really irritated at whoever allows this unruly patient wander around.

When finally Onodera seemed to have pulled himself together, he stared at Takano's face who was currently searching for another stick of cigarette.

"Are you new here?" Onodera asked.

Takano stared at Onodera's questioning eyes_. Does this person also have some short term memory? Well, he's mentally ill so…_

"Is your left eye okay?" Takano asked ignoring the other person's question.

Onodera brushed his bangs away from his eyes and smiled. "Ah, I feel fine now. I'm sorry about earlier. It's embarrassing, a doctor rubbing his eyes. Who knows better that rubbing the eyes in that kind of situation increases the possibility of infection?"

Takano somehow felt that something was a little off with the Onodera patient he's talking right now.

"Well, it's normal human reflex after all." Takano replied facing the front but in the corners of his eyes, he's looking at Onodera who's gone quiet.

_Better try to start a conversion I guess…ah right, his make believe patient earlier._

"So how was your patient? The Haitani Shin if I remember correctly?"

Onodera shot a look at Takano with eyes growing wide. From Takano's eyes, it was as if all the color from Onodera's face has been drained. Shaking a little, Onodera gaped at Takano's face like searching for something. A sudden breeze blew adding to the seemingly tense environment around the two of them.

"Wha-what are you saying?" he asked with a pained expression.

"Well, you were scolding him earlier right? For taking so much time in—"

Onodera suddenly grabbed Takano's tie and pulled him making their face close enough for Takano to smell the other person's scent.

"What are you saying? What scolding? I was scolding him earlier?" he paused a little, "What are you?" Onodera hissed.

_What the hell, what am I? Is this one of his fits? This patient is also violent?_

Takano grabbed Onodera's hands. "Let's go back to your room. It's late."

Onodera pulled his hands free from Takano's grasp. He stood up and staggeringly stepped back away from Takano.

"What are you saying I was scolding him earlier? How can I do that? I am not crazy!"

_All insane people say that. _Takano thought to himself. He stood up and walked towards Onodera, smiling his doctor-like smile.

"How can I scold a person who's been long dead?!" Onodera shouted as his eyes started to get reddish. A sign of an incoming rush of waste-carrying liquid everyone calls as tears.

Onodera took another step backwards. As if he were looking at the most impossible person in the world, he turned around and started to run away. Takano chased him, cursing the insane, doctor-pretending patient under his breath. If anything happened with the Onodera patient while he's around, it would be his responsibility. Running on a marble pavement is asking for your head to be cracked open. Not to mention we're talking about a mentally ill man here.

Onodera was a slow runner so Takano was able to reach him in no time. He grabbed Onodera's thin arms and tried to steady him. The person struggled with all his might but Takano was stronger.

"Calm down okay? Calm down, why are you running away?" Takano asked in his most soothing voice while deep within his head he wanted to whack Onodera on the head so badly.

Onodera didn't answer and just continued to break free from Takano's grasp.

The two of them remained in that situation for a good ten minutes. And Takano was seriously getting irritated not just to Onodera but to himself as well for not carrying a tranquilizer. Finally getting tired of flailing, Onodera stopped moving and just stared on the ground.

"You've calmed down now?" Takano masking his anger. Being a doctor, you also have to be a good actor.

The brunette didn't answer. Instead he just stared on the ground, as if burning a hole through it.

_If this brat still won't answer to me I'll really hit him on the head and drag him back inside. _He told himself as he tried to steady Onodera. The man seems to have suddenly lost his strength and now his legs are giving out.

"You know, running like that is very dangerous, you might get into an accident," Takano muttered pulling Onodera by the arms and slowly directing for him to walk. _Yeah, hit your head, maybe it would bring you back to your senses perhaps._ The angry Takano inside shouted.

They were walking side by side in the middle of the quiet night. It was only that time that Takano realized that that part of the institute is poorly lit. It was thanks to the bright full moon that he can see everything clearly. As he gazed at the moon, he suddenly felt a small quivering under his arms. He looked at it and noticed it was Onodera shaking softly trying to stifle a sob.

_Aww this one is really a handful!_

"How can you say such ridiculous things like I was scolding a dead person?" Onodera said under his breath. He looked up at Takano who was a foot taller than him. Tears started to streak down his cheeks, anger in his eyes. "We just met tonight, why are you talking like you know me? Why do you know Haitani?" He continued finally breaking into crying.

Takano was completely lost for words. He stared back at the pair of tear-streaked green eyes searching for a sign of another break down. But all he saw was clear anger and questioning in it. Without him knowing, he was about to wipe the tears from Onodera's cheeks with his hand when the grandfather clock struck twelve. It's sound filling the entire institute signalling that they're in between the separation of days.

Onodera gazed up at the sky and turned to Takano.

"Dr. Takano, we meet again?" he asked in a casual manner, "Ah, why are you holding me?"

"Huh?"

Takano slowly released Onodera's arm. He's searching for any hint of joke from the man in front of him.

"It's time for Haitani's medicine so I'll be heading to his room. But if you want we can walk together back to the facility." Onodera said looking straight at Takano's eyes.

He turned and started walking towards the Special Care back Entrance. And though Takano wanted to run towards Onodera and shake him to make him spit something with sense, he was left standing there. He kept looking at the back of Onodera Ritsu who's getting smaller and farther away.

_What's going on here? What the heck is up with that guy?_

He remained in that spot thinking that Onodera is driving him nuts.

It was as if he just talked to two completely different persons in one body.

Takano Masamune didn't sleep a wink last night. He was completely occupied by thinking about Onodera Ritsu. He didn't go home to get some change of clothes. He hasn't eaten any breakfast yet. He was just sitting on his chair waiting.

Then at exactly seven thirty, Miyagi Yo entered the doctor's quarter yawning. He greeted a rather lazy "hello" and slumped on his swivel chair obviously wanting for more sleep.

The sleepless doctor with slight stubble growing on his jaw and under his chin walked toward Miyagi's table.

"What is it? You look bad Takano."

"Dr. Miyagi, if you're proposal yesterday morning is still open, I would like Onodera Ritsu be under my care."


	3. The First of Three Things

** THE FIRST OF THREE THINGS**

* * *

Ritsu has a lot of luggage for Masamune to carry. This is the first one.

* * *

Miyagi tapped his fingers on the table, alternately looking at Takano and on his laptop that was currently loading his emails for the day. Takano didn't say a thing. He just remained there standing and waiting. Actually Miyagi was hoping Takano would say something. It's true he wanted Takano to take over Onodera while he's away. But now he's having second thoughts. Onodera is no ordinary mental patient.

All things being considered, Miyagi knows his proposal came out of his emotions and personal reasons as a human being more than a professional with a purpose of protecting a patient's personal information. He was just happy to see Onodera conversing with another human being.

Other doctors started to arrive taking their seats and preparing themselves for another day of facing and mingling with people living in their own worlds. They didn't greet Miyagi or Takano like they do every morning. The Director and Takano are surrounded by a tense air warning them that what's being discussed is of significance.

Miyagi glanced at the other doctors and threw a forced smile. The doctors nodded in response. He shut his laptop and took his keys and opened his drawer. He then pulled a green folder labelled confidential. Somehow, Takano finds it stupid.

_Isn't labelling something as 'confidental' just makes it hotter in the eyes? _He thought to himself.

"Come follow me."

Takano followed without saying anything.

Sakaki, whose table is the nearest to Takano glanced at the other doctors.

"They look so serious don't they?" He queered.

Dr. Yokozawa Takafumi, assigned in the Diet and Nutrition department, and a rather reclusive doctor just pretended he didn't hear anything. While the other morning shift doctors are making their own speculations about what could be the Director and Takano talking about, Yokozawa left his table to do his work, throwing a final glance at Miyagi's table.

The two quietly headed towards the Special Care ward. But unlike the other day, instead of going to the place where the reception area is located, they turned to a door that is located at the very end of the building. Miyagi swiped his pass and typed a set of password.

Takano is now thinking that everything that is connected with Special Care ward seems to have an awful, serious security.

When they entered the room, the door automatically locked itself. Miyagi motioned Takano to follow him to a certain cabinet. There's nothing that can be seen aside from cabinets full of folders and books. No tables, no chairs, nothing. It's just an archive of seemingly important information.

"Say Takano, what made you change your mind?" Miyagi asked while browsing for something.

"Well, you almost looked like your life depended on it yesterday, so I decided to give it a second thought," Takano answered loosening his tie.

Miyagi shook his head and rested his back against the cabinets when he finally found what he's looking for. A notebook.

"Takano, don't forget I was your mentor when you were still in med school. And I know when something has grabbed your attention."

Sleepless, and tired of all the fuzz, Takano finally snapped. "Oi, I was just asking you if you still wanted me to take over Onodera. What's this long ritual?"

Miyagi snorted. "Uwah-did I really accepted someone as disrespectful to their seniors such as yourself?"

Takano just sighed with his poker face. Well Miyagi is already used to the hard-to-get-along personality of Takano so he let it pass.

"I really wanted to leave Onodera in your hands. But then I remembered you're the impatient, hot-tempered kind of guy. You might not be able to keep up with Onodera. He's really a handful you know." Miyagi muttered waiving the folder.

_That, I've experienced first-hand._

"Dealing with Onodera, aside from being patient, you have to be mentally and physically stable. You'll almost become his nanny. " Miyagi added.

_Physically? Nanny? _"Are you now having doubts about my ability?"

"No. Takano, understand that Onodera isn't in the special care ward for no reason. He…-ah damn it. It's so hard to explain." Miyagi said scratching his head.

Miyagi raised his hand. "There are three main, serious things I would like you to know regarding Onodera and I want you to know the seriousness of it right now. And if you decided you can deal with it, I'd be most relieved to leave him in your care."

Takano thought Miyagi is over reacting. True, Onodera puzzles him, but the way Miyagi is being protective about Onodera is something suspicious.

"Let's meet Onodera for you to understand what I am talking about."

The two of them went to the Special Care ward and headed to Onodera's room.

Miyagi and Takano stopped in front of a door where an umbrella picture is posted. It was Ritsu who posted it there, Miyagi explained. When he asked Ritsu why, Ritsu just laughed. Miyagi held on to the knob and drew a deep breath.

"At this time of the morning…right after waking up until eight-five, Onodera Ritsu sees everyone as Haitani Shin."

Takano isn't sure if he got what Miyagi means. Before he could respond, Miyagi opened the door and pushed Takano inside Onodera's room.

Takano almost lost his footing. He steadied himself and scanned the small room. The room is painted all-white. A small bed on the left side of the room and books and magazines are scattered all over. He noticed Onodera sitting on the floor. He's busy crumpling the pages of the books he pulled earlier.

_He sees everyone as Haitani Shin, huh? What of it?_

Takano bended to let Onodera know his presence.

"Onodera. Do you remember me?" He asked.

The man still in his pyjamas looked at Takano who's now standing in front of him. The crumpled paper in his hands fell to the floor. He slowly stood up and walked towards Takano. He then grabbed Takano's hands and squeezed them.

"What?"

Takano got cornered into a wall. He got surprised when Onodera slid his hands around his waist and rested his head on Takano's chest, obviously enjoying the warmth he's getting.

He got a whiff of Onodera's hair. Somehow Takano finds it odd. He doesn't smell like a patient at all. Usually patients smell of alcohol, the bitter scent of medications, that scent of hospital and sometimes even puke and urine no matter how much you wash them.

_What the heck? _Takano didn't break free right away though. He was occupied in thinking what could be Haitani Shin and Onodera Ritsu's relationship for the latter to be this clingy.

Takano then looked at Onodera and held both his shoulders. "Hey, that's enough."

Onodera raised his head still clinging to Takano. His sleepy eyes smiled at Takano and without any warning, kissed Takano on the neck.

"Shin, I'm glad you're here…" Onodera murmured against Takano's neck, his warm breath caressing Takano's skin. The doctor in surprise winced a little at the ticklish sensation.

_What the, so this Haitani and this brat are…_

Takano didn't expect what happened next. Onodera started licking and sucking lightly on his neck. He wanted to push Onodera away, but for some weird reason, it felt good. So damn good that he's starting to feel something in his lower half.

Onodera sucked just under Takano's earlobe. From under his earlobes, Onodera started tracing Takano's collar bones with his wet tongue. The licking sounds seem to be echoing in what small space they're cramped in. The brunette's arms circling Takano's waist loosened as his left hand caressed Takano's chest. His fingers dancing on small circles. Takano gulped.

_Damn this brat is good._

Ritsu stopped sucking and licking and gazed longingly at Takano. He's about to reach for Takano's lips when as if a button has been pressed, he broke away from Takano and walked towards the door.

Takano remained standing there in awe as he listened to Onodera greet Miyagi a good morning. After some pleasantries, he heard fading footsteps. Apparently Onodera's heading to the wash room.

Miyagi entered the room and looked at Takano with an apologetic face.

"Take note of the time Takano, it's 8:05. That kid acts like that from the time he wakes up until 8:05 am. As you can now discern by now, Haitani and Onodera were—"Miyagi cleared his throat, "Pretty intimate."

Miyagi picked up some of the books, sat on the bed and turned the pages without really focusing on what was written inside it.

"There is actually no problem with him being like that in the mornings because the day for patients in this ward starts at 9. You don't have to check on him at those hours. The problem begins at 2:00 pm," Miyagi glanced at the clock and looked around the room then back to Takano.

"Let me clarify this first. Being Onodera's doctor and friend as well, I noticed he has this two state. The one you just experienced, I call that as Haitani state. Anyone, male or female, in his eyes it's Haitani and goes kissing them, caressing them and even…"he let his voice trail away.

Takano lightly scratched the parts where the person being discussed licked and sucked.

"Haitani or H-state starts the moment he wakes up until 8:05 on the dot. After that he goes to D-state. That's the Onodera you were able to talk to yesterday morning. He's basically looking normal, acts normal, he can even look after himself as if a normal person with no mental problems. However, he has the invisible Haitani Shin at this state. The H-state comes back at 2:00 pm and ends at 4:00 pm. Interestingly, he seems to have no idea about his D and H state."

Miyagi finally stood and walked in front of Takano.

"Takano, when he's in H-state, Onodera is really clingy, and touchy and always seducing anyone who's in front of him because he sees everyone as Haitani. Why not put him to sleep at those times? You know for yourself we cannot use sleeping drugs forever. Anyone to be assigned as Onodera's doctor has to deal with it in one way or another."

Miyagi tapped Takano's shoulder. "I am a man almost past his prime. And I have a commitment," he pointed to his heart. "So no matter how pushy and seductive Onodera becomes, it has little effect on me and I can always check on myself. But I am afraid, someone like you, who's practically bored with everything might succumb to his actions. You're in your prime. I am not implying you swing in both ways but Takano, will you be able to stop yourself from giving into temptation? Ask yourself regarding that."

Takano and Miyagi headed out of Onodera's room. They walked in silence. Takano's deep in thought feeling that something is missing with the two states Miyagi said.

"Miyagi, what about during when he's taking his midnight stroll? I mean, in what state is he then?"

Miyagi glanced at Takano and scratched his chin.

"D-state."

"D-state?"

"Even if it is my night shift, I never go with him during his strolls. He says that is only the time when he and Haitani could be alone. Why? Is something the matter?"

Takano looked at Miyagi then straight ahead. "Nothing."

The two of them went back to the doctor's quarter.

"Takano, I'll show you the remaining two things later. For now, let's do some work." Miyagi rummaged his drawer for his other patients' records.

"Why don't you give me his records now so I would know what to expect?" Takano said throwing his tie on his table. Since he did a nightshift last night, he'd have the freedom to take half the day for himself. Sakaki would be covering for him.

The older doctor picked up the green folder and the notebook from the secured archive earlier and waved them in the air. "This green folder is his medical records. He has one of the most complicated cases I've ever encountered, even though I've been in this business for years." He put on his stethoscope around his neck. "This notebook is his diary. Do you know that there are a lot of other doctors and scientists wanting to get their hands on Onodera? It's because of these."

Miyagi then started to take his leave but threw a final glance and words at Takano.

"I won't show them to you right now. I want to see for myself first that you are ready to take on my responsibility. That you would take care for Onodera not as a test subject but as a human being with mental needs. Frankly speaking Takano, if you will take over Onodera, I want you to have passion in curing him and helping him. Passion Takano, passion and real care, I don't want him to become your object of amusement. That kid…" he stared out the window as if reminiscing something painful. "That kid has had a lot to endure until he finally snapped."

Takano went to the smoking area, sat on one of the sofas, raised his feet on the small table and pulled out a cigarette. The area is empty aside from him, the silence almost deafening. He inhaled and exhaled slowly savouring his favourite cigarette.

_Other doctors and scientists wanting their hands on Onodera? _He closed his eyes to rest his sleepy eyes.

He is not yet aware of the seriousness and impact of Onodera's medical records and diary. What concerns him at the moment is what happened last night.

_Miyagi said there are two states. That D-state where Onodera sees an invisible Haitani. That H-state when he seduces anyone because he sees them as Haitani Shin…then what state was that when he's denying he's crazy and saying Haitani is dead long ago?_ Takano took a deep drag of the cigarette. _Was that his real, conscious state? The real Onodera Ritsu? If so, does this mean even Miyagi doesn't know anything about the third state?_

Takano stared at the ceiling and blew a cloud of smoke above his head.

"Passion, huh?" Takano chuckled.

Takano knows for himself he's getting curious. But passion is something he's having a hard time imagining himself to come up with.

* * *

-hello! thanks for reading until the end of this chapter.

-medical terms will be coming up the next chapter but I'll try my best to

explain them in a simple way. However, (giggling) keep in mind I'll be altering

most of the effects on this and that. Fanfiction is a gorgeous world! HAHAHA^^.

-**please do comment...i'd be thrilled to hear from you!^^ isn't it the best reward for a writer to know that people enjoyed even a bit of what he/she has written? hehehe..it's like a fuel.../**


	4. Always Dark

After spilling the first luggage, the rest is dumped on Takano all at once.

* * *

**Always Dark**

"Okay Onodera-kun, turn your back and take a deep breath."

Onodera just like a little boy being told by his mom to be well behaved turned around with just one swift twist from the stool he's sitting on. He's holding a magazine intently staring at the colourful umbrellas.

The older doctor who's been taking care of Onodera ever since he arrived at the institute still doesn't have any idea why his patient is so into umbrellas. Miyagi counted from one to three and signalled Onodera to start taking deep breaths.

Miyagi using his stethoscope listened to Onodera's breathing. Normal. He's breathing, his blood sugar, he's eating pattern and he rarely throws his tantrums now. Everything is normal. Except for what's inside Onodera's head. Miyagi looked at Onodera's naked back and slowly rested his palm to touch the pale, supple skin. It hurts him. It hurts him so much to look at it. He couldn't get used to it; it scares him no matter how many times he have seen it.

"Onodera-kun, why do you always look at those umbrellas?" Miyagi asked, his hand still on Onodera's warm back. The man half-naked giggled a bit and turned a little so he could see his doctor. He raised the magazine and pointed to a plain all yellow green one. Miyagi finds it ugly. It's too much bright it hurts his eyes.

"It's me. Haitani says this is my color." After that Onodera again turned his back and continued staring at the magazine. Miyagi sighed, his finger slowly tracing down a long centipede scar running from Ritsu's left shoulder to his right abdominal side. Ritsu laughed out loud surprising Miyagi.

Ritsu glanced at the startled doctor laughing. "Miyagi-san, that tickles!"

Miyagi smiled at Ritsu and slapped his back lightly. "Okay, check-up done! You can put on your shirt and coat back."

While Ritsu is busy getting dressed, Miyagi took down notes. _Yesterday, he said his color is Yellow. Today, November 16, it's yellow green. _He closed the folder and sunk on his chair.

As soon as Onodera's done putting back his clothes on, he started out the door and disappeared from Miyagi's sight. Of all the patients in the institute, it's only Onodera he's giving the privilege to roam around. A lot disapproved at the beginning but no one was able to bend what he has decided. Soon, Onodera became the 'doctor in white'. That is the sole reason why he proposed the real legitimate doctors to wear the green coats.

He went right through the eye of a needle to set up the institute in a flash. Set up the institute and protect Onodera Ritsu.

If his actions will be subjected to the Medicine and Mental Health Code, what he's doing is a violation. But he's clear with what he has decided. Miyagi gritted his teeth.

_Call it self-atonement, I don't give a damn. _

Going deeper in his thoughts, he was put into a halt when his phone rang. His face dimmed when he saw the Caller ID.

* * *

Takano is fully aware that the female nurse across him is purposely bending much lower than she has to as she helps an elderly woman lay on the bed. She's practically flaunting her D-cups.

"And then Nobunaga Ieyasu said he wanted to marry me! But we can't because he's a noble…and I am only a commoner!" the old lady stated in a fairy tale-like manner. The old lady grabbed the nurse's collar exposing more skin. The nurse seemed to don't mind at all, if anything she's more than happy.

"Aww, Obaasan you must be really pretty…" the nurse said sweetly.

"You-please secure her legs." Takano instructed as he put on gloves.

The nurse a bit disappointed that for the almost three weeks she's been assisting Takano, he seem to still not remember her name. She pouted a bit.

"Dr. Takano it's Nodoka, please remember my name."

Takano just nodded and took a deep breath. He raised the old lady's gown and placed his hands in between her quivering legs, making sure he's on the right spot. He then expertly manoeuvred the catheter in its right place. The old lady grimaced and shouted that it hurts.

"Nodoka-san, I just received a message that her family will be visiting this afternoon so please look after her." And by that he started gathering his things. "Take the bag of urine to the lab." Takano added leaving the nurse behind.

Nurses still in training are watching Takano as a part of their observation. They, as proper as they look outside can't help but imagine themselves being in the Obaasan's place. They whispered at each other's ears. Before Takano could pass the flock of nurses, he heard a couple of claps. Takano is looking at his unreadable notes so he didn't notice that Miyagi is actually there also observing.

"Done with the after-lunch round?"

"Yeah."

The two of them walked towards the Special Care ward. Takano didn't have to ask why Miyagi's waiting for him. He knew it's about the two remaining things they were discussing earlier.

"Uwah-Takano," Miyagi said suddenly breaking the silence, "aren't you the biggest pervert in the world of medicine?"

"Huh?" the other doctor frowned .

"Making the Obaasan cry out '_it hurts_'!" Miyagi teased.

Takano shot a glare at Miyagi. His mentor has always been a pain in the neck for him. Miyagi laughed heartily.

The director of Nishijima Institute kept on joking and irritating Takano on their way, but as soon as they reached the entrance for the Special Care ward, Takano knew they will be in serious mode for a long period of time.

However, instead of going to Onodera, Miyagi silently walked towards the archive room in silence. Takano didn't ask anything and followed the suddenly tense Miyagi. Once they are locked inside, the doctor smiled wearily at Takano.

Takano crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "I never liked that smile of yours Dr. Miyagi."

"I never liked smiling like this myself." Miyagi replied.

Miyagi is about to speak. But closed his mouth before he could form a word. He looked so troubled and hesitant making Takano impatient.

"Aren't we wasting time like this?"

Frowning in frustration, Miyagi who's carrying the folder and notebook from earlier extended them to Takano. The other doctor took a quick glance at it and looked questioningly at the person who was adamant at giving these materials earlier that morning. _What is the sudden change of mind about?_

As if Miyagi saw what's in Takano's mind, "I'll be leaving tomorrow morning." Miyagi declared.

* * *

_Leaving tomorrow? _"Could you at least explain in a language I can understand what's going on? All you did is sigh. What leaving? You're leaving for what?"

Miyagi shoved the folder and notebook to Takano's chest leaving the other man no choice but to take a hold of them.

The Director turned his back and paced the room back and forth.

"I was originally planning to explain to you everything in a timely manner. But, things turned out for the worse, there's no time and I had to attend to them. Leaving me no choice but to entrust everything to you. Takano, I distributed your patients to the other doctors here. Starting today, Onodera Ritsu is your main priority."

Takano stepped forward with a lost expression.

"Hold up right there. You are not making any sense at all!" Takano asked raising his voice. All his patients have been removed from him? Onodera his priority?

Suddenly the room they're in seemed to have gotten warmer and smaller. There is a suffocating sensation making both men tense up. Takano massaged his pounding temples and tried to calm himself. Miyagi loosened his tie and brushed his hair as if it would help him clear his blurring mind.

"Dr. Miyagi, if you will not tell me what's going on, I will not accept any of this." Masamune said in a commanding voice he never once thought he'd use to his mentor.

Miyagi seemed to have aged 10 years older right before Takano's eyes. A long silence passed before he continued to speak again.

"This is all because of the LSD Research that begun three years ago."

Takano closed his eyes and drew a deep breath.

"LSD? The Lysergic acid diethylamide said to be able to cure psychiatric problems?" Takano asked in disbelief. "Wasn't that drug deemed to be useless as concluded by the previous researches since 1960s?"

Miyagi's face lit up a bit, proud that the one he mentored is catching up with him. He's convinced he's not making a mistake choosing Takano for this.

"I'm glad you have a background about it. This will make things easier for the two of us." Miyagi breathe in deeply preparing his tale behind all this.

" As you already know, Lysergic Acid Diethylamide known as LSD is a drug produced in the black-market since 1967. The effects are far worse than marijuana causing heightened paranoia, illusions and hallucinations. However, some researchers believe that if used in a controlled manner and in a positive environment, it might serve as a possible cure for mental illness."

"However, there was no investor brave enough to put on money with a research project that doesn't have any proof of being successful. And the production stopped and is banned. However, 3 years ago, unknown to the public, the research for LSD was picked up by a private pharmaceutical company."

Miyagi lowered his voice as if afraid what they're talking about could still be heard outside the 5-inch thick walls.

"To make long story short. Researchers need tests subjects. There were initially 50 subjects this private company lured in. The experiments were harsh, inhuman, torturous. Out of the 50 subjects, only three showed reactions to the tests. Takano, the subjects weren't insane in the beginning. The experiments made them. Where did the 47 subjects go? They were put to sleep. Forever…The research was going so well. After successfully making the 47 go insane, the drugs they produce are showing positive effects to real mentally ill people. Imagine the sacrifice they did."

"What happened to the three, you might be wondering?"

Takano already has a guess.

"Itsuka, commited suicide. It was then that Haitani and Onodera decided to try escaping again out of the many times they tried. Perhaps they know they have very little chance of escaping but they did anyway. Before doing so, they burned all the research results, broke all the computers and escaped. I took them in."

"Both are still sane. At least that's what me and Onodera thought. But little by little, Haitani changed. He became delusional, he became suicidal, he became a psychopath. The side effects of being injected too much LSDs. You already know these two were in a relationship. Imagine the trauma it caused to Onodera but he chose to care for him and stay by his side. And then one day…"

Takano gulped.

Miyagi inhaled.

,"Haitani attacked Onodera with a bread knife, slashing Onodera's back open. I couldn't do anything because I was not there. I was in a meeting. I only saw everything that happened using the cctv in their room. Haitani, seeing Onodera bleeding so badly, he's out of his senses even raped him. You don't know how many nights I got this nightmare. Because after raping Onodera, he stabbed himself multiple times and died."

Hearing all this, Takano had to hold on the wall for support. And even Miyagi is becoming more worn out.

"Miraculously, Onodera survived. But the incident caused Onodera to lose…well…his sanity. The wound on his back has healed, leaving only a scar, but it caused great trauma to Onodera and now, as you already know, he's gone insane himself." Miyagi paused talking, and finally stopped pacing the room and looked at Takano.

"This private company wants Onodera back."

Takano, getting mad at what he heard yelled at Miyagi unconsciously. "What would they get from Onodera when he's already insane!?" His chest heaving.

Miyagi started to tremble as he rested his back on the wall across Takano.

"Just like how I saw Haitani attacking Onodera in the CCTV, the thing Haitani and Onodera did before escaping was captured by the premises' CCTV. It showed that before destroying the results, Onodera browsed at them. Onodera was a real gifted child. IQ surpassing the highly gifted. And the heartless company knows about it."

"But why? What has Onodera's got to do with it. He's useless now." Takano muttered.

What Miyagi said next gave Takano goosebumps.

"Onodera Ritsu has a photographic memory."

"What?"

"They will do anything to take all the information Onodera's brain has stored. I don't know how they'll do it but I won't allow it."

It was as if forever passed before either of the two spoke again. They drowned themselves in silence absorbing what has been heard, and what has been told. Takano gripped the diary and the folder.

"What is your role behind all this… Miyagi." Takano asked in a low voice leaving all the titles behind.

Somehow, Miyagi knew Takano would be asking this. His trembling grew and a sob came out from his mouth. The always jolly and prideful Director fell to his knees and cried.

"Takano, I've been doing the best I can to protect Onodera from my family. I was never in favour of the LSD research but I couldn't put a stop to it! My family owns that fucking G&C Pharmaceutical Company!"

Takano has never felt this tired in his life. At least his soul never felt this disturbed and heavy. After considering all the things he heard this afternoon, he wanted to drop everything. He wouldn't want to be involved in a war as great as this. He don't want to get involved.

He didn't go home again. He didn't eat dinner as well. Him, without noticing how long he's been sitting on the ground of the garden smoking stick after stick, heard the familiar footsteps. Onodera.

Takano looked at his wrist watch. 11:20 pm. Somehow looking at Onodera, he can't help but think that perhaps it was better if Onodera died when Haitani attacked him.

He didn't make an effort to make Onodera notice him. He just sat on the grass looking at Onodera silently.

The man in white coat gazed up at the starless sky. His cheeks suddenly glistening.

Forgetting his tiredness, he stood and just like the other night, approached Onodera.

The brunette just looked at the nearing man he think he just met last night.

Instead of the anger in Onodera's eyes the last time, it was now full of helpless tears.

When the two of them were only a yard apart, what Onodera said with the helpless face erased all Takano's doubt of taking over Onodera. Whatever the danger may be.

"You're a doctor right?" Ritsu asked while hiccupping. "Then can you tell me, why the sun is not shining on me?"

Ritsu held onto the sleeve of Takano's coat.

"Why is it always dark when I come to my senses?" Onodera stepped one foot closer and raised his face. "

"It's scary. Doctor... Help me…"

* * *

thanks for reading! give me a fuel pls! LoL!^^


	5. The Third State

After all the revelations, the real war is about to start.

* * *

**The Third State**

* * *

_So I've made up my mind_…Takano thought to himself and then looked at the seemingly sane Ritsu who was sitting beside him and again rubbing his eyes. He was not yet so sure to say that this third state that he discovered was the real, conscious Onodera Ritsu. _What if it's just another level of his insanity? I have to be sure._

Takano blew a smoke from his nose accompanying it with a sigh. _Isn't this what you're looking for? A thrill? There you have it. A handful of it. _

The silence between them was first broken by Ritsu.

"Do you have any more cigarettes?"

Takano glanced at Ritsu with a startled look. "I've been dying for one," Ritsu reasoned with a real look of deprivation.

Before Takano realized it, he was already handing the mysterious brat a stick of cigarette. Ritsu excitedly placed the cigarette in between his lips. Takano took out his lighter and switched it a couple of times but it seemed like it ran out of fuel.

"Too bad, there's nothing left." Takano, whose cigarette was still in between the corner of his lips, said looking at Ritsu. He then inserted the lighter back to his coat pocket.

Ritsu's face flashed a bit of disappointment. However without warning, he leaned closer to Takano. "That's not a problem."

The doctor in white aligned the tip of the cigarette in his mouth to the burning tip of Takano's cigarette. It took seconds for the unlit cigarette to get fire and with that short moment, Takano seemed to have forgotten to breath. Was it because their faces were too close, it's disgusting? Or was it because the doctor in him was doing the observations that of all the three states Takano saw from Ritsu, this current one is the one that shows complete control of his mind? He didn't know.

After the cigarette in Ritsu's mouth started to get burned, he moved away and contently took a deep drag as he closed his eyes. A drag that seemed to make up for the long time he hasn't taken one.

Takano watched in silence. Taking Onodera's actions and reactions in his head. Making mental notes that he would soon type in his laptop later.

Ritsu whose head was resting on the bench back support opened his eyes and turned to Takano's direction.

"I'm sorry for last night and tonight. Seems like I developed a habit of always showing you my embarrassing actions."

"I'm a doctor, patients always cry to me." Takano said as he took another drag.

"It's just that, it's the first time I saw somebody else in this place. It's like waking from a deep sleep and I always find myself standing in here. Who would not freak out seeing these smiling nude statues in this dark place?" Ritsu said laughing a little. "I don't know how many times it's been like this. And then…" Ritsu removed the cigarette from his mouth and held it in between his fingers. "…you suddenly mentioned Haitani…I panicked."

Takano was about to open his mouth to say something but stopped himself. He didn't know how to bring up the grave situation he just heard that afternoon.

Ritsu showed a concerned look and faced Takano squarely in the eyes. "You know what's going on with me." He said as if very sure, his huge round eyes turning into slits. "Don't you?"

The other doctor removed the cigarette from his lips as he started to consider things.

Onodera shifted closer to Takano. "Please. I know something is really wrong with me. I just need someone to tell me what it is! What do I do during the day? What am I saying? Why don't I remember anything prior to this?"

"Listen," Takano begun, removing his eyeglasses. "I don't have any reason not to tell you. But I am just concerned if you can handle it."

After a long period of silence, Ritsu wearily smiled at Takano. "I've suffered enough to be an iron man." Ritsu replied trying to lighten up things. Somewhere in his heart he knew what he will hear next was no joke. "Come on. Try me."

Seeing the determination in Ritsu's eyes, Takano breathed in deeply and with his doctor-and-only-business- like voice, started the tale.

* * *

Ritsu was still staring at Takano's face even after the latter finished stating his D and H state and his third state. Although Takano mentioned the three states, he didn't say anything about the LSD research and that the pharmaceutical company behind it was after him.

Ritsu's face broke into a smile. "So that's how I am…" he muttered.

_What's this? I worried he might go to hysterics and denial but seems like, he adapts more than I expected. _

Ritsu looked up. As if the starless sky was confirming that everything he heard from the person beside him was real.

"I am a slut who runs after anyone in a specific span of time, and I also have the delusional me, and this, the me right now as the Third state?" Ritsu laughed. "Aren't I funny?"

The other person on the bench noticed Ritsu's hand quivering as he put his cigarette back on his mouth. "It's just so funny…don't you think?" Ritsu asked looking back at Takano, shoulders shaking.

"Did I also make a pass at you?"

Takano was surprised by the last question giving Ritsu the answer right off the bat. "I'm sorry for disgusting you."

Ritsu sighed and closed his eyes trying his best to stop himself from giving out. But it was useless.

Slowly, the strong-willed armour Ritsu was painstakingly pulling off crumbled into pieces. The cigarette fell on the pavement. He started sobbing pulling his knees up, burying his face on it.

"Do you think I will still get better?" a muffled voice continued.

"Will I still be able to experience the sun?" he added.

"Will I be able to live like a normal being?" he asked throwing them one after another. "In the eyes of the world, I am no more than a person who's gone insane…useless, pathetic…a bother."

As Takano watched Ritsu tremble and cry in that stance, he couldn't help himself but to feel sorry. He even surprised himself that he was feeling that way.

Onodera stopped sobbing when he felt a huge hand on his head, lightly ruffling his hair.

"This sounds stupid. But aren't you glad you're not '_completely_' insane?" Takano acknowledged.

Being the apathetic man that Takano was, he wasn't used to encouraging people on a personal level. It left him wondering if at least Onodera understood that he's implying that there was still hope. No matter how small it was.

"I am talking to you right now, there is a possibility you could return to normal," he added.

Ritsu sniffed like a child and rubbed his tears off his eyes.

Takano lightly struck Onodera's head with his palm."I told you not to rub your eyes, didn't I?"

Onodera flinched but smiled and instead wiped his eyes using the sleeves of his coat.

"Aren't you a bit of an airhead?" Takano said shaking head.

To Takano's surprise, Ritsu grabbed both of his hands and started crying again.

"Wha—"

"It's coming."

"Huh? What's coming?" _Aren't you being a little touchy now?_

Onodera, with his tear-streaked eyes and puffing cheeks smiled with full gratitude. He squeezed Takano's hands harder but it was Ritsu who flinched as if fighting something.

"I am sorry, for bothering you like this without asking who you are."

Takano looked at their intertwined hands then at Ritsu. "Takano. Takano Masamune."

Ritsu squeezed Takano's hands even harder but it was him who cried even more. "I—I am Onodera Ritsu. I—" Ritsu winced again. "I am so grateful. I had someone to talk –to…I really hope…that I don't have to-" He grasped Takano's hands like he was clinging to it. "That I don't have to be alone…when…"

The institute was then filled with the singing of the grandfather clock. The eerie, familiar sound of it making Takano glance at the direction it was coming from_. So it's twelve already?_

Although Takano was already quite expecting what would be happening next. He still couldn't believe that such a case exists. It was not a matter of multiple personalities but a lapse of sanity and insanity.

Onodera's grip on his hands loosened. The crying and the trembling stopped. Ritsu glanced sideways blinking. He gasped recognizing the face of the man in front of him.

"Takano-san?!" He blurted.

Takano was still in awe as he watched the D-state take over the real Onodera Ritsu.

"Yoh." Takano replied with a poker face.

As if Onodera heard something, he glanced to his left then looked at his hands holding Takano's. He immediately released the other person's hands and stood up.

"It's not what you think it is! Shin!"

Ritsu glanced sideways. His face full of expression between nervousness and confusion.

"We're not doing anything at all!" Ritsu explained to air.

Takano wanted to laugh at the animated face of Ritsu, but he stopped himself when Ritsu shot a glare at him.

"I don't know why you're holding my hands…"

Takano raised his hand . "_You_ wereholding my hands."

Ritsu took a long look at Takano then started to run towards the back entrance of Special Care.

"Shin, wait!"

Takano was left alone in the garden. He took one last look at the back entrance of the Special Care ward before standing. Pulling his sleeves up, he checked on his wrist watch.

_His Third state is only from 11:20 to 12:00. It's only a forty-minute moment of sanity._

* * *

It was early morning; 8:15 to be exact and Takano could hear a pleading cry from Onodera's room in the Special Care ward.

"Why do you have to go? Don't leave me here!"

After his encounter with Onodera last night, Takano emailed Miyagi that he's accepting Onodera as his main priority in the institute. Curiosity as a doctor or boredom, he didn't care anymore.

He was about to turn the knob when Ritsu started talking again in between his cries. "Why? Did I do something bad? And why is Takano-san going to be my doctor now? Haitani and I got into a fight because of him!"

"Really? Because of him?" Takano heard Miyagi asked in that fatherly like voice.

"Haitani says I should stay away from Takano-san. He thinks I might commit adultery with him." A muffled voice replied back.

Miyagi's laugh was so loud as if he knows that Takano was just outside the room listening.

Inside the room, Miyagi looked at Ritsu in a gentle way while patting the brunette's hair.

"You know, Takano-san might look scary but he is actually a really nice person. I am sure of that."

Ritsu wiped his eyes with his shirt. "You're leaving not because I am bad?"

"No. I'm leaving because I am meeting someone who's bad. Besides, there's no reason for you to be sad because I will be calling you from time to time."

"Okay…" said the defeated Ritsu.

Takano then knocked thrice before entering. Ritsu upon seeing Takano, clung to Miyagi's sleeves.

"Good morning, Onodera." Takano greeted with his usual poker face.

Ritsu greeted back a soft 'good morning' while pouting.

Miyagi stood up from Onodera's bed and walked towards Takano. "I'm counting on you."

The Director who was wearing a suit instead of his usual green coat walked out Onodera's room and slowly closed the door. He didn't want Onodera or Takano to see him to the gates. He also instructed the other residents, nurses and other employees not to make a fuss.

After sending out urgent memo that he would be leaving to attend some business and that Sakaki would be acting as Director for a while, Miyagi's head was being occupied on how to put a stop to the LSD project and how to put some sense into the head of its master mind. His father was already old and bed ridden and his mother have been long dead.

He'd have to settle the matter with his bastard, younger, half of a brother. Usami Akihiko.

Chapter End Notes:

Thanks for taking the time to read this fanfic!^^


	6. Passion

The world is a scary place for Ritsu.

* * *

**PASSION**

Miyagi slowly walked towards his rented car. He was savouring the scenery of the institute he established. It was solely for Onodera, but as the time passed, meeting people in his profession and mingling with other patients, the institute became his second home. It was painful to leave. Whatever that he would face, he knew it would be very hard to come back.

He opened the door and paid his final glance at the white building.

"Takano, feel guilty," Miyagi muttered as if Takano would hear him. "Feel guilty, as guilt brings passion. And that passion brings…" Miyagi let his voice fade in the air. He slammed the door shut and the corner of his lips curled upwards. Call it bullying or being ungrateful, but there were a tad of things Miyagi didn't say to Takano. He simply wanted Takano to discover it for himself.

He sat comfortably and let his head on the headrest, with his eyes watering, he smiled.

"Passion brings change, Takano."

* * *

Takano Masamune slumped on the cafeteria sofa. With coffee on one hand and cigarette on the other, he frowned.

"How did that Miyagi managed to spoil that brat?" He never would have thought that having a single patient instead of a lot would make him lose his cool.

"Come on now, Onodera," he remembered the scene that morning. "Don't you want to go out for a little exercise? I'll accompany you." Takano offered picking up the books the brunette just threw all over.

Onodera ran to the corner of the room and curled into a ball. "I'll wait for Miyagi here." He said in a muffled voice. "Haitani will be waiting too."

Takano walked to where Onodera was lying and bended over. "Miyagi would be sad if he knew you're being like this. Come on now, you need exercise. Let's bring Haitani with us."

Onodera stole a glance then buried his face again on his knees as he lied like a baby. "Haitani went out because he is not comfortable with you."

Takano drew a deep breath. _Maximum tolerance Takano. Maximum tolerance._

He remembered that last night, he was able to make Onodera stop from crying by ruffling his hair. He placed his hand on the head of the man lying on the cool floor and started ruffling his hair. Takano thought maybe a little physical connection might make the Onodera in D-state open up to him.

However, it was the opposite. Onodera flailed from Takano's touch and hit Takano on the cheek. "Don't touch me! It's only Haitani who can touch me like that! Go! Go away!" Takano winced as if remembering the pain of Onodera's hand on his cheeks.

Takano sipped a little from his coffee but it seemed like it got caught on his throat, he had to cough a little.

He decided earlier to leave Onodera alone and went over to the other doctors who would be handling his previous patients. He discussed some specifics about his patients and made sure that all important things were laid out. It was already 11 am when he finished. He decided he'd check back on Onodera at 1 after the patients' lunch which was scheduled every 11:30. He's been sleeping very little the past days so he sat and watched a film running on the huge monitor without really paying attention to it. Somehow he knew it was kind of irresponsible of him, but the Food and Diet department were the ones making sure that every patient eats properly. His job would begin after lunch.

* * *

Yokozawa entered the food preparation room. He scrutinized the washed utensils, the working table and even the trash bins if everything has been done under the food handling and cleanliness code. He sighed. He finished his lunch round without any problems as usual.

It was also a part of his job to make sure the patients eat their meals properly. He would coerce them subtly to make them finish their food. That was why when he saw something on the food shelf, a stainless rack where food to be delivered was being placed, he found himself raising one of his brows.

"Oi, Hinabi. Come here for a sec." Yokozawa called out to the person who was making notes for the ingredients they'd need for dinner.

The short man, with curly hair ran to Yokozawa right away. He knew not to mess with the King of Diet and Nutrition Department.

"Yes, Dr. Yokozawa?"

Yokozawa pointed to the food tray on the shelf without removing his eyes on Hinabi. "What is that doing in there? Lunch is done ages ago."

Hinabi looked at Yokozawa nervously. Although he knew he did nothing wrong, the tall man felt so intimidating.

"No one took it Dr. Yokozawa. And even though we wanted to deliver it ourselves, we can't."

Yokozawa frowned even more and looked at the food tray one more time. The tag says Onodera Ritsu.

Yokozawa finally found Takano sitting on one of the sofas in the cafeteria leisurely smoking. He walked briskly towards him and stood in front of Takano blocking the huge TV monitor.

"Do you intend to starve your sole patient?" Yokozawa asked emphasizing the last two words.

Takano stubbed out his cigarette on the nearby ashtray and faced Yokozawa with a blank expression.

"Isn't it your job?" Takano replied back in a monotonous voice. He and Yokozawa never considered each other as friends. They only talk with each other when they discuss what foods were to be taken specifically for the patients' certain condition or if one developed an allergy.

Yokozawa crossed his arms while looking down on Takano.

"Is this the half-assed job you are giving after the Director left with all this high expectations from you? It hasn't even been a day!"

Takano didn't like Yokozawa's selection of words and stood up. The two of them almost with the same height glaring at each other was a sight to behold. The nurses who were taking their breaks started to make their own speculations of what was happening.

"If you've got a problem, say it straight. Stop beating around the bush." Takano said.

"It has always been Director Miyagi who brings and feeds Onodera Ritsu. For the main reason that that patient goes to hysterics with other people. Now that _you _became his personal doctor, isn't it your job now?" Yokozawa fired with sarcasm.

Takano for a moment froze. He glanced at the clock above the TV monitor. It was 1 pm, an hour and a half late from the normal feeding time of the patients. Takano without saying a word ran out of the cafeteria.

"Damn that Miyagi didn't say anything about this!" Takano muttered to himself.

* * *

Miyagi, who was in the middle of his flight to Hokkaido glanced at his wrist watch.

He then looked out the window where only groups of clouds can be seen.

"Be guilty Takano, it brings passion…"

* * *

Takano swiped his pass and then pushed the food cart in a hurry all the way to the door of Ritsu's room. He knocked but no one answered. Drawing a deep breath he pushed the door open and scanned the room.

He saw Onodera sitting in one corner, eating the scraps of the magazines.

Takano didn't know what to feel. After being a doctor for almost 4 years now, he'd only work and never allowed emotions with his job. If his patients die, it was their time, nothing that can be done. But seeing Onodera eating paper while muttering "Miyagi", "Miyagi", "Miyagi" formed a lump in his throat.

_"Passion Takano, Passion…If you will take over Onodera, you'll almost become his nanny…"_ Takano gritted his teeth as he remembered what Miyagi said.

"I took the responsibility lightly…" Takano said aloud, feeling something in his chest. A pang of guilt.

He removed his green coat and placed it on Ritsu's bed.

Onodera just kept on tearing and eating the magazines.

"Ritsu…" Takano started very softly, slowly advancing to Onodera like afraid to scare the seemingly cornered animal.

Onodera kept on chewing, while looking at Takano, his eyes red from crying.

The man in white coat was about to put another piece of paper in his mouth when Takano grabbed his arm. Takano had the gentlest face he never would have thought he's capable of pulling off. "I am sorry your food took so long."

Onodera's green eyes were searching at Takano's face. While staring at him, he bit his quivering bottom lip, huge tears flowing from the corners of his eyes. "Miyagi…is no more…Miyagi never leaves me behind, he always makes me happy…" he sobbed. "He feeds me…he…tucks me to bed…he loves me!" Onodera blurted out and he then cried with his hands on his face. "Haitani and I are now alone…"

Takano released Onodera's arm and grabbed Onodera by the neck and hugged him tightly.

"Miyagi left you to my care," Takano whispered. " I'll feed you, I'll tuck you to bed…I'll accompany you and Haitani…I…will…" Takano paused. "Love you?" The last one becoming a question.

Takano who was stroking Onodera's back felt a slight squeeze on his arm, it came from Ritsu. And without warning, the baggage of trouble and responsibility fell asleep in Takano's arms.

* * *

"Sir, your brother is on his way. He'll be here any minute so…" the secretary paused and wiped a sweat from his forehead. "I humbly beg of you to prepare and stop playing around…"

"For now!" the secretary added in a hurry when he saw the lavender eyes shot a glare at him.

Usami Akihiko licked the ear of the young boy on his lap while playing with the young boy's ass hole. The whimpering of the boy was being muffled by a fountain pen. Usami inserted four of his fingers without warning and the boy let out a groan.

"Now, now, boy, if you let the pen fall on my precious Arabian floor carpet, I'll let you fall from here down the ground floor," Akihiko murmured sweetly behind the boy's ear that sent shivers down the poor boy's spine.

They were on the 48th floor of Hokkaido Avilon Hotel. He'd be a complete mess if that were to happen. As tears rolled down his cheeks, he bit hard on the pen.

The spacious study was filled with the squelching sounds that Usami's expert hand and the boy's ass were making. He laughed looking at his secretary's reddening face and bulging pants on the front.

"My, I'll let you fuck him if you're getting turned on by the sounds Shiro-san." Usami offered. He grabbed the boy's hair and pushed the frail body down the floor. He unzipped his pants and shoved the boy's face on his hardening manhood. "Suck it real good bastard."

Shiro took his phone out when it vibrated and then glanced at his boss whose eyes were already rolled back in his head due to pleasure.

"President Usami…your brother, Director Miyagi is already outside this room…please pull yourself together, I'll send him first to the guest room."

Usami opened his eyes and waived his left hand.

"Shiro, don't bother, I'll meet him now."

"But Pres-"

"I said," Usami began with his chilly, low voice. "I'll have a meeting with him like this! Bring him in!"

The secretary had no choice but to follow his boss' order. He meekly walked towards the huge mahogany door and opened it. Miyagi walked in and was welcomed by an odd sound he knew too well.

"Brother, you are always on time I am impressed!" Usami started motioning his half-brother to come closer without standing up. His lower half was busy being serviced by his boy toy.

Miyagi didn't budge and swiftly walked towards Usami's huge study. He placed the suitcase he was carrying on top of Usami's table and unlocked it. Pulling the lid up, it showed a pile of documents.

The man with silver hair, lavender eyes and a face one would mistake for an angel shot a look at it then at Miyagi.

"What is that?" He asked. Then he grunted a little as he came inside the boy's mouth. "Don't stop!" He ordered.

"These are all of my properties including my foreign investments. Adding the inheritance I got this will be a total of 34 Billion Dollars. This is much more than you can get from your LSD project." Miyagi shot right through the matter.

Usami's lips curled to a smile and then the entire room was filled with his crisp laughter. He clutched his stomach and hit his table as he laughed like a maniac. Then with a flick of a second, he looked at Miyagi with a totally different expression. His eyes were a slit of burning greed, his hands a steel of sins.

"I suppose we don't talk the same language from the very beginning dear brother. I don't do this for money. If it's just money, I can earn thrice as much in a flash and you know it." Usami closed his eyes as if feeling his own sincerity. "I do this for humanity."

Miyagi slammed the suitcase shut making the boy quiver with shock.

"Humanity?!" Miyagi finally snapped. "Fuck your humanity Usami!"

The man who was sitting comfortably patted the boy's wet hair, wet from all sorts of bodily fluids. And then he slowly looked up at the fuming Miyagi.

"Brother, don't scare the poor boy like that. What if he bites off my precious jewels…what would you do?"

Miyagi glared at Usami. "You piece of crap. Stop fucking humanity, you're just doing it for your fun!"

Usami pushed the boy's head away allowing the boy to finally take gallons of air to his poor lungs. He stood up and licked his fingers covered with the boy's cum earlier. He shameless licked it in front of his brother one by one as if enjoying the look of disgust on the person's face across him.

"Well I suppose you really know the real me. I commend you on that dear Miyagi brother. But I tell you, I don't care about your money. I want LSD project to continue. Then I'd have my name etched in the history of forever!"

Miyagi stared at his mad brother, Usami leaned on the table.

"And one more thing, I want an exotic toy for my collection. Someone with a photographic memory for a change. Someone who knows the final formula of LSD…"

He licked the last of the cum off his fingers and looked at Miyagi with his hungry eyes.

"Someone named Onodera Ritsu."

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Thanks for reading my fanfic. Wow...i have six chaps already?! HAHA...

Please comment and I'll work hard to make this story more interesting.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!

- watching gintama. lol


	7. Choice

Which is more important in choosing between life and death matters?

* * *

**CHOICE**

"What the fuck is this?" Takano hissed under his breath as he turned page after page of the green folder with 'confidential' in bold letters.

Since his patient fell asleep, tired from crying, he tucked him on bed and decided to read the folder containing Ritsu's medical records. Miyagi even said that other doctors and scientists, apparently from G&C Pharmaceutical, wanted to get their hands on it. But it was all full of crap.

There was nothing but ramblings of Onodera's favourite color, umbrellas, and Onodera's doodles. He shifted a little on his steel chair and sighed. It was practically like a pre-schooler's notebook. But he didn't throw away the possibility that something might be hidden in it. After all, in psychiatry, all shapes and colours a mental patient draws have tons of meanings.

He pulled up the sleeves of his navy blue polo and looked at his wrist watch. 3:10. _If Onodera wakes up, he'd be in H-state. _

He was sitting with his back on Onodera with the steel chair he got from the mini library. He was about to turn and glance at his sleeping patient but he didn't have to anymore.

Takano stiffen more from being caught off-guard than being shocked at the warm, hands sliding from his back to his chest. He didn't hear Onodera at all and now he was hugging him from the back, his face on his shoulder.

"Shin, were you waiting for me?" Ritsu murmured in Takano's ears.

Takano, sighed with exasperation and grabbed Ritsu's arms away from his chest. Ritsu then walked from behind Takano who was sitting, and stood in front of him.

Ritsu crossed his arms. "Why are you giving me the cold treatment these past few days Shin?"

"Am not," Takano replied, _I'm not even Shin to begin with_, he thought to himself.

"I'm glad you're awake already. You haven't eaten lunch yet so-"

Takano stopped talking when he saw Onodera took off his white coat, let it playfully fall on the floor and slowly moved his fingers to unbutton his shirt.

"What are you doing?"

Onodera just left his buttons half undone exposing his pale chest and jumped on Takano's lap. "I am going to have my lunch!" He smiled licking Takano's chin.

Takano already prepared himself from the sexual advances the Onodera in H-state would do so he wasn't all that surprised. However, if they stay in a situation like that he knew he might turn into something else himself. Onodera was sitting on his lap facing him. His legs widely spread, his half undone buttons showing a glimpse of deprived nipples. And Onodera's continues licking here and there made Takano's body tingle. He didn't want that.

Onodera moved his face closer to lick Takano's mouth but Takano blocked it. Using the palm of his hand, he shut Onodera's mouth and pushed his head farther away.

"When I say eat lunch, I meant eat food. Real food. Do you understand?"

The brunette shoved Takano's hand on his mouth away, his determination unwavering. He stared at Takano's eyes, slowly gazed down to Takano's lips and stopped there. Onodera licked his own lips as if getting excited. Then he continued tracing Takano's throat down to the part just below his belt with his imploring eyes.

"But I could get full just by having this." Onodera pointed without taking his gaze off it. Takano, feeling a bit uneasy knowing that his patient was staring at his thing, acted like he was going to stand to scare Ritsu away. But instead of standing on his own to stop himself from falling over, Onodera clung to Takano even more.

"Shin, why don't we just play right now?" Onodera asked in a small voice.

_Ugh, this one is harder to get along with than the D-state!_

Takano sighed. _Okay, I'll play along with you just like what you wanted._

The already tired doctor slowly reached for Ritsu's chin and raised it so their level of visions would meet. Takano opened his mouth and tilted his head and leaned closer and closer until they were only a breath away. Onodera who was looking really excited closed his eyes, expecting a deep, passionate kiss from his beloved Shin.

"Oww!" Onodera yelped, scratching the tip of his nose. "What's that for?"

Takano had just flicked the tip of Onodera's nose using his fingers and now it was reddening. He grabbed Onodera's shoulder and stood up and steadied the other person who was reluctant to stand up. Onodera's gaze following Takano as the latter went to the corner of the room where the food cart was. Takano slowly picked the covers one by one.

"You eat these and then we'll play." Takano said while grinning.

Onodera frowned and stomped towards the food card that Takano already pulled in front of his bed. He looked at Takano then at the food. Like a spoiled brat, he sat lazily and again scratched the tip of his nose.

Looking up he complained, "Shin, where did you learn doing that? It seriously hurts!"

Takano smiled a playful smile, he didn't want to admit but playing like that was also kind of enjoyable. Poor Ritsu.

"Just think about it as punishment." Takano said smiling as he crossed his arms standing across Ritsu.

The brunette slowly picked up the spoon for the already cold soup. He stole one last glance at Takano and ate in silence. Takano then noticed his patient slowly turning red from cheeks to his ears.

While Ritsu was eating, Takano started reading the folder again. He didn't notice that Onodera was already done eating. If Onodera hadn't playfully removed his eyeglasses, he wouldn't know Onodera was done.

"Shin…I'm done and full…we need to burn all these calories."

Takano faced Ritsu and sighed. "Okay…you wanna play?"

Onodera nodded like a frenzied puppy.

Takano glanced at his wrist watch and smiled sheepishly.

"Okay," Takano begun as he put down the folder on the other side of the bed. "What can you say about my hair?"

Onodera sat in an Indian-seat way, his brows creasing. "Are you stupid? You never changed your hairstyle. It's short, and they fly all over the place." Onodera reached for the tips of Takano's hair, his eyes examining the dark strands.

"You know Shin, I wished you'd grow your hair longer. Have you considered coloring your hair black? I just imagine you'd look cool with black hair over a doctor's coat."

Takano looked at the hands twirling his long hair strands. _He's really suffering from severe hallucinations. If not from his insanity states, one would just label him as Schizophrenic, or one who has difficulty determining whether what they see or hear is real. _

Then Onodera's hand went to hold Takano's neck. "Can I kiss you now?"

Takano nodded. "Sure you can."

Little did Onodera know that Takano was counting inside his head. _Five, four…_

Onodera's closed eyes shot wide open at two, just a few centimetres away and he had reached Takano's lips. It was exactly 4 pm, end of H-state.

He was red all over, scrambling to get away from Takano as fast as he could. "Wha-what are you doing?"

Then Onodera looked across the room waiving his hands frantically. "Shin, we did not kiss at all okay?" He paused, "You know? Really? You believe me?" he beamed and stuck out a tongue at Takano.

Takano stood grabbing his eyeglasses from Onodera's grasp. "Now that you're done eating, and you know Haitani isn't mad at you for taking advantage of me, shall we do some tests now?"

Takano turned his back and started for the door. "I'll be waiting in the test room." He said without turning. To be honest he thought that his counting and timing would betray him. He was a man after all. Being subjected to that much flirting was making him feel weird in all sorts of places. But he won't lay a hand to someone who's having mental issues that severely. Even if it was the patient doing the initiative, if he laid his hands on him, he was nothing more than a rapist.

* * *

Miyagi stared at the scene like he was staring at the end of the world.

* * *

Usami grabbed the boy's hair and threw him on the table. The boy's tear-streaked face glanced at Miyagi as if begging for help. The tender body was full of bruises and bleeding injuries. Miyagi didn't have to examine it closely to see that they were severe bite marks. The abuser pulled one of the boy's legs upwards exposing the swollen and almost bleeding ass. It was clear that Usami had been ravishing the boy's body without any care.

"Aww, you're so useless now." Usami muttered while ****cut******. The quivering body on the table couldn't hold it any longer and wailed a sound of agony. The pen fell from the table to Miyagi's feet.

Miyagi wanted to run to the boy's rescue, but he weighed his situation. He came to negotiate and barging in on his sick brother's amusement could spell a disaster for him. He just watched his brother slap the boy on both cheeks with force that can break his neck. It was a scene Miyagi didn't want to see.

After all the slapping Usami did, he took his handkerchief and wiped his hands clean. The boy already lost his consciousness. The silver-haired man after wiping his hands, zipped his pants and then he looked at Miyagi. They were the eyes with no soul in it. It made Miyagi shiver despite his act of bravery.

"Say brother, the thing I want most is in your care. Why not just give him to me?" Akihiko asked lighting a cigarette. He walked over to the other side of his table and sat at the end of it. Now the two of them were almost face to face.

Miyagi snorted. "Haven't you been listening to what I said earlier? I am not in favour of the LSD project. The person you want is suffering from an illness called insanity, thanks to that LSD. How in the world do you think it can cure mental illness? It aggravates the problem! Wake up Usami! Use your time to something useful!"

The smoke from Usami's cigarette clouded the man's face, accentuating the man's perfect, evil grin.

"Is there any other way to convince you brother?" Usami stood cutting the distance between them. "After all these years, I tried my best to be civilized, have I not? I could just barge in in Nishijima and get Onodera myself but I didn't do it."

The older man can feel his heart beat racing and his palms sweating. The opposite of the other one who looked completely cool and in control.

"Am I not the cute little brother? I don't want to cause problems for my brother so I've waited for almost damn two years for your mind to change. But why are you forcing me to do something that would hurt you?"

Usami exhaled a puff of smoke and turned his back. Usami dialled an extension number and called someone to clean the mess on his table. He then threw the suitcase on the floor.

"Brother, you came to negotiate right? I have a proposal I am sure you won't reject."

Usami pulled out a remote from his drawer and turned on the huge, flat screen TV hanging on the far end side of the study. The TV showed some blurry images, like everything was in chaos and then it focused on one single thing that made Miyagi's knees give out.

"Damn you Usami!"was what all Miyagi could utter as he slumped to the floor feeling the world closing in on him.

Miyagi felt he would soon suffer from stroke and heart attack at the same time. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He should've been in Australia studying. He should have been having his 2nd term in Law. Why in the world his Shinobu-chin tied up, unconscious and wearing absolutely nothing?

Mustering all Miyagi's strength that was left, he rushed to Usami and grabbed the younger man's collar. Their face so close, their breaths clashing.

"Where is he?" Miyagi asked in his hoarse voice.

Usami smiled at his older brother and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. I just put him to sleep. I must say what a feisty boy toy you've got brother."

The grip on Usami's collar got tighter but Usami didn't even flinch an inch.

"I checked on him a while ago. Good flawless body, he smelled good too. I wouldn't complain if I got him into my collection as well."

"Fuck you Usami what did you do to him?" Miyagi hissed.

To add up to the burning hatred inside Miyagi, Usami chuckled. "Eww…brother that's incest!"

Miyagi couldn't hold it any longer and struck Usami good on the jaw. It sent Usami staggering for a while but the smile on his angel-masked face didn't fade away.

Usami wiped the blood dripping from the corner of his lips. He bit his lower lip when Miyagi struck him.

"Brother, calm yourself okay? I merely checked on your boy's body. I didn't touch him or anything." He looked down on his shoes. "Though I really wanted to test how tight he is. You haven't been doing it much right? Since he is or should I say was in Australia?"

Miyagi was gulping huge amount of air into his aching chest. He was completely being taken over by his hatred to Usami and his love for his young partner enough to be his son.

"What do you want?!" the old man yelled panting.

Usami pulled another remote from his drawer and pressed something. Miyagi then noticed that the leather strap on his young lover's neck started to vibrate and if his eyes were not playing tricks on him, the strap seem to constrict against his Shinobu-chin's neck. Usami focused the camera into it.

"Do you really have to ask? You know too well what I want."

"God…" Miyagi uttered in hopelessness.

"I can snap your boy toy's neck with just one button," Usami's smile faded. "Miyagi. Your boy toy or Onodera?"

Usami seemed to enjoy the look of distraught on his brother's face. He stubbed out his cigarette on the nipple of the still unconscious boy, his face completely different from the smiling one he had earlier. He really meant business now.

"I'll give you about a day to decide Miyagi. You and this Shinobu can get out of here lovey dovey if you agreed with my request."

The older man bit his bottom lip. He didn't want to give up Onodera but he didn't want his poor lover to get involved.

"Come on Miyagi, what's so hard in giving me the go to get Onodera? My men will peacefully take Onodera, bring him here, we can finally play and start our research, you and your lover will safely be together and your precious hero of an institute remains functional. Both parties happy."

As Miyagi stared at the huge monitor revealing his young lover's naked body, Usami started for the door. "I'll let you stay in this room. Think wisely, brother."

When Miyagi was already alone, save from the boy on the table, he fell on his knees and gripped his chest. He was trying to stop himself from crying but it made his throat hurt all the more. The police, the press, no one, won't be able to do anything. One just press of a button and he could lose his Shinobu-chin.

He choked in his own tears. "Forgive me…forgive me…"

Whether Miyagi was asking for forgiveness from Onodera or Shinobu, was still unclear.

* * *

for the ***cut*** parts...don't hesitate to pm me...it's just short but if u wanna see the whole thing...i'd be glad^^

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Uwah- I can't believe I am doing this to Usagi-san. LOL

Thanks for reading!

* * *

ps: i am just afraid with the strict policies of FF. ^^

i do post all my stories in (your fan fiction . com ) without cuts ^^^^


	8. Limit

How will Takano deal with an ending limit?

* * *

**LIMIT**

Onodera sheepishly entered the test room. It was part of his daily routine to meet Miyagi in the test room every afternoon. However, he wondered why he felt so nervous meeting his new doctor in it. Takano proved himself to be a good person just like Miyagi said. But he was feeling really uneasy. Not to mention Haitani kept on disappearing more often since he met Takano.

The all-white room with a single table and two chairs were in the middle of the room. The cabinets were painted white almost blending with the walls.

Takano motioned Onodera to sit on the chair across him.

With a serious face, Onodera sat and placed his hands on the table.

Takano smiled to himself. _Good. He's being submissive. _

The dark-haired doctor brushed his bangs away from his eyes and put on his doctor-smile.

"Okay Onodera, is it okay if I call you Ritsu from now on?"

"You called me that earlier; I guess there is nothing wrong with it." Onodera answered not looking at Takano but instead at his hands.

"How are you feeling right now? I want you to be honest and transparent with me. Okay?"

The brunette clenched his right hand as if holding on to something and glanced on his side.

"I feel pain."

Takano upon hearing Ritsu's answer shot a worried look.

"Pain? Where?"

"My chest hurts. Makes it hard for me to breath."

"Do you always feel this pain even when Dr. Miyagi was here?" Takano took a deep breath. He was making sure he takes all actions of Onodera in his head. He never brings a folder or a notebook to take down notes. A lot of studies showed that patients get nervous when the people they're talking to take down notes every time they say something. Becoming a hindrance for mental patients to open up.

"No. Just recently."

"Is it a pain you cannot handle? Do you want a pain reliever?"

Onodera shook his head slowly and glanced again at his right. "It's like a feeling of being broken. It's a very sad feeling."

Takano rested his back and looked at Onodera's hands.

"Ritsu can you show me your palms?"

The unusually submissive Ritsu moved his left hand on the table with the palm up. His right hand remained on its clenching position.

"Ritsu, why is it that you only moved your left hand? I mean both of your hands."

Onodera looked at Takano for a brief moment and then at his right hand again.

"I can't, I am holding Shin's hand."

Takano then leaned a little closer to the table talking with his deep yet really soft voice.

"Ritsu, would you mind me holding your left hand?"

The person across Takano obviously stiffened. The brunette bit his bottom lip and nodded.

Takano lightly touched Onodera's palm and slowly slid his fingers in between Onodera's fingers.

"Look at your left hand. Tell me what you feel. Tell me what you see."

There was a scared look at Onodera's face, as he brought his gaze to his left hand being held by Takano.

"Your hand is much bigger," Onodera replied wiggling his fingers locked in between Takano's. "Your hand is also warm," he continued without removing his gaze on their hands.

"Ritsu," Takano started very slowly, "Tell me what you see and feel with your right hand."

A sudden creasing of Onodera's brows appeared. He closed and opened his right hand. He looked at Takano and at his right hand for a couple of times.

"It…it's just my hand." Onodera suddenly pulled his right hand from Takano. "Shin?" He looked around the room with a look of someone who was about to cry.

"Shin…Shin disappeared again," he declared as he stared at Takano's face.

Takano closed his eyes for a while and sighed. He was really sighing a lot lately. "Shin, was never inside this room Ritsu."

Onodera smiled and began giggling. "Takano-san, what are you saying? I was joking. Shin came back. He's holding my hand right now," he raised his right hand. "See?"

It was always a frustrating thing for Takano when what he wanted to point out couldn't get through to his patients' heads. But it was a normal thing and really takes time. At least he confirmed something. Aside from delusions, Onodera has a serious denial syndrome.

Takano stood and ruffled Onodera's hair a little and walked towards one of the cabinet. His back to Onodera he asked, "You really wanted to stay with Shin, Ritsu?"

"Yes. Forever." Ritsu answered with conviction. He stared at the broad shoulders and back of Takano as the other one went through the cabinets. And with a worried look, Ritsu glanced at his right hand, trying to feel the warmth in it, like the one he felt on his left hand earlier.

"Shin, your hand is really cold," Onodera muttered to himself.

Takano heard it. But he didn't say anything.

* * *

After dinner and the nightly routine in Nishijima, the entire institute was a place of peace and quiet. Aside from the night shift nurses and doctors doing their rounds, the hallways were always deserted. Takano, was part of the night shift cycles before, but now, all his time was towards Onodera.

At the Special care ward, other patients were already asleep. Takano however just tucked Onodera to bed. His only patient tended to play and draw umbrellas nonstop after eating. He just let him be.

"Takano-san, you're going home?" Ritsu asked pulling his blankets up until half of his face.

"I will go to my apartment to get some clothes then I will come back."

"You can go back here tomorrow."

"No. That's not possible. I want to talk to you later," Takano answered as he started for the door.

"But I am already asleep by then. Talk to me tomorrow." Onodera insisted.

For some reason, Takano found himself smiling and relaxing his stiff back, he was just thinking about the third-state Onodera, what was with him?

"Then I'll just return to make sure you and Haitani aren't doing a miracle here." Takano teased.

The person already lying on bed pulled the entire blanket over his head. "It—it's none of your business what we do! Idiot!"

Takano chuckled and opened the door. He was about to turn off the lights when Onodera peeked from under his blanket.

"Takano-san," Ritsu started in a small voice.

"Hmm?"

"Bring an umbrella."

"Why? You're tired of drawing?"

"It's going to rain." And after that he hid his face once more.

* * *

It was dark all around him except the glow coming from the huge monitor. A room service came in to bring food but he didn't touch it. The glow-in-the-dark automatic clock on the wall said 9:45. Miyagi thought he already lost his ability to feel hunger or thirst. He could not even remember for how long he was sitting like that with his face buried on his hands.

He stole a glance at the monitor and the still unconscious boy on the table. For reasons unknown, no one came to pick up the boy.

"I can't believe this is happening. Akihiko, what happened to you?" Miyagi said under his breath.

The boy on the table started coughing nonstop. It made the doctor in Miyagi scramble to his feet and check on the poor creature. He even felt guilty that he just let the boy naked all these hours, purely thinking of his own problems. He removed his coat and put it on the thin boy's freezing body.

He helped him sit, but it seemed like every move of a muscle was excruciating, as his small framed body tried to steady himself. He tried to wipe the already dry cum off his face, although it was useless.

"How on earth did you end up here, boy?" Miyagi asked. He could not help picturing Shinobu in the boy's place if he did not agree with Usami.

The frail creature looked at him with a sad face. His green eyes, unnervingly reminded him of Onodera. It was as if the boy symbolizes the two persons in the world he wanted to protect, and what their ends would be. Whoever he chooses, one would suffer gravely.

"Mister…you're Usagi-san's brother?"

Miyagi found himself confused. "Usagi—who?"

The boy wiped the tears falling from his already half-closed eyes. "I'm sorry. Usami-san. I am talking about Usami-san."

Miyagi pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to the boy. "That bastard, is my younger, half-brother," he answered feeling a bitter taste in his mouth.

The boy stiffened and pulled the coat tighter around his aching body. "Mister…don't hate your brother please."

Miyagi straightened up looking incredulously at the almost dead boy in front of him. After he made the lives of many people miserable? After he involved Shinobu? After he threatened to start the stupid LSD research and after he saw how cruel his half-brother was to the boy in front of him? How could he not hate him?

"Boy, you don't know what you're saying. After what he has done to you? Are you a saint?"

The boy started to sob. "Mister-!"

As Miyagi saw the boy tremble under his coat, he sighed and calmed himself. "Boy, I'm not 'Mister'. Call me Miyagi."

The trembling seized a little, he blinked a couple of times to dry his eyes. "Would you listen to me please?"

Miyagi felt burdened. He wanted to think things over about his dilemma, but he just couldn't leave the boy alone like that. "Okay…I will listen to you. But, how do I call you?"

The face of the boy, under the bruises and the dried cum, lit up a bit. "Takahashi Misaki."

* * *

Takano ran under the raging rain with his old umbrella. With his duffel bag hanging around his well-built body and his pants wet up to his knees, he couldn't believe that his patient was right. _How did he know it's going to rain?_

He went inside the guard-house located near the gates of Nishijima Institute to dry himself.

"Dr. Takano, what are you doing here? Forgotten something?" One of the guards, a guy with a body of a wrestler asked as he sipped his cup of coffee.

"No. I came here for my patient." He answered ruffling his hair dry.

"Oh, Dr. Takano, don't take me wrong, but this is the first time I saw you into your patient much!" the guy laughed.

Takano smiled a forced smile. "What do you mean by that?"

The guard waived his free hand and then scratched his chin while looking at Takano from head to foot. "Hmm, like…what is that word…fire?"

"Huh?"

"Stupid! You make it sound dirty!" The other guard who was looking at the CCTV's shouted from inside the monitor room. "It's called 'passion'! Right, Doc?"

_Passion?_ Takano remembered Miyagi's words and he suddenly thought what could be Miyagi's doing at the moment.

Takano caught a glimpse of the wall clock and cursed under his breath.

"Fuck. It's 11:30 already? I already lost ten minutes…" he hissed and ran towards the Special care building. It was raining, Onodera wouldn't be able to go to the institute's garden.

When he opened the door to Onodera's room, it was empty.

* * *

Takano walked in a hurry in search for his patient. He started to run towards the institute's garden. With his umbrella in his left hand, he removed his eyeglasses with the right for it was getting blurry with the fog.

He couldn't believe his eyes when not far from the statues, there, his patient, soaking wet was staring at the bench where they sat the night before. He slowly walked towards Onodera and made sure that his umbrella was also covering Ritsu.

"You told me to bring an umbrella because it will rain. And here you are soaking wet. Are you stupid?" Takano said with irritation is his voice.

Onodera didn't look at him but a glimpse of a smile appeared on his profile.

"I did?"

"Yes you did. I wonder how your D-state knew it will rain."

Onodera chuckled. "Probably because my back hurts."

"Your back?"

"The samurais say scars from deep cuts hurt when it's about to rain."

"What, are you a samurai now? Am I talking to the sane Ritsu or have you developed another insanity level?"

Onodera stiffened. Takano meant it to be a joke, but reconsidering things, it might have been a really bad joke.

"This is the Third-state, Takano-san don't worry."

The rain started to pound harder, they can hardly hear each other.

"Ritsu, let's go back inside. You'll catch a cold here."

"I was doing a little thinking before you arrived, Takano-san. About Haitani, about LSD…" He said, his hair dripping with water, his face and neck, strangely glistening.

"Everything is because of the LSD project. If not for it, me, Haitani and the others might be living normal lives."

Takano started to feel irritated, though he could not explain why.

"I know for a fact my life will never be peaceful again. I am sure Miyagi-san told you about my photographic memory?"

The hand holding the umbrella shook a little. "Yes, he did mention that to me."

"I am pretty sure he trusts you very much," Onodera said as he scratched his nose.

"You are starting to catch a cold. Let's go." Takano declared grabbing Onodera's arm. But Onodera did not budge.

"Takano-san, are you planning to ask me about the LSD?" Onodera's eyes staring at Takano's. The latter felt his very soul was being scanned.

Takano didn't answer.

"Well, even if you asked me to, I won't tell you anything. I plan to carry them to my grave."

All that Onodera was saying made Takano nervous for some reason. Like the person who was staring at him knew something was about to happen.

Takano was surprised when Onodera touched his hand holding the umbrella. Ritsu pushed it a little towards Takano.

"Cover yourself too Takano-san. You might get a cold yourself."

"That is why I am telling you for the third time to go back inside!" Takano said in exasperation.

Onodera smiled a sad smile and glanced towards the back entrance of the Special Care building.

"Takano-san, this is the only moment that I don't have to be a mental patient. This is just the freedom I have. After this short period of time, I'll go crazy again. Please don't force me to go inside that building when I'm sane. Because I feel that I will totally lose me."

The two of them stared at the back entrance in a while and it was Ritsu who broke the silence again, just like their second meeting.

"I had a dream Takano-san. It was a very calming dream," Onodera said as he stared back at the bench.

_Why won't he look at me?_

"What kind of dream?"

"You might find it disgusting though."

"Disgusting?"

"You were hugging me," Onodera said stealing a glance at Takano to see his reaction. "Like you were swearing you'd protect me and all while I eat paper. I looked so pathetic. But, honestly it was one of the very few pleasant dreams I can remember."

Takano feeling tense also looked at the bench. "I don't see any disgusting thing about it."

"The next one might disgust you."

"Try me," Takano challenged.

Onodera crossed his arms and put his right hand on his mouth. "I dreamed of jumping on you. Wasn't that disgusting for you? In my dream, I forced myself on you and tried kissing you, but you pushed me away," Ritsu laughed a little. "I mean we just met, and I was having this crazy kind of dreams."

_They weren't dreams_…was what Takano wanted to say but Onodera suddenly pointed at the bench.

"Takano-san, the LSD, those dreams, and the memories of meeting you, I will always treasure forever."

The pounding rain made Takano feel really uneasy now.

"What are you saying as if you're about to die?" Takano asked masking his uneasiness with a joking tone.

"Look at that Takano-san, " Onodera's finger directing to some scratches on the bench made of Narra. "Ten, ten-thirty, eleven…"

Takano had to take a closer look at the scratches. True enough, he hadn't notice those marks on that bench before. Mainly because he wasn't paying attention.

"I scratched those when I came to my senses…" Onodera looked at Takano. "Earlier, I noticed that it's eleven-twenty. Takano-san, my body may live a long life, but my consciousness is dying."

* * *

Takano didn't know if the water dripping from Onodera's chin was from his wet hair, or it was tears from his eyes. He didn't know if the trembling on Onodera's body was because of the cold rain and his wet clothes or it was from the fear of what he just found out. All that Takano felt at that time was a tightening in his chest.

"Takano-san…I am so afraid that tomorrow, maybe I won't be able to come here and talk to you anymore…one of either the D or H state will take over and I won't be able to come back." Onodera grabbed the ends of his shirt and clasped it tightly. It was all he could do to stop from crying. He was always crying in front of Takano, he felt it embarrassing.

"It pains and scares me."

Takano tried to hide his shaking hands by gripping the umbrella handle tighter. He wasn't saying anything and he even surprised himself at how much shaken was he upon hearing the slowly fading of Ritsu's consciousness.

"That's why I am telling you now that I'm grateful." Onodera added as he rubbed his eyes. "I might disgust you again, but I really wouldn't mind," Onodera's voice turned into whisper. "If in my dreams, it would be different and you wouldn't push me away."

Everything happened so fast Onodera hadn't had the chance to react. Takano let the umbrella fall, and under the rain, he pulled the cold body of Ritsu closer to his and kissed him.

_I don't understand everything. _Takano thought to himself_. But god, it feels like I just need to do this. _

He held Ritsu in his arms tighter, sharing that kiss with worth a million meanings.

And if passion was something that burns from every inch of the muscles it was hot like a fever rising, with the heart constricting as if it will explode, then Takano was accepting that passion was what he was feeling towards Onodera.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

thanks for the people who still read my fanfic. lol

the build-up of the plot is slow ne? but i really waNted to explore it so...there...bwahaha

-i cried buckets of tears when sougo's sister died(GINTAMA)

* * *

no cuts here! yeey!^^


	9. Miyagi

Everyone has their own stories to tell.

* * *

**MIYAGI**

"Ta-Takano-san…we…should sto-p no-w…uhmp." Onodera's protests dissolved in thin air as the man ravishing his mouth pushed his tongue deeper into Ritsu's mouth.

The two men tangled between a deep, passionate kiss weren't giving a care to the rain that was pouring harder by the minute. It was as if even nature didn't approve of the building connection between the two.

Takano couldn't remember himself succumbing this much to such an intense kiss. He had his fair share of relationships. Relationships that didn't last. Why was it with a man, he felt losing himself?

Wasn't it considered idiotic to lust for someone you just met? For once, all his virtues, his self-control, his reason, broke down before the man whose consciousness was slowly being taken as a side effect of the cursed drug. How long will the forty-minute sanity last? What if the next day the forty-minutes became twenty? Ten? Until there was no more left. The uncertainty of how long the sane Ritsu will stay made Takano feel and realize how much he wanted to be one with him.

They broke the kiss with a synchronized panting, as if they just ran a million miles. Ritsu's face, wet with mixed tears and rain gazed at the hazel eyes with confusion. Takano returned the gaze with eyes burning with want. Ritsu knew all too well what the other person wanted to do. It was obvious. It's what he shamelessly wanted to do too. More than a call of the lustful flesh, it was more of seeking for refuge and comfort and filling up the emptiness both knew they have inside.

Takano's hands wandered from Ritsu's neck to his lower back, pulling Ritsu closer to his aching body. "I want you Ritsu." Takano whispered to Ritsu's ear.

Ritsu's hands which were wrapped around Takano's neck ran down slowly to Takano's arms breaking away.

"Ritsu?"

Ritsu took a step backwards to give some space and cupped Takano's cheeks with his cold, soft hands. "I want you too." Ritsu said barely in a whisper, smiling a sorrowful smile.

"You want me then…" Takano started but he was cut off by a light kiss Onodera planted on his lips. It was just as light as a breeze, pure innocence and trust.

With Ritsu's hands still on Takano's face, he broke off the kiss and looked at Takano with apologetic eyes. "We…can do no more than this," he began. "It's…coming".

Out of reflex, Takano looked at his wrist watch. 11:58. He has forgotten that it would end so soon. Literally, very soon.

"Takano-san, I wouldn't say we love each other this early. But I want you to know…I trust you."

_No…what are you saying? The moment I accepted Miyagi's proposal…_

Takano watched Ritsu flinch and gasp in time with the singing of the Grandfather Clock Takano was beginning to hate. The green eyes blinking a couple of times, scanning the surroundings. Ritsu's eyes, dark and questioning stared at Takano as if seeing the latter for the first time.

_I knew I fell hard. _

"What am I doing here?" Ritsu in D-state started. "Takano-san…why are we here?"

Takano bowed his head swallowing the lump he was feeling down his throat, and started to pick the fallen umbrella. He walked slowly to Onodera and sheltered him under it. Without saying anything he touched Ritsu's back guiding him back to his room in the Special Care ward. The other person obediently following.

When the two of them reached Ritsu's room, Ritsu darted to the bed and bended a little as if trying to be in eye-level of somebody. "Hey, look Shin, I am soaking wet! I think I sleep-walked. Good thing Takano-san didn't scold me!"

Takano, as if feeling tired turned his back at Ritsu to crouch down to the small cabinet where a few clothes of Ritsu was being kept. Hearing Ritsu blabber, Shin here, Shin there, made his insides churn in irritation. He was just sharing a passionate kiss with him a while ago, and now, this Ritsu cannot remember a thing. This Ritsu was all Haitani Shin.

"What? I look erotic?" Ritsu said in surprise. He then whispered but Takano could still hear it. "We can't. Takano-san is here, stupid."

Takano watched in the corners of his eyes the Ritsu giggling and talking at nothing. This nothing he was beginning to have jealousy of. Was that how deep Ritsu felt about this Haitani Shin that in his insanity it was still him he sees?

"Ritsu, come here. Dry yourself." Takano ordered. But Ritsu didn't hear him. It was sighing that all Takano could do as he threw a white towel over the brown locks and dry it himself.

"Oww. Takano-san…not so rough!"

"Don't dirty talk with me." Takano said in a low voice.

Hearing it, Ritsu stopped moving and let his doctor dry his hair.

"Take off your clothes."

Ritsu suddenly turned his head to his doctor standing beside him.

"Don't put stupid thoughts to your head, do you wish to sleep like that?"

Ritsu frowned and grabbed the towel off his head. "Why are you so in a bad mood now?" He mumbled as he fumbled on his buttons. Takano rested his back on the wall gazing out the window. He didn't have any intention of looking at Ritsu changing clothes. However, the flash of the long centipede scar on Ritsu's back caught his attention.

He stared at it long and hard. _That was the scar the stupid Haitani inflicted on Ritsu? _

Ritsu was about to take off his pants when he felt the heavy stare of the other person in the room at his back. He threw a glare at Takano. Takano, decided to step out the room.

After a couple of minutes he came back in to Ritsu's room and pulled the steel chair beside the bed where Ritsu was sitting.

"Haitani went out, he said he feels you are uncomfortable with him around."

"Is that so?" Takano replied in an uninterested voice. He then reached for Ritsu's forehead, checking for any change in temperature. The person now in pyjamas grimaced as if getting burned.

"Don't you really remember why you're there?" Takano asked taking off a tablet from a bottle.

Ritsu scratched his nose shaking his head. "Like I said, I must have sleep-walked again. It happens all the time. And when I wake up, Shin is always waiting for me. I'm surprised you were there instead of him."

Takano let Onodera swallow the tablet and helped him to bed. Ritsu yawned. Takano stood.

"Good night Onodera."

"Takano-san, let it go."

"Huh?" Takano asked breaking his poker face with a questioning look.

"You look like you're stopping yourself from something. You know, I can listen to you if you have a problem. Haitani wouldn't mind. So tell me about it, it will make you feel at least better," Ritsu pulled the blanket a little to cover his reddening face. "You look like you're in pain."

Takano clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. He turned his back at Onodera and turned the lights off without saying anything.

"He really pisses me off." Takano muttered right after closing the door.

* * *

Miyagi stared into a pair of glassy eyes as he tried to gather all the remaining strength in his body. Though there wasn't any left. The things the boy told him stabbed his soul a thousand times. And instead of crying, a number of laughter escaped Miyagi's tight, thin lips.

The boy who said his name was Misaki, grabbed Miyagi's shaking hands.

"Miyagi-san…that's why I'm telling you not to hate your brother. Please…he's the victim here."

All Miyagi could do was laugh it all. That was the last string of reason he was holding on to and it finally snapped. Miyagi laughed, he wanted to stop but he couldn't. And his laughing made him cry as his oxygen deprived lungs beg for it.

The older man staggeringly fell on one of the large sofas in the room. Burying his face in his hands while endless tears ran down his face, he took a look at the boy and pulled his cell phone. Eyes blurry with the stinging liquid, he managed to type a text message and send it to a private number.

"Boy, you really love that bastard?" He asked in a croaky voice.

Misaki nodded clutching his own mouth shut. He knew he just killed the man in front of him.

Miyagi walked towards the trembling boy and patted him on the head.

"I am afraid, I can't grant you your wish. Even in death I will hate him."

With that, Miyagi walked to one of the huge window panes and slowly slid it upwards. A gush of cold, strong wind seeped inside the room.

"Miyagi-san?" Misaki queried moving off the table.

"I am a coward. I can't handle this anymore."

And with that, Miyagi pushed himself out the window and let himself fall from the 48th floor of the hotel.

Misaki ran towards the window trying to grab the man, but all his hands reached was nothingness.

* * *

Miyagi stared at the horrified face of Misaki and into the night sky as he fell to his demise. He found it amusing and now he knew why people say that when you're in the brink of death, everything turns into slow motion.

"Takano, I am just a human being. I've suffered enough. I can't go on anymore. Fuck everything is like something that will only happen in cheap drama series."

* * *

_"Miyagi-san…Usagi-Usami-san is just seeking revenge…" _

_"Revenge? He'll go as far as this just for revenge? From who?" _

_"Miyagi-san, where were you when you took your doctorate degree? You were in some foreign country for 5 years, you never knew anything. In that 5 years…Miyagi Sr., your father, has been molesting…Usagi-san."_

_"…" _

_"It was your father's idea to start the banned research but he failed. And Usagi-san, when your father became ill, swore he'd take everything your father ever had and wanted. But in the process…he lost himself."_

_"That—"_

_"Miyagi-san…get out of here and save that Onodera Ritsu."_

_"My Shinobu is still here…No way!"_

_"The guy on the monitor… is already dead."_

"My Shinobu-chin…my Shinobu-chin died when he tried to fight Usami's men…my poor Shinobu…" Miyagi sobbed as the cold wind brushed his whole being.

_"That is not true! Why do you know all this?!"_

_"…Usagi-san loved me…cared for me…shared to me everything he feels and everything he knew…but Miyagi-san…you're father used me and Usagi-san witnessed it. He wouldn't believe everything I say. His eyes are blind, his ears are deaf to me. And look where I am now. But I cannot leave him alone…I love him."_

_"I don't care if he treats me like this…but Miyagi-san he's just someone who needs help too…"_

* * *

Miyagi closed his eyes and whispered a prayer.

"I leave everything to you Takano. I am seriously a coward acting to be brave. If only I had the strength to stop the LSD from the beginning…my father…Usami…and me…are the real bastards here."

With a sickening thud of breaking bones, Miyagi crashed to the pavement just in front of the hotel café sending screams and yelps all over the place as his body twisted in all sorts of weird angles, and his brain splattered everywhere.

* * *

Takano couldn't sleep at all at the doctor's sleeping quarters that was not being used by anyone. He has been tossing and rolling all over the bed. With a final squirm of irritation, he moved out of his bed and walked towards a table where his laptop was. Better do some work then instead of wasting his time trying to sleep.

It was not customary for him to check on his emails. He only did that when he was expecting it. But that early morning, he just found himself signing in. The room was all dark save from the light his laptop was giving. He scanned his 30 something emails and frowned at the sight of one email. It was coming from his bank.

"Why the hell would they be sending me an email? They're bankrupt or something?" Takano mumbled lighting a stick of cigarette.

He lazily clicked on the subject. It was an automatic email being used by elites during emergency. He stubbed his cigarette out knowing he won't be able to finish it, sensing the email wasn't good whatever it was.

_"Dear Takano Masamune,_

_ We are transferring this amount_and all our good customer's assests and investments into your account. Together with this email is a confidential note coming from Miyagi Yo. Click on okay and enter the password. Hint: picture on the door."_

With hands shaking, Takano typed "umbrella" in the box and a note appeared.

_"Takano, reading this note means I lost. Whether I lost from my own brother or to my idiotic self is of no importance now. Run. Take Ritsu with you. Don't let my brother have his way. _

_"And Takano, I am sorry for leaving this burden to you. Run. Now."_

Takano stared at his laptop for a long period of time trying to grasp everything. And with realizing the grave situation he involved himself in, nervousness washed over him. He's got a lot of questions but he knew better than to waste time. He grabbed his belongings and ran towards Onodera's room. His mind racing. His veins pulsating. His body having an adrenaline rush.

* * *

Misaki shut a scared look as Usami Akihiko's eyes met his.

"You…" The tall silver-haired man said as he slowly made his way towards Misaki. The boy trembled as he stepped backwards.

With every step Usami made, Misaki tried to escape. But he found himself cornered into a wall, the late Miyagi's coat falling from his naked, shaking shoulders.

Icy, blood-shot eyes pierced through Misaki's skin and no matter how much Misaki tried to act bravely, he couldn't convince himself.

"You said something didn't you?" Usami said in that low voice that sent Misaki's heart beat off the rocket he felt his rib cage would break.

The long fingers of Usami slowly reached for Misaki's jaw line. It was very gentle at first but Misaki winced in pain as the man staring at his eyes put pressure on it. He felt his jaw would dislocate.

"I only said the-truth Usagi-san…stop this….please…" Misaki begged trying to pull his face away.

The more the frail boy tried to move away, the stronger the force Usami-used. "Usagi…san?" Usami uttered with a disgusted look on his face.

Misaki gulped at the sight of Usami's flawless face nearing his. They were so close that he didn't dare to breath.

"After sleeping with my step father, you dare me call '_Usagi-san'_?" The man with lavender eyes said in a barely audible voice.

Misaki's tear streaked face winced in pain once more as Usami's other hand grabbed his bruising arm.

"Before, I'll melt just by seeing those tears of yours…but now…all I feel is disgust, I feel like I will puke."

Misaki, in truth, didn't care much about the physical abuse he was getting, but his heart that was being sliced and stabbed by every word of the only man he loved was slowly reaching its toll.

There was nothing that can be heard aside from the laboured breathing of Misaki in the large room. Trembling and feeling like passing out, he gathered what little courage he has left in his body and looked at Usami's eyes.

"You're right! You're not my Usagi-san anymore! He would never do something like this! He would never hurt me like this! He …he…he promised to treasure me forever…return…USAGI-SAN TO ME!"

Usami glared at the huge, green eyes in front of him, his grip on Misaki's jawline tightening. His stoic face showing a crooked smile, he breath in Misaki's ears. "I'll deal with you later." And with that, Usami Akihiko slammed Misaki on the wall, letting the body of the one he once purely loved slide down and lose consciousness.

"SHIRO!" Usami barked down at the wireless phone on the table.

"Yes Sir?" The other line answered.

"Clean the mess outside and call squad B!"

"Sir? Squad B?"

"I'll be dragging Onodera Ritsu out of Nishijima. I'm tired of all these rubbish."

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Hello! lol…first…I want to tell you, I was a bit teary-eyed (just a bit) while typing Misaki and Usami's scene at the end. Bwahaha…

Hurray! or poor Miyagi?

I was feeling sad for Takano too, I could imagine the frustration. lol

THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE CONTINUOS SUPPORT. YOU GIVE ME INSPIRATION!

why do I want everybody to suffer? I am a pure saddist…bwahahaha…^^^^


	10. Man in White Suit

As Onodera still being sheltered, more and more people are getting involved.

* * *

**MAN IN WHITE SUIT**

"Ritsu…Ritsu…" Takano kept on calling out while lightly tapping the sleeping person's cheeks.

_If he wakes up now…he's going to be in H-state…So many things to consider…_

Ritsu lied on his back blinking sleepily, searching for the voice that was calling out to him. He slowly sat up scratching his eyes.

"Shin…what gives?"

Takano flicked his tongue with impatience and hurriedly put bonnet and scarf around Onodera's neck.

"What-what's going on…Shin?"

"Shin…Shin…shut-up and just wear this." Takano ordered throwing a thick jacket on Onodera's lap, with a pair of shoes.

"Listen, when I return I want you all done. Okay?"

Takano ran towards where Onodera's medicine and pills were being kept. He literally stuffed the duffel bag that formerly contained his spare clothes. All that was important was Onodera's stuff.

Without telling anything, he grabbed Onodera's hands and pulled him towards the dark backside of the institute. Even though he was a doctor of the institute, sneaking a patient out was a major no-no. It was quiet helpful that Onodera was in H-state and he sees him as Haitani Shin. He was all being obedient.

The two of them jumped over the low fence and disappeared into the breaking dawn.

* * *

A steady hum of machines and monitors filled the entire room. Men roaming around lazily sipping their coffees and chatting filled the space.

"Chief! Chief!" a man around his early twenties yelled as he dashed to the man lying on the table with a book covering his face.

The man removed the book on his face and annoyingly moved his head to check why their greenhorn member was yapping so early in the morning.

"What? You're so noisy Leon!"

"Ch—Chief!" Leon chirped gasping for air, "We got an order from the headquarters in Hokkaido! Mr. Usami Akihiko sent a job to us!"

Upon hearing the name, it was as if all the men in the room stopped from doing whatever they were doing. Their eyes focused on Leon as he handed their chief a Samsung Tablet containing the job order. The room was intense, waiting for their Chief's orders.

A playful smile formed in the corner of the Chief's thin, perfectly formed lips. "Squad B…ready your asses out, we've got some cleaning-up to do."

And with that all the men wearing black from head to foot yelled like blood-lusting beasts. They were a part of Usami's private military group. Squad B was the group assigned in Nishijima Prefecture. Going to Nishijima Mental Institute was a piece of cake.

* * *

"Dr. Yokozawa, you're early than usual!" the head nurse greeted as he grabbed the patients records in the stack.

Yokozawa Takafumi was still wearing his for-all-I-care look on his face. He really was trying to be friendly but his face has always been like that. Serious looking and indifferent.

He was having a hard time sleeping last night so he decided to just go to the institute early. His car was on coding so he used the train. And as he walked on the streets towards the Institute's gates, he noticed a truck parked not far from it. He stared at it but he didn't pay any more attention than he would seeing a dog poop on the ground.

He was done visiting the Food and Preparation room and he was heading out to the doctor's quarter to get his phone. As he was walking, he noticed the distressed nurse on the reception, search for a file while a tall man in front of her was waiting.

"I'm sorry Sir. But the patient you are asking about is not on the visiting list." The nurse explained flustered.

Yokozawa walked towards the commotion and placed his arm on the high table. "What's going on here?"

The nurse's face lit up upon the sight of his savior. "Dr. Yokozawa! Uhm-well…This man is here to visit one of our patients…but the one he's looking for…"

Yokozawa, annoyed at how long the nurse was taking just to tell the story when she can just say it short faced the man, just a little taller than he was and frowned.

"Good morning. I'm Dr. Yokozawa. You're here to visit someone? May I know the name?"

The nurse heaved a sigh of relief and disappeared at the scene leaving the two men alone.

The man wearing a white suite smiled at Yokozawa. "Ah—Dr. Yokozawa, pleased to meet you." The man greeted extending his hand. However, Yokozawa ignored it. The man in front of him, with his wavy hair and dazzling smile was making him uncomfortable. The man was smiling but his smile was like a porcelain doll's; breath taking but soulless.

"I am looking for Onodera Ritsu." The man replied lowering his ignored hand.

At the mention of the name, Yokozawa's brow raised. "That patient does not receive any visitors. So please, leave."

Yokozawa turned his back and started walking to his real destination. The man chuckled a little.

"No talking it out I see…"

A buzzing appeared and a voice came out from the ear phone attached in his ear.

"Chief…all the men are in their position…the order to kill all the doctors and nurses and everyone, ready to be executed."

"Good, wait for my signal. And can someone please look out for Leon, that newbie might do something again."

"Aye Sir!"

The institute was working on the usual routine. Doctors doing their rounds, patients absorbed in their worlds, nurses doing their assigned tasks. But Yokozawa was feeling uneasy at everything. It was peaceful, as if they were in the eye of a storm.

"Why is that man looking for Onodera, it's the first time." Yokozawa muttered to himself. That's when he realized he haven't seen Takano as well.

After tucking his phone in his green coat pocket, he stepped out the doctor's quarter and he almost lost his footing when he saw Sakaki, one of the doctors in the institute lying on his stomach. A pool of blood forming beneath him.

Yokozawa shook Sakaki. "Oi, Dr. Sakaki…" He called out. But the doctor's mouth that wasn't able to scream remained motionless.

With heart racing, Yokozawa started running around the institute to see what was really going on. It was quiet, eerily quiet. "What the hell is going on…"

When Yokozawa stepped in the therapy room, he felt the food he ate since last night go up to his throat. He was a doctor. But never in his career have he seen a bunch of bodies lying under a sea of blood.

"My god…" Yokozawa unconsciously muttered. He dashed to the side of the wall where the emergency button was located. He almost smashed the button but no sound came. "Fuck." He dialled a number in his phone, but there was no signal. Squad B was tampering the entire signal in Nishijima Institute.

Yokozawa knew already that the institute was under sabotage. Do the people in Special ward know what's going on? Are they still alive? Will we be able to come out here alive? These were all Yokozawa's question running in his head.

When he reached the Special Care ward entrance, he didn't have to slide his pass. The entrance was all open. He slowly walked, hearing his heart beat in his ear drums. He never would have imagined that the soles of his shoes can sound this loud and deafening.

The reception area was deserted. He knew it already. He gulped. His cold sweat running down from his forehead to the tip of his nose and neck.

He saw one door open, and he didn't have to enter to see that the people inside it were already dead…the pool of blood was leaking to the door.

His knees were shaking, but he was determined to see if there was still someone alive. He continued to walk the long hallway. But everyone was lying on their own pool of blood.

He brushed his sweat-streaked hair back and took a deep breath. He then ran back to the entrance of the Special Care Ward. And then he saw the visitor earlier standing in the entrance, his hand on his stomach, a huge spot of red on it.

"Ah, why did I wear a white suit? I'm so stupid." The man muttered to himself. Then he noticed the doctor he just talked to a while ago.

Yokozawa ran to the man.

"You! Why are you still here?! You're shot?" Yokozawa blurted running to the man.

"Ehh…no I—" The man began.

Yokozawa grabbed the man's coat and started undressing the man who was caught surprised.

"Don't move, we have to stop the bleeding!" Yokozawa ordered. Yokozawa was so focused at treating the man's wound. The doctor in panic pulled his handkerchief from his pocket. He was about to pull the man's shirt when at the corner of his eyes, he saw another man in black aiming a gun at the two of them.

As fast as a lightning, the bullet dashed straight to them. Yokozawa, living to his virtues as a doctor who saves life, he jumped over the man in white suit shielding him from the bullet. The bullet pierced Yokozawa on the side. Blood started to stain Yokozawa's green coat.

"Chief!" Leon shouted. "Are you okay?"

"Stupid! To whom are you aiming the gun?!"

"Ei, Chief, just be glad the stupid doctor shielded you. After all I was really aiming at him."

Yokozawa, gasping for air, winced as the pain grew worse. He was still on top of the man in white suit. He wanted to stand but his body was already numb.

The man smiled at Yokozawa, who was trying to look him in the eye, Yokozawa's head on his chest.

"Doctor. You saved the wrong man."

It was painful for Yokozawa as the man tried to stand up and pushed him on the side. Yokozawa closed his eyes, feeling his consciousness fading away.

"Chief, he's still alive. I'll give him another one of my babies." Leon said and aimed the gun at Yokozawa's paling face.

"Stop. Leave him like that, he'll die of bleeding anyway." The chief ordered.

"Are you sure?" The newbie asked. His eyes opened wide when he saw his Chief's stomach with a spot of blood. "Chief, are you injured?"

The man with the wavy hair, touched the spot where the blood was with his long, expert fingers. "No, this isn't my blood. Some nurse who tried to stab me with a scalpel."

"Ah…I see." Leon said with relief.

"Leon, go to meeting area 1 and meet with the other guys. We'll put this entire piece of junk to fire."

"Aye Chief!" The greenhorn saluted.

When the younger man disappeared, the man in white suit scooted over Yokozawa.

The poor doctor never felt so humiliated in his life. As blood spilled in the corner of his mouth, he opened his eyes and found the man's face above his.

"You're such a hero shielding me doc. I am touched."

"Fuck…you…" Yokozawa said in a croaky voice.

The man in white suit stabbed Yokozawa on the spot where the wound was using the scalpel that was used on him earlier. And with that, Yokozawa drowned into blackness.

* * *

The men in black swiftly disappeared on the area, with the burning Nishijima Institute for a background.

The men inside the truck yelled in celebration. It was as if killing was a pleasurable thing for them.

"Wow, it's been a while since we were given a clean-up operation! Those blood…ahh"

"Yah, the surprised faces are the most priceless."

The men chatted away.

"Will you shut-up for a while!" The heated voice of the chief roared inside the truck.

The men, as if tucking their tails in between their legs fell in silence.

The chief then placed a headset over his head and opened the laptop where Usami Akihiko's grim face can be seen.

"Well, Mr. Usami, seems like your kitten got away before we even arrived at the mental institute."

"The hell of a job are you doing for me Kirishima Zen?" Usami hissed enough to make anyone scared out of their bones. But Kirishima Zen was one of the very few men who were not affected at all by the intimidating aura of the rich bastard for their Boss.

Kirishima smiled at the mad Akihiko who was currently on his flight to Nishijima Prefecture.

"Look Boss, never underestimate anyone. Your plan is leaked even before you called out on us, Squad B. So don't put the blame on us. Okay?"

"What do you take me for you scum?"

Kirishima laughed.

"Don't worry, we at least were able to turn Nishijima Institute into ashes with no trace whatsoever. All are burned because of an electrical malfunction. Period. Any new order Mr. Usami?"

"Hunt down Onodera Ritsu. Don't hurt him. Anyone who gets involved, erase them."

* * *

When he opened his eyes, all he saw was pure white. He tried to sit but the thick bandage on his side stopped him from doing so.

"Urgh—" he grunted.

A high-heeled shoes tapped on the tiled floor and stopped just before Yokozawa's bed.

"You're finally awake after two days, Dr. Yokozawa. I suggest, don't move around much yet."

"Huh? Who are you? Two days?" he asked incredulously.

Yokozawa, still with an aching head roamed his eyes around. He can already assume he was in a hospital. But how?

The woman doctor pulled a chair and sat on it.

"I'm Dr. Agata. So Dr. Yokozawa. You are the sole survivor of Nishijima Institute. Expect that the media will be coming after you. I suggest you take a leave and go somewhere far while the matter is in heat."

"What? Burned?" Yokozawa asked still gathering his scattered thoughts.

The woman in front of him, with dark brown eyes and short hair, flipped her hair on the side.

"The media says the place burned down due to electrical malfunction. Screw them. They're making us all look stupid. I was in the autopsy room; all the corpses have a shot either on the head or stomach."

"No one survived?" Yokozawa asked in disbelief, remembering his co-workers, his patients, everyone.

"_You_ survived. Although it was still a mystery to us."

Yokozawa massaged his pounding temples. Remembering the soulless smile, the gun shot, the stabbing.

"You know. Dr. Yokozawa, one of the rescuers was my brother. He said he found you on the institute's garden lying unconscious. It was the only part of the institute that the fire didn't reach. You don't remember escaping there?"

With eyes closed, he tried to remember what happened but all he can remember was the part where the man in white suit, the bastard who he thought was shot, stabbed him on his wound.

"No…I can't remember anything."

The woman flicked her tongue. "How weird, the motive is really confusing."

"Huh?"

"You see, my brother rushed to you knowing you're hurt. Just by looking at you, he already knew you were shot. But when he checked on you, the bullet was already removed from your side and the bleeding being stopped by a white suit tied around you."

* * *

Takano sighed in frustration.

He was trying to make Onodera stop from crying but the latter just won't stop. His patient was bawling like a baby.

"Onodera, calm down. Okay? Calm down."

"Where is this? Why did you bring me here?! What if Miyagi comes back and I am not there! Shin isn't here as well!" Onodera cried throwing the pillows on the bed.

Takano, dragging Onodera, checked-in in a cheap motel two days ago. They haven't made a move for two days already. Onodera was the obedient guy after waking up and at 2 to 4 pm when he was in H-state…but when he was on D-state, he was nothing but a pain in his neck. And what adds to Takano's frustration, the sane Ritsu and him had an argument.

_"Why didn't you tell me that Miyagi-san went to meet Usami!?"_

_"He was determined to put a stop to everything! I couldn't stop him even if I tried!"_

_"Do you know the meaning why you got all his assets and we're on the run now?! Miyagi is either dead or being tortured by Usami!"_

Takano massaged his temples and shut his eyes hard. He was seriously getting irritated at the bawling Onodera. The Onodera in H-state would flirt at him speaking Shin's name. The Onodera in D-state was crying non-stop looking for Shin, and the sane Ritsu was mad at him. Where will he put his self then?

_Doesn't he know I am putting myself on the line for him?_

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

yey! i AM SO EXCITED WITH THE BURNING DOWN OF nISHIJIMA...LOL..FINALLY...

AND UHMM..poorTakano I guess...these are the times...a love can be tested i guess...muahahaha!

THANKS FOR READING! I AM SO GRATEFUL!^^


	11. Kishidou

_The place where everyone meets._

* * *

**KISHIDOU**

_ . ._

_When Onodera awakened to his sane consciousness, his eyes as if moving on its own searched for where the sound was coming from. He needed to see a clock, a watch, anything._

_He moved out of the pink sheeted bed and grabbed the small alarm clock on the table. 11:35._

_Hands shaking, chest constricting, he slowly placed the alarm clock down. He felt his hair on his back rising. "Why? Another deduction to my time…from 11:20…now it's 11:35…God…I don't want to disappear."_

* * *

The night at Kishidou Red District, 250 miles away from Nishijima, was bright, loud and shameless. Takano thought that two men staying at some cheap motel was a good hiding tactic. After all, hetero and homosexual prostitution was rampant. Who would dare stick their noses into their business? That was what he thought. At least for now.

He sniffed the cigarette infused night air before finally going inside a convenience store. Takano left the sleeping Onodera in D-state after getting tired from crying yet again. He made sure their room was locked. It has been almost three days and their stock of food was all gone. He needed to get more stuff, but he didn't dare go out when the sun was still visible. And so that left him totally cut-off from what was going on outside the four corners of the lust-filled room.

"Welcome!" the cashier wearing the convenience store cap greeted as Takano stepped inside.

Takano just nodded and started doing his shopping. He finished grabbing cup noodles, canned goods and bottled water and went to the cashier. The lively worker was humming as he did his job.

A magazine with an umbrella for a cover caught his eye. "Will this make Ritsu in D-state calm down during his tantrums?" He asked himself and gave it to the humming cashier.

Before he could take money from his wallet, the headline on a newspaper caught his eyes. Feeling uneasy, he grabbed it and stared at it. "Nishijima Mental Institute into Ashes: One Survivor"

_Is this why no one was answering when I tried to call…?_

The cashier noticed the pale face of his customer. "Ah—it's really tragic isn't it? It's been the talk of Japan actually. And the sole survivor wouldn't speak up."

With cold sweat forming in his forehead, he smiled forcefully and nodded. "I would like to buy this too."

Takano hurriedly walked back to the cheap motel they were staying in.

The cashier stared at Takano's hurried movements and hooted. With face beaming with pride, he tipped his cap and glanced at the CCTV grinning.

"See Chief, my informant was right!" Leon exclaimed.

"What a brat." Kirishima Zen muttered. "Fine, fine, you're great." He praised the newbie through the mic, transmitting it to the earphones in Leon's ear.

The man who was awake for almost 72 hours now rested his back on his swivel chair. There were a lot of monitors in front of him but the biggest one was focused on the news about Nishijima Institute's Sole Survivor. Yokozawa Takafumi.

The news flashed Yokozawa's house, his dead-like face when he was carried into an ambulance and even Yokozawa's pictures when the man was still in high school. The news said that the "Sole Survivor" didn't want to say anything about the issue. A curious look in Kirishima's eyes burned through the monitors.

"So Chief…when are we going to move in?" Leon asked still pretending as a convenience store worker.

The man sitting not far from Kirishima slammed his hand on the table. "Oi, Greenhorned jerk, don't act so excited and be more respectful to your superior!"

"Che-" Leon pouted like a child. It was an understatement to say he idolized Kirishima Zen. He worshipped him.

Kirishima pushed some buttons and the recorded face of Takano while doing his shopping replayed.

"So he was the one who took Akihiko's prey?"

"I heard boss that the mental patient has some photographic memory. Apparently that guy browsed to the documents and results for the research they're doing that that guy and some Haitani Shin destroyed 3 years ago. And since Mr. Akihiko wanted to revive the research, the information stuck inside the insane man's brains is invaluable. "

Kirishima pressed another few buttons and Onodera Ritsu's face appeared. "This guy? He looks…funny."

"Joe, get more information about what happened three years ago."

With no questions asked, the hacker of the Squad B silently sniffed inside G&C's databank.

Kirishima Zen wasn't the type to involve his self to their missions. However, this specific mission interests him very much. The people involved and everything like a side of a magnet pulling him, drawing him closer.

* * *

Takano slowly opened the door into their room. When he reached their motel it was already 11:40. As much as he wanted to move and see Onodera as soon as he left the convenience store, he took a while to read the newspaper before throwing it away. He reread it countless of times, unable to process the death of his co-workers and his former patients. He knew everything was connected with Onodera. The seriousness of the situation turning for the worse. He didn't even know the face they're running from and it somehow made him really tired.

"Sorry, it took me a while. I have to buy some stuff." Takano started as he put down the stuff he bought. Only 20 minutes and he will be left alone with the irritating, handful, insanity states of Ritsu. However, no matter how annoying the D and H states were, he can't hate them altogether. It was because they were a part of the sane Ritsu he came to cherish. But due to their fight, he was a bit distant with the sane Onodera. He didn't know what to do now with his pent-up feelings and frustration.

Takano stopped in mid-air as he felt arms encircle his waist from behind. He stiffened thinking why the H-state was present instead of the sane Ritsu.

"Excuse me? Are you-"

"This is the person whom you had a fight the past three days." Onodera cut-off Takano and rested his cheek on the other man's back. "I'm sorry, I was being childish."

Takano didn't move. He decided for himself not to say anything about the burned Institute because he was sure, the sane Ritsu would really lose it. During the twenty minutes of reading the newspaper, more than the will of Miyagi Yo, it was now his will to save Onodera Ritsu from whoever it was.

He got a little hot as Onodera squeezed tighter. The ambiance of the room getting into him.

"You know, Ritsu, if you don't stop doing that, I might lose my self. The room is getting in on me."

Ritsu laughed a little. "What can you do in 15 minutes?"

Suddenly, Ritsu felt the floor disappear from under his feet as Takano swiftly carried him and pushed him down the king-sized bed.

"Don't dare me. I can do a hell of a lot of things in 15 minutes." Takano said in a low voice as he stared down the flustered Onodera he rarely get to see. _How I really wish you get back to normal. _

_God, if you are listening…give me a miracle…_Takano prayed inside his head. He can't imagine the last time he ever prayed, but that moment, was one of the sincerest prayers he ever mustered.

Ritsu smiled back at him cupping Takano's cheeks with his hands and reached for his lips.

"Show me." Ritsu said breaking Takano's cool.

However, instead of ravishing the pale flesh who so openly surrendered himself to him, he lied down and confined the man beside him in his arms.

Takano burying his face in Onodera's neck, "Nah-I am looking forward to the time you get back to normal. When that time comes, Ritsu…" Takano's voice faded as he planted small kisses on Ritsu's ear and hair.

Ritsu, cuddled inside Takano's arms as if wanting to be buried in that place forever, he encircled his hands around Takano's waist.

"Takano-san, do you really think I will still be cured?" Ritsu whispered.

Takano squeezed Ritsu harder as if breaking him. "You will. So promise me you will follow whatever I say. Miyagi doesn't want LSD to continue no matter what. We'll run to the ends of the world if we need to."

"Lame script from a novel…" Ritsu muttered fighting the urge to cry. He thought that everything that was happening to him was contrary to what Takano was hoping.

One of Takano's huge hands ruffled Ritsu's hair. "I know. I know. But I can't wait to spend the rest of my time, 24 hours with the real you."

Ritsu pulled back a little and stared at Takano's eyes. "Takano-san…can I have a request?"

"Hmm?"

"I thought I would like to have time for myself too. So, will you wait for me at 11:35 outside, instead of 11:20?"

Takano looked questioningly at Ritsu. It was an unusual request. Their set-up for the last couple of days was Ritsu taking the main room and Takano sleeping on the sofa outside. The sane Ritsu never failed to go out at 11:20 pm to meet with Takano.

"But it makes our time shorter."

"I would also want to think things through on my own you know." Ritsu pouted.

Takano sighed and grabbed Ritsu's face and buried it on his thundering chest. "Okay. If that is what you want."

The man being confined within strong arms shut his eyes tightly. "Thank you."

Clenching Takano's shirt, considering they might move to another place, Ritsu wondered for how long he can keep another time deduction in his sane state a secret.

* * *

The woman doctor's eyes were in disbelief as she watched her recovering patient wearing tight fitting shirt and denim pants get out of his room. The clothes delivered by his friend.

"Dr. Yokozawa, you are still in no perfect condition to move around. Where do you think you're going?"

Yokozawa glanced at the shocked woman across him and flicked his tongue.

"Isn't it obvious? I am going out of this hospital."

"Dr. Yokozawa, your wound hasn't healed yet!" Dr. Agata said incredulously.

Yokozawa's brow knitting in irritation, he heaved a sigh and walked towards her. He didn't want to get more attention than they already were getting from the nurses.

"Listen to me. I hate it that my face is being plastered all over Japan as if I am a celebrity. If I don't get out of here now, I don't think I will be able to as your security won't be able to keep up with the crazy mob of a media outside."

It was the woman's turn to look irritated. "Do you know what time it is? Freaking 11:45."

"It doesn't matter, I'll go wherever, far from Nishijima and everything."

The silence in the hallway was broken when one of the guards came running to the opposite direction yelling on his walkie-talkie.

"What? Someone from Tokyo 11 News was able to sneak in? Don't break the security in the main entrance! I'll look for the damned reporter!" He yelled passing Yokozawa and Dr. Agata.

Yokozawa smirked at Dr. Agata. "See?"

At a sigh of defeat, Dr. Agata looked at Yokozawa and walked ahead. "Follow me. I'll drive you out."

* * *

The red Volvo car stopped outside the Osoinai Bullet Train Station. Inside the car, Dr. Agata can't help but smile at Yokozawa's sling bag.

"So you're prepared."

"I always am."

"Where do you plan to go?" Agata asked.

"Dunno. Wherever. Just far from all the fuzz."

Yokozawa was about to go out the car but he stopped himself and looked at the smiling doctor in the driver's seat.

"Why'd you go as far as driving me out?"

The woman laughed. "Don't think I fell in love with you or something, okay? I mean…I feel like you are embarking into something dangerous. Like, you may be running, but I sense a shadow following you."

"What are you, a psychic by night?"

"Let's say, I have a blood in me."

"A psychic doctor? Are you joking?"

Dr. Agata smiled knowingly. "Dr. Yokozawa, the shadow following you will bring you confusion. You're running but magnetic force will pin you down."

Hearing the word confusion, Yokozawa grimaced a little. The face of the jerk, who stabbed him, but also seemed to be the one who saved him floated in the back of his mind. Somehow, it didn't sound so good in his ears.

"Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for the warning." And Yokozawa stepped out the car securing a bonnet and tightening his denim coat around him. He never wore those kinds of things. But for the sake of disappearing and blending, he requested for these clothes from his friend who visited.

The 24-hour bullet train station was not deserted, contrary to what Yokozawa was expecting. But he thought it was a good thing too. He headed to the automatic ticket booth machine and stared at the map above it. He didn't want to go at the end of the map but he wanted it far. Odaiba, Sapporo, Kishidou, Mito; Yokozawa was having a hard time.

"Baka—I have a meeting in Kishidou early in the morning that's why I am here in the train station. I'd go there and check in to some hotel and rest for a while-"

Yokozawa glanced at the man in sleek business suit yell over his phone.

"Kishidou, huh?" Yokozawa muttered to himself.

He then scanned the map above him one more time and inserted a paper bill and pressed the red button corresponding to Kishidou.

* * *

"No—more…no more…please…"

Usami Akihiko, his Usagi-san was nowhere to be found. He was now the beast engulfed with hatred. His hatred for his father from molesting him and his hatred for Misaki for sleeping with his father made him the fiend that he was. He resorted to reviving the LSD project, pursue Onodera Ritsu with the photographic memory and make everything in Misaki's life miserable.

Misaki looked back on his behind, tears he thought he already run out of stream down his face, a thread of saliva pouring down from the corners of his swollen mouth.

But as if his protests mean the opposite, the man ravishing him for the fourth time turned him over making him lie on his back, Usami Akihiko still slamming on him hard.

Misaki wanted to run away, he couldn't anymore bear the embarrassing sounds from skin meeting, from his insides and his unwilling moans.

"Ahh!" Misaki screamed as Usami Akihiko became rougher.

"No more? What are you saying, we just begun for the night. Be glad I even brought you here in Nishijima, Takahashi."

The mere sound of his last name from Usami Akihiko's mouth was enough to kill Misaki. He didn't know how many times he has to die. The animosity in Usami while violating him like that was the most piercing of all. Before, his Usagi-san would whisper "Misaki" in the sweetest way. And now, Takahashi, as if he was just someone he picked up from the streets.

"You hate me, Ahh-why do you keep …on doing this?" Misaki asked in between his sobs.

"Bodily urges?" The sweat covered man answered in a hoarse voice as he was nearing his climax.

Misaki darted his eyes on the high ceiling. He felt his entire body and his whole world being shaken meaningless.

"If you hate me and your father that much that you are doing all these inhuman things, just kill me Usami-san. End it all."

Usagi leaned over Misaki and wiped his tears away. "I can't do that."

The act of Usagi made the stifled sobs of Misaki finally fill in the huge room. The light touch, the piercing eyes, the cruel smile. A repeating cycle of nightmare from the man he really loves. How can he still love this beast?

"I can't do that. Yet Takahashi."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Even though I was the one wrote that scene…I still believe it was sweet of Takano to just do that. Hahaha

Go Yoko! Go! embark!

I pity Misaki…Usagi's hatred seeps down to his bones he's lost it. T_T

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING AND GIVING POSITIVE

COMMENTS! THEY GIVE ME FUEL IN MY COLD NIGHTS…LOL

(nocturnal)

-I cried again with Gintama…uwah T_T…the battle scene was awesome

it made me cry. LOL /^^


	12. Contagion

The hardest battle is the battle between you and…yourself.

* * *

**CONTAGION**

Either it was the even breathing of the boy beside him or his body clock that caused him to open his eyes, he didn't know. Usami Akihiko searched the ceiling and moved from under the sheets and sat up. As soon as his pupils adjusted to the dark room, he turned on the lampshade near him. He drew a deep breath. But he felt like choking.

He turned a little to his side, only seeing the short limbs of the boy beside him who was hiding under the thick blankets. He pulled the blankets rather hastily, but the poor, bruised body of Misaki didn't awaken. He slept like the dead.

Usami's eyes grew wide, his breathing laboured. His shaking hands lightly touched the contours of Misaki's pale body. The boy's face has dried cum and saliva, swollen lips and even the eyes were closed, the swelling under it was very obvious. Usami, traced Misaki's neck to the boy's navel with his cold, fingers. Hickeys with dried blood, bruises, cuts and dried cum.

Usami slowly lifted Misaki's leg, cuts on the kneecap, bruises on the thigh. The entire body of Misaki was a body of physical and sexual torture. All of it made Usami Akihiko wanted to throw up.

Blocking the wave of nausea and sob from his dry throat, he put his hand on his mouth. The stinging, hot tears fell down from the man's cheeks. His body shook as he watched the rising of Misaki's chest as he breath into still night.

"My God…I did it …I did it again…" The silver haired-man, repeated over and over his head.

"Misaki…" He whispered to air as he leaned over and cupped Misaki's cheeks. Usami thought he'd die just like that. The thought that he was the one doing all the tortures on his beloved Misaki was more than he could take. He stared at the sleeping face of Misaki. Even in dreams, it seemed that the boy was being followed by torture as his brows knit and a low moan of agony escaped his red, swollen mouth.

Leaning over Misaki, with his arms confining the dead-like shape under him, Usami Akihiko bit his bottom lip, his tears falling on Misaki's face. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean this…"

By body reflex, Usami's eyes darted to the huge clock on the wall. 3:15. The passionate, pained face turned into a cold one. Usami Akihiko only has 15 minutes of sanity.

* * *

Onodera Ritsu squirmed at the ray of light dancing on his closed eyes.

"It's too bright…" Ritsu muttered shielding his eyes from the light seeping through the flower laced curtains.

With a gasp, Ritsu jerked upward and scanned the pink room that was more intense because of the morning light. Looking at the window, with the sun light rays cutting through, Onodera felt nervous. For almost two years, never have he seen the world as bright as this.

With his heart thundering in his chest, there was nothing on his mind but to celebrate, run to Takano and pull the man out in the open and bathe under the sun. He was alone in the room. Takano left him in the room as soon as he fell asleep last night. With excited face and hyper sensitivity to everything, he jumped out of bed and dashed to the window. Yanking the curtain to the side, it completely fell off. He pushed the window open and inhaled the pollution-infused morning air.

"I can't believe this…just last night my time decreased…and now…" He was about to cry due to happiness but instead of wetness coming from his eyes, he felt a sticky sensation come out from his nose. He sniffed, but it was useless. He wiped his nose using his hand. He almost fell backwards when he saw blood on it.

With panic rushing over his body, he dashed out the room and went to the single CR in the unit, passing Takano who was still asleep and lightly snoring on the sofa. Onodera, gasping for air, he almost collapsed to the sink. Droplets of blood stained the spotless top.

"What…" He asked in mid-air. He slowly looked at the mirror. The man reflected on it almost gave him a shock. Blood seemed to stop from flowing and was starting to dry on the side of his mouth to his neck. He stared hard on the eyes of the man in front of him and slowly, quietly, the part of his brain that hasn't been used for a long while started kicking in.

* * *

_"There's only three of them now. So far, the results are all positive…" an old scientist confirmed._

_"Oh…that's great then, so what you think?"_

_"I still agree with brother, President." A three years younger Usami Akihiko replied._

_The man, with a demeaning stature smirked. "You side with the saintly Miyagi? As part of G&C higher-ups, your go for this is invaluable. Or do you want me to expose our little play back then?"_

_Usami's face became grim and he looked away. His eyes met Onodera Ritsu's who was sitting naked and lifeless on a steel table from all the tests that day. _

_Usami didn't look away and instead as if communicating the grief in his soul, he smiled sadly at the skin and bones Onodera. Ritsu tried to smile back, but he only managed a painful twitch in the corner of his mouth._

_The night was broken by a shrill alarm when one of the remaining three subjects committed suicide by smashing his own skull on the wall. Miyagi Sr., pissed with what happened poured his anger with Usami who just arrived in the laboratory. He threw his paper cutter at Usami slicing the man's hand fairly deep when he blocked it. _

_Usami didn't fight back and just stood there with facial reaction not changing. He stayed at the laboratory, not wanting to go home. But he realized some of his work papers were in their house and unwillingly went back. That was when he saw, his love of his life Misaki, just 16, riding on top of his bastard father. He didn't know why, how and didn't care at all. All reason left him. _

_With mind completely hazed by alcohol, instead of going to office, Usami Akihiko drove to the laboratory even if it was a holiday, with the sole intention of wreaking havoc. _

_The laboratory was deserted. He roamed around the aisles and laughed. His drunken state saw the glass tank of greenish liquid bubbling. Thinking in his drunken state he was seeing shining things in it, he yanked the lid open and inserted his hand with the cut. He continued whirling his hand in the cold solution until he got tired and sunk on the floor. With a low growl coming from his mouth, he raised his hand with the cut and stared at it._

_"Fuck it hurts a lot." He said teary eyed, looking at his hand but remembering Misaki. And he drifted to a dreamless sleep. Not knowing that Usami Akihiko just inflicted LSD to his own body._

* * *

_Onodera Ritsu and Haitani Shin saw it all. Both were weak, both were lifeless. The two of them knew that as the research was nearing its completion, their role on the research as guinea pigs was about to end. _

_Ritsu looked at the drunken Usami and at his cherished other half, Haitani Shin. It was holiday, and Usami just barged in drunk. If there was any good chance for escape for the nth time, that was the moment._

_Haitani and Ritsu, with painstakingly slow movements, walked towards the main computers that serve as the server in front of them. The biggest mistake of G&C was they removed the leash on them. Thinking they were weak enough not to be able to move around anymore. _

_"Ritsu, you erase all the data and I'll throw everything down the drain." Shin whispered in Ritsu ears._

_Ritsu was a lot weaker than Haitani, the scientists seem to have a liking with the brunette man they always injected him with drugs and solutions hell knows what._

_Ritsu nodded. If anything, his past time has been hacking during college. So he was able to knack the security of the data bank. However, instead of deleting it right away, he made the action that he didn't know would make his life miserable than it already was._

_He read the formula for developing LSD. The detailed method for reproducing it and a confidential note._

**Lysergic acid diethylamide – LSD Project***

**The research shows that injecting LSD to a mental patient improves the mental condition with controlled environment.**

**34 of the 50 subjects injected by LSD had sudden improvements with psychotherapy**

**NOTE: for only a specific period of time.**

**The improvements last for only a specific time and the condition becomes worse after years.**

**Important: We used subjects that were not having mental problems. We deducted that LSD on normal people attacks the part of the brain that controls personality. It pulls the state of the person where they had the most anger and feelings bottled up. Eating their ability to control their own bodies. LSD's side effect is creating multiple personalities from the deepest emotions of a certain human.**

_"Ritsu…" Haitani cut off. "What are you doing….delete it now!"_

_Body shaking, brains perfectly recording everything, Ritsu continued. "After a year or two, when they almost lost their sanity and their multiple fake personalities are taking over, the last stage starts by sudden decrease in sanity period and then a period of total control will appear. The other states will not show up for a short period of time. And LSD, acting as an alien in the blood stream will attack the mid-brain anytime. The brain will swell, and will snap and stop functioning. Coma and then death."_

_Ritsu fell down on his knees and stared aimlessly on the monitors above him. "Shin…we will die…we will die…"_

_Shin sat beside Ritsu and grabbed him and buried Ritsu's face in his chest . "No…shush…we won't. Please…stop crying okay? We'll get out of here and live a normal life." Haitani encouraged but his insides were also shaken. _

_"We'll die…it's useless…" Ritsu continued._

_"Ritsu…we may die earlier than we should but we'll save millions by destroying all in their server. Listen…" Haitani cupped Ritsu face in between his hands, their faces a breath away…"I'll protect you okay?"_

_The shaking body of Ritsu started moving again…typing combinations that acted as bug that eats the data inside the main data server of the LSD Research. Ritsu saw a note about possible cure but before he could read it properly, the time bug he programmed crashed down the entire research server. _

_Onodera couldn't remember anything that happened after that. Only the warm welcome of Miyagi Yoh._

* * *

The small space seemed to be whirling around Ritsu. With every breath he took, the pain in his chest just got more intense. He just watched a replay of his memory. "No way, no way…" Ritsu kept on denying.

"I am at the last stage?" Ritsu whispered in disbelief as he stared at his pale reflection.

Ritsu didn't know whether to laugh or cry. At that moment, his emotions were all muddled up he didn't know what to do. He lost all the energy in his body and had to hold on the sink to stop his body from falling.

"Ritsu? Are you okay? You're taking so long." Takano called outside the comfort room.

"Ah…I am just preparing myself for you Shin…" Ritsu shouted back pretending he was in H-state.

"Shin again? I am not Shin." Takano grunted. "Hurry up."

Onodera rested his back on the wall and slowly let his body slid down.

"I can't tell Takano-san…I can't tell anyone…" His mind rattled like a broken recorder.

In the middle of his confusion and panic, he remembered the drunken Usami three years ago.

"He-got a cut…he got a cut at that time…he—he dipped his hands in the tank for LSD solution…what…what—" Onodera's eyes became dilated as if he was forcing his brain to process more things than it was capable of.

"We're the only ones left…with LSD contagion…yes…we're the only ones left. Why didn't I notice it…he—he might have the LSD controlling him too."

Stiffling the scream that was building up in his throat, he placed both his shaking hands on his mouth. "I have to meet him. Usami-san…I have to meet him."

That was Onodera's conviction. He wanted to know if there was something they could do. And Usami-san in his memory was the kind man, who just followed his father's orders. He made up his mind. He'd go see Usami Akihiko no matter what. Usami was looking for him. He'd go and wait until the sane Usami comes out.

He knew what he was thinking was really stupid.

The thought that it was crazy and useless was lurking in his mind but he set it aside forcefully. There they were, running from the Usami he and Miyagi believed to be an enemy. And then everything changed and he wanted to meet the man. Takano would surely not agree.

After all, what was the possibility of meeting the real Usami Akihiko? Will he still be alive until that time comes?

Onodera was just being selfish at that moment. The instinct of saving his own life over taking. He was fine dying before because his dream, Haitani Shin was already gone. But he got a new dream. A dream that came somehow late for his running time. Takano. Why do you realize the dreams you wanted when you're at the brink of fading into nothingness?

Onodera's eyes wandered to the light bulb above him. "We-are surely the unluckiest people in the world."

Two men with same condition. The other one was controlled by hatred. The other one controlled by his grief.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

whoa! my update that was supposed to be tomorrow ended up today! hahaha, I just have to post this.

Are you asking now if there is still a cure to our men's dilemma, will the sane Usami meet the Ritsu who was in the last stage of the LSD contagion? Stay tuned

and so now..for those who are heart broken with the Usagi being so cruel—now you know why..hahaha…

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! I HEART EVERYONE OF YOU!/


	13. Umbrella

The insecurity starts.

* * *

**UMBRELLA**

"Ritsu! Ritsu! Open the damn door! Hoi!"

Takano had been knocking for about 10 minutes and Ritsu still hasn't opened the door though he kept on answering that he was fine.

"If you don't open up right now, I'll destroy this door!"

"Coming! I'm co-ming!"

"You keep on saying 'coming'! I've been here for about 15 minutes now!"

" Shi-n…I am just..jerking…off…" Ritsu, who was pretending to be in H-state answered back in his most erotic voice. "Wan-na join me?"

With one last kick on the door, Takano sighed in defeat and walked away. "If you are doing that shit, say it from the very beginning!"

Ritsu, sitting on side of the tub, sweating like he just ran a mile, wiped a tear forming in his eyes once more. He was being shaken by a bad headache. The feeling was a thumping on his temples and a thousand needles piercing in his head. He wanted to scream but he couldn't. It was when he already felt fainting when just as fast as it came, the pain disappeared. Like strong waves coming back to the base of the sea.

Panting and gasping for air, he took off his blood soaked shirt and washed it, while crying. He also showered and made sure he looked normal, at least not the tear-stricken, blood stained, pathetic face of his.

"What the hell are you playing at now?" Takano asked directed to Ritsu but looking away.

Ritsu was standing, hair dripping, his upper body bare for all Takano to see and only a small towel wrapped around his slim waist.

"I showered. But forgot to bring clothes…" Ritsu mumbled, looking down at his , wet, shining bare chest.

The almost naked man was determined to hide being completely sane from Takano and resolved to act away the H-state and soon the D-state. Ritsu was feeling touched that Takano seemed to be not taking advantage of him in any way.

_What the heck am I to do to you? Shit…_"I'll go get a change of clothes, go back inside." Takano ordered grumpily.

Ritsu, seeing for the first time Takano's face in day light was mesmerized. He smiled. Not the pretentious smile of H-state but just the swelling happiness in his chest showing on his face. When Takano saw it, he was all blinded by fascination that without knowing it he already went to where Ritsu was standing and stared down at him. The other man staring back.

_I want to kiss him…god I want to hold him…_Takano thought watching the pair of green eyes seducing him.

Ritsu couldn't help but to smile again seeing how the person in front of him was having a battle of his own. Takano closed his eyes and grabbed Ritsu's head and buried it on his chest.

"Ritsu…I promised myself I will only hold you when you don't see me as Shin anymore," Takano murmured.

Pretending Ritsu didn't hear it, "Shin…what? Do you wanna play now?"

"Stupid, it's early morning, breakfast," and Takano slowly released Ritsu and headed to get clothes.

Looking at Takano, Ritsu felt that in this world, although everything seemed to be going against him, he'd have to hang on and fight, last stage or not. He completely understands that somebody was going to be waiting for him. He couldn't give up even if it was the only thing to do. He wanted to make Takano happy.

* * *

When 8:05 came and the H-state ended, it was Ritsu's time to pretend the D-state. All he had to do was pretend he was seeing Haitani. It was easier than H-state.

After breakfast, Ritsu noticed Takano fully immersed in reading a book Takano managed to bring during their eloping. Onodera sat on the floor toying with a pen.

"Takano-san what are you doing?"

Takano removed his glasses and looked at Ritsu as if scrutinizing the other.

"You're not going to throw a tantrum, anymore?"

_"Tantrum…?" _"Ah…Shin told me Miyagi is doing fine. So…I am okay." He lied.

The dark-haired man paid one last look-over at Ritsu and grabbed a magazine and gave it to Ritsu. "Here, I bought this for you. You like umbrellas right?"

Like being struck by something, Ritsu accepted the magazine and stared at it like it was the most precious thing he has seen. With his happy shining eyes, he flipped through the pages eagerly. Takano found himself smiling at the sight of Ritsu flipping through like a young kid.

"You really like umbrellas, don't you? You're so weird."

But the truth was Ritsu was just pretending that he was happy with the magazine. He was even asking himself why his D-state loves umbrellas. There seem to be a part of his memory that only the D-state knows. He wished he knew what it was. He wished to remember what the umbrellas were all about. But as much as he tried to remember, even with his photographic memory, he couldn't remember anything about it. But he felt it was something really important.

* * *

"There, target locked."

"Okay, Leon, it's time you show me the fruit of your excessive enthusiasm and labour," Kirishima said as he looked at the monitors. Beside him was Leon, the newbie and his apprentice. Leon was sitting on a small stool with the tip of his long-shot sniper rifle on the window sill. The window was blocked by blinds. They were on the third floor of an establishment a few yards from the convenience store where Takano gets their supplies.

They couldn't kill Takano in a place where Ritsu will notice and make a fuss of. So that day, their mission; eliminate Takano Masamune.

Wearing thick cardigan, with his breath showing as he walked down the cigarette studded streets, he flicked his tongue. He'd been distracted by the lingering feeling that there was definitely a change with Ritsu's behaviour. The H-state wasn't that clingy anymore. And the D-state just mentioned Shin once when he used to blabber about Shin the entire time. Ritsu just kept on looking at the umbrellas but with a different vigour. As if he was looking for an answer those pictures might give him. Plus the long time in the bathroom. His reddening eyes, and his deep breathing…was it just really because he was jerking off?

Takano ruffled his dark locks and lighted his own cigarette passing by cute guys waiting for customers. Another day again has passed. The night being flocked by the streaming numbers of female and male prostitutes waiving and smiling at their prospects.

Before going inside the convenience store to get newspaper, he glanced sideways. He was having the feeling that someone was looking at him. Following him. Then his eyes rested on the flock of gay guys waving at him. He sighed.

"I cannot judge them anymore. I've just turned into one myself," Takano said to himself neutrally. He didn't feel any regret for falling with a person of same sex. If anything, it was as if everything was destined to happen. His transfer to the institute, meeting Ritsu, being entrusted to take care of him and now running away with him. It was all destined to happen.

He was about to go inside but something stopped him. There was an old guy standing and holding a newspaper. He felt he was thrown into a sea of ice cold water. On the cover of the newspaper was Miyagi Yo's face and at the bottom of it was a title, "Director of Nishijima, a loss in the Psychiatry World."

He was glued on the ground he couldn't move a muscle. He was having thoughts that Miyagi must be dead but seeing it for real, gave him a shock of a life time.

* * *

Leon licked his upper lick like a predator hungry for his prey and positioned himself better.

"Make sure no one is passing by. The target is only Takano, make a clean shoot Newbie."

The newbie frowned as he glanced at his superior. "Chief, stop calling me a newbie. It's just that guy. I can turn him down, piece of cake."

"He's standing there like a statue, now's the time." Kirishima mentioned.

With a boyish grin, Leon drew a deep breath with his index finger slowly putting on pressure on the trigger.

The superior who was guiding his apprentice shifted on his chair and focused his sight on Takano through the monitors. He placed his hand on Leon's shoulder.

"At the count of three, Leon…"

"Aye! Chief!"

With Takano being so motionless, it was very easy for Leon to aim for the man's head. With calculated breathing, his hearing and his eyes and his sense of touch working in full throttle, he waited in eagerly for his chief's order.

"One…"

"Takano!" A voice called out.

"Two…"

Leon stopped breathing in the heat of anticipation.

"Oi!"

When Kirishima was about to say the next number, suddenly, out of nowhere, another figure of a man appeared on the scene, blocking Takano. Kirishima, taken aback, looked at Leon who without the order pressed the trigger.

A series of screams and yelps filled the prostitution den streets. A man lying with a hole on his head.

"Fuck Leon why'd you pull the trigger?" Kirishima asked with cold, grim eyes Leon shivered.

"It was just…I was caught up with the counting Chief…I'm sorry…" Leon apologized with his tails in between his legs.

Without any expression on his face, Kirishima stood up and headed for the door. "We'll retreat. Move now."

And with one last glance on the monitors that showed the commotion in front of the convenience store, Leon was sure he saw his chief sigh for what looked like a sigh of relief.

* * *

Takano and Yokozawa both stood dumbfounded as they stared at the old man who was reading the newspaper just a few minutes back. The poor man, now lying on his own pool of blood. People started to gather around, but the two couldn't do so much than to silently ask what just happened with a look of surprise on both of their faces. Their clothes with splatters of blood.

Just when Yokozawa grabbed Takano's shoulder from the back, the old man started moving and exactly caught the bullet that should have been resting on Yokozawa's skull instead of the old man's.

* * *

After a series of questioning from the police, the two of them, Takano and Yokozawa sat on a bench on the dark side of a parking lot. Both warming their frozen hands and heads with the smoking cups of cheap coffee.

"This is really weird," Yokozawa started with his knowing voice. "Takano…what in the world is up with you?"

Takano breathed in deeply the cold, misty air and looked at his watch. 10:30 pm. Ritsu was already asleep when he left to get some supplies. He wanted to meet the real Ritsu but it was still early. It wouldn't hurt to sit for a while and talk with an ex-co-worker.

"Weird with me? It's not like I was the cause of…" Takano suddenly felt his hair on his nape rising with the thought that came in his mind.

_What if it was not a stray bullet but was really directed…_

"Takano, the Nishijima institute was burned down on purpose, not from electrical malfunction. I was there. I saw them," Yokozawa sipped a little of his coffee and sighed. "Not to mention it happened when you ran away with Onodera Ritsu."

At the mention of the name, Takano stiffened, with his hand that was holding the cup of coffee shaking. It didn't go unnoticed with Yokozawa's watchful eyes.

"I knew already that something is up with you and Director Miyagi the moment I saw you two heading to the archives. I don't know the whole story, but I sense you're in deep trouble now. Where's Onodera?"

"He's sleeping right now. By the way…what are you doing here? Of all places."

Yokozawa sighed in irritation and drank his coffee in one gulp.

"Damn, I don't know either. My feet brought me here. You have seen it in the news surely. I was the _sole survivor_." Yokozawa uttered the last two words with complete disgust. "Sole survivor my ass. I am running away from the media. And I was wandering. And saw you standing like a statue. I thought maybe I was just mistaken…but when I walked nearer, I confirmed it was you and ran towards you and grabbed you on the shoulder then the man…walked…and he died."

A moment of silence passed before, both in their own thinking. But there was something similar going on in their minds. The bullet was for Takano's head.

* * *

While Takano was thinking that Ritsu in D-state was already asleep, in truth, the man was wide awake sniffing in his laptop.

Before opening up the search engine and typing 'nishijima institute', he already prepared himself for real bad news. Being on the run, without Miyagi commnunicating with them means only one thing. He knew it. But confirming an idea so real yet frightening was so hard to do.

With a shaking hand, he pressed 'enter'. And he lost the color of his face seeing the top results that came up. Without having to read the contents, the highlight was already enough to burn in Onodera's mind the confirmation of the things he wished weren't real.

He wanted to cry in one corner but he willed himself to do what he really planned on doing. Hack G&C's website and data bank. Ritsu was a good for nothing child. He knew it. Hacking was probably the only thing he could be proud of. The photographic memory, he considered as a curse. He have seen many deaths, many painful events, and no matter how hard he tried to forget them, they were forever etched in his brain. Irritating that he could even point out when, or what day a specific event happened way from his childhood.

When he reached the site, he searched for everything related to LSD. But all were failed attempts on how to reproduce it. The possible cure he was a bit hoping for seemed like a hopeless wish. With fingers a bit freezing on air due to lack of use, he went deeper into the web of interconnected servers and sites and came across to a computer that was currently on, accessing the site with poor security.

He did a remote controlling. It was his expertise during his college days. From one computer, a person can completely control another computer with sets of complicated commands. Ritsu opened the web cam of the laptop that seemed to belong to Usami Akihiko himself.

The room where Usami Akihiko was flashed on Takano's laptop. Ritsu could only see an empty chair. But he could hear a sole of shoes clicking on the floor.

"What? Kirishima Zen, are you getting soft now that you can't even get the job done fast?"

Ritsu listened intently.

"Why are you even concerned with two or more lives getting killed just to get to Takano Masamune?"

Ritsu froze.

"Listen Kirishima, you are one of my best men…but if you continue to mess up things for me, I'll have to do something."

There was a beeping sound and a slamming of a door. Ritsu stared blankly at the screen.

"They're trying to kill…Takano-san…" Ritsu muttered in a shaky voice.

He swiftly cancelled all the remote controlling he did and was about to completely leave the G&C's territory when he noticed a blinking dot at the far end of the web. he entered it. And the monitor turned black. Ritsu suddenly got nervous and thought he was being careless.

_What if it was a virus? Crap…_

After about 10 seconds, blinking green letters appeared on the screen against the black background. Ritsu checked on the date it was posted. Already a year and a half ago with 545 days of visit. It seemed like the note was being visited every day since it was set-up.

_This is Usami Akihiko. I don't know what is going on with me. I only have 15 minutes and I've been doing crazy things. As if someone is taking over my body. It is me, but not me._

_The me right now, must be someone terrible. I can feel that. I know there is still hope…even though just a little I will still hang on to it. _

_I know you are experiencing the same thing I do. I wish we could talk about it. And if you were able to find this simple thread I managed to put in the damned G&C's server, you must also have your own reason for fighting. The only person I know who was good at this thing and the person I really want to talk to is you Onodera Ritsu. _

_I've been waiting. When will you come? You know the cure. Help me. Tell me. I will do anything I can with the 15 minutes I have. What's with the __**umbrella**__?_

* * *

Ritsu turned off the laptop and sluggishly lied back on the bed. Staring at the ceiling, with his heart beating hard he thought it would burst, he shut his eyes, rummaging his brain. He can't remember anything. Nothing in his so-called photographic memory was showing. Why was the D-state so into umbrellas? What was really going on?

* * *

He was finally able to confirm that Usami Akihiko was suffering from the LSD side effect too. And he also learned that the fake side of Akihiko was after Takano's life now. Somehow, being dumped by all these worries made him feel sick.

* * *

Ritsu pulled on the blankets over him when he heard a door opening. It was Takano. But he also sensed another man with him.

"What's with your look, Yokozawa. We are not doing anything here other than hiding."

Takano motioned for Yokozawa to sit on the sofa. They weren't friends but at that time, Takano felt like he could trust him and mentioned the three states of Ritsu while they were in the parking lot. The man didn't comment and gave any reaction. He just listened to them as if accepting all what Takano was saying. Takano was thinking what could he lose now by telling this to someone who was just almost killed by the same men hunting for Ritsu.

Insanity states, a big shot company after Ritsu, their running away, everything seemed to come out from an action film. Nevertheless, Yokozawa just listened silently until Takano was done with their history.

"Did I say anything about you doing other things?" Yokozawa smirked. He then noticed the magazine with an umbrella cover lying on the floor.

"Ritsu's D-state is fond of umbrellas." Takano mentioned.

"What a weird taste."

"I know."

And somehow for the first time, Ritsu heard Takano laughing.

* * *

CHAPTER END NOTED:

-I WROTE THIS ON A BUS

RICEBUNNY i cant seem to reply to your review but I really wanna let you know how much i appreciate it! ARIGATO GOZAIMASU! XD


	14. Friend or Foe?

You'll never know.

* * *

**Friend or Foe**

Takano and Yokozawa were talking about some medical terms. All alien conversations in Ritsu's ears. The want to hear more, to connect more suddenly urged in Ritsu's chest stronger he went to the door and rested his back on it. Focusing all his hearing to the conversation outside.

"Have you been giving him Thorazine?" Yokozawa asked while frowning.

Takano sighed while massaging his temples. Ritsu could hear the tiredness from the man's voice he never once used while talking to whichever state he was in. "I've been giving him 600 milligrams a day. Plus some sedatives. The one thing bothering me is although he'd been taking Thorazine for a long period of time to release the blockades of dopamine receptors in forebrain and basal ganglia, he doesn't show any improvements."

Ritsu felt really left out. He was so used to having Takano all by himself the past days. Seeing another person in their territory awaken a new feeling he already forgot. Jealousy.

"Stupid. Of course Takano-san would want to talk to someone else other than a psychotic man like me." Ritsu thought to himself. "He must really be tired."

"What about Thiothixine?" Yokozawa added.

"No…he had anticholenergic effects when I gave him that, dry mouth and blurred vision."

"Food? Have you been following the initial diet I gave you before?"

Takano chuckled a little. "We've been eating convenience store foods for a while now. I can't cook those complicated diet. "

Yokozawa flicked his tongue. "Man, no matter how many medications you give him, the definitive result can only be achieved with proper nutrition supporting it. Are you really a doctor?"

"It can be helped. We don't even know when we have to leave this place. In fact, I think we have to leave this place soon." Again, Takano's frustration echoed in Ritsu's ears.

"True, what the director passed on you is a huge responsibility. You must have been getting driven to your limit."

There was a long silence. And Ritsu waited achingly to Takano's answer.

"I do feel tired. But it's not like I am doing this against my will."

Hearing that, instead of feeling happy, Ritsu felt more down.

Yokozawa, flipping through the magazine, without looking at Takano looked serious. "It wouldn't hurt to add another man in your team, would it?"

"Huh?"

"Just saying. I mean, I am on the run myself. Might as well tag along."

Takano glanced at his wrist watch, 11:30. Five more minutes and Ritsu will go out the room. That was what Takano was thinking. He stood up and looked at Yokozawa before preparing some snacks for Ritsu. "You know, to be honest Yokozawa, I don't know. Let me think about it. Telling you all these helped a lot. But involving you is a different matter. "

"K." Yokozawa answered.

Ritsu slowly opened the door just to be able to take a peek at the man Takano was talking to. He left a space just enough to accommodate his vision. He can only see the man's back sitting from the sofa where Takano usually sleeps.

In Ritsu's eyes, the man was neat, reflecting reliability and calm. He already felt bad that he can only offer trouble to Takano. He felt sad about everything. He once again moved the door silently, closing it with a heavy heart.

Ritsu didn't see it. After closing the small opening, Yokozawa turned to the door that was opened slightly earlier and smiled knowingly.

* * *

"I'll come around tomorrow to bring proper food. " Yokozawa offered before leaving.

With a little smile on Takano's face, he knocked on Ritsu's door. He felt lighter that a burden was released. He never knew that Yokozawa was the kind of person who can somehow ease worries just by listening.

"Ritsu? You awake?"

With a happy smile, Ritsu opened the door. Takano smiled wider.

"How are you feeling? Got any realization in your self-reflection?"

Takano thought he saw Ritsu's face changed expression but it was just for a very short moment he thought he was just imagining things.

"Yes. I realized you want to talk to someone who can understand your language", is what Ritsu wanted to say.

"I realized you've been sacrificing a lot for me."

Takano ruffled Ritsu's hair and pulled him close. Squeezing Ritsu he said, "Idiot. Don't think about useless things."

They spent the fake 25 minutes of sanity in silence while Takano was stroking Ritsu's head resting on his shoulder.

"Do you have any news about Miyagi?" Ritsu asked.

Takano paused a little caught in thinking. "No, nothing."

Ritsu raised his face to search for Takano's eyes. _"You don't have any plans on telling me about Miyagi huh? As usual, for my sake."_

Ritsu looked at the other way and started lowering his face when Takano cupped his face and planted a soft, wet kiss on his lips.

"I wanted to do that since this morning."

With face blushing, Ritsu tried to move away.

"Ai, I am beginning to like the you in H-state for the honesty." Takano muttered confining Ritsu with his arms. After some weak struggles, he finally gave up breaking away and slumped on Takano's chest.

"Takano-san…I feel like my mouth is craving for something."

With a look of surprise Takano grabbed Ritsu's face and leaned closer. "You should have said it earlier. We don't have time now."

"Idiot. What's in your head?"

Takano's eyes unconsciously gazed down at his lower half. Ritsu smacked Takano lightly on the head and moved on the other side of the sofa.

"The hell…that hurts." Takano complained jokingly.

"Wash your dirty brain! Seriously! Takano-san!" Ritsu scolded with his face reddening.

Takano laughed. It was a laugh that felt like a song to Ritsu's ears. He felt proud that he can also make Takano laugh. It's not just the visitor who can do it.

"Okay, I'm serious. What do you crave for?"

"Proper food. Home made food."

With a face suddenly turning into thinking mode, Takano thought of Yokozawa.

"It's better if there is someone who could look after Takano-san…he's getting thinner. That visitor...he's having fun talking to him." Ritsu thought to himself with his self confidence in the gutters.

* * *

The night air was damp and cold, making Yokozawa shiver despite the heavy coat he was wearing. It was a total accident he saw Takano in the red light district. Perhaps his luck was really kicking in although he almost died in the process.

He stood on the bus stop for a few minutes knowing that there was no more bus that will pass by at that time. But he felt like standing there. The empty road and the streets, the rustling of the trees on the sidewalk, gave a soothing and calming feeling.

After a few more minutes, his phone vibrated.

"Yes."

"How is it going?" The man on the other line asked.

Yokozawa coughed a little. He really should take more Vitamin C. "Fine. Sudden turn of events but all is fine. In just a few more days, I can probably do my part."

"Probably? Hey, accuracy is what we live for!"

"Don't go bossing me around. I know what I am doing!" Yokozawa fired and then he hung-up.

* * *

With his face in anger, he lighted a stick of cigarette while walking his way back to his hotel.

"What the hell talking like that as if doing my job is easy." His mind screamed inside his head.

"I got stabbed, almost got burned, almost got shot today and I am going to be a home cook for sure. Damn I love my job."

While walking, Yokozawa saw a black cat sitting on his way. He flicked his tongue. It was said black cats bring bad luck. Well, it was not like he was concerned about luck or anything. In medicine, luck, divine intervention, faith was all pure rubbish people came up with to cover their weaknesses. In Yokozawa's real job, weakness was a taboo.

He passed the cat with glowing eyes and sighed. And in a flash, the only thing left on the streets was Yokozawa's unfinished cigarette.

* * *

Yokozawa could not see anything. The alley where he was pulled in was pitch-black. He got his senses all wide awake as he felt his cheek being forced on a cold cement wall and pain in his arms pinned behind his back.

He was a strong man, he even knew martial arts. But no matter how much he struggled, it was as if the beast that was confining him had some inhuman strength he could not break.

"Damn! What do you want?!" Yokozawa hissed.

No answer came but instead, he felt himself sinking even harder on the wall. He felt his breathing becoming constricted as his chest met the cold, hard surface. "Argh". He grunted.

"Hey man, if you're not going to talk I swear I'll bust your ass once I had the chance!"

The man being locked from behind suddenly felt a warm breath on his ears it made him uneasy.

"I knew it." The voice whispered.

"Ha?!" Yokozawa roared.

With his arms getting pinned harder, Yokozawa inhaled large amount of breaths.

"Does it hurt?" The voice asked menacingly.

"The hell? Of course it hurts! If you are planning to rob me, you'll get nothing! So…aw!"

"I mean your wound just recently, does it still hurt?"

"Huh?"

Yokozawa froze when he felt something wet and warm licking on his cold nape.

"Wha—what the hell are you doing?!" Yokozawa shouted struggling to break free. But he was unsuccessful.

"I've fallen for you. Like seriously." The voice continued while doing the disgusting act.

Yokozawa's eyes grew wide with disbelief although it still didn't allow him to see anything.

"What the hell you homo?!"

A sweet laughter echoed in the cramped, dark alley. "Well you made me."

"Fuck…I am working in Psychiatry I can fix your messed up brain!"

"There, I like that too."

Yokozawa was all confused on how he managed to attract a homo with his built. "I—don't get you at all!"

"Gutsy and smug. I likeit."

With the aching joints of Yokozawa's arms and the constricted breathing, Yokozawa started to choke. He suddenly felt everything loosening up though it was still strong he could still not break free from whoever the homo was.

"If you didn't block that bullet, I would never have gotten an interest. You didn't know me yet you did that. Who wouldn't fall in love?"

With his memory playing before his eyes, Yokozawa found himself remembering the irritating smile of the person he last saw before losing consciousness.

"You…bastard…"

"Hey chill, I did save you anyway…so…"

An unwilling gasp formed in Yokozawa's throat when he felt something rubbing between his legs.

"Damn…let go of me!"

"You see…I do really like you. But if you get in my way for finishing my job…I am afraid I'd have no choice but to bring you down…to your knees."

"Get—in your way? What the Ahh-hell are you talking about?! Stop that!"

A soft chuckle filled Yokozawa's ears. "Interesting. You're so sensitive…" a sigh and then the playful voice turned to something even the fearless Yokozawa felt stunned.

"You're no ordinary doctor sniffing around Onodera Ritsu, are you?"

"…"

"Whoever you're working for is really tight, I can't go bite any information about them yet. But I tell you, you get in my way, whether I like you or not I'll bring you down."

Kirishima Zen had been living his life in bloodshed to the point that it was already a routine. He was alone in the world because he chose his profession, letting his family die in an ambush. The fact that he values his job and his words for accomplishing his job and never turning down his employer were the only things he'd been living up to. It won't change.

"I am going to be your gravest enemy…Yokozawa Takafumi."

* * *

Yokozawa fell on his knees when the grip and the force on his body suddenly disappeared together with the man whose face he'll never forget. The betrayal he felt during the stabbing back in Nishijima Institute left so much mark in Yokozawa's brain that the man with a smiling, cold face was etched in it. The absurdity of everything left him staring into the dark space.

Yokozawa massaged his aching arms as he started moving up to get out of the dark alley.

When he finally got through the dark alley by fumbling and feeling the cold, rough walls, he was met by the same black cat sitting as if waiting for him.

It was as if the cat was saying "I am observing you."

Staggering a little with the left sensation in his lower body part, he started walking. And with every step came the want to rush things more.

Yokozawa's trembling fingers fished his phone from his coat pocket and dialled a number.

_"I have to take Onodera sooner than expected."_

Beep.

"Hello."

"Yah, it's me. Send the back-up. We'll proceed to plan C."

"Huh? But…why are you rushing now?"

"Something came up. I will really die soon in this job. I can feel it."


	15. Goodbye Part 1

There are different kinds of goodbyes. The saddest ones are when you meet again but with different standing.

* * *

**GOODBYE**

The only light reflecting in the room was coming from a huge monitor where Kirishima was standing. Pointing to the block of establishments he named B, he paused.

"The first group will just remain as a back-up. Don't do anything unnecessary. The second group, which I will be leading will go get the target and head directly to the van. Remember, we will not make a scene here."

Leon raised his hand. "Chief, what's the deal? We can just barge in like we always do. Killing everyone on the way is a lot easier. Why are we acting discreetly now?"

Kirishima threw the marker he was holding. Leon dodged and hit the man beside him instead.

"Listen…we are not the only one going after the target. We don't have any information about who these bastards are yet. Because of that, we have to be more careful. Unless you are itching to get yourself killed." Kirishima explained, not just to Leon but to the other members of Squad B as well. Having used to all-out operations, his men were in low spirits.

"Mission at 2oclock, so I advise you take your slumbers. Any questions? Violent reactions?"

Kirishima scanned the faces of his men. No one responded. Kirishima turned on the lights with a remote and switched off the monitor.

"Dismissed."

The clatter of the hard soles of the men's shoes echoed in the emptying room. Kirishima, ran a hand through his wavy locks while picking up some papers. As soon as he rested his tired body on a swivel chair, finally having the time to at least rest, a small knock broke Kirishima's peace.

"Chief…?"

Kirishima grunted and loosened his tie. "Come in."

It was Sato, one of the hackers in his intelligence unit. With a look of anxiety of the man's face, Kirishima knew already that it was a bad news.

Sato handed the folder to Kirishima and observed their chief's reactions.

Flipping through the folder, Kirishima's face grew grimmer.

"So it can't be helped huh?" Kirishima groaned.

"Chief?"

"Ah—nothing, just talking to myself. Thanks for this. You've done well. You can leave now."

Kirishima threw the folder on the table and massaged his temples. He threw his head backwards and raised his feet on the edge of the table. Remembering the contents of the folder.

"Yokozawa Takafumi, 1st in Command Chief of Operation Z, Earth Health Organization's (EHO) secret military group. Medical specialist, expert in ammunition. Judo black belter. Stationed at Michigan, current assignment, Nishijima, Japan…" Kirishima repeated out loud.

Slowly, Kirishima's smile became a loud laugher that could be heard even outside the conference room. A fierce glint of excitement glinted in his eyes.

* * *

The peaceful breakfast of Squad B was disrupted by Leon's yelling. As usual, the older men didn't pay attention to him anymore. They were used to it already.

Leon stood in the middle of their eating area all happy and jumpy.

"Whoa, brothers! Don't be so down that we are low-profile in this job!" Leon chirped.

"Oh—newbie…you heard the Chief." One of the men muttered.

The newbie felt so proud to be the first one to leak out the information he found out. He cleared his throat first.

"The other group after our target…in short our enemy…is the elite military group coming from Earth Health Organization!"

The men's faces caught in surprise. Some stopped chatting and some stopped eating altogether.

"What? Really?! Wow man—it's going to be bloody then!"

"Yeah! If we clash with them, it's gonna be real war!"

The gloomy men transformed into blood lusting beasts. They were hoping deep within their black hearts to see their so called enemy face to face.

* * *

Having an early meeting without sleep made Kirishima's eyes more sensitive to the sun rays than usual. Grunting and squinting and inhaling the cold air, he sat motionless on his Harley motorbike, ensuring that his sunglasses fit perfectly on his face. Motorists and regular employees embarking on their jobs filled the streets. The hotel in front of him seemed flashy and peaceful.

Despite the flood of people going in and out of the main entrance, he right away saw a tall figure getting out of the hotel. The man was wrapped around with a wool jacket, hitting the cigarette early in the morning. Yokozawa walked his way to the super market. Kirishima followed discreetly.

Kirishima found himself in the vegetables section of a nearby super market. Glancing at Yokozawa who was scrutinizing some cabbage, Kirishima stepped a little farther. And when Yokozawa decided to take his morning coffee, Kirishima parked far enough to be unnoticed.

He just looked at the man sipping coffee.

"I am a stalker now." Kirishima muttered, laughing at himself. "Shit."

His self-thinking was brought to a halt when an old lady tugged his jacket.

"Mr. do you want some flowers?" the old, dirty woman raised a bunch of daffodils.

Kirishima removed his sunglasses and touched some of the petals. "Sorry, Obaasan...i don't need it."

The old woman gazed at Kirishima's face intently. As if reading something. Kirishima frowned.

"Son, you're covered in blood. Take heed." And the woman slowly walked away.

Kirishima dumbfounded, stared at the small back of the old woman. She threw one last glance at Kirishima. "But young man…it's not your blood on you."

* * *

Yokozawa almost choked on his coffee when the least person he wanted to see sat across him. With a dash of meaningful smile, Kirishima removed his sunglasses revealing tired yet perky eyes.

"What the—"

Kirishima put a finger on his lips. "Shush, don't make a scene. I am just here to have coffee like you."

Without taking his eyes off Kirishima, Yokozawa slammed the cup of coffee on the table. "The hell are you planning?"

"Ei, Chief of Operation Z, can we have a little time for ourselves?" Kirishima said in a soft voice.

At hearing Operation Z, Yokozawa stiffened. Seeing the sudden change in Yokozawa's color was amusing in Kirishima's eyes.

"Say…let's go out. For today."

With an incredulous face, Yokozawa slammed his fist on the table. He slid one hand inside his pocket and held on to his revolver preparing if the guy in front of him suddenly tried to blow his head off. Kirishima smiled and picked up the unfinished cup of Yokozawa's coffee and drunk the remaining himself.

"Yokozawa, I can pull my gun five seconds faster than you can. Will you chill out? I just want to spend time with the guy who made me all funny."

A long moment passed before Yokozawa started to talk once more. "What are you up to?"

"Can we be friends for today?"

"Hah?"

"I forgot one, lovers too."

Yokozawa stared at the unfaltering face staring back at him. He was searching for any hint of joke but he found nothing. Yokozawa stood and grabbed the goods he bought and left Kirishima alone. To his dismay, he was being followed by a huge motorbike on the side walk. Other people staring at the two of them.

'If this is your kind of joke, stop it." Yokozawa muttered under his breath. He can't understand what to do with the man following him around.

"Who's joking? Come on, I am sure you started thinking about me, since the Nishijima event."

Yokozawa, opened his mouth to say a counter attack but stopped mid-way. He was thinking about the damned guy who he jumped a bullet for alright. But that's about it. He wasn't thinking any weird thoughts like the guy who was following him. He walked faster, the motorbike still went to his change of pace.

Kirishima, chuckled. "I nailed it. Didn't I?"

The man carrying groceries wanted to hit the man with confidence as high as the sun with the vegetables he was carrying when the streets was disturbed by a loud siren. The people looked where it was coming from, and the police car stopped where Yokozawa and Kirishima were standing.

"Hey you two! What do you think you are doing!?"

* * *

When Yokozawa sighed, he knew it came from the deepest parts of his irritation and confusion. Kirishima and him was brought to the nearest police station where the two of them got a load of scolding. To top it all, there was a money-fine for the traffic violations Kirishima committed. 1st; no helmet. 2nd; not on the motorbike lane.

Yokozawa glared at the smiling Kirishima as he slammed down money on the table. The man was riding a top-of-the-line Harley but hadn't had any cash with him. Incredulously stupid.

The police-in-charge handed Kirishima's ID back.

"Here, Nagano Yuuto, never do that again or you will be thrown to prison at 2nd offense."

Kirishima got his ID and inserted it in his pocket. "Yes, sir." He answered. The police men there not knowing that he can kill them faster than a lightning if he wanted to.

Yokozawa stood eager to leave the police station when one of the guards called out to him.

"You, forgive your lover. Hop on to his motorbike and go on your way already. You two are making a scene and makes the traffic heavier. It's early in the morning for crying out loud to have a lover's quarrel."

Some of the police men laughed cheering on Kirishima. Feeling it, Kirishima whirled and grabbed Yokozawa and placed his arm around the shoulders of the very irritated Yokozawa.

"Hear them honey? Don't be mad anymore…" Kirishima cooed.

Yokozawa didn't say or didn't move away from Kirishima's arms but when they reached the station's parking lot, Yokozawa slapped Kirishima's arm away.

"What the hell, did everyone in the world turn into fucking homos? Me? You're lover? Gimme a break!"

The man being accused just smiled obviously contended.

Yokozawa grunted and sighed once more. "Damn…I was taken for a homo? Shit." And Yokozawa started walking away. But Kirishima followed.

"Will you stop following me?!"

"Do I need to ask for your permission to go wherever I want? I can't ride my Harley since I don't have helmet."

With a look of defeat at how to handle the man in front of him, Yokozawa started to walk briskly wanting to lock himself in his room.

* * *

"Aren't you going home?" Kirishima asked sitting a foot away with Yokozawa on a bench.

"As if I can, when I have a SOMEONE, following me…"

Kirishima closed his eyes smiling peacefully. It irritated more the hell out of Yokozawa. Why or what was Kirishima was thinking, blabbering about falling in love and following him was out of his league. The man almost broke his arms last night and now acting like a stalker.

Kirishima looked at Yokozawa with the sneaky smile he had on his face.

"Mesmerized by my face?"

With his chest started thumping for some reason, Yokozawa turned to the other side making more gap between the two of them. "LIKE HELL!"

Yokozawa consoled himself by thinking that the thundering in his chest was because he got surprised when the other man spoke all of a sudden. That was it. Wasn't it?

"Kirishima. At least remember that."

"…"

"Call me by name…call me Kirishima Zen in that voice of yours."

"The hell…I am not on the same boat as you." Yokozawa spat.

Finally drowned by the irritation, Yokozawa stood and walked away…Kirishima again following.

It was all unexpected when Yokozawa felt himself being dragged again. The same sensation he felt last night. He was being pushed again on the cold wall but this time, he wasn't facing the walls but was facing the man who was confining him with his arms.

It was another alley. People didn't had much time or didn't care to look at that side of the streets. The two men being cramped in that small space, Yokozawa dropped his groceries and pushed Kirishima away. Somehow, Yokozawa knew that it won't do so much, having experienced the brute force last night.

"What again?"

"I won't bother you now…I got enough. I am fine now." Kirishima said staring right through Yokozawa.

Yokozawa wanted to yell out at how stupid the man was but when he saw something weird in Kirishima's eyes, he closed his mouth shut. Being confined like that, with Kirishima's arms on both of his sides, so close they could smell each other's breath was all too strange for Yokozawa. He was used to doing the confining, for beating up and scaring his stubborn subordinates who got too full of themselves on a mission that resulted into grave outcomes. Being pinned on the wall like that by someone, by Kirishima was…embarrassing.

Yokozawa found himself unable to talk, unable to think, unable to move. The sudden kiss Kirishima planted on his surprised mouth sent shivers down his spine he never felt even when kissing with women before. His eyes wide, his body tense, his mind blank as he felt a soft foreign muscle trace the insides of his mouth.

For a moment, Yokozawa thought he'd choke. But, stubborn as he was, no matter how much he find it strange, he couldn't say it was disgusting.

Kirishima withdrew from the act slowly, licking Yokozawa's lips and finally pulling his face away, a thread of saliva connecting them.

"Don't give me that puzzled look." Kirishima teased. "You enjoyed it that you didn't even bother to fight back anymore."

Blood rushing to Yokozawa's head, he forced himself to glare at Kirishima despite the heat on his face. He knew that if he turned to look somewhere else, it was his defeat.

"Who enjoyed it?! Damn you…I was just surprised! Now move!"

Yokozawa thought Kirishima would again kiss him, but instead, Kirishima just rested his chin on his shoulder.

A low voice enough to make the hair on Yokozawa's nape and back raise started filling his ears.

"I wasn't joking when I said I've fallen for you. I just wanted to feel what's it like to have you for a companion. I knew it. It was great."

Yokozawa tried to move, but Kirishima locked him down with a hug. Now talking with his mouth directly at Yokozawa's ear, he spoke even softer to the point where Yokozawa could feel every gush of warm breath filling the insides of his ear.

"The next time we see each other…is on the battle field. Shoot me before I shoot you."

Yokozawa looked at the head resting on his shoulder with an expression one couldn't paint.

"Kill me, before I kill you."

With clammy sweat forming on Yokozawa's forehead, he felt the hug slowly loosening. Kirishima stepped a foot backwards.

"My pestering you ends here."

Yokozawa wanted to say something, to react to everything the crazy man was talking about but he didn't know what to say. It was as if his tongue rolled back in his throat. With one last smile, Kirishima ruffled Yokozawa's hair and turned his back.

"Bye. We're enemies now," Kirishima said without turning to look at Yokozawa.

After a few seconds, Yokozawa finally found his feet and ran to follow Kirishima. But when he reached the end of the alley, it was a sea of people going on about their businesses, with Kirishima out of sight.

Chapter End Notes:

uwah…since we're heading to some main events here…I felt like making this…hahaha…a goodbye chapter for Kirishima and Yokozawa (AND FOR OTHERS TOO)…bwahahahha..they're officially enemies now..*sniff*

I planned using World Health Organization in here but used EHO instead to be safe. *AHAHA*

Goodbyes part 2..coming up soon. Like real soon. Ehehehe.

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT. LOVE YAH GUYS!

BLAYSERS THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! XD


	16. Goodbye and Tears

When you're silent, it hurts more. Just like a river that's quiet when it's deeper.

* * *

**Goodbye and Tears**

He didn't know whether the heartbeat he was hearing was his or Takano's or both beating synchronized. . Ritsu found himself beside Takano with his head on the chest of the man breathing in rhythm. When he slowly moved to get up, Takano stirred a moment but didn't awaken. _He must really be tired_. Ritsu thought to himself while brushing away strands of hair from the sleeping man's face.

Ritsu couldn't help but smile at the peaceful sight.

"If only we met with a different circumstance, I wonder how we are going to be…" He murmured.

He finally straightened up and tiptoed his way to the comfort room. He was feeling all perfect when suddenly, everything started spinning before his eyes. He didn't have to look in the mirror to see what the sticky sensation on his face was as droplets of blood stained the white tiles under his feet.

"Argh—not…now…" Ritsu grunted grasping the wall for support. The wave of pain, he can do nothing about but to wait till it subsided was still enough to make his eyes wet with hot tears. If he could, he would have pounded his head on the wall. But the pain was coming from inside his skull spreading to his entire head. By reflex he used his hand to block his mouth from screaming out of pain. He shut his eyes hard and prayed that it would end soon. However he couldn't fool himself anymore. His suffering was longer than the first attack he had.

Sliding down on the tiled floor, he exhaled as the pain disappeared in a flash. Ritsu giggled at how absurd his condition was getting. And with all his might, washed his body and changed into some neat clothes. After all the cleaning up, Ritsu went to where Takano kept all his medications and stuffed them in a sling bag. With hands shaking, some of the tablets fell on the floor but he didn't mind to pick them up.

He's got nothing to bring except the medicine and money from Takano's wallet. If he stayed with Takano longer, he would just bring more trouble. He decided for himself to carry the entire burden. He'd make himself useful for once. He'd go risk what little time he had to gamble for a cure.

* * *

Ritsu gazed down at Takano who was still soundly asleep for the longest time he could remember.

Earlier that day, Ritsu pretending in D-state brought three cups of coffee to Takano who was reading medical books. With brows rising, Takano stared at the three cups almost full to the brim.

"What is this Ritsu?"

Ritsu sat down on the floor and took one cup. "I thought of making one for you, for me and for Shin," he purposely faced the empty space beside him to make it more realistic. "Hey Shin, drink your coffee now…" Ritsu cooed.

Takano's brows furrowed even further and took the one cup of coffee in front of him with one hand. He eyed Ritsu suspiciously.

Ritsu pouted. "What? I wanted to make Shin some coffee and you would be pathetic if I don't make you one as well. If you don't like don't drink it. I don't really care anyway…Ne Shin~"

Ritsu pretended he was talking to Shin when in fact in the corner of his eyes, he was focused on Takano. It took a couple of minutes before Takano finally drank the coffee. With a satisfied smile, Ritsu again faced Takano.

"How was it?"

Covering his mouth with the book he was holding, Takano yawned and placed the cup down. "Tasted very bitter."

"Che…but you did drink it to the last drop!" Ritsu exclaimed staring at the once full cup.

Within a couple of minutes, the book Takano was holding fell on the floor with a thud as he himself unconsciously collapsed on the armrest of the sofa. With a guilty face, Ritsu rushed to Takano and carefully positioned him on the sofa.

"I'm sorry." Ritsu whispered under his breath remembering how he dropped some sedatives to Takano's coffee. Sedatives that can cause strong drowsiness.

With eyes determined not to show anymore weakness, Ritsu climbed on the sofa beside Takano to spend some more time before leaving. Not realizing he was drifting to sleep himself.

* * *

"Ritsu…" Takano mumbled in his sleep.

His knees shook and almost gave out but he steadied himself. Ritsu was almost overpowered by his desire to embrace Takano hearing that even in the man's sleep, it was he who Takano was dreaming. He bended down and brushed a kiss on Takano's forehead.

Biting down hard on his lower lip, he murmured a phrase he always wanted to believe in.

Somehow, Ritsu couldn't say "I love you" or "goodbye". He was full of uncertainty himself. But he didn't want to leave without saying anything.

And with no turning back, Ritsu left Takano with a face hidden by the shadows.

* * *

He blended with the sea of people. It has been a long time ever since Ritsu stepped out and mingled with other human beings. The cold breeze brushing on his face, the smell of cigarette wafting the air, the strong scent of combined male and female perfume made him go dizzy. It was 11 in the evening. The evening in Kishidou Red Light District was just starting.

The blinding, blinking signs of the hotels, motels and bars and clubs flashing above his head hurt his eyes. He felt so small, vulnerable and scared. His will and courage slowly started to waver. But each time he felt like going back, he always remembered the fact that people were after him. And that these people would kill anyone with him. Thinking Takano might get killed because of him was enough strength for his legs to continue walking farther away. He already lost Shin. Losing Takano would kill him straight away.

It was cold to bones but trickles of sweat ran down from his forehead to his neck. He slowed down and rested his back on a wall, staring absentmindedly at the prostitutes walking on the streets like they own it.

"I can't see anything…they're all blurry…" Ritsu muttered, squinting his eyes. Little did he know that where he was staring, was a group of men who just finished drinking and were ready to go hopping to another bar.

"Hey, hey…look at that one over there, doesn't look bad right?," a tall, masculine guy with long hair, pointed at Ritsu with the motion of his eyes. "Seems wasted. We won't need to pay him if he's floating in a different world."

A woman wearing tight fitting skirt and a top ready to slide down at any moment pouted. "Eh, you already have me boys, why are you eyeing a man?" she pretended to fix her boots, bending down to show her large sized front. "Are you gay?"

The long haired man put his arms around the woman's shoulder and snickered. "No. But a woman wouldn't know the pleasure of doing a man."

One of the men, with piercing brown eyes looked at Ritsu and then at the woman. "We're five together with miss boobies here, if we included the wasted guy over there, I'd do him first. Deal?"

The two remaining guys laughed in protest. "Stupid, where's the deal in that?"

When finally, Ritsu has calmed down a bit and has gathered his scattered brain, it was too late.

* * *

"Ah—what do you want!?" Ritsu spat as the long haired man dragged him into a dark side of the streets. Try as he might, his body wasn't strong enough to break free and run. Some people saw how hard Ritsu fought but no one helped. Since in Red Light District, role plays, S&M was nothing new. They thought Ritsu and the long haired guy were just role playing or lovers in quarrel.

Ritsu found himself in a small room. The first thing he saw was a woman giving fellatio to a naked man, while the other two just watched. He whirled around, scanning the matchbox room for an opening of escape. But the only door was blocked by the huge body of the long-haired guy who he realized was called Teito when one of the guys regarded him.

Cold, huge hands grabbed his neck and made him face the wall. Being pressed on the wall, with his hands over his head, laughter all around, Ritsu was surprised he felt no fear. Being raped was nothing compared to what he had experienced before.

Teito held Ritsu's chin making the lifeless body face him. "Hey, come on. Cry out. You're no fun like that."

But Ritsu just glared at the Teito guy, not changing expression as the other guy pinning him on the wall ripped his polo shirt, the sounds of buttons falling seem so loud it filled Ritsu' ears. Despite his situation, he was more concerned to where he dropped the bag of his medications, more than the guy busy sniffing into his bare neck.

Ritsu thought his neck would break when the guy turned him so suddenly making him face the guy who smelled of cigarettes. The sounds of belt unbuckling filled the room and the woman and the three men watched as their comrade started the show. The woman found herself turned on as she watched the guy she just had a session with lick, sniff and nip at Ritsu's skin.

The man was getting all hot and impatient he bit hard on Ritsu's neck. Caught by surprise, a moan escaped from his mouth making the other man more eager.

Ritsu felt something hard pressing on his stomach and he knew what was about to come next. He prepared himself and closed his eyes, when the small door to hell opened by force, leaving the men inside the room speechless. The tall man wearing black walked towards Ritsu and pulled the man away from him like he just grabbed a piece of garbage.

"Sick bastards." He hissed.

The wide-eyed Ritsu stared in awe at the grim faced man in front of him who threw a black coat around him. The man grabbed his arm and pulled him out the motel and pushed him inside a van waiting at the back of the establishment.

"What do you think you are doing?" Yokozawa began as the van started moving towards who knew where.

Ritsu couldn't answer. _"What am I doing?" _He even asked himself. After he finally felt safe inside the van, with Yokozawa staring madly at him, tears began to roll down his face. He wanted to stop. But he couldn't.

Yokozawa flicked his tongue and looked out the window. He didn't wish to see a man cry in front of him. He wasn't ready and he didn't know what to say in the first place.

As Ritsu continued to cry in silence, Yokozawa pulled out a two-way radio. "Convoy 1, turn to the left street."

"Yes, sir."

Yokozawa planned on three, black vans, serving as decoys. They were in the van for about an hour with no disturbance and Ritsu already stopped his silent cry. That was the time Yokozawa thought he had to set the grounds firm.

"I am Yokozawa. I'm working for Earth Health Organization. And I am here to take you to our base."

Ritsu looked alarmed and faced Yokozawa. "I can't go. I have someone to meet."

"Listen, what could a guy in last stage of LSD contagion do, huh?"

With a shocked face, Ritsu seemed frozen on his seat.

"We've been observing you for a while now. And we are not ignorant to LSD effects on normal humans. The incident in Nishijima was a surprise. We weren't ready for it. A lot…died because of my carelessness."

Yokozawa looked at Ritsu with a concerned look. He needed to tell Ritsu something he wasn't supposed to say. He shouldn't say it, but throwing away his position as Chief of Operation Z, and just being a fellow human being, he made up his mind.

"The reason I let Dr. Miyagi take care of you and pretend to be just a normal nutritionist in the institute is because…I don't want to bring you to EHO. You are the only one who knows how to develop that destructive drug. Aside from that, a living human subject. If I bring you to EHO, it is likely you will become a test subject in EHO as well. Nothing's going to change. But when a private company started moving, I decided, even if you become a test subject in EHO, at least there you will be treated better. I will make sure of that. So wherever you're trying to go and who you're meeting with, forget it."

"No…I have to meet…"

"Listen here!" Yokozawa started rising his voice. "Let's face reality here, the fact that you are on Last Stage means you can do nothing anymore! At least we can prolong…" Yokozawa stopped when he saw Ritsu's eyes of hatred at him.

"I don't seek protection Yokozawa-san. I want cure and help someone."

Yokozawa sighed. "And you think in your condition you can do it?"

"I have to do it. I want to…" Ritsu turned to look out the window though he couldn't see anything. "Stay with…"

"Shit!"

Yokozawa grabbed Ritsu covering the latter's head as their van lost its balance. The two wheels behind were busted. The other men in the van who remained silent acting as invisible readied their weapons as a bunch of motorbikes engine fill the night.

The van swayed left and right, the windows shattering as the men tailing them shot it. Ducking lower, Yokozawa's men started exchanging shots with the men on motorbikes circling them.

Pieces of glass cut through Yokozawa's face and flesh protecting Ritsu. Onodera tried to raise his head but Yokozawa pushed him lower.

"Don't raise your head! Stupid!"

They were running on an empty highway. The van decoys Yokozawa deployed weren't responding as well. He bit his lip and forced his brain to think of something. There was no way they could run, and their van was almost at its limit. The 6 men with Yokozawa, only 2 were left continuing to exchange shots with the men following them.

Slowly, Yokozawa raised his head and looked out the window. It was dark but the moon made him see clearly. On a Harley, running on their van's pace was a man he became familiar with. The glint in his eyes, the seriousness in his expression, his killing stance was all new to Yokozawa he couldn't almost bring himself to think that the Kirishima who was following him like stupid could be this inhuman.

With a small grin, Kirishima raised a gun. Yokozawa's grip on Ritsu grew tighter.

"Will he shoot me? Will I end like this?" Yokozawa's head swirled with questions.

A silent scream filled their van and Ritsu and Yokozawa felt their van lose its sense of direction. Kirishima just shot the man driving. With screeching sounds, with the dizzying spin of the van, the four remaining, live men inside it felt being tossed on all sides as the vehicle fell on the highway and hit a huge tree.

Ritsu lost consciousness after hitting his head on the side. One of the men cracked his head open with the shattered window glasses. And the other one crawled his way out. Yokozawa blinked a couple of times, wiping the sticky blood pouring down from his forehead down his chin. There was a lot of blood. Was he shot without knowing?

He kicked the door open with his aching body and pulled the unconscious Ritsu out. He tapped the man's pale face but there was no response.

"Onodera…Onodera!"

The rustling of the tall grasses echoed in the night sky as the motorbikes grew nearer. "Shit…" Yokozawa cursed under his breath. He fished something out of his pocket and snuck it inside Onodera's pockets. He didn't have any weapon with him. His gun fell inside the car. His only surviving man was in agony not far from them and the motorbikes were coming.

Yokozawa knew he has no broken bones, but the wound on his head was making him dizzy to the point of losing consciousness himself. The only thing left for him to do was wait for the motorbikes and wait for death.

The blinding front lights of the motorbike pierced through Yokozawa's eyes. And when he opened his eyes, he, the van, Ritsu and his comrade were surrounded by a bunch of motorbikes. He felt pathetic and angry.

Kirishima jumped off his bike and slowly walked towards where Yokozawa and Ritsu were. The tall man glared down at Yokozawa…it was the longest, most degrading stare Yokozawa felt in his life. He raised his head and tried to get up but his leg won't obey him.

Yokozawa didn't know if it was his blurring consciousness but the man's face staring at him was nothing but a face of a statue. Cold and heartless.

Kirishima slowly bended his knees until him and Yokozawa were on eye level. Without talking, Kirishima lifted Ritsu in one sweep as if just picking up a paper. Yokozawa saw Kirishima glance at his chest. And then Kirishima aimed his gun at Yokozawa's heart and pulled the trigger.

It was silent. No sound came out, only the choking voice of Yokozawa filled the air. He fell on his back. He felt like the night sky was a blanket falling on top of him. With a tear that came unexpectedly, Yokozawa fell to his deep sleep.

* * *

_"Ritsu? Why are you making such a face?"_

_"Sorry? What are you talking about?"_

_NANKURUNAISA Takano-san…_

_"Ritsu?"_

_"Ritsu?"_

With a jolt, and heavy breathing, Takano awaken in a heavy sweat. The cups of coffee, the magazine, they're here, but in his heart he knew something was wrong. Something was missing. He looked around. He dashed in the main room, in the comfort room. He called out but no one answered.

He ran outside the motel. The people looked at him with curious eyes. He ran aimlessly. He ran and ran with a sinking feeling until he couldn't run anymore.

His chest rising with every deep breath he swallowed, he raised his head and questioned the dark sky. But no one answered.

"Ritsu…" through gritted teeth and clenched fists, something he thought he wasn't capable happened. He shed a tear.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Whahahaha! I am so happy I finished this early...Hahahaha/

btw...FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW **NANKURUNAISA** IS A language in Okinawa, Japan which means **Everything in the end will be fine**. It is my motto./

**please...i want to know if you ENJOY the fanfic.../REVIEW...ONEGAI/**


	17. In Usami's Lair

Brace your heart.

* * *

**In Usami's Lair**

Misaki was cramped in a corner trying to breathe. With his chest constricting, throat gulping, he wondered why there seemed to be no oxygen in the air he was breathing.

He pushed himself in the corner even deeper. As if hoping the small space would crack open and swallow him whole. Away from everything. He thought he could carry on. But his soul and his body was nearing its limit. As Usami Akihiko became more impatient, more demanding and more mad, he became more violent, lashing out everything at him.

The Usagi-san he was waiting for seemed to be never coming back. He was nothing more than a monster eating away at his flesh.

The phone rang. The simple continuous ring sent Misaki crowing in the corner so much more. With body shaking, he closed his eyes shut when he heard Usami talk. The voice that used to murmur sweet nothings in his ear was a voice he could no longer recognize.

"Yes."

"Is that so?"

"Very well then, I'll drop the money to the usual bank."

There was a long silence after Usami Akihiko slammed the receiver back on its place. A creaking sound echoed in Usami's bedroom as he sat on his bed. He just finished taking his morning shower. Drying his hair, a soft laughter filled Misaki's ears. The kind of laughter that sent shivers down his ragged body.

"Takahashi…this calls for a celebration. Come here." Usami said in a sing-song voice.

Misaki pretended he didn't hear anything.

" . ." Usagi uttered, pausing with every syllable.

With tears that started to well once more in Misaki's lifeless eyes, he slowly stood up to where he was crouched and took painful steps towards Usami.

It was kind of funny how Misaki suddenly remembered the times when Usagi-san would run after him and confine him inside his arms. Laughing sweetly while kissing his neck. And they would just sit on the sofa with him locked in between Usagi's knees just watching the setting sun. The peaceful, full of love days so far away.

The Usami smiling distantly in front of him broke his day dreaming.

"You know why I am happy?"

Misaki just stared down his feet.

"Because, finally…I got what I've been waiting for a long time."

There was no response from the frozen young man.

"Come here." Usami urged tapping his hand on his knee as if saying "sit on here".

Misaki started sobbing. He didn't want to do it anymore. Not without affection. Not with this man in front of him. As much as he wanted to disobey, Misaki knew better and rigidly sat on Usami's lap.

"Why are you crying?" Usami cooed in Misaki's ears.

The silver-haired man's face smiled and laughed out loud. "Are you that scared of me now, Takahashi? Be glad I'm on a good mood right now."

Usami planted a soft kiss on Misaki's eyes and ruffled his hair. The action surprised Misaki making him gape at the other man's face. "U-sagi-san?"

The next thing Misaki knew, he was lying on the bed with his face numb from where Usami Akihiko hit him. He was caught surprised and lost his balance.

Shutting his eyes hard, he felt the familiar hands against his skin exploring every inch of his body. With blood dripping from the corner of his lips, he apologized. For how many times this kind of thing happened, he could no longer remember.

"I'm sorry…" Misaki tried to say but no words came out his mouth.

Usami, leaning over at the small body under him, he squinted his eyes. "I told you never to call me "Usagi" right? That disgusting name…"

"I'm sorry…" Misaki choked.

Misaki felt the weight on top of him disappear as Usami sat again on the bed.

He flicked his tongue. "Be really glad I'm on a good mood."

* * *

Ritsu awakened. Through his skin, he could only feel coldness. Through his ears, he could only hear murmuring voices. Through his mouth, was a bitter aftertaste of a painkiller. And through his eyes, it was pitch black.

It took him a while to realize that he was being blindfolded. That his hands were tied behind his back. That his feet were binded as well. When he tried to talk, only a muffled sound escaped his taped mouth. He wriggled, he tried to sit, but his body was so heavy from lying for how many long hours he knew not.

Not being able to see, his other senses became sharper. He heard footsteps and realized they were coming closer to him. The footsteps stopped. And his scream was stifled by the tape on his mouth when he felt suddenly being yanked forward with the collar of the coat Yokozawa had given him.

"Chief, the sleeping prince is awake!" a voice called out.

A sudden silence washed over the place and Ritsu felt an air of nervousness filled his chest. The slow tapping of the shoes against the floor coming towards him was a torture. To not know where, who or what will happen next was a nightmare.

A rough, cold finger traced the contours of Ritsu's face and suddenly yanked the tape off his mouth. The sharp pain from the act was enough to make his blindfold wet from tears. After gulping huge amounts of oxygen to his lungs, he felt his head yanked backwards as the same cold fingers grabbed his hair. Hot breath brushed his ear.

"I despise weaklings like you." The ice-cold voice whispered in his ears Ritsu was sure it was just him who was able to hear it.

Kirishima's grip on Ritsu's hair grew tighter, squinting at the name sewn on the collar of the coat Ritsu was wearing; Yokozawa.

Kirishima pushed back Ritsu to where the immobile man was lying and faced his men. "At 8, we'll be going back to Nishijima," he ordered. "Make preparations and don't let me see you slacking off or you'll be dead sorry."

Kirishima's deadly voice and sharp eyes sent his men in wonder why their Chief was acting strange. But they didn't dare raise any question. The last time they saw him mad as hell, there was bloodshed.

A man with a body of a wrestler sighed and looked at Leon who was frowning and circling on a swivel chair. His attention fully directed to Ritsu.

"Say Leon," the wrestler man began, "We got our target but Chief looked so pissed. You have any idea?"

Leon stopped his chair from circling and stood. With one hand, ruffling his own tousled black hair and the other one in his side pocket, he left the room throwing a deadly stare at Ritsu. But he wasn't looking at the blindfolded man. His eyes were on the name sewn on Ritsu's collar.

* * *

Lying on his back, with complete irritation on his fine, sculpted face, Leon turned and tossed on his bunk.

_Leon jumped off his bike dashing towards where Kirishima was standing. He scanned the deserted rice field where the van they were following fell and crashed to the only tree in the middle of the field. He was so proud and his chest was filled with excitement as he grew nearer._

_The sight of the broad shoulders of the man he really looked up to was mighty and scary at the same time. He really wished that someday, he'll be like him. Brutal and fearless and merciless._

_He turned around for a bit as he saw their comrades formed a circle around their target. Around the busted van, the dying man, their unconscious target, and the only man with a grim expression staring back at their chief, the barricade of motorbikes was like a scene from one of his favourite action films._

_He stepped closer towards their chief not wanting to miss another epic kill of their team. _

_"Uwah! This is great…our chief versus the enemy's chief. Too bad he can't even put up a fight." Leon thought to himself. "Well, I commend his guts for glaring like that to our Chief. He's like a cornered mouse."_

_Kirishima bended and swept their target off the ground. Yokozawa was holding Ritsu's hand at that time but he let go, knowing he couldn't even stand on his own._

_The other men of Squad B started moving back on the highway, knowing that their chief will be taking care of the last part of the job. Leon stayed. He wanted to see how their Chief would finally end the chase._

_Ritsu on Kirishima's shoulder, the tall man raised his gun. Leon gulped waiting for the shoot. And then he noticed something._

_Kirishima narrowed his eyes. Leon directed his eyes to where Kirishima was focusing. There. On Yokozawa's chest. With some of the buttons already removed, it gave a glimpse of what was under the blood-stained shirt. But Leon couldn't see it clearly. _

_With a look of complete surprise on Yokozawa's face, Kirishima pulled the trigger aiming at Yokozawa's heart. The air was filled with the man's gasping and his body falling on to the ground. _

_Kirishima started walking away, leaving the dead Yokozawa. _

_But Leon stayed behind. Throwing a final glance at their Chief, he bended over the motionless body of Yokozawa. His brows furrowing deeper as he ripped open the shirt. _

_"Chief…" he began staggering._

_He stood up and ran towards his motorbike with his hand on his mouth._

_"The Chief knows. He knows…"_

_As he followed the trail of his comrades, his thoughts were still focused behind._

_"He stared at it and aimed his gun… because he knows…" Leon said to himself with his throat constricting. "The guy is wearing a bullet proof vest."_

_Leon pressed hard on the accelerator to cut the long distance between him and his team. With his head full of questions, he raised with the other running motorbikes until he reached pace with their Chief. He stole a glance at Kirishima. The man had a poker face._

_"But why…why would Chief do that?" Leon asked himself over and over and over again._

* * *

Staring up at the ceiling, he questioned himself why he didn't finish the guy himself. He could have crushed the man's skull with a rock. Or shot him with his own gun. But it didn't come across his brain that time. His head turned blank with all the confusion. All he felt was betrayal and the want to run away. Why would his idol spare a man? Spare an enemy?

Leon was so bothered he could kill. Yokozawa was a name that tainted his perfect idol. He won't forgive him.

* * *

The mirror reflected a picture of frustration and defeat. Splashing the cold water on his bruised face that dripped down to his chest, the tears he was trying to supress since the meeting welled in his tired eyes.

He never liked the idea of crying out in front of somebody, but now that he was alone inside the four corners of the small bathroom, he vent out all his anger and frustrations.

He gritted his teeth as he stared at his chest through the mirror. There was a bluish-black bruise forming exactly where a human heart is located. If not for the vest he was wearing, he'd be dead lying somewhere. Due to the short distance between the gun and the vest, the force knocked Yokozawa breathless as his heart caught the shock from the bullet trying to pass through the vest.

With his fingers, he traced his own body. As irritating as it was, his mind flashed one face over and over again. The face of Kirishima Zen just before the man shot him.

He once more splashed water on his open bruises and cursed. Remembering what took place in the EHO meeting through a camera. A conference coming straight from their base in Michigan.

_"Chief Yokozawa, the EHO Department for LSD decided to take you off the operation." A blonde man in his fifty's said monotonously._

_Yokozawa, still with blood-stained face slammed his fist on the table._

_"Are you kidding me?!" He roared._

_"Look at yourself. You've been failing this operation, sacrificing the lives of your men and goes back home defeated."_

_"But-"_

_"Yokozawa, we know you're one of the bests, but it seems like this kind of job doesn't suit you. And the operation is already running out of budget."_

_"Shit! Budget my ass!" Yokozawa barked. The very act hurt his jaw._

_The man on the monitor cleared his throat. "I apologize but I am just a spokesperson. The Higher-ups want to pull off the are ordered to prepare your report and come back to the main base."_

_Yokozawa's blood rushed to his brain._

_"Pull-off?" He asked incredulously with a small laugh. "Pull-off? What about Onodera, huh? Just leave him to the fucking bastards and let them do as they please?"_

_"I am sorry. But that is an order." _

_With that, the conference ended. He almost threw the laptop against the wall when one of his surviving men from Convoy 1 stepped up to him._

_"Chief, I don't know if this is the right time to say this,"_

_"When is the right time? This couldn't get any worse," Yokozawa said but he was wrong._

_The man covered with bandages looked at Yokozawa fiercely. He drew a deep breath and started fidgeting. Truthfully, Yokozawa was starting to get irritated. But he tried to feign patience. After all, his man just escaped death like him._

_"One of my tips in our base heard this. There is no proof Chief. But my tip said that he heard the Director for LSD operation of EHO had a conference with a man named Usami Akihiko a couple of days ago. I know what I am saying is punishable, but I feel like it isn't a coincidence that the EHO LSD Department suddenly wanted to pull off."_

Yokozawa hit the mirror with his fist it broke into pieces. With blood dripping on the shattered mirror, he made a vow. He'd finish his job and make the man who broke his cool and barged in his privacy pay, with EHO or not. Yes, he'd make Kirishima Zen pay for what he has done.

* * *

When the blindfold was removed, Ritsu found himself standing in a lavishly furnished study. With his eyes still adjusting, what caught his eyes was not the crazy collection of antique furniture, but a figure of a young frame standing not far from him. For a moment he thought he was alone but he realised he was not. He blinked a couple of times. And he felt his knees went weak.

The young body with a pale complexion was wearing an oversized long sleeves shirt. He could even guess that whoever the poor guy was, he wasn't wearing anything underneath. He then noticed the one hand of the fragile frame handcuffed on a pole. Bruises all over the body, scratches and busted lip. With just that sight, he wanted to cry.

Ritsu felt his hair rise as he heard a door opening. The air inside the room seemed suddenly suffocating. He whirled and saw a familiar man. But the Usami Akihiko he knew had a kind face. But the man approaching him was everything but kind. Ritsu knew it was because of the LSD effect, but still, the air around the man sent chills throughout his body.

"Welcome Onodera Ritsu. I've been waiting for you."

Ritsu just looked at the man with an intimidating air, trying to maintain a poker face. He wanted to step back but he stopped himself. Usami Akihiko grabbed his arm ever so gently. Ritsu wondered where Usami will be taking him when the tall man led him towards the frail body he noticed earlier.

"Takahashi," Usami started. "Aren't you glad to meet this special man in front of you? He's got a photographic memory," Usami chirped. "He knows the LSD formula so soon enough, the laboratory will resume operations." The man leered at Misaki. "You are nothing compared to him."

Misaki stared wide-eyed at Ritsu. Ritsu stared back at Misaki as if feeling the suffering the young man had been experiencing in the hands of the insane Usami Akihiko.

Onodera Ritsu felt violated and helpless, when out of nowhere, Usami Akihiko pulled him close and ravished his raw mouth in front of Misaki. The kiss was rough and hot and wet. The greedy tongue kept pushing and pushing inside the caverns of his mouth. Ritsu tried to push the man but to no avail.

"This is your warm welcome." Usami whispered in a hoarse voice moving away for a short time. "Aren't you glad?" Then he prodded his tongue once more inside Onodera's swollen lips.

Gasping for air, Ritsu moved his face away but the huge hands caught him and Usami continued tracing Ritsu's mouth, his saliva dripping down the corners of Ritsu's lips. Ritsu felt a hand slide beneath the coat he was wearing and pinch one of his nipples hard. Caught by surprise, helpless and confused, remembering the delicate treatment of Takano, Ritsu's eyes shot up the ceiling then at the short, young frame watching them.

Misaki, there standing with his hand restrained, bit his bottom lip and looked the other way as his eyes and heart started to weep.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

AHHH! I am sorry Misaki…lol

yey! I got butterflies in my stomach while typing this. Ahaha/

I imagine it and go crazy. T_T what am I doing? HAHAHA

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS AND THE WARM LOVE!

ARIGATOU! *sniff*

to the readers who've been commenting..my deepest gratitude from my heart and innards! hehehe


	18. Fear

Fear for one's treasures.

* * *

**FEAR**

Ritsu murmured a soft "sorry" under his breath as he sank lower on the huge table. Something hot slid down Ritsu's face. Tears not for himself but for the young man who was trying to stifle a scream of pain from the corner of the room.

The pained expression of the broken, young man Ritsu just saw was all too familiar. Haven't he had the same face before? A scared, painful look towards someone you love? The look of self-denial, self-doubt and betrayal?

As he felt his clothes being torn apart from his flesh, the memory of Haitani slashing his back open with a bread knife and still raping him came back to him. Having the cursed photographic memory was a nightmare that haunted him countless nights. The vivid look of Shin's dilated pupils, the crooked smile on his pale face, the saliva dripping down his mouth. And the knife that slashed his back when he tried to run.

It must be stupid and nonsense to say that Ritsu didn't feel any loathing at Haitani for what he has done to him. But he couldn't bring himself to hate Haitani. It wasn't Haitani after all. It was the LSD effect eating at his ex-lover's brains. It was the LSD that caused the break down of Shin. It wasn't Shin's fault.

And with just one look at the frail, figure's face, Ritsu knew that whoever that young man was whom Usami called as Takahashi, he had deep feelings for the man who was nibbling at his flesh. Feelings that went beyond friendship, a feeling that should have been romantic but ended up as tragic.

If the boy knew that the Usami Akihiko he's been with all the time wasn't the real one, would he be overjoyed? Would he be able to forgive? Just like how he forgave Shin?

A pair of cold hands cupped Ritsu's face. And he found himself staring at two, sharp, lavender eyes. The face was smiling but the eyes weren't.

"Why are you looking so far away when you have me right here?" Usami asked, pressing more of his weight on Onodera. Ritsu felt his back would break.

_I must ride along…_ Ritsu consoled himself. _Ride along with him until I see the real one…_He had prepared himself for such acts. Pretend that he was the good, obedient captive. Follow all Usami's whims. Even if it meant being his sex slave.

Pressing his eyes closed, with Takano's face flashing before him, he opened up his arms, urging the insane man to keep going. _Takano-san…I'm sorry…_

With the invitation from the man under him, Usami chuckled and coolly started to unbuckle Ritsu's belt. As much as Misaki didn't want to see, he can't bring himself to stop from watching. As much as he didn't want to hear Usami's moans, and laughter and the responding groans of the man who just arrived, it was all too loud, all too clear beating in his eardrums.

Every kiss, every caress his Usagi-san planted on Ritsu, was a knife piercing at Misaki's chest.

"Why must I see this?" Misaki murmured closing his eyes shut. "Why must I hear this?" But shutting his swollen eyes didn't do anything. Usami was still on top of the brown-haired man, ready to possess Ritsu. Shutting his eyes made the sounds even clearer and sharper, sending every nerve of his body writhe in self-pity.

Usami's fluid movements in just a short while, managed to rip off everything that served as a covering for Ritsu's body. With one arm under Ritsu's hips, he spread one of Ritsu's leg as far as it could, nudging his member at the small opening before him. No preparation at all.

"Uh—ah!" Ritsu jolted, his fingers digging deeper on Usami's shoulders as he felt something hot, something foreign, something pulsating at his entrance.

Usami buried his face on Ritsu's neck who has thrown his head back and inhaled the sweet mixed with sweat scent coming from him. "I'll be really gentle with you…"

Ritsu's tears wouldn't stop, Misaki's breathing became laboured as he tried to suppress himself from screaming Usagi's name to stop. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, Ritsu could taste his own blood, he waited for the thrust.

He can feel the head of Usami's engorged member greedily pushing its way in. Gasping and moaning at the strange sensation between his thighs, Ritsu screamed Takano's name inside his head.

But no thrusting came.

With eyes blurry from his own sweat and tears, he lowered his head to look at Usami who was still on top of him. He saw a face staring back down at him with concern. He found himself shocked as the man's hand started wiping off his cheeks and nose.

"There's blood coming out of your nose," Usami declared. "Ah my poor, angel. Was I too rushed?"

Usami gently pulled Ritsu up and made him sit on his table. Cupping Ritsu's face and planting little kisses on his forehead, he smiled. "I'll treat you good. Treasure you like the most delicate possession I have. As long as you obey and do your job, we'll live in a bliss." Usami whispered in Ritsu's ear.

After a couple of seconds, Usami straightened himself and fixed his tie and buttoned up his half undone shirt and zipped his slacks. He picked up the coat Ritsu was wearing earlier and placed it on the man's shaking shoulders. Ruffling Ritsu's hair, he threw a cruel look at Misaki.

"I'll let you rest for now. Why don't you get acquainted with my pet over there?"

Usami started walking for the huge door of his study and turned once more at Ritsu. "I'll go finish off some matters for now and call for some food for you. See you later, Ritsu."

Hearing the locking click of the huge mahogany door, silence filled the room.

Strength left all of Ritsu's body. He slowly slid down on the floor, panting while clutching his chest, hiding under Yokozawa's coat. A wave of nervousness and relief washed over him as he began crying out loud. It was harder to pretend being with consent than being taken by force.

His whole being consumed by fear, he didn't even feel that he was again having his attack. The pain in his head was nothing compared to the thundering in his chest.

He cried his heart out, and noticed that he wasn't alone. On the corner of the room, with his free hand pressing on his eyes, a cry broke out from Misaki's busted lips. His soft sobs and trembles grew louder and became wails of agony.

Just thinking his Usagi will be joined with another person, and even in front of him, he thought he'd die right on the spot. It was an unexplainable pain, more excruciating than any pain that can be inflicted on one's body. He felt choking as he watched his Usagi-san caress someone other than him.

"Usagi-san…" Misaki murmured under his hysterical cries. "Usagi-saaaaan…" He repeated over and over again as he himself lost the remaining strength in his body and slumped on the floor.

Ritsu, pulling his knees up to his face, Misaki resting the side of his head on the pole, the two of them caught each other's eyes for a moment. With a mutual, silent agreement and consoling for one another, they cried out their pains together, too deep to put into words.

* * *

Takano traced the bed where Ritsu had been sleeping. He ran his hand softly on the sheets as if it was Ritsu himself. With eyes reddening from lack of sleep, tiredness and frustration, he stood and paced the room.

"Shit. Fucking Shit…" Takano cursed directing it to the police station where he ran after searching for Ritsu endlessly. They had been no help at all. Telling him that they would only be able to file a missing person's report after 48 hours.

_48 hours? Useless bastards! Do you have any idea what could my Ritsu be experiencing with that period of time?!_ Takano gritted his teeth. Due to frustration, he punched the concrete wall on his side which sent the back of his hand bleeding.

_Ritsu…where are you?_ Takano helplessly whispered to air as he slumped back on the bed. Not realizing he was being dragged back to sleep.

* * *

Takano awaken with a start. There was a loud banging on the door, strong enough to break it down. Staggering, Takano ran towards the door with a sudden hope welling in him.

"Ritsu?" With hand shaking, Takano pulled the door open, panting full of expectations.

But the sight he saw upon opening the door made him feel that he had to prepare himself for the worse.

The man with slight stubbles on the jaw, with hair unkempt, with face still having the traces of sheets stepped backwards giving way for Yokozawa.

The two men stared at the unwashed cups of coffee on the center table. Both being cautious of what to say. Takano knew already that something was already wrong. With a face full of scratches and cuts and how the way Yokozawa walked, as if restraining himself to put more weight on his left foot was screaming bad news.

Without talking, Yokozawa pulled out his EHO ID and pushed it towards Takano. Takano just stared at it.

Shifting a little on the sofa, Yokozawa again took his ID back. "You're smart Takano. I think you are already getting the idea of what is going on."

"Tell me…" Takano began barely audible.

"Seeing you at this condition, you should take a rest first."

"Tell me…" Takano repeated.

"If you're wasted like this…"

Yokozawa didn't know Takano had it in him. And due to his still aching body, his reflexes were still slow. Takano, leaning over the center table grabbed Yokozawa's collar and pulled the man towards him. With their faces inches away, warm breath clashing, head aching, he glared at Yokozawa.

"Tell me what happened last night. Yokozawa." It was a voice full of pleading, hatred, impatience and threat.

* * *

The sun which was intensely shining through the curtains sent Takano's head spinning. He wasn't even sure if the wetness in his eyes was because his head hurt, or because he couldn't believe that after all the running they did, Ritsu would still end up being caught by the one man Miyagi told him they should avoid.

"Are you alright?" Yokozawa added. The question left Takano wondering if Yokozawa was being sarcastic or not.

Alright that maybe at that very moment, the bastard Usami was doing something illegal with his Ritsu? That maybe Usami has been torturing him? That he just slept so soundly while Ritsu almost died with the chase, almost raped? The most hurtful thing was that he tried his best, but he still failed to protect the one person he had come to treasure. Yes he was fucking alright.

Yokozawa, equally beaten sighed. "Do you want to take Ritsu back?"

"Do you really have to ask?!" Takano yelled irritated.

Yokozawa sat straight and looked Takano dead in the eyes. "One month."

"Huh?"

"We will need one month to prepare."

Takano stood suddenly and paced the room. Fully incredulous at what he just heard. "One month?! One month?! Do you hear what you're saying?! There are tons of things that could happen within a month YOKOZAWA!"

Yokozawa, starting to get irritated also stood. It was his turn to grab the dishevelled polo shirt of Takano. "No one knows that better than I do! Takano!"

Slapping Yokozawa's hand away, Takano faced the wall and pounded on it. "One month…?"

Feeling the frustration himself and totally disappointed that the EHO LSD Department he has been working for could be bought, Yokozawa ran a hand through his hair.

"We don't have any EHO backup anymore Takano. I only have 14 loyal men with me. We are facing a huge wall here. We need proper preparation. Or else Usami, and his private military group…Squad B," Yokozawa grimaced and almost spat at the name, "Will crush us like parasites."

Takano wasn't the kind of man to show weakness, but at that moment, he didn't know what to do anymore. His shoulders shook; he placed his hand on his mouth to block a sob. He had never felt so helpless and desperate before. Never felt so useless. Never felt so pathetic. His Ritsu was even sick. Hell only knows what could happen within a month.

_So this was the emotion you feel when you know someone important is in danger but you could do nothing?_ Takano thought chuckling, and sobbing at the same time.

Bothered by different feelings as to why he, Yokozawa, was desperate to fight Usami, no, to be precise, face Squad B, he walked near the sobbing Takano and patted the man on the back.

"We'll get through this, man…" Yokozawa awkwardly encouraged Takano.

A bond called deep friendship they never would have thought they would form started. With different reasons, with same enemy.

* * *

Tossing an apple he had bitten back and forth, Kirishima raised his feet on the center table with his eyes far away. Leon who was sitting across him, watched his Chief in silence.

The room they were asked to wait was luxurious. Two ragged men seemed so out of place. Leon turned his head when he heard the door opened, revealing the always neat and composed man Squad B has been working for for a while now. Usami Akihiko.

Leon stood and bowed. Kirishima, being the only one who had the guts not to bow down at Usami remained seated.

Kirishima waived a hand and took another bite. "I received the new order. Pretty boring. Don't you have anything action packed than that? Babysitting isn't Squad B's cup of tea."

Usami laughed a little and walked towards the huge window, where the Usami estate can be seen clearly.

"Now, now Kirishima, have you seen the contract? The pay is even higher."

Having finished the apple, Kirishima threw it to the bin beside the table. It was a clean shot. Leon who was still not used to the intimidating air Usami was emitting sat quietly, still in awe at how his Chief can manage to talk back like that.

"I have no interest in babysitting. Ask somebody else and certainly not from Squad B," Kirishima stated while running a hand on his hair.

The man in a sleek suit threw a serious look at Kirishima. "The problem with EHO is already solved. But my guts say be prepared. My intuition has never failed me once."

"Intuition, huh?"

Kirishima stood and grinned at Usami. "Fine, fine, we'll take on your babysitting job."

"Good. Sniff around my estate for possible rodents and kill them off. It's as easy as that."

* * *

While walking the down the long hallway, Kirishima noticed Leon being silent for a while already. It was strange, since the newbie couldn't be stopped rattling even if it killed him.

"Hoi, Leon, you've been quiet for the longest time I could remember. Got a stomach ache or something?"

Leon stole a glance at Kirishima's back who was walking a little ahead of him. "Uhm—chief…can you do it with me?" Leon asked stopping on his tracks.

Kirishima turned to look at the newbie with a baffled expression. "Do what?"

"Kissing."

From a teasing expression, Kirishima's face turned deadly serious. "What nonsense are you talking about, Leon?"

Leon stared at his feet then at Kirishima. "Because Chief, you like that EHO guy! That Yokozawa! You didn't even kill him when you could have easily done it! Why?"

"If he didn't die, that was my mistake." And Kirishima started walking again. But he stopped once again when he felt Leon's hand grab his arm.

"Are you testing my patience, brat?" Kirishima said in a voice Leon always find scary. But at that moment, he didn't care anymore.

"I followed you the morning you disappeared after the briefing. And…I saw you…kissed a man! How could you explain that!"

Kirishima's eyes narrowed. "Are you my stalker?"

"Chief you're my idol! I hate that that Yokozawa is turning you funny!"

Kirishima placed his hand on Leon's black, unruly hair and leaned closer. "Brat, are you in love with me?"

Leon stepped backwards. "Whoa—chief! I am not a homo!"

The taller man snickered. "Listen, I can kiss anyone. I can kiss everyone. Hell I can even have sex with that Usami bastard. I can do anything to break an enemy's defense. So you better stop running disgusting thoughts inside your stupid head."

Fixing his hair, Leon followed Kirishima who resumed walking the seemingly endless hallway of Usami's residence.

"So chief, you really only did that for the sake of breaking the enemy's defences?"

"I'll pull your tongue out, Leon."

"Then, how does kissing another man feels like?"

"Just like kissing a woman."

"How did you feel kissing the Yokozawa man?"

Leon stiffened. It was just a very brief moment, but he saw Kirishima's cool expression waver.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Dear Readers,

Thank you for always reading and leaving encouraging reviews. I am so happy. I hope till the end, you'll be with me. *bow*

* * *

Lol..serious mode? Ahahah..OMG...I HAD A HARD TIME DOING THE RITSUxUSAGI SAN PART BECAUSE I STILL WANTED TO PRESERVE ONODERA'S ASS FOR TAKANO. BUT WELL IMPOSSIBLE...SINCE IT WILL TAKE A MONTH. SHOCKZ...LETS DO PERVERT STUFF HERE...THREESOME? LOL..WHA..I AM NOT EXPERIENCED WRITING THESE STUFf...GOT TO GO MAKE SOME RESEARCH! AHAHA

EDIT: THE THREESOME I MENTIONED HERE IS SSSOOOO NOT GONNA HAPPEN I AM JUST JOKING^^

* * *

LOVE YOU GUYS! /


	19. Vision

Dreams are gateways.

* * *

**Vision**

There was a sound of running water in the background. The mirrors that served as a wall reflected every move he made. Slowly and carefully, he got off his pants and left it on the floor just like a snake which just had a shedding of its skin. With a sigh, he dipped a hand in the steamy tub of water and sat motionless in it.

_That was a close call. _Ritsu thought as the warmth of the water started to envelope his body. The event earlier caught him by surprise. Not at how sexually aggressive his captor was but at how twisted the LSD effect had on Usami. He had multiple states himself, but none as sadistic as Usami's.

_ Yeah…my H-state. _He straightened his body and dipped his head and tried to stop his breathing for a moment. Thinking things over again. _Is one of LSD's effects brings out the pervert in one's self?_

He knew that the episode that took place when he arrived was not the last. To be precise, it was just the beginning. Thankfully he was saved by the blood running from his nose. But what about the coming night? The night after that? And the coming more nights? He didn't even know for how long he needed to do this. Thinking he'd have to have sexual intercourse with a man he was kind of fond of before made him cringe. But what choice did he have? Besides, it was not like he was still a virgin. He had a lot of encounters. With some friends, with his pasts, with Haitani.

If only he could turn to H-state by will, maybe it would be better…there would be no problem.

Feeling himself soon to drowning, he pushed his body upwards and gulped huge amounts of air into his lungs.

"I'm doing this for a purpose. I'm doing this for a purpose," he encouraged himself. "Besides, it is best to stay at his good side," Ritsu told himself as he pictured again the situation of the Misaki guy he saw. He was pitiful. He wondered how he could at least help the poor guy.

Ritsu's train of thoughts was broken by a soft knock on the door.

"Onodera-sama, I've come to bring you fresh clothes," The voice called out. "I'll leave them on the bed."

Ritsu's brow arched at the word "-sama".

Earlier, after Usami left him in the study together with Misaki, a man with an easy smile approached him and led him to this impossible lavatory. He introduced himself as Shiro, Usami's secretary.

Hurriedly, Ritsu stood and stepped out of the tub. With water dripping from his body, he pulled the door a little open to peek at the man. So far, the man sounded like a normal person.

"Shiro-san, where is this 'sama' coming from?" Ritsu asked through the small opening.

Shiro turned to look at the ajar door and with a fixed smile, he pointed the clothes. "Here, wear them after you're done." And with a slight pause, Shiro added, "The President said to treat you as if you were him."

Upon hearing it, Ritsu wasn't so sure if he should be happy about it or not. One thing that looked so sure was he certainly would appear as 'the new boy-toy', 'a-rags-to-riches' prostitute, whatever everyone would call it.

Closing the door again, he rested his back on it and pondered more deeply. "On second thought, this set-up might be of advantage than being caged and being treated as nothing more than a hostage."

He noticed the pants he left on the floor and motioned to pick it up. And then he saw it. His nakedness through the mirrors. He didn't give much attention to it earlier, but seeing his body as if for the first time gave off a strange feeling. It dawned on him at how thin he had become. His face, had gone a bit pointy, and his stomach was so flat, it was not so fitting for a man. Shamefully, he stared at his lower half.

"Oh my god, what am I thinking?"

He found himself smiling a little at a silly thought that came into him. Laying his situation before him and how he had to act all obedient as if he was an undercover reminded him of a movie he watched ages ago. Naked Weapon.

He blushed at the embarrassment he inflicted on himself and hugged the pants to his chest. _My head has gone funny. Stupid Ritsu. Disgusting…_

He stole another glance at his reflection and whirled around the room, absorbing the situation he was in. His embarrassment disappeared and his face turned serious as few droplets of blood started to make their way out of his nose once more.

"There's no turning back now, is there?"

* * *

With a satisfied look, Usami Akihiko sipped the last few of his wine while looking at the person sitting across him. Was it just him or the red liquid tasted better, even smoother as it made its way down his throat? With his sharp eyes, he stared at the fidgeting Ritsu who seemed to have choked in the food he was chewing.

"Don't be shy with me. Eat as much as you like."

With a forced smile, Ritsu took another bite of the steak set out before him.

Usami's gaze didn't waver and instead, Ritsu felt like he was being stripped already. "Black suits you well. Makes your eyes and hair stand out," he commented.

"Huh?" Ritsu gaped with his fork on air. "Th—thank you." He answered looking down his plate. He was really getting nervous. A candle lit dinner with just the two of them, meant that the second course of things would be "that".

After his bath that afternoon, all he did was wait in that huge, lonely room. After a long time of pacing the room, he was called out and escorted by Shiro to the dining hall for dinner. While on the way, Ritsu tried to ask about Misaki, but Shiro pretended not to have heard the question.

"Ritsu, tomorrow I'll be introducing you to the people in my lab."

"Okay," Ritsu replied softly, staring at his still full plate.

"I'd be asking you to write all the things you can remember about everything."

"Okay," Ritsu answered toying with the soft piece of beef on his plate.

"Ritsu, look at me." There was a sudden intensity from the voice of the silver-haired man that surprised Ritsu, making him drop his fork on the marble floors with an awkward clink.

Unsteadily, Ritsu bent to pick up the fork. But he didn't just found a fork but two, expensive pair of leather shoes as well. Ritsu raised his face and saw Usami knelt before him.

"Say, are you afraid of me?"

"…"

The older man, took both of Ritsu's hands into his and stared deeply at the pair of embarrassed, emerald eyes before him. He brought his lips to the slightly, sweaty hands and kissed them.

"I want you to know I am extremely good towards those who don't betray my trust," Usami said in his deep voice with his mouth still on Ritsu's hands. "I am expecting your full cooperation and in return, you can expect that I will take care of you."

Ritsu's eyes, glazed with the forming tears, looked at his hands and at Usami's face. He was torn at the sight of the man kneeling before him. He was evil, he was inhuman, he was a criminal but it wasn't his fault, was it? And now, he'd have to swear loyalty with the pure intention of betraying him from the very beginning.

_"Stupid Ritsu, he's not the Usami you came to ask and help…don't feel bad for him!" _He reminded himself. Gathering all his guts and ability to lie, he managed to form a small smile at Usami. "I won't…betray you."

Caught by surprise, Ritsu let out a small gasp when Usami suddenly embraced him tightly from where he was sitting. Hugging him tightly, Usami released a sound that sounded like a sigh of relief. Feeling a little ticklish at how Usami was nuzzling at his neck, Ritsu slowly placed his hands onto the other man's chest to push him away. But the hug just got tighter.

"Don't betray me Ritsu. Don't ever betray me." Usami exhaled at Ritsu's ear. "Don't betray me like Misaki did."

Ritsu roamed his eyes around the spacious dining hall before burying his face on Usami's shoulder. With his hands on Usami's chest, he slowly circled them to hug to man back. "It's fine. It's fine…" he muttered with his muffled voice.

All he had to do was be obedient alright. Of course he didn't have any intention of spilling the correct procedure to create LSD. Never will he expose that. He'd just hold on to everything until he gets the chance to meet the real Usami Akihiko who was asking for help, and who apparently at least knew that the cure was something connected to an "umbrella".

"You're mine now, Ritsu…"

Feeling small, little kisses starting to pour on his white neck, Ritsu grabbed the man's crisp, blue polo tightly with his shaking hands.

_"It's fine…you can get by if you think of Takano-san instead."_

* * *

Takano was sweating hard. Trickles of sweat ran down from his forehead to the white linen of the pillow where his head was resting. Brows furrowing, with his eyeballs in rapid motion, he tossed and turned on the familiar bed. His breathing was deep and laboured. His blanket falling off the bed.

"Ritsu…Ritsu" he moaned in his sleep.

_There, in a dark room, with a huge bed, two figures were sitting. It was Ritsu and a blurred face of a man who's much bigger than the brunette. _

_The man's lips curled into a smile as he painstakingly, slowly, lifted the black shirt above Ritsu's head. The only remaining piece of covering his Ritsu was wearing, thrown down the bed. The man marvelled at the sight in front of him. He was as if savouring the suspense and excitement of taking the prize slowly but surely. He lowered his head down the bare skin in front of him. His lips brushing the white skin lightly. Blowing a warm breath of air to Ritsu's neck down his collar bone. _

_Feeling the touch, Ritsu flinched as if enjoying the moment. The man, satisfied at the face his partner was making, he licked his own lips to make it moist and started giving off real kisses on Ritsu's chest. He slightly ran his tongue over the still unresponsive nipples. He was getting more excited as he felt arms encircle his head, pushing him closer. _

_"Uhn—" A low moan escaped from Ritsu's partially opened mouth as the man hungrily sucked on one of his nipples hard while his other hand encircled and teased the other. The hardening of the once soft flesh sent the taller man feeling intoxicated. _

_The man, raised his head with his tongue still licking and flicking at the flushed skin to meet the teary eyes of Ritsu. Swept away by lust, this unknown man pushed Ritsu on the bed rather strongly, placing his knee in between the gasping Ritsu's legs. _

_Leaning over Ritsu, with his hands on both sides of the green-eyed man, he said something. Then the two looked at each other's eyes for a moment before locking themselves up in a passionate kiss. With Ritsu's fingers weaving at the man's locks, pulling him deeper, the other man's hand was busy caressing the pulsating member of Ritsu greedy for attention. _

_Ritsu's loud moan of pain filled the room when the lusting man prodded a finger in the already wet, twitching opening. Tears of pain, and pleasure came streaming down Ritsu's face and this unforgivable man licked them away. Panting heavily, clinging tightly, hands wrapped around the intruder's chest, Ritsu unconsciously bit on the flesh before him. The man was caught by surprise but it seemed to have just given a positive effect._

_Another finger made its way inside the tight, contracting hole without warning. Ritsu's screams became drowned as the man locked his mouth into Ritsu's. He introduced another digit and circled the opening, thrusting deeper, in and out, slowly then hurriedly. _

_Ritsu's eyes shot wide, screaming his head out inside the man's mouth. He's body jerked as the fingers continuously hit 'that' spot. The panting mess pulled himself away to breath, but the greedy man pulled his jaw once more and plunged his tongue inside Ritsu's mouth. Thread of saliva on the corners of his lips, Ritsu spread his legs wider, pulling the man closer to him as if begging that fingers weren't enough. _

_Chuckling, a huge hand of the man brushed away the damp hair on Ritsu's forehead before planting small kisses on the younger man's cheeks, nose, and finally back on his mouth. _

_With fluid movements, this man who was panting heavily himself, lifted Ritsu legs and prodded them on his shoulders. Carefully nudging his aching, pulsating cock into the wet entrance, he drew a deep breath and slowly, pushed his way in._

_Ritsu cried out again, totally lost at the feeling of being filled by something hard and hot. _

_When the man was all inside up to the hilt, he pulled Ritsu up in a sitting position and begun thrusting. At first it was slow, to allow the other to adjust, but as the greedy man began to lose himself in ecstasy, his thrusts grew faster and deeper, pounding harder and harder at the man writhing in pain and pleasure. Ritsu's arms clung even tighter at the man, begging for more. _

_The echo of the bed creaking, flesh to flesh pounding, gasping and moaning sent the two in utter bliss. They lip locked again, thrusting their tongues at each other as if playing a tug of war. With all the intensity and heat, both felt each other tensing up. The man gave more thrusting until spurts of thick, liquid came oozing out of Ritsu's cock. Ritsu arched his back as he felt the warm release of the other man shoot up inside of him._

_Panting, the two of them fell on the bed. Ritsu slid his arms around Takano who was still on top and still inside of him._

_Takano saw himself kiss Ritsu on the forehead before burying his head on the man's damp hair._

_Then he saw himself raise his head once more. As if a camera was panning closer, it showed the tired but satisfied face of Ritsu, and a face of a man not his._

* * *

Takano awaken in a gasp. His eyes wondered around the dark room. With one hand brushing his sweaty hair off his eyes, he slowly stood.

He gulped.

His body was still hot from his dream. But his heart was so heavy.

Sighing, Takano grudgingly opened the door. He shut his eyes for a moment as the sudden brightness stung his eyes.

"Takano?" Yokozawa asked in surprise as he stared at the sweat covered man in front of him.

Blinking a couple of times, Takano finally gathered his scattered thoughts that Yokozawa would be spending the night at their motel so that in the morning the two of them would go back to Nishijima following the 14 men who already did.

"Ah—Yokozawa…what time is it?" He asked in a hoarse voice. Clearly, the thumping of his heart must have obstructed his throat.

Yokozawa who was sitting on the sofa with a couple of papers in hand, furrowed his eyebrows. "It's just 1:40 am. What happened to you? Bad dream?"

Takano closed his eyes for a moment, wanting to erase forever what he saw. Sighing, Takano massaged his aching temples. "No…it was a nightmare."

Definitely it was terrifying for Takano to dream something like that. Specially that his Ritsu was nowhere near him. His worry just intensified.

Takano made his way to the refrigerator to cool his dry, mouth and senses. He sighed again.

"Fucking nightmare…" Takano hissed under his breath still disturbed.

It was definitely disturbing. But he got it all wrong. It wasn't a dream.

* * *

for those who dont know **NAKED WEAPON**: it is a movie about two girls who have gone extensive trainings to be spies and assasins in a facility. Their greatest weapon was their bodies as they seduced their preys and kill them in the middle of smex. It is great and sad movie. ^^


	20. Photo

And as the saying goes, _'A picture says a thousand wor_ds'.

* * *

**Photo**

Despite Usami being surprisingly extremely gentle with Ritsu, the latter still felt an excruciating pain from his most private part shooting up to his spine. He couldn't help wincing when he tried to move. With Usami's arm on his stomach, he chose to lay still staring at the high ceiling.

After staring at the ceiling long enough for him to feel that it was crashing in on him, he moved his head to look at the sleeping face of the man beside him. How unbelievable it was that this face, soundly, innocently breathing in and out softly was an insane person. No wonder people who weren't aware of LSD wouldn't know a thing about what was going on.

The lampshades that were lit on both sides of the bed gave off a mysterious feeling. Like everything from his past up to that moment was all nothing but a series of unfortunate tales meant to scare kids. Grunting from his aching hips, he lifted the heavy arm on him and placed it on the side of Usami. The man's brows furrowed for a moment but returned to the peaceful state in a matter of seconds.

Ritsu slowly sat, and roamed his eyes for a clock. After the tiring events, he didn't sleep a wink although he stayed beside Usami. He wanted to meet the sane man, he couldn't sleep yet. And when finally he saw a digital clock on the table on Usami's side, he sighed at the blinking dots of green. 2:30. He stared at it. Funny he felt that even the seconds felt like hours.

"Why does everything feels so slow when you wait for it?" Ritsu whispered.

Feeling his bladder hitting its limit, he stood not minding his stark nakedness. He was not even a few feet away from the bed when he felt a thick, sticky fluid running from his aching hole to his thighs. He stared at it like it was the funniest thing in the world.

Slowly, he made his way to the spacious bathroom and ran the hot shower over his body full of Usami's traces. The steam soothed his flesh, the sound of water against the tiles calmed his soul. He smiled at himself as he saw his stained body against the mirrors. He wasn't a virgin, but he still hoped that the next man he would offer himself was the man he would love after Shin. He wished deep down that it was Takano.

"Well, it can't be helped," he said aloud. As if that would be enough to sooth the turmoil inside of him.

He thought about crying, but no tears came out from his eyes.

* * *

With a grunt of exhaustion, Usami turned to his side feeling a warm flesh beside him. He sniffed the faint scent of soap. Still half-asleep, he lifted his arms under the sheets towards the warmth he was feeling. He bolted up when he felt his hand rubbed what felt like a kneecap.

Eyes squinting, brains rummaging, he felt every nerve of his body working back to life.

"Good lord, did I force Misaki once more?" was Usami's first thought.

His eyes were still adjusting at the dim lighting but he knew he just fucked someone. Feeling the sheets against his skin, and the dried thing on his chest and legs he knew was cum, he lifted his gaze at the figure beside him. It wasn't lying on the bed sleeping like he had expected. It was sitting on the bed with his back resting on the pillows propped on the wall. And seeing the hints of light brown hair, a glint of different pair of eyes, and an expectant expression on the face of the person staring back at him, it certainly wasn't Misaki.

He turned to look at the clock beside his table. 3:00 am. And then he faced the man once more with a confused expression.

"Usami-san," Ritsu started in a small voice.

With an unbelieving face, Usami moved to get a closer look at the smaller figure before him. "I know this voice…" Usami mustered desperately. "I know this voice…god, Onodera? Onodera Ritsu?

Ritsu nodded slowly, forming a sorrowful smile.

Usami's face lit up. He was even about to grab the man and give him a pat on the head when it hit him that the man wasn't wearing anything. That the neck and arms of Ritsu were covered in bruises that looked like kiss marks.

Seeing the ruffled sheets, his own naked body and Ritsu's situation, Usami gave a one pained look over Ritsu and grabbed Ritsu's head burying it against his shoulders. He murmured "sorry" over and over with his hoarse voice. Ritsu didn't expect that that one gesture was the thing that would finally break his strong front and make him cry.

"Sorry…I didn't mean to do this to you," Usami whispered, burying his face on Ritsu's hair. "I don't know…Sorry…shit…"

Ritsu couldn't even believe how much bottled up his feelings were. He wasn't regretting what he did, but he finally grasped how much he wanted himself to be together with Takano. He wanted to embrace the man so badly, how much more time before he could rest?

Hiccupping, Ritsu wiped his face with his hands. "I know. It's not your fault. I chose this for myself."

* * *

When Usami felt Ritsu's trembling subsided, he moved away and looked straight in the man's eyes. Nervousness seeping from his every joint, he drew a deep breath. "Onodera…you know how we can be freed from…from this? Right?"

Ritsu opened his mouth as if to say something, but he lowered his gaze instead. This very act told Usami that this wasn't going to be easy.

"Wait, Onodera, the 'umbrella'…that!" Usami urged, grabbing Ritsu's shoulders and shaking him.

With brows furrowing, Ritsu calmly moved Usami's hands away. "Usami-san…truth be told, I don't know."

A long silence passed between them. Finally it sunk to Usami. "What do you mean?" He asked in exasperation. "You were spouting about the 'umbrellas' that can counter LSD effects when you and Haitani were still in the lab as subjects 3 years ago."

Ritsu pulled his knees towards his face and hugged them, suddenly feeling tired. "As the LSD took over my being, it seems like portions of my memories became scattered Usami-san. Despite my photographic memory, I couldn't remember a thing about this 'umbrella'."

Usami ran a hand over his face and sunk on the bed. His bare chest heaving from frustration. _So it is still a dead end?_

"I actually came here to ask you about this…"Ritsu continued. "You heard me and Haitani talking about it?"

"Yes. During an experiment, I was passing by and heard you said with 'umbrellas' it can reverse LSD's effects. The two of you were laughing at that time as if joking. Now that I think about it, it just maybe a real joke," Usami replied, his arm on his eyes.

"Usami-san, please don't give up. I've sacrificed a lot to come here…I am not yet ready to give up."

The older man's shoulder shook. "Onodera, I don't know…I am so tired already."

Ritsu leaned over Usami. "If there is someone who's supposed to be tired here, it is me! Don't talk as if you're giving up already! Usami-san, I am on the last stage! I don't get my states anymore unlike you! It's just a matter of time before I sprawl dead somewhere! So don't say you're giving up! You've just been exposed to LSD once, compared to me who was constantly being injected by it!"

Usami's precariously wet eyes stared at Ritsu and sighed. "Sorry. I am a pathetic man."

"Your other self wants me to reproduce LSD, of course I won't. I will use the opportunity to make myself remember. So Usami-san, stay strong, think about that boy."

The body lying on the bed shifted a bit. "Misaki…" Usami sighed.

The silver-haired man was caught by surprise when he felt Ritsu grab his left hand and shook it. It was ridiculous and somewhat funny, that two men, naked were shaking their hands.

"Usami-san, I'll definitely remember and free us both of this curse. All I need is your support and everything you can also remember about that day."

Slowly sitting up, Usami clasped Ritsu's hands tighter. "Even though I—you know…"

Ritsu laughed. "I've prepared myself for it. We've done it once…a few more won't hurt me anymore."

Usami's face grew dark. "Don't lie. Onodera…"

Ritsu jerked his head sideways slowly. "No…I've really prepared myself for everything. I want to live longer with someone."

* * *

"Onodera, I am sorry. I want to discuss this more…but…but…"

Slowly, Ritsu saw the expression of Usami's face from a soft and apologetic to a smug one. It didn't help that the yellowish lighting made everything more dream-like. When the insane Usami saw Ritsu leaning a bit, staring at him, a smile formed in his lips and grabbed the man down with him.

"How can I sleep so soundly while my Ritsu is beside here with me waiting?" Usami cooed, confining Ritsu in between his strong arms.

Ritsu didn't fight back. The only thing left for him to do was staring back at the ceiling as the other man pinned him down towering above him. Feeling the familiar thing hardening against his stomach, Ritsu inhaled and slowly exhaled from his nose.

Usami Akihiko was ready yet again for another round. Usami settled his hand on Ritsu's thighs as he busied himself nuzzling at his favourite spot; Ritsu's neck.

"Usami-san…may I ask for a favour?" Ritsu muttered in a shaky voice.

"Hmm?" Usami's reply without removing his face on Ritsu's skin.

Ritsu slowly ran his hands on Usami's back as if teasing. "Can you give Misaki-kun to me?"

Hearing the damned named, Usami Akihiko tensed and leaned on Ritsu, with his eyes narrowing at the man's face.

"I—instead of the boy doing nothing…he can talk to me when you're not around is all what I'm thinking," Ritsu continued without averting his emerald eyes from the lavender ones.

The bed creaked loudly when Usami slumped back on the bed, staring as well at the ceiling. "I don't know about that."

Ritsu was really determined to have the broken boy saved from the insane Usami's eyes. If Misaki was going to be with him, he can at least stop Usami from hurting and humiliating the battered boy. He knew for a fact that he was acting all hero-like. A martyr even, but he thought if he was trying to save himself, why not everyone that would come in his way?

Ritsu turned his head towards Usami. "Please?"

"It depends," Usami answered staring meaningfully at Ritsu.

* * *

*cut* for those who still wanne see break down in yourfanfiction . com although this is just short describing what Ritsu did, and for those who cannot take ritsu do this kind of thing...you can skip this. Won't change the plot ^^

* * *

It was damn painful. The act formed tears in the corners of Ritsu's eyes. But he kept going pleasuring the man.

Usami smiled lewdly and reached for Ritsu's face. "Nice expression," he then tilted Ritsu's chin upwards.

"Fine. Wish granted," Usami said before claiming Ritsu once more.

* * *

Hitting his fourteenth cigarette in the morning, Takano grimly sighed as his brains, no matter how he stopped, continued to replay the gagging dream he had. It didn't even allow him to sleep a wink.

He threw his head back and blew a cloud of white smoke above his head. The sun was still sleeping, the room quiet and awkwardly empty. Stabbing the cigarette on the almost full ashtray, he sighed once more. He focused his eyes on his duffel bag containing few of his clothes and some personal belongings that he tossed on the empty sofa across him.

He felt tired and wasted. He was worried sick. Who was feeding Ritsu? Who was giving him medications? Above all, he missed him. He didn't care that Ritsu was spouting Shin's name all the time. He suddenly wished he took a photo of his Ritsu.

Takano shifted on his position when he heard a door clicked open. Then Yokozawa, wearing thick jacket appeared carrying two cups of convenience store coffee and steamy buns.

"Is cigarette your breakfast?" Yokozawa started as he carefully placed the food on the center table. He bent to pick his cup of coffee and sipped a little, grateful at the warmth it produced against the cold temperature.

Takano stabbed his newly lit cigarette and took the remaining cup in his hand without saying a word.

After a silence as the two finish their light breakfast, Yokozawa eyed the silent Takano.

"Takano, if you will continue being depressed like that, better not to come anymore."

"I'm not depressed," Takano shot back.

"Look here, with that kind of behaviour you're showing me, it wouldn't save anybody."

Takano placed the cup on the center table with a thud. "I am not depressed. And I'll certainly take Ritsu back!"

Crossing his legs, Yokozawa then glanced at his wrist watch. 5:30. "Let's say you're not depressed and you're ready to combat, why the face?"

Irritated at the pressing man, Takano flicked his tongue. "I—fuck…stop asking!"

Yokozawa sighed. "You miss him already? Are you serious? How will you last for a month?" he teased trying to at least lighten the mood. But it instead resulted to the opposite.

"Are you mocking me? Fine…I do! What's so bad about it?!" Takano snarled.

The man ran down a hand on his hair and closed his eyes. "I never would have thought you're this kind Takano. You always have this composed, cool aura around you in Nishijima, now I can't even recognize you."

Frowning even more, Takano stood, grabbed his bag and motioned to walk out the door. "Are we not leaving yet?!"

The man who was left still seated sighed. Missing someone? He laughed a little but bolted up right when out of nowhere Kirishima who was pinning him on the walls of the dark alley flashed before him.

"What the hell?" he almost barked. _Why that bastard? Who would miss another man? An enemy for that matter? Wait, who even said I miss that homo prick?_ Irritated at himself, Yokozawa grabbed his folder and fished something out of it.

* * *

Yokozawa found Takano with his back standing idly on the almost empty streets. Breath steaming from the damp, cold morning, Takano adjusted his scarf around his neck. The other man who just came out walked towards Takano and slipped a piece of paper on Takano's breast pocket and continued walking away.

"Hey!" Takano called out pulling the paper out of his pocket.

Yokozawa didn't stop walking and instead hurried his pace even more.

Takano held the paper in front of him but it was blank. He flipped it over and he felt his heart had just stopped. It was Ritsu. The man on the picture was his Ritsu. It took him a while to notice that Ritsu wasn't alone in the photo. A guy taller than the grinning brunette was standing next beside him with his arm on Ritsu's shoulders. It gave him a seething sense of irritation.

Takano ran towards the already far Yokozawa and walked on his side scowling.

"Don't think I will cut the picture to humor you. I just don't want you to miss him more. You can live with that for a month I hope," Yokozawa stated sounding so sure that they will be able to fulfil their purpose.

It eased down Takano's irritation at least. "When was this?" He asked not removing his gaze from the photo. His Ritsu looked so much younger.

With their shoes echoing in the cigarette studded pavement and smoky air clouding the still dim surroundings, Yokozawa turned to look at Takano for a moment then ahead.

"Three years ago. It was still just a rumour that there was an LSD experiment going on. One of our EHO spies captured that picture by accident."

Takano scrutinized the photo in his hand. "They were on a beach?"

"Well, all we know was the initial experiments for LSD wasn't harsh. That's why people agreed to take part of it. They never knew that when they agreed, there was no turning back. Also, the lab of G&C pharmaceutical company was near the ocean before they transferred everything to the MIYAGI Estate, now the USAMI estate.

"It seems like that photo was taken when things weren't going bad yet. From the grin on their faces."

They walked silently. The rustling of their clothes and their shoes filling the air. Takano, totally ignoring the grinning face of Haitani Shin, he looked more closely at the photo. He couldn't just understand why in the photo, Ritsu was smiling and pointing at an upturned umbrella on the beach.

It must have been that Ritsu was just wanting to show the umbrella, or he could have been pointing at the ocean itself. But somehow, he felt strange.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

-I get nervous with UsamiXRitsu thing,,,just so you know! Although strangely, I also enjoy writing about them. Heheh. If you have any idea what could be the cure already forming in your heads…I'd be glad to know. Hehehe /

Thanks for reading! Reviews appreciated!


	21. shuusetsu clears things

**AS THE AUTHOR OF THIS FANFIC**: SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION. NO THREESOME COMING UP.

^^ BUT I DID USAMIxRITSU BECAUSE IT'S PART OF MY PLOT...it saddens me that many might not be able to take it and instead stop. But I would stick to whatever is in my head. I understand all has their own tolerance for their FAVE PAIRINGS. (so it's totally fine) (and i also appreciate your concerns regarding the fanfic as it shows your support!)

I APPRECIATE THE CONCERN! AND I FELT LIKE DOING THIS PORTION TO CLEAR THINGS OUT...COZ THINKING ABOUT IT DEEPER...IT'S JUST A NORMAL REACTION TO THINK THAT I MIGHT DO A THREESOME WITH THAT ONE MONTH PLUS MY THOUGHTLESS COMMENT (JOKE) IN CHAPTER "FEAR"

I MIND THE READERS WHO'VE BEEN FOLLOWING AND SPENDING TIME READING THIS. I VALUE YOU ALL! so here...heheh

SO I HOPE I CLEARED IT OUT THAT THERE WOULD BE NO THREESOME (COZ I SERIOUSLY THINK IT ISN'T NECESSARY).

. But for those who don't want to see **UsagiXRitsu.**..I must say...**SORRY**. **I already did and it's a part of my plot.**

THANKS! DOMO ARIGATOU MINNA-SAN. see yah next!

**=shuusetsu(｡ ‿ ｡)**


	22. Preparations and Pretentions

_"Failing to plan is planning to fail." -anonymous_

* * *

**Preparations and Pretentions**

Ritsu stepped back with a stagger when after he opened the door, a scowling face greeted him.

The eyes squinting at him with utter disgust narrowed even more. The confused brunette gulped. What did he do for this man to be so angry at him? He just saw him for the first time. At least that was what he can remember. Why?

It didn't help that the guy was a foot taller than him. With wavy hair that hides a portion of his face, you wouldn't know what was going on inside his head. Wearing a tight fitting white shirt, and a tattered jeans, a gun holstered on his side and a long scar on his left bicep, showed the brutality the man had in him. His every pore screaming 'killer'.

"What? Do you want me to give you a princess sweep and carry you all the way to the car?" The low voice asked, near to a whisper. And suddenly, Ritsu felt goose bumps crawling to his entire body. The voice, he wouldn't forget that even if he wanted to. The same voice of the man who yanked his hair while murmuring "I hate weaklings like you."

Fumbling with the door knob, Ritsu slowly closed it behind his back and acted brave. He couldn't allow anyone intimidating him now. Not after he'd done.

"I—I can walk," Ritsu answered almost choking in his own words. Acting all brave, he still felt that the man, whoever he was, was dangerous.

Kirishima ruffled his hair with an irritated grunt and led the way. Ritsu following the man with his small footsteps.

"_Why is everyone all taller than me? They make me feel so small_," the slow-paced brunette thought to himself while glaring at the broad shoulders in front of him. Miyagi, was always the big guy in his eyes, Takano was a lot taller than he was, Yokozawa too, and Usami-san and this man now. Why was he even surrounded by dangerous men, he didn't know. It was as if he had some magnet attracting all trouble towards him.

The moment the two of them passed a huge window, Ritsu found himself in awe. Everything was green. Tall trees, white marble statues and an endless greenery met his eyes. The sun's rays making everything sparkle from the morning dew.

He wasn't able to see this, not when he was brought there blindfolded, but seeing everything so clearly, he couldn't help himself but be mesmerized. A paradise of hell, like what the old men used to tell him.

The silence was disturbed by a running sound of shoes towards them. And there came a panting figure of a man Ritsu thought was a lot younger than him.

Black hair in a ponytail, with the strands falling off, a bright smile, and a lean body, the younger man dashed towards Kirishima waiving a stick used for playing drums. Why it was just one and not two was a long story left to be untold.

"Chief!" Leon started resting his hands on his knees catching his breath. "Shit, Chief, this entire place is huge, I got…to the wrong floor."

Kirishima's face softened a bit, but frowned once more, when he caught another glimpse of Onodera standing there like a lost kitten.

"Idiot," was the only thing Kirishima said and he started to walk once more.

As if everything was planned, Leon positioned himself at the back of Onodera as if they were walking in line with Kirishima as the leader.

Ritsu stole a glance at the black-haired guy behind him and at the tall man in front of him. "_Will they be guarding me?"_ He asked himself with a dejected face. "_Everything will be a lot harder then…"_

While walking the seemingly endless stairs and hallways, Ritsu's brain was absorbing every detail his eyes could see. He didn't fail to notice that despite the huge area, he has not seen a single soul other than the three of them. Surely there were people on guard. But where? And every corner seemed to have camcorder as well. It seemed that Usami estate was a virtual cell underneath the breath-taking façade it had.

When finally the three of them reached what seemed like the main entrance of the mansion, Kirishima walked out first telling the two guys to wait.

Left alone on the foyer, Ritsu glanced at the black-haired guy who was humming and tapping the stick on the wall.

_"This guy seemed to be younger than I am, perhaps…I could be…"_

He started to open his mouth but Leon must have foreseen what Ritsu had in mind and lifted the stick and waived it at Onodera who was a good 5 feet away from him.

"I am younger alright…but don't act friendly with me…slut."

Ritsu felt his cheeks heat up. He walked closer towards the brat and faced him eye to eye. Emerald eyes versus chocolate brown ones.

"Don't you know how to respect someone older than you?" Ritsu asked, his pride was hurt.

A laugh filled the peaceful morning. "Respect? Who? You?" Leon crossed his arms. "The only one I follow and respect is the chief. You may be three years older than me…but who cares?" He snorted.

Ritsu's face became pained. The punk in front of him was another broken story just like the Misaki hidden inside the mansion. Why did he always have to feel pity towards everyone when he should pity himself instead? It's one of his problem traits. He always stuck his nose to other's businesses.

"Why? Why are you following these men? They're…dangerous and corrupt…"

Ritsu stopped when Leon bowed his head and sighed, the air around him suddenly tensing up.

With his head lowered, his hair falling in front of his face, only his right eye could be seen behind the dark locks, Leon started walking, slowly towards Ritsu. Closing the gap between the two of them. His left hand inserted in one of his side pockets, the other one still gripping the tattered stick.

Ritsu didn't know how it happened but when he realized it, he couldn't take a step backwards anymore because his back was already against the wall. Leon raised his head and smiled menacingly at Ritsu. The glint of youthfulness totally disappeared and was replaced by the same air Kirishima was giving off.

With the stick on his right hand, he placed it on Ritsu's neck and tugged the black turtle neck Ritsu was wearing down, exposing his skin.

"Say, _Onodera-san_," Leon started demeaning Ritsu's name, "…how many men have you had sex with?"

Ritsu's eyes opened wide at the vulgarity.

"Corrupt? Are you calling my Chief corrupt? Aren't you the same as us…slut?" Leon asked rolling his eyes. One of the corners of his lips turned upwards. "You are not any cleaner, hiding those kiss marks from last night, are we?"

"Is this what you call the pot calling the kettle black?" Leon continued.

"What?" Ritsu muttered totally at a loss.

"You think you're the poor victim here don't you? Well…you are…but I am warning you…" Leon leaned in closer, so close their faces only inches apart. "Don't go insulting Chief in front of me or…"

Ritsu gasped when he thought the stick would directly plunge in his throat. "…Or you'll be having this, in your throat."

The two of them stared at one another, until they heard an engine closing in. The younger man threw a final grin at Ritsu before running towards a black car, which Kirishima was driving.

Kirishima rolled the car window down throwing a glare at Ritsu. A signal for him to get in the car.

Once everyone was settled in, Ritsu looked at the dashboard mirror where he saw Kirishima's poker face. From the corner of his eyes, he watched the black-haired man tap his stick on the head rest of Kirishima while humming. And then he looked at his knees and at the disappearing mansion behind him.

He was being guarded keenly by two scary men. _"It's really going to be a lot harder than I thought…"_

* * *

"Welcome back Chief Yokozawa!"

"Welcome!"

"Yokozawa-san finally!"

These were a few of the pleasantries that greeted Yokozawa and Takano. Men in bandages, with cuts still healing, stood around them with easy smiles. It was so hard to believe that these men were a part of a counter attack group led by Yokozawa.

It took a good four hours by bullet train for Takano and Yokozawa to reach Nishijima once again. Takano thinking back, it wasn't that long since he and Ritsu left the city but setting foot in it once more made it feel like it has been ages.

Yokozawa then led the way into a small house. It looked very normal, with its matching flower garden outside. Small even. With the complete furnishings of a homey home, and with the bruised men in it, it seemed so disturbing.

The leader of the group tossed his jacket on the nearest sofa and placed his hand on Takano's shoulder.

"So men, this is a new comrade of us, Takano Masamune. He'll be joining us with our mission. So please take care of him."

The men looked at Takano with scrutinizing eyes and then suddenly all of them gave him a tap on the shoulder one by one, welcoming him in the team.

"We shouldn't be wasting time now, should we…let's go."

Takano drew a deep breath and followed the men. He scanned the small space and threw a glance at the silent neighbourhood. "_Go where?"_

Closing the door of the house, one of the men then pushed the center table aside and pulled the carpet off the floor, revealing what seemed like an entrance. The man pulled the wooden floor upwards and below it appeared a staircase leading down. The next thing Takano knew, he was sitting in a round table together with the fourteen men in a completely huge area. In front of him were huge monitors, computers and other electronic machines he himself didn't know what they were for.

With Yokozawa standing at the end of the table, not even resting after the long journey, he started laying out what should be expected.

The lighting dimmed, and only the huge monitor behind him left an ample amount of light for them to still see things.

"So, first and foremost, I want to say that I am extremely disappointed at the higher ups of EHO LSD Operations Department because as you all know, they have been bought by the enemy. We can't do anything anymore but to throw them off their high horses and show the entire EHO that there were crooked people in our organization…"

Yokozawa paced the room.

"Because, we've been already called off this mission, we no longer have a budget. That means we will have to optimize whatever we have in hand. And not until we finish this job will you be rewarded. What do I mean really? Means there will be no pay yet."

The men looked at each other and nodded, as if they already have talked the situation within themselves beforehand.

"Anyone who wanted to back out from this, leave the room, as I don't want half-hearted men in my team."

The room grew silent, with only rustling of clothes as some of the men shifted on their seats. Satisfied, Yokozawa nodded and clapped his hands once.

"Okay, so this is the official LSD team now. Sixteen men, including me."

The man stopped pacing and eyed each one of the men in the room.

"You've been with me for a while now but I would like to repeat myself. Why don't we hire other men? Ask assistance from the Japanese government? It is because; the more we are in the team, the harder it is for us to move in and be discreet."

Takano who was silently watching from the back of the room, unconsciously clenched his fists. So hard, they started to dig in his flesh. Sitting there, listening to the briefing just made Takano realize that taking Ritsu back wasn't going to be an easy feat. It was like preparing for a war. And the more Yokozawa explained what they had to do, the more Takano felt his blood boiling in him. He wanted to rush everything. He wanted to do it fast.

But Takano's thinking was cut off, when Yokozawa called his name.

"So now I am going to answer your question Takano, why one month."

The men's faces stared at Yokozawa and then to Takano alternately.

"I bet you wanted to fly to wherever Onodera is and save him. Correct? But may I ask how are you going to deal with class A assassins waiting for you?" Yokozawa pressed a button on a remote and in an instant, a mansion appeared in it. "We are not in action novels where in totally inexperienced men saves the day without scratches."

The men chuckled a little. And Takano understood what Yokozawa was trying to say. Feelings considered, he'd fly there right off the bat, but putting sensibility into account, rushing without preparation would be suicide.

"I could not also send my men still not fully healed. Therefore Takano, I'd be asking Matsuda here to teach you the basics of techniques in a close combat. And I'll have to teach you the basic ropes of ammunition. Truthfully, these kind of training takes years. But we have to squeeze in everything within a month."

"We would be needing firearms, and a whole lot of thinking for a plan in sneaking in. One month, and if all goes well, we might be able to execute everything earlier than that."

Yokozawa slammed a hand on the table putting more weight to what he had to say next.

"Mission is to take Onodera Ritsu back and arrest everyone connected to LSD reproduction. When hell breaks loose, I want you to use all possible ways to arrest without bloodshed. But when you have no options anymore, kill before you get killed."

* * *

The men started to pour out of the room mumbling to each other, excitement on their faces. Takano was left seated at the back of the room and Yokozawa noticed this. When only the two of them were alone, Yokozawa pulled another chair and sat on it facing Takano.

Takano was gritting his teeth, his fists clenched into tight balls and his legs were shaking. He was a picture of impatience.

Yokozawa sighed. "You know Takano, I understand what you feel. But trust me, this is my job. And I have proven millions of times that rushing never brings any good."

Takano closed his eyes hard, restraining the heat in his eyes. "I completely understand. What could a doctor do in a combat? I do understand the shit we have to do. But I just…just can't imagine what Ritsu might be experiencing in the hands of those bastards."

The other man loosened his tie and sighed. "You shouldn't worry too much, they won't harm Onodera. They need him."

With a grazing of the chair on the floor, Yokozawa stood and tapped Takano on the shoulder. "Now let's get to work. I know you're an expert in your own field, but this is my expertise so I'll be strict. I assure you, a month will just pass by in a flash."

"Pull yourself together, Takano."

And so Takano pushed himself to brace the reality and focus on what he can do. And swore to make everyone pay who ever laid hands on his Ritsu.

* * *

_"Run! Ritsu! Run! Just a few more!" Shin screamed holding Ritsu's hand._

_"I can't…no more…" Ritsu whispered crawling on the carpet of barbed wires underneath their bodies. The vicious metal cutting into their soft flesh. _

Ritsu found himself seeing the flashback of how he and Shin escaped the lab almost two years ago. It was so vivid in his memory. Those barbed wires which he and Shin had to crawl were there again in his view as the car pulled in the wide entrance of the "lab".

It was still inside the Usami estate however, very far from the mansion. The newly painted white building gleamed against the sunlight hurting Ritsu's eyes. The thought of entering back the place that served his prison and the reason why he was in such a state sent shivers to his entire body.

His breathing became constricted, and his hands shook as he saw the car nearing the entrance to the building. His whole body tensed up when Leon opened the door for him with a bored expression.

"Your lover is waiting for you inside. We'll be waiting here."

Ritsu glared at Leon at the word "lover". "He's not my lover!"

Leon grabbed Ritsu's shoulders and acted as if fixing his shirt. "Aww…don't be shy now. Hurry before he goes to a tantrum."

Ritsu slapped Leon's hands away and looked at Kirishima too with a pair of angry eyes. Being brought in the place he despised the most awaken a sudden bravery in him. Or perhaps it was just a front to stop himself from running back and breaking down.

* * *

A faint scent of bleach filled the entrance of the building. Looking around, it was complete white, with a couple of photos of people he didn't recognize hanging on the walls.

As he dragged his feet towards the end of the hall and climbed a set of stairs, he passed by a room very familiar to him. A tear ran down from his cheeks remembering.

_Shin and Ritsu were lying on two separate metal beds. The heads turned to look at each other, eyes dripping wet as a couple of gloved hands started poking them with injections and gadgets hell knows what for. It was all painful. Excruciating. Like every action these people did with their bodies were slowly sending them piece by piece to death. But both of them were too weak to even fight and groan._

_Slowly, Shin with all his might, smiling weakly, lifted his left hand. Ritsu, with eyes blurry, did the same with his right hand. They held on to each other. Squeezing their hands tighter as the injections rained on their battered skin. _

By the time Ritsu reached the end of the hallway on the second floor, he was already sobbing loudly. Usami, just stepped out the door and when he saw Ritsu, he hurriedly went to the man and stroked Ritsu's back.

"Why are you crying like this?" Usami cupped Ritsu's face, the other man not meeting his gaze.

Usami pulled Ritsu in a hug and scanned the hallway. "I guess, this isn't the best time for you to meet the people in the lab yet. Rest in my office for a while."

Ritsu sniffed a couple of times, rubbing his eyes. "No…I'm fine…I want to see the lab."

The younger man, knowing that the insane Usami was fond of him, smiled meekly and took hold of Usami's arm.

"I want to meet them soon," Ritsu raised his head towards Usami. "Show me."

A hand slid down Ritsu's waist and before he knew it, Usami was already kissing his tear-streaked eyes. Smiling lovingly at him, that sent Ritsu shiver, Usami gently rested his arm on Ritsu's shoulder and led the way to the main lab where his nightmare began.

With eyes on the floor, Ritsu bit his bottom lip. "_I have to see the lab soon. Remember what that 'umbrella' is."_

As Usami's hand on his shoulder lightly caressed his cheeks as if calming him, Ritsu threw a glance out the window and saw the young Leon, strolling on the grounds outside.

_"You're right. I've become a slut. But I don't care. I'll use whatever I can to find out what that cure is,"_ and he then raised his hand to catch Usami's.

* * *

_hello guys! a bit long chapter ne? and the last part of Takano X Yokozawa scene is my version of Yokozawa calling Takano back to earth during his crazy days. ^^ muahahahaha_

_and I am really getting excited at how everyone will face off…! I hope you are too!_

_Please leave a message about what you think of this fanfic okay? LOL…give me fuel please!_

_**shuusetsu**_

_**blaysers** _THANKS FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT! I AM PRETTY MUCH OPEN TO THINGS SO I AM OKAY! /

everyone...THANK YOU...LOL..I AM ACTING DRAMATIC BUT IN REAL LIFE AM THE LITTLE SADDIST...HAHAH^^I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR COMMENTS...AND I DONT THINK BAD ABOUT ANYTHING. IT IS SOMETHING I FEEL GRATETFUL OF. HAVE A NICE DAY! OR NIGHT! WHEREVER YOU ARE ON PLANET EARTH! I'LL REST NOW INSIDE THE BULLET TRAIN! ^^


	23. Blood and Hints

Dig for it.

* * *

**Blood and Hints**

"Summer has come to pass…seven years has gone so fast...wake me up…when September ends…lalalala..hmmmm…"

_"Yeah…please, someone wake me up. Wake me up from this nightmare."_ This was Ritsu's thoughts as the black car pulled off the dirt road of the G&C Pharmaceutical lab.

Leon was still humming the song, tapping his stick on the window with his foot stomping on the carpeted car floor. Kirishima, with his unshaken poker face, was driving silently back to the mansion. And as the now clear, blue sky and tall grasses, and clusters of trees pass before Ritsu's eyes, the emerald-eyed man felt himself wanting to crack his head open.

Seeing the lab, he found himself surprised that he was seeing a replicate of the hell lab they were in two years ago. Not the enormous filling equipment, sealing machines, mixers, granulators and vessels. Not the gleaming stainless sink where they were forced to throw up everything they have eaten for the sake of seeing the whole reaction of chemicals under observation to a human body. Not the spotless white-coated metal beds where they were forced to sit or lie as samples of blood were withdrawn. Not the vials and syringes and microscopes. Everything was in the same spot, same place, and same condition.

Nothing has changed except for two. The computers he and Shin broke for good, and the faces of the new people working for LSD reproduction.

Ritsu hated everything in it. Specially the smiles plastered on their faces. They were all fake. How can they smile like that if they knew that behind the promising treatment LSD can provide to mental patients was the truth of it being only temporary? And in due time just worsens the condition? They were the devils working for Satan.

But he smiled. He threw back a fake smile himself.

"This is my partner in LSD reproduction. Onodera Ritsu," Usami started the introductions.

_"Partner? Me?"_

"He'll be assisting you by giving out the exact processes of LSD, the gem that was lost two years ago."

Ritsu cringed at the eager and observant eyes of the people cladded in white. They were staring at him so hard as if they wanted to smash his head open and have the LSD procedures for themselves. Truthfully, if they knew it, they'd be etching their names in history. But that was the one thing Ritsu would never do.

After introductions, Ritsu roamed at the entire building alone. Pausing at every spot where he felt much attached to. But that was it. No flashback. No replay. No hint to what the freaking 'umbrella' was.

_"What the hell should I do?" _Ritsu thought sinking deeper on the cold, smooth seat. "_I thought that seeing the lab might give me a hint…but…but…it's as if a wall is in my brains, stopping me to remember…"_

Ritsu felt his entire body shiver as the sensation of the deep, hard kiss Usami planted on his lips earlier before they parted came back to his mind. Usami had another business to attend to and therefore told him to go back to the mansion first, escorted by Kirishima and Leon.

He wondered if he would really be able to remember something. His confidence started to waver. He wouldn't be able to cope up if all that he has done would just go to a dead end. He even let himself be used by Usami, god he even responded and consented, just so he could have access to everything connected with his nightmare that started three years ago. But why, why when everything was already in his grasp, still his brain wouldn't even give him damn clue?

Leon turned his head to look at his seatmate who was crouched in a ball beside him. "Psst!"

Ritsu, with his body trembling didn't respond.

"Oi…what is wrong with you now?" Leon asked poking Ritsu on the side with his stick.

Leon with his eyes widening, lost his grasp with the stick when Ritsu raised his head towards him with blood, not trickles but flowing blood running from his nose, staining the sleek leather under him.

"Chief! Chief!" Leon called out, pulling Ritsu to him making the brunette look upwards. "Raise your head!" He yelled, tilting Onodera's head to try stopping the nosebleed.

Kirishima swiftly turned his eyes to the dashboard mirror and slammed on the breaks. The man opened the backseat door by force and looked at Ritsu whose skin was giving off a bluish tint.

"Damn, he's choking with his own blood. He can't breathe," Kirishima inspected.

Leon wiped Ritsu's face with his hands lightly. The green eyes darting from Kirishima and Leon, tears streaming down his face. He drew a rasping breath, and coughed, this time, with blood

Kirishima leaned in closer, looking more into Ritsu's face. "Leon, suck the blood from his nose."

"What?! What Chief are you serious?!" Leon asked bewildered at Kirishima's order.

"Do it!"

Leon stared at Kirishima then at Ritsu's blood streaked face. He pulled the man towards him and let him lay on the seat with the brunette's head on his lap. He hoisted himself and held Ritsu's head with his left hand. The other one tilting the chin upwards. He gulped. With quivering lips, he lowered his face, gathering his guts to suck the blood from Ritsu's nose.

But he stopped.

"Chief! I can't do it! Send me to battle field, but…I can't do this!" Leon cried out.

With anger on his face, Kirishima pulled Leon out the car and went in and sat. Gently placing Ritsu's head on his lap, he supported the head with his left hand and tilted the chin with the other. Ritsu's hands groped on Kirishima's white shirt staining it with red.

Kirishima drew a deep breath, and like an expert giving a mouth to mouth resuscitation to someone who have drowned, the man placed his mouth on Ritsu's bleeding nose and sucked the blood in a timely manner, spitting it out on the pebbled ground outside.

Leon, with his clenched fists watched as his Chief, without disgust sucked the blood, some of it dribbling down his own lips before spitting.

* * *

The moment everything settled down and Ritsu's breathing was back to normal, Kirishima slowly got out of the car and stood in front of Leon.

"Just sucking off blood, and you're backing out with your tail in between your legs?" The older man asked with a leer.

Leon looked away, fully embarrassed at how he acted. He just disobeyed his idol. He was so pathetic.

Kirishima wiped his mouth with the back of his right hand and suddenly took off his white shirt. Crumpling the fabric into a small ball before going at the back compartment of the car and throwing it in. He took out a bottle of what seemed like water and gargled. Rinsing off Ritsu's blood in his mouth. With his skin gleaming with the sun, he took a plastic bag and pulled a rolled black plastic. It was his extra shirts he hid in case of emergency.

He pulled one and threw the plastic at the wretched Leon. "Change into one of those and that weakling over there as well."

That was the only time Leon realized that he himself was covered with blood. He took off his shirt frowning. _"Man, and this is even my favourite."_

Kirishima walked towards the nearest tree to find some shade while Leon cleaned up the mess. Grunting, Leon slowly attended first the bloody mess inside the car. He wouldn't want the fresh shirt be soaked with blood once more. He noticed that Ritsu was conscious, although he appeared to be still weak.

"Hey, sit," Leon ordered.

Ritsu did what he was told but with painstakingly slow movements that made Leon irritated even more. Reaching the end of his patience, he pushed Ritsu upwards for support. With another disgusted look, he lifted Ritsu's turtle neck off the man's head, exposing pale skin with hickeys.

The black-haired guy jerked his head sideways with disgust and removed his favourite shirt. Using the back part with no stain, he wiped Ritsu's neck and face with it.

Ritsu giggled.

Stopping on mid-air, Leon glared at the half-naked giggling man before him.

"What the heck are you laughing for?"

"Sorry…" Ritsu looked away, breathing still laboured, his shoulders shaking. "Ticklish"

Leon gaped for a while at the impossible man before running a hand over his damp, tangled hair.

"Slut…are you trying to make a move on me?"

The giggling man didn't answer. Leon, threw the remaining shirt in the plastic towards Ritsu. It landed on the man's lap. "Wear that."

* * *

They weren't using the car's heater anymore. The car windows were rolled down to wave off the stench of what just happened. Kirishima, back to his poker face, Leon, humming to himself, Ritsu cleared his throat.

"Uhm—I have a favour to ask."

Ritsu gazed at the two men who didn't have any reactions. He gripped on the handle beside him and continued.

"Can you please, don't tell Usami-san what happened?"

No answer from either of the two.

"Please, don't report this."

_"I don't want him making a ruckus; it will only delay me more…" _"Please?"

No answer came until they reached the main entrance of the mansion.

Dejected and tired, Ritsu got off the car with Leon following him. Kirishima also got off the car to escort the bloody prince back to his room.

Kirishima was already on the first steps of the long stair case but Ritsu still hadn't made an inch.

"Please?" The brunette continued like a broken recorder.

Kirishima stopped moving. "We're neither that man's handy men nor your nannies." Kirishima replied without turning to look and continued his pace up the stairs.

Sighing a breath of relief, he followed the now wearing black man, with Leon behind him.

When the three reached the huge mahogany door on the third floor, the two men guarding him turned their backs to attend other business. Taking a step forward Ritsu called out to them once more.

"Wait!"

Kirishima turned slightly, Leon with a frown stopped from walking to listen yet again to the man he calls as slut.

The brunette, placed both his hands on his sides and deeply bowed. His hair dangling before him.

"Th-Thank you for helping me."

There were no expressions on Kirishima's and Leon's face but Ritsu was happy. Because he saw something during his worsening attack.

* * *

Afternoon came and the sounds of feet scraping the tiled floor filled the room. Men sparring, some stretching and other's massaging one another's back greeted Yokozawa when he entered their so-called training room.

Takano was topless, his hair pushed back and sweating furiously. He just had a torturous sparring with Matsuda who was equally panting on the side of the room.

Yokozawa walked towards Matsuda. "How is he?"

Matsuda, a very well-built man with a tan wiped his face with a towel before answering. "I was expecting he'd be good with that body of his but he exceeded my expectations Yokozawa-san. He's got agility and coordination. Fast learner."

Yokozawa smiled an approval with his trusted man and looked at his watch. 5:00. Time to meet their supplier and informant.

* * *

The steam filled the room as Takano opened the door after taking a shower. His body was aching all over but he still wanted to do more sparring. It was Matsuda who urged him to stop and take a rest. Or else he'd tear his own muscles.

With his hair dripping wet, he pulled a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He wanted to calm down, but he couldn't. So instead of sitting, he continued to pace the small room assigned to him. He grabbed the bottle of water sitting on a table and drunk in large gulps.

He was still torn between something he couldn't explain. Sure he was learning how to properly fight professional assassins, but was that all what he can do for Ritsu?

At the end of the day, what use would it be saving Ritsu, if the man was still sick? More than anything else, he wanted to treat Ritsu. It was his profession in the first place. It was what he was supposed to do.

Running a hand on his dark locks, he pulled on his pants and shirt and went out the room, making sure that Ritsu's photo was in his shirt pocket. He also took out the green folder where Ritsu's nonsensical doodles of umbrellas were drawn. He planned on flipping through it again for the millionth time to see if there was any hint at all for why the D-state Ritsu loves umbrellas.

He climbed up the stairs to the 'normal' part of the house and saw some men sitting in front of the television, watching some old flick. They regarded Takano before returning their gaze back to the small television.

"Where's Yokozawa?" Takano asked, resting his back on the wall and crossing his arms.

A man in dreadlocks turned his head at Takano. "Chief Yokozawa? He went to Shibuya to meet the firearms supplier."

"Supplier?"

Another man chimed in. "Yeah! Yokozawa-san knows where to get high calibre equipment at the lowest price. He's an old friend and an informant too. He'll be back soon."

"I see." Takano then raised the folder and flipped through it.

He already memorized everything in it. The shaky lines of the umbrellas, with waves across it.

_"What're these waves for?" _Takano asked himself. Was it just a whimsical line because Ritsu got irritated with his own poor drawing ability…or perhaps…the waves of the sea?

The dreadlocks man named Hanada crawled his way on the floor where the remote for the TV was lying.

"The heck are we watching? I wasn't yet born when this one was released! Let's change it to something decent!"

Sitting back, Hanada pressed on the button continuously. With an uninterested face, Takano lifted his gaze to the changing channels before him.

The folder fell on the floor. The men looked at him.

"Takano, you okay?"

Slowly, he picked the folder. With shaking hands, he forced a smile at the confused men before briskly walking back to his room.

With his blood rushing to his brain, chemical components called adrenaline rushing in his entire body, he flipped open his laptop with impatience.

Laying the photo of Ritsu pointing at an umbrella, the senseless doodles and what he saw in ECOSYSTEMS channel, he was sure, frighteningly sure that the pieces of the big puzzle was slowly falling on place.

* * *

Yokozawa huffed a misty air before adjusting the navy-blue scarf up to his nostrils. The temperature was dropping rapidly and people who were passing him by couldn't help but to shiver terribly as the wind blew harder.

He was wearing a full-coat with his hands inside his coat pocket. His eyes looking far away as he stood in front of the infamous statue at the front of Shibuya Station. The statue of Hachiko.

"I can ship your orders by next week." A man wearing a bonnet and a white protective mask said, who was standing on the right side of the statue.

Yokozawa who was in front of the statue, pretended to be coughing.

"At the usual place and time. The money, I'll deposit once we received the goods."

The man on the side nodded his head as if Yokozawa could see it. "Yes, of course. About the information you're asking…"

The two men who seemed to be just waiting for somebody on the different sides of the statue continued conversing in low voices, unaware that someone was looking at their direction.

* * *

Kirishima was walking idly in the middle of the sea of people to attend some business. It was new to him. That sense or urge to look towards somewhere you have no business with was nagging at him. He was in a hurry, the cold biting to the bones and he was in a bad mood. But as if his gaze was being pulled like how a positive side of a magnet pulls the negative, he unconsciously turned his head. And saw Yokozawa standing in front of the Hachiko Statue.

For a moment, he stood there motionless. Like time stopped for him while the other people continued to bustle around him.

As usual, the frown of the man, was still there. It was impossible not to see him right away. He was tall compared to the sea of people swarming in front of him.

Kirishima laughed. He laughed while running a huge hand in his wavy hair.

Lately he'd been bothered by something. And this something started the morning Yokozawa, his supposed to be foe jumped a bullet for him and saved his life.

Kirishima was far from Yokozawa but the sneeze and the scratching of his nose Yokozawa made didn't escape Kirishima's eyes.

For a good five minutes, Kirishima just watched the man towering above the rest. And then he looked down the pavement with a smile as a revelation hit him.

_"Finally…I have found someone worthy…" _

There was a woman walking towards him, the lady's bag tucked under her arm. As fast and swiftly as the cold wind, Kirishima snuck his hand inside the bag and got what he really wanted.

The man, being an assassin, also had the ability of a sleek thief and snatcher. In his hand was a cheap lipstick. And then he pulled out his white handkerchief from his jacket that he really wasn't intending of using. He scribbled something on it using the lipstick and tapped a boy who was asking for coins. He gave the boy 2000 yen.

* * *

"Okay, thanks for the info, you go first." Yokozawa said under his scarf.

When Yokozawa felt that his informant was already far, he started to take his own step only to be stopped by a dirty boy.

Yokozawa frowned at the boy but he didn't scram.

"What is it?" He asked bending a little.

The boy, with his dirty hands extended a folded handkerchief. "The Lipstick Killer told me to give this to you."

The tall man's brows furrowed even deeper. Surely this boy wasn't stupid enough to make fun of a man such as himself?

The boy grabbed Yokozawa's hand and placed the hanky in it and pointed to the other side of the road. With Yokozawa's eyes squinting at the sea of people moving on all directions, there he noticed a tall figure he won't be able to remove from his head. How many times had this man tried to kill him?

"Kirishima Zen…" he hissed under his breath.

Kirishima raised his hand as if waiving and slowly walked away.

"That bastard…" With that, Yokozawa ran towards where Kirishima was but he was too late. When he reached the other side, there was no Kirishima in sight.

Mad at the people who were walking innocently that made him miss the bastard, he looked at the creased handkerchief he was gripping so hardly by his hand. He then noticed a red stain on the side and decided to unfold the pieced of soft cloth.

Yokozawa's face grew grimmer as he tucked the lipstick stained handkerchief inside his pocket.

"That bastard…what is he playing at?!"

* * *

Yokozawa slowly made his way back inside the Shibuya Station with his mind stuck with the message on the handkerchief.

* * *

**CHAPTER END NOTES:**

okay…so…I am really really near exposing the cure…if there really is,..hahaha

you'll have to stick with the fic to know what Kirishima wrote on that handkerchief…and lol..it is not "I love you" if that is what you're guessing! heheh

and Shibuya station is a favourite of mine because of the said Hachiko Statue and the sad history behind it ^^ there was even an American movie made out of it ^^

_**PLEASE GIVE ME FUEL FOR THE NEXT CHAPPY! MUAHAH AND THANKS!**_

(I LITERALLY SQUEAL OUT OF HAPPINESS WHEN I SEE THAT PEOPLE ENJOY WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY BLASTED BRAINS..I THINK I HAVE LSD MYSELF! HAHA

* * *

**tems **i 't worry i know how the page is so slow sometimes! AND i appreciate your concern really!ahaha/  
**blaysers** i will! thankies for the support!  
**HuggableBones** Hi! no..you didn't make me upset at all! Did I sound like that? Ahaha...I really don't intend to do threesomE friend..hahaha..i don't even know how to do that..ahah..thanks for coming back! ^^

**satsujin-kun** I can't seem to send a pm to you^^"ありがと  
可能な場合は英語でコメントしてください  
だから誰もがそれを理解できます。  
あなたは日本に住んでいるか？

**and to EVERYONE..uwah...you make my heart swell...! make my ears HEAR a bell..lol.../**

**-SHUUSETSU**


	24. Dead End

All the water in the ocean could never sink a ship unless it gets inside it.-Anno

* * *

**Dead End**

Ritsu felt like he was on clouds. He was sure he remembered something. Finally.

_"We're on a beach…I was pointing to something…an umbrella…Shin was beside me…and…there was a grandpa."_

Ritsu gripped the doorknob tighter. His brows meeting, his heart drumming inside his chest.

_"The grandpa…the grandpa said—"_ He lightly bumped his aching head on the delicately carved door. He shut his eyes, forcefully making himself come back to that scene on the beach three years ago.

"Argh—" He grunted while slamming his closed fist on the door that hurt his hands.

"My god…the memory…won't continue…" He whispered to thin air.

* * *

Ritsu slapped his cheeks lightly to lighten his darkening thoughts. "If I remembered something, they will surely follow Everything will follow. Right." He encouraged himself. Although deep inside him, he was afraid to know the continuation.

What if the memory was nothing more than a playtime on the beach, with a chatting with an old man on the side? It was bothering him but he chose to stay positive. It was not as if he still had a choice.

Ritsu tugged the sleeves of the huge camouflage shirt that was sliding down on his pale shoulder. With a deep breath, he smiled and grabbed the doorknob with a new hope in his chest.

_"Misaki-kun must be waiting for me now…"_ Ritsu thought as he slowly pushed the heavy door open.

Just after closing the door, without having even the chance to scan the room, Ritsu suddenly felt the ground left his feet and in an instant, he was lying on his back with a paper cutter pressing on his throat. The sudden movement made him nauseous, the base of his head aching after hitting the floor.

He fought the urge to just lay there and opened his eyes, only to find Misaki's glaring pair of eyes on him.

"Mi—Misaki-kun! What is th—Ahh!" Ritsu was cut off when he felt the cutter pressed harder on his tender skin. He felt the cut, as a sensation of pain pulsated on his neck.

The young man sat on Ritsu placing his whole weight on Onodera's chest, making the other man gasp for air. With his hand on Ritsu's neck and the other one pressing the cutter, Misaki bit his bottom lip, with his eyes reddening.

Ritsu didn't dare to move. He knew he was in a disadvantage. So instead of fighting back, he tried to calm his body and release the tension his every nerve was having. Breathing out slowly, he touched Misaki's hand which was gripping the cutter ever so tightly.

"Why are you doing this?" Ritsu asked in a whisper.

"Why?! Why are _you_ doing this?!" Misaki hissed, his fingers digging into Ritsu's flesh. "Do…do you find it entertaining that Usagi-san has thrown me like a garbage while doting on you?!"

"…"

"And you even asked for me? Do you know what Usagi-san told me?" Misaki, who was already crying looked out the window for a short moment before locking eyes with the pinned brunette once more. "He said that I should be grateful to you, coz if not for you, if not for you…he'd just throw me somewhere because I am useless! Unlike you who are so special!"

The brunette wondered where this pale, skin and bones young man was getting his strength from. He looked so fragile that a strong wind might even knock him down. His clothes which were big compared to his size seems like it would slip off of him anytime.

Ritsu flinched and coughed as his passage way started to constrict. "You—got it all wrong Misa—"

"What do you want me to do? Be your servant?!"

"Misaki-kun…listen to me…"

Huge tears rolled off the battered boy's cheeks. Tears worth a million of confusion, sadness, distraught and hatred. Misaki's hold on Ritsu lightened as he spoke. "I didn't mind Usagi-san hurting me like this for reasons I don't even know! I accepted everything! I accepted everything!"

"But you came in so suddenly, stealing Usagi-san away from me!"

"Let me explain!" Ritsu begged in frustration. He stopped his breathing when Misaki leaned on him, eye to eye, the young man's warm breath caressing his skin.

"I will kill you," Misaki murmured, not removing his gaze from Ritsu. "What do you say about double suicide?"

The brunette roamed his eyes around the room then at the murmuring Misaki.

"I'll kill you, then I'll kill Usagi-san too…then I'll kill myself…that's right…that's what I will do…" Misaki, totally lost in his own thoughts mumbled with his eyes fully unfocused. Misaki has lost it.

A loud flesh to flesh contact broke Misaki's mumblings. His free hand suddenly massaging his hot cheek from Ritsu's slap.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" Ritsu shouted, running his hand on his bleeding neck.

The shocked younger man stared at Ritsu still confused of what he just did. A long silence fell on them. The quietness made the both of them feel like an eternity has passed inside the room.

Ritsu's fierce look calmed down, slowly sitting up. A calm expression on his face, he smiled at Misaki. "Wake up please? Misaki-kun."

With short breaths, Misaki's eyes traced the other man's bleeding cut down to the paper cutter with a stain in his hand. His huge green eyes widened, and as if he was frightened by himself, he dropped it on the marble floors with a clatter.

"Sorry…I didn't' know…my head went blank…and…and…" Misaki uttered, slowly backing off. When Ritsu extended his hand, the younger one stood abruptly and hid beside a huge sofa. He pushed himself deeper on the corner with his trembling body.

Misaki's sobs filled the room.

"What have I done? I almost…killed someone…" He muttered over and over again burying his face in his hands.

Ritsu stood and picked up the cutter and walked towards Misaki. The trembling body saw the cutter and he looked at Ritsu with a scared face. He was thinking at that moment, that Ritsu will take revenge and hurt him instead. His brain was already messed up by uncertainties and anxieties. If not for his innate optimism which was already slowly wavering, he would have gone crazy from the very start.

Misaki pushed himself in the corner beside the sofa with his arms covering his head. "I am sorry…don't hurt me…don't…" he begged.

Ritsu stood in front of Misaki. He was fully exhausted. But what took over his very feelings at that moment was pity towards the boy who didn't really know what was happening. He grabbed one of Misaki's thin arms covering his head and pulled him to his chest.

Misaki tried to struggle, but Ritsu mustered all his strength into that hold. Stroking the bony back of Misaki, Ritsu cried himself.

"Don't worry. He doesn't love me."

"…"

"He'll come back to you…I promise…"Ritsu continued. _I will make him… _

Although Misaki didn't quite understand what Ritsu was saying, he chose to stay in that situation letting himself feel the little comfort he was already longing for a very long time.

* * *

The chief's room was always off limits. But Leon didn't care. He couldn't calm himself and the nagging thoughts that happened on their way back to the mansion were killing him.

"Oh, fuck, the Chief is seriously disappointed with me. I am sure of it," he scolded himself while pacing the room.

Why did he back out for crying out loud? It was just sucking off blood, what was the big deal with that? But then, the damage to his pride has been done and he would lower himself even more to apologize. But he was seriously scared at what his idol would say to him.

He knew Kirishima would be annoyed to learn he was in his room. But there, he could cry without others seeing him, in case Kirishima would say he didn't want a coward be his follower. And so he gulped, he fidgeted and almost climbed on the walls while waiting. And then his phone rang.

"Who the fuck is this?!" He screamed on his phone when he saw the number wasn't listed. He didn't want anyone interrupting his self-thought.

There was a silence on the other line and a sigh. "I am your fucking Chief, punk."

"Shit-"Leon cursed in his mind. _"Could it get any worse than this?"_

"You're in my room right now," was what the other line said. Totally sure.

"Well Chief, I want to apologize about earlier, so I am waiting he—"

"Stupid. Don't get worked up by such a shallow thing. Get your ass here in the basement, pronto."

"Huh Chief—what's going on?"

Leon can picture his Chief curling up a side of his lips in a wicked smile as he listened to his voice. "You'll know when you get here."

* * *

Before Leon could finally open the gate to the basement, he heard the commanding voice he always admired.

"I have confirmed this. We'll have our 'friends' dropping by within a month."

There was uproar inside the closed space. Leon slowly opened the gate, peeking first like a young boy. And he felt his stomach churn when he saw what's on the huge monitor behind Kirishima. He staggeringly went inside, joining the rest of team which was older than him.

"Chief, you're seriously…" Leon muttered, trailing the rest to thin air.

Kirishima smiled. But that was the kind of smile he had on his face when he wanted something for himself.

The Chief of Squad B turned his back and slammed his palm on the screen; it almost knocked the LCD monitor down. "Whatever you do, whenever our 'friends' drop by…you," Kirishima paused and eyed the men. Leon was even surprised that it felt like his idol looked at him longer than the rest. "You, won't touch this man. You won't touch Yokozawa Takafumi." He emphasized with a voice near to a threat.

Kirishima then grabbed the remote and turned the monitor off. "The man is mine. I'll take this man down myself."

Leon bit his thumb while staring at Kirishima. He saw his chief mumble something to himself. No one else heard it, no one even noticed it. But Leon saw it. His Chief said something after the lines of "—down myself". What it was, Leon wanted to know.

* * *

The moment Yokozawa entered their base under the house where they're staying, he sneezed. He sneezed a couple of times which sent the men who were talking about some strategies look on his direction. The 14 men were seated in a round table where a map in the middle could be seen.

"Yokozawa-san, welcome back. Are you feeling sick?" A man named Sejo asked, his marker on air. "It's quiet cold outside."

Tossing his scarf on one of the free chairs, Yokozawa sheepishly tried to scratch the tip of his nose. He wasn't feeling sick or anything. _"Who could be mentioning or remembering me at a time like this?"_

He loosened his tie after removing his long coat and inspected the progress of what his team came up with. He nodded and scanned the group. Someone was missing.

"Where's Takano?"

Hanada raised his head and scratched his head. "Eh Chief, I told him we have a planning, but he said he's working on something important. So we let him be. Should I call him one more time?"

"No, it's fine. I'll talk to him personally," Yokozawa answered turning his back. "Ah, wait for me here. I'll discuss what our informant exposed. I'll be back in a minute."

* * *

Yokozawa reached what little patience he had in him and pushed the door open with a bang. He had been knocking and calling out Takano for a while and not a single answer came.

"Ah—Takano, are you really intending to ignore me?"

The heated man found himself in a room, or was it not room? Yokozawa didn't know where to stand or step anymore as he tried to go near the Takano who was so engrossed on his laptop and scribbling in his 'doctor strokes' he could only understand.

There was paper all over, he picked one and scanned it but he didn't know what Takano was going on about. Yokozawa, squinting his eyes, peaked at the laptop from Takano's back.

"Ehem…" Yokozawa cleared his throat but Takano didn't respond.

"Takano! Why don't you try telling me the hell's going on?"

Slowly, Takano raised his head looking at the questioning man.

"Yokozawa, is it possible for you to bring me Chironex fleckeri."

Standing there as if frozen, he stared at Takano with a baffled expression.

Takano ran a hand on his face, impatience on his expression. "A box jelly fish! Box Jellyfish!"

Yokozawa frowned in impatience himself. "What do you take me for? I know what's a Chironex is! But what the heck are you going to do with a jellyfish?"

Giving Yokozawa a stern look, Takano then rested his forehead on both of his clasped hands. "It's just a hunch," he said in a barely audible voice. "Umbrella-like, beach, waves on the drawings…"

A silence filled the room. Yokozawa slowly walked backwards and sat on the small bed with papers as well. He crossed his arms then stared at the back of Takano's head.

"Are you saying that the cure for LSD is something to do with Chironex? But man," Yokozawa sighed, "How do you intend to use one of the most poisonous marine organisms in the world?"

"I wish I know…" was what Takano wanted to answer.

* * *

He ran his hand through a mane of silver, the strands soft to his touch. And as the heavy object on his lap shifted, he placed his thumb on the man's cheek, lightly circling and caressing them.

It was a peaceful scene, a peaceful night. Except that Ritsu was having his storm within him.

Usami Akihiko opened his eyes when he felt cold, drops of liquid land on his forehead and cheeks. With the normal reflex of looking up, he saw Ritsu, eyes closed, lips quivering, tears rolling off his face down on his own.

With his head still on Ritsu's lap, Usami lifted his hand to touch Ritsu's wet face.

"What's wrong?"

"No—nothing," he answered in a hoarse voice, making the Usami who was only good towards him frown. The older man sat from where he was lying and cupped Ritsu's face. His lavender eyes searching the glassy emerald ones which wouldn't look back at him.

"You are making me worry. You were crying this morning too. What is it?"

Ritsu casually moved his face away from the man's grasp and laughed. He used the sleeves of his white polo to wipe his eyes. With his legs numb from Usami making them as a pillow, he pulled his knees and buried his face on it.

The truth was Ritsu didn't want to cry. He was really happy when he came back from the lab. But after some moments, the hope he was clinging to crumbled to pieces. Like Lego blocks he was trying to build, and someone accidentally set foot on them. Extinguishing his hope for survival in an instant.

Usami stared at the trembling ball in front of him and when he finally accepted that Ritsu wouldn't say a thing, he just sighed and used his huge hand to pat the brown hair in front of him.

_"Huh?" _

The quivering mess raised his gaze to meet Usami's. The feel of the huge hand on his head, the familiarity made him snap off. And in an instant, in Ritsu's eyes, the Usami in front of him became Takano Masamune.

Ritsu broke into hysterics, clinging to Usami like crying for life. He just remembered the whole thing. The entire scene on that beach 3 years ago. And it wasn't good.

_"Takano-san…Usami-san…Misaki-kun…it's a dead end…"_

* * *

**CHIRONEX** IS A BOX JELLY FISHconsidered to be one of the deadliest and most dangerous marine organisms in the world..killed more people than sharks and other ocean killers did and still counting

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

**thanks for reading my fanfic. btw. i sang a song...wanna hear? it's a song for my favorite dangos..as a thanks to u guys too! **

**warning: can be a lullaby ^^**

** Dango Daikazoku - だんご大家族 (haru) == ({copy}search this on youtube) if you wanna be sleepy! ^^**


	25. Shin

_We can never learn to be brave and be strong if the only thing in the world is happiness. -anno_

* * *

**Shin**

_The afternoon was calm and soothing. The scent of the ocean drifted into their noses and clung to their hairs and bodies. Pure,fine, white sand tickled the soles of their bare feet while they were walking hand in hand. It was pure bliss. There, they can walk and show to the public that they belong to one another. Others didn't care. And so the ocean and their breaths contained contentment._

_They sat on the sand, facing the beautiful scenery. Ritsu stared at the horizon with gleaming eyes, his head resting on a strong shoulder._

_"Ne, Shin…the scene here is wonderful, don't you think?" the sleepy brunette asked, eyes on the sea._

_"Yeah…it's the best," the deep, yet soothing voice replied in a dreamy tone._

_It made Ritsu somehow flushed. That voice that Haitani Shin used, was the voice when the man truly appreciates something. Raising his head a little, he was surprised to see Shin, actually not looking at the ocean but at him._

_"What? You've been staring at me the whole time? Look at the ocean, dummy!" Ritsu frowned, removing his head on Shin's shoulder._

_The man who was still taller than Ritsu though they were already sitting, chuckled while running a hand on his unruly hair. _

_"But I mean it! It's the best, the ocean reflects so clearly in your eyes, I'm being pulled in…" Shin said pulling Ritsu on his chest._

_Shin smiled seeing Ritsu reddening up to his ears. He circled his arms on Ritsu's waist and rested his head on his shoulder, sighing in Ritsu's ears. "I can stay like this forever, you know?"_

_Always easy to flush with just very small compliments, Ritsu turned his face to the other side, ticklish with Shin's breath. "Your pick-up lines are always lame! Don't whisper in my ears!"_

_Snuggling even more on Ritsu's neck, Shin kissed the flustered man he was confining in his arms just under his ear. It made Ritsu stiffen more. "Oi…what do you think you're doing!"_

_"Eh…Ritsu…" Shin murmured. There was a long silence as the wind suddenly blew harder, sending some fallen leaves dance around. "You're so talented. You didn't just hack my email, you even hacked my heart. All my systems collapsed and are running now under your control."_

_Ritsu raised his head, meeting Shin's face whose only inches away. "I get goose bumps! I'm surprised you can say such embarrassing things out in the open!"_

* * *

_They met in an unexpected circumstance and it wasn't nice. They even thought that they'd be sworn enemies until they die. But, the old saying perhaps that 'the more you hate, the more you love', applied to them. _

_Ritsu just started his freshman year as a college student at K University. He was about to be homeless, penniless and hopeless. He was forced to take a computer related course since he couldn't afford to pay for medicine tuition. His parents didn't support him because they want him to take over their Ramen Shop, which he didn't have any interest with. _

_Blessed with a very good memory, anything his eyes saw were forever etched in his brains. But it didn't lift up his moods. He felt that life would keep going for the worse and he was bored. _

_And then one night, out of frustration, he drank his head out with sake and started hacking University sophomore's emails. There on a long list, he squinted as he chose his victim. Seeing one name that sounded weird as Haitani Sakura, he clicked on it only to get distracted with dizziness and without knowing, clicked on the name next to it. Unluckily, Ritsu got on with his business and messed up Haitani Shin's e-mail instead._

_It was just a prank. Using the email he thought belonged to a girl, he sent out messages saying that the owner of the email wanted to confess to someone. It became a chain message with hearts floating and letters beating in bold red; "BE MINE AND I'LL BE YOURS! LAY ME DOWN ON A BED OF ROSES! TAKE ME! CHANGE MY LIFE! MEN WHO'RE BORED, LISTEN TO ME! I AM SO LONELY…"_

_Good for Ritsu, he didn't remember a thing, but for a guy who had no idea who did it, he was fuming in anger as everybody around him thought he was a homosexual._

* * *

_There was a loud bang on the table as Shin impatiently looked at the computer and at his friend alternatingly._

_"What? No results yet?!" Shin yelled._

_The guy, wearing thick glasses and has thick, unruly brown hair looked at Shin irritated. "I'd go deaf if you don't stop yelling in my ears, you know? Besides, if you know this isn't real, why are you getting so worked up about this? It's obvious this is just a prank," Shin's friend who was a member of the Tech Club muttered as he typed commands to trace who sent the chain mail. _

_"I don't give a damn if it's just a prank. The girl I was hoping to ask out with received that stupid message as well," he slumped even lower on the chair. "It's not even the message that I am exactly mad for. The thought that someone has no qualms using other's personal email makes my blood boil."_

_Glasses man sighed and continued with his tracing. "I'll be able to trace the source soon. Cool your head off somewhere. You're just bothering me."_

_Standing up abruptly, Shin pulled his jacket lying on one of the tables and went out with a huge frown in his face. Everyone in his department must have received the crazy chain mail for he was getting weird stares from everyone._

_"I'd really scald the person who used my email alive…" he hissed under his breath. _

* * *

_Meanwhile, the innocent Ritsu was having hangover but chose to get to the University. Clutching his laptop with him, squinting with the destructive sunlight, he walked owning the hallway. Bumping to Shin, spilling the tall man's coffee on his jeans. But Ritsu was too destructed by his head that he just bowed and continued walking away. _

_"Oi! Don't you have anything to say to me? Look what you've done!" Shin called out, staring with disgust at his wet crotch. Good thing the coffee wasn't hot anymore. _

_Ritsu turned to look around, absentmindedly took his hanky and started wiping the wet spot. Shin's face was in disbelief, and the others on the hallway equally had the same unbelieving expression._

_"Whoa! Where're you touching!?" Shin yelled backing off._

_Ritsu, still floating in his own world, stood up staggering. "EH…cleaning up?" He squinted and saluted. "I'm done! Thank you." Was what he did to escape further embarrassment. He was still drunk probably but he knew what he just did. 'Stupid, Ritsu…stupid…' he told himself._

* * *

_Ritsu was open being gay at the University. So that was why he had very little friends. But he didn't care. He was deprived of everything he wanted, the least he can do was be himself, even if it meant people talking behind his back. Unfortunately, one of Haitani's diehard fans saw what Ritsu did and it didn't make her happy at all._

_The already sober Ritsu grabbed his things heading to his next class. He was already in a hurry. Brushing his hair off his eyes, he hugged his laptop with his left arm, the right one clutching his sling bag. He took huge steps on the stairs, his eyes on his feet. He suddenly stopped halfway when he noticed a pair or red high-heeled shoes and looked up. _

_Without warning, the girl pushed Ritsu down the stairs. He didn't fall off, but his beloved, precious laptop since middle school did. The laptop he so worked hard for broke into pieces despite being inside its case._

_With wide eyes, Ritsu looked at the girl and at his laptop which brutally crashed down to the last step of the stair. He couldn't believe it. He didn't know who the girl was. Why?_

_The girl crossed her arm on her chest with an eyebrow raised. "Don't go laying your dirty hands on Shin, you get that homo?"_

_Some students saw what happened, but they didn't know how to react. At least some were kind enough to pick up the laptop and hand it to Ritsu. And having the death of his laptop happen when everything was not going well in his life made him even more depressed. He didn't attend his classes anymore. He just went to the mini forest of the university, staring at his laptop with cracked screen and springing out keys._

* * *

_"Hey! I got it! I can't believe this!"_

_"Huh what? You found out who hacked my email?!" Shin asked leaning over to look at the results of the trace. He was wearing now his sports uniform since his jeans had this huge coffee stain in front._

_The glasses man scratched his head. "No wonder it took me a while to trace the source. It was the first year we tried to recruit in Tech Club but declined. I'll never forget this kind of footprint. The serials of the laptop, an old version, exactly the laptop that hacked on my computer before for testing his ability during recruitment. Shit, Haitani…I really have to recruit him now!"_

_Shin glared at glasses man. "The heck! He messed up my email, and you kept on praising that first year? Who's he? I'll give him a good spanking!"_

_Lazily resting his head on one of his hands, glasses man, known as Dex smiled. "Don't hit him on the face okay? His name, Onodera Ritsu."_

* * *

_After asking almost half of the university population, Haitani finally learned where the guy who hacked his email was. He walked silently but briskly as his eyes started to see a pair of legs sticking out behind a tree. Then, taking the guy by surprise, he pulled Ritsu up by the collar. _

_At first, Shin's face was in pure anger, then as he stared at the pair of green eyes staring back at him lifelessly, Shin finally recognized him. The guy who touched his crotch. _

_"You…what the heck, is your hobby making others' life a mess?"_

_Ritsu without faltering looked at Shin straight ahead. "What are you talking about, the coffee?"_

_"Don't pretend anymore, I have a proof. You used my email to send those totally stupid, degrading chain mail with my name in it!"_

_Ritsu smiled apologetically while removing Shin's grip on his collar. "Sorry. I think I really did something like that last night. I don't clearly remember though."_

_Irritated as he was, Shin bent down and looked at Ritsu. "You didn't sound so regretful to me."_

_The trees suddenly seemed taller and their leaves started to fall off everywhere as autumn started to change the color of the scenery. The fierce red of the leaves contrasted to the green of Ritsu eyes. Shin looked away. _

_"What do you want me to do then? I got what I deserved from someone already. Isn't it enough?"_

_Sighing because he didn't know what Ritsu was talking about, Shin darted his eyes from Ritsu to the man's belongings. And there he saw a broken laptop. _

_"I didn't know diehard fans exist in real life. I shouldn't have touched you earlier. And to think that it was even you whose email I hacked…I don't know what will happen to me." _

_Bothered by the sight, Shin sat with his legs crossed and had an eye to eye battle with Ritsu. No one blinked. No one turned away. Finally bowing his head down while sighing a very deep one, Shin shut the laptop as the cracked screen bothered him. Then he looked back again at the silent Ritsu who was watching him._

_"I still don't approve what you did with my email. But if you join the Tech Club, they lend new top of the line ones."_

* * *

_"Oi…what are you snickering about?" Ritsu asked._

_"Hmm?" Haitani snuggled more on Ritsu's neck. "Nothing…I just remembered something. You were really so cute…"_

_"Are you stupid?!" Ritsu tried to finally free himself from Haitani's hug, but the man just held him tighter._

_"Once the testing for this new drug is done, we can add it for your tuition in medical school. It's a great thing the pay for participating in this trial project is high. You can finally reach your dream even though slowly."_

_The irritation on Ritsu's face softened. "Must you sacrifice a lot for me?" _

_"Shhhh…I love doing this for you. After this project, I'll work more to help you with your tuition. So just use that brain of yours okay?"_

_They remained in each others arms for a long time, watching the soft, rhythmic waves of the sea before them. Then Ritsu removed Shin's arms around him and was about to remove his shirt when Shin tugged it down._

_"What are you doing?" Shin asked sternly. _

_Rolling his eyes, Ritsu again tried to lift his shirt off his head. "I want to swim. The sea looks great, I bet it will feel better."_

_Before Ritsu could finally take off his shirt, Shin again tugged it down. "What the hell is wrong with you Shin?"_

_"Swim with your shirt on." _

_"Huh?"_

_"Exposing yourself like that? Are you stupid?" Shin scolded, tugging Ritsu's shirt down as Ritsu tried to lift it up._

_"I am not a girl for crying out loud, Shin. You're not making any sense."_

_"I don't want to…" Shin scanned the sea and saw some guys and girls playing in the waters. "Just don't want others seeing you naked is all…" he lowered his gaze to his feet. "It's just me…for me…"_

_Ritsu's hands fell on his side, his face reddening. _

_Mustering all strength left on his body, Ritsu smacked Shin on the head. "My god…my boyfriend is so possessive…" Ritsu teased then pushed Haitani down and rested his head on Shin's chest._

_"Is this what paradise is?" Ritsu whispered._

_Shin rolled over and now, it was Ritsu at the bottom with Shin leaning over him. "You say embarrassing things yourself," he replied while grinning._

_"Wha—" Ritsu was cut off when Shin locked his mouth with his. It was just light, warm and a reassuring kiss that sent Ritsu shiver._

_Looking down, with the slight breeze making Shin's hair dance, the man planted a kiss on Ritsu's forehead and grinned. "I love you."_

_"—ve you too…" Ritsu answered._

_"Eh…I didn't hear it! What?"_

_"I already said it! I won't repeat it anymore!"_

_And the two of them rolled over and over, plastering their bodies with fine sand. _

_They stopped when they heard a chuckle. The both of them looked up and saw an old man sitting on a mat. He must be on his 80s, his lines on his face very refined, his sagging skin showed old age, but his eyes reflected wisdom only people at that age possessed._

_Surprised, Ritsu and Shin sat abruptly, but their hands were still connected._

_"Hello, Oji-san? Are you alone?" Ritsu asked brightly._

_The old man nodded with a smile. "Lovers?"_

_Ritsu quickly flushed hiding his face on Shin's shoulder. _

_"Yes, Grandpa," It was Shin who answered. Then he murmured at Ritsu's ears, "Oi, it's just granpa…why are you flustered like that?"_

_The old man laughed out loud this time. "Don't be shy. This old man has had his own share of romance you know."_

_"Eh—Oji-san, you're not mad at homosexual couples even though you grew up in a strict environment?" Ritsu asked slowly raising his face to meet the old man's gaze._

_Fixing the thick spectacles on the bridge of his nose, the old man smiled once more. "I am pretty open about it," he then looked at the horizon. "My first love…unexpectedly was my teacher. He was a married man. So the relationship didn't last. But I was happy." He sighed as if tired of talking. "Now I have five grandchildren, my wife already passed away 3 years ago. I have to say, I loved her no less than I loved my sensei."_

_Ritsu raised his head on Shin's ears. "Oji-san is a bi."_

_Shin was obviously stopping his laugh from escaping his mouth and pretended to give Ritsu a scolding look._

_"Wow…grandpa-it seemed like you had a very colourful love life!" Shin commented._

_The old man smiled once more then eyed the two of them. "It's the first time I saw you two here. On vacation?"_

_Ritsu stood up. Shin did too and when he noticed sand on Ritsu's hair, he ruffled the brown hair to remove the particles._

_"Oji-san, do you know the huge building not far from here?" the brunette asked excitedly. "We're part of the trial for a drug they're creating to see if it will give any allergies to human when used. The pay is really good you know!"_

_It was obvious that the old man stiffened, and his face grew grim. "You mean LSD?"_

_"Yeah—that's right grandpa," Shin answered, perplexed at the sudden change in the old man's attitude. _

_Looking at Ritsu then at Shin, the old man squinted his eyes. "You don't have any plans of quitting, do you?"_

_The two didn't answer._

_"LSD…is not a normal drug you know?"_

_Ritsu and Shin just exchanged looks then back at the old man._

_"Listen to me…when everything goes out of control for LSD, try a box jellyfish."_

_Ritsu laughed and Shin smiled. The brunette looked at the beach pointing at an upturned umbrella caused by the wind. "Like that?"_

_"Yes…like that…"_

_Shin also looked at the umbrella then at the suddenly silent Ritsu. "Psst, what's wrong?"_

_Raising his eyes at Shin, he bit his bottom lip. "Nothing, I just felt like someone was watching."_

_The two young men's attention darted back to the old man when he stood._

_"Hmm…you know…a box jelly fish known as Chironex can definitely reverse a nervous system related drug, but it needs a special partner. Chironex only would surely kill you. It is lethal without that 'partner'."_

_The two of them felt that the old man was just blabbering due to old age. So to humour him, Onodera grasped the old man's hand and asked one more thing._

_"Then what is that Oji-san?"_

_The old man looked at Ritsu sadly. "It isn't discovered yet."_

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

_hello! this chapter is a bit of fluff right? ahaha..i've always wanted to write something about Shin…so there. Oh…I made him so sweet towards Ritsu! Ahaha..that's because I am hoping that Haitani Shin will try steal Ritsu from Takano in the upcoming Onodera Ritsu no Bai! YEY! OMG…dying of excitement._

_So that's why Ritsu said it's a dead end because the partner for Chironex isn't discovered yet. Muahahha…I'm sure making this long,.._

_THANKS FOR READING, LEAVE A REVIEW, OR HI (heheheh) ! LET'S GO INTENSE WITH THE NEXT CHAPPY! ARIGATOU MINNA!^^_


	26. Nihil Timendum Est

_Nihil Timendum Est/Fear Nothing_

* * *

**_Nihil Timendum Est_**

He blinked a couple of times to ward off the sleepiness taking over his mind and body. He's been inside his room almost the entire time, only going out to do the regular sparring sessions with Matsuda and Yokozawa. But after all that, he cooped himself in his matchbox room, researching, frying his brains with the possibility that the cure was already at hand.

"Not today…" Takano grunted, wiping a streak of sweat on his forehead despite the freezing temperature outside. He was running a fever but he kept on working anyway. He would find out something useful even if it killed him. But Yokozawa won't allow such stupid heroic act.

"Takano, you'll die first even before saving anybody with what you're doing!" Yokozawa yelled, removing the overused laptop away from Takano's disordered table.

Frowning, Takano stood and tried to snatch the laptop back. "Yokozawa, don't fuck with me!"

The man holding the laptop frowned in return. "I salute your dedication, but as a doctor, you know full too well that the brain needs rest in order to function at its 100%! Come on Takano, rest! You've been up and running for the past three days. Anyone would get stressed out."

"How can I even rest when I feel like I am almost there?!" Takano yelled back, slamming his fist in the table which sent a couple of papers flying down to the floor.

Yokozawa drew a deep breath and placed the laptop on top of the books on the table. "I don't want to do this but you leave me no choice."

"What?"

"I'll take your Chironex away and won't return it until you get yourself into that bed and have a good rest."

With disbelief all over Takano's face, his shoulders drooped and he exhaled. Talking his way with a fully decided Yokozawa would be just a waste of time. Besides, he knew it was also for his own good, he just couldn't let himself rest when his brains were running like crazy. Like you were already at the end of solving a puzzle then you'd be interrupted, that was a major irritation.

A clear frustration flashed before Takano's face before finally turning back facing his bed. "Fine. I'll rest. But I better see that Chironex by tomorrow."

* * *

Takano woke up a little dizzy. Not from any ailment though but by some loud, incoherent sound breaking the usual silence of their underground base.

He squinted while sitting up. Finally being able to take a rest, he just realized how disorganized he was despite trying to be always neat with his work place. He slowly looked up the small clock hanging on the plain wall and sighed. 10 am.

"I slept too much…I must be really tired," he muttered going to the attached bathroom inside. He almost thought he saw somebody else when he faced himself in the mirror. The guy staring back at him had stubbles, his hair seemed too out of place, and his clothes looked so disarrayed he couldn't believe how he managed to transform himself into a total nerd.

He took care of his appearance. Feeling refreshed with his rest, with his fully awakened brains, he wore a fresh cotton black, long sleeves and jeans and headed towards the kitchen to grab something to eat.

"Where is everybody?"

His gaze scanned the hallway and the kitchen but no one was there. Maybe there was some fight from among the team members and they were all betting who would win which happened all the time for fun. He lazily thought. After all, he heard rumbles from earlier. As he chugged a cup of steaming hot coffee, partnered with his usual smoke, he sighed once more. He felt something was wrong.

Just when he was to about to take another sip of his coffee, Yokozawa's voice echoed in the entire underground base.

"Everyone inside the base, gather at IR. I repeat, gather at IR."

With his brows meeting in a frown, Takano placed the unfinished coffee down, took one last drag off his cigarette before stubbing it in an ashtray and walked towards IR with huge, long strides.

On the way, he met Hanada who was apparently in the middle of taking a shower and he was just wearing his bathrobe, his hair still with shampoo.

"Yoh! Takano-san. This is insane."

"Huh?" Takano replied.

"IR, means interrogation room. Why would anybody need an interrogation? It's when they did something contrary to the team's goals."

Takano gave a stare at Hanada before looking straight ahead. "That means…"

Hanada grew serious. "Someone within us is a traitor."

* * *

When Takano and Hanada entered the cramped IR, Yokozawa was pacing the room in front of a completely dazed forty-something man.

The loud rumbling Takano heard was from the first audiences with full disgust on their faces.

"Shit that Akiyama, sold a very important information to the enemy." Takano heard from one of the men.

"Yeah I heard of it…he ticked them off that we'll attack Usami estate within a month. That bastard."

Yokozawa threw a glare at the whispering men then focused at Akiyama.

"So then Akiyama…tell me the exact thing you told them."

Akiyama, a well-built man with curly hair drooped on his chair, looking as if he was on the verge of falling asleep. Takano found it odd that the man in question would completely admit he betrayed the team without defending himself, without putting up a fight. Instead, he sat there like a young boy being scolded by his mother for stealing a cookie.

Takano looked more closely at the man and at Yokozawa. Based on the eye movements of the man, he seemed to be under a sort of some drug. Crossing his arms together, he then noticed a bottle in Yokozawa's hand.

"You see, Chief…" he sniffed. "When I heard that we won't be getting paid yet, I felt frustrated…" there was a wave of annoyed murmurs that died right away. "So, I met secretly with…who was that…hmmm…Kiri…Kiri something. I told them we planned on attacking them within a month. So that means three weeks from now already." Akiyama yawned. "You know I have a family back in the US I have to support. And in exchange for the information, he gave me seventy thousand dollars…"

Matsuda couldn't contain his anger he punched the wall. Others who were totally in the heat of being betrayed looked at Akiyama in a deadly manner. In a team of sixteen men, where you place your trust that each one of them would save their each other's' butts if ever the time comes, Akiyama severely shaken their bond. And just because of money?

Contrary to the majority's reactions, Yokozawa remained calm and collected pacing the room. His shoes somehow just annoyed the hell out of the men. A good five minutes of silence passed when Yokozawa stopped pacing, stood beside the sitting Akiyama and lifted his hand free of the bottle.

Everyone in the team thought that their Chief would give the traitor a beating. But instead, Yokozawa tapped Akiyama's shoulder. "You've done well, Akiyama."

"…"

Everyone stared at Yokozawa and Akiyama dumbfounded.

* * *

Yokozawa told everyone to follow him in the meeting room. All the men followed but with confusion at each of their faces. Someone betrayed the team, and their Chief praised the traitor…what was that?

Finally inside the dim lighted room, the fourteen men including Takano sat on one of the chairs of the round table. Yokozawa cleared his throat first before talking.

"Don't plaster stupid looks on your faces for crying out loud," Yokozawa whined.

"Then chief, what was that all about. We were betrayed yet you praised him? Our plan is totally busted now," Matsuda started with his fist in a tight ball. He was a man who valued great team work and trust.

Eyeing each of the men with questioning eyes, Yokozawa drew a deep breath and started the real tale.

"Actually, everything is going according to plan."

"Eh?"

"I purposely announced that the attack will be in a month because I know there would be spies sniffing off information. I couldn't risk announcing the real plan yet and planned on giving off false information to you guys. It is better and easier to fool someone when the giver of the information is convinced that what he is sharing is the real deal."

Yokozawa placed his hands on his side and bowed. "Allow me to ask for forgiveness for keeping this from you. I forced you to believe a false information. I am sorry."

The men started to rise, shocked at the sudden humility coming from their Chief. "Chief don't do that!"

"Chief, you're our boss here, whatever you think is right is the rule…"

The man standing in front smiled and stood properly once more. "Thank you. But I am not the rule. Every one of the team makes the rule, remember that." Yokozawa then looked at the team with a serious face. "So we got to fool the enemy by giving off a different date. As for Akiyama, don't hate him. It was my idea to press on that there will be no pay yet since he's the only one with a wife and children to support in our team."

The previously heated men nodded in understanding. Others still a little confused but awed nevertheless by their Chief.

Hanada raised a hand. "Then Chief, if we're not really attacking within a month…then when?" The rest of the team looked at Yokozawa with expectant faces.

Smiling as if enjoying the thrill and the soon bout with the pain in his neck, Yokozawa turned his back and exhaled. "Prepare everything. We'll attack the day after tomorrow."

* * *

When the surprise meeting ended, Takano asked Yokozawa for a moment.

"Yokozawa, what did you do to this Akiyama?"

The man stared at Takano as he pondered on the question.

"What do you mean?"

Takano frowned as his brain sorted out things. "Akiyama was perspiring a lot despite the cold temperature like running a fever. He kept on yawning. His eyes are unfocused. On top of that, he answered you like he was being hypnotized. Not even defending himself. Did you drug him?"

"Straight to the point and detailed observations from far away, as expected from you Takano," Yokozawa commented. He then pulled out the bottle he was holding earlier from his pocket. He shook it right before Takano's eyes. "Ever heard of the 'Truth Serum'?"

Takano took the small, unlabelled bottle and examined it. "I have heard of it. But I am not so sure what it does."

Smiling, Yokozawa sat on the edge of the table. "Truth Serum, also known as Sodium Pentothal weakens a person's resolve making them communicative, sharing their thoughts right on the spot."

Takano's eyes were focused on Yokozawa, it made the other man uncomfortable.

"Continue please," Takano muttered in a daze himself.

Yokozawa's face flashed confusion then cleared his throat. "When you have this, it attacks the nervous system, depresses it, lowers the heart rate together with the blood pressure. As the subject relaxes, he becomes more susceptible to pressure. So he's willing to sing when asked to."

Takano grabbed Yokozawa's collar, his eyes showing some fire Yokozawa hadn't seen even when they were still working in Nishijima Institute. "Tell me Yokozawa, do you have any more of these!?

Shocked, Yokozawa frowned while smiling. "Chill Takano, I don't understand but I still have a bottle of this hidden somewhere."

* * *

Takano was already typing away at his laptop when Yokozawa knocked on the door, carrying the bottle of sodium pentothal.

"Ehem, Takano…here's your truth serum. Honestly, you told me to fish out a box jellyfish, now this…"

Takano slammed his fist on the table. "I knew it…this…this sodium pentothal contains benzodiazepines, 3-quinuclidinyl benzilate, scopolamine…this could …this could work..." Takano murmured more like to himself.

Yokozawa knocked on the table. "Care to explain things with me?"

Takano raised a bottle of Chironex's venum he extracted from the poor box jellyfish. With his hands still shaking from excitement, he looked at his laptop.

"Since the blood stream of LSD infected person is contaminated, slowly damaging the nervous system mainly the brains, if the venom of a jellyfish, Chironex is injected to a normal human, that human dies in a matter of seconds. But if injected to a human infected with a drug that also targets the nervous system, the two clashes, and eventually kills each other…the problem is, the Chironex venom does not really dies. It stays in the nervous system. After killing LSD, it starts going active as the white blood cells battle the foreign element in the blood stream. So eventually, after killing LSD, the Chironex venom will kill the human itself. That is my dead end."

"So that means…?"

"Meaning, we need a depressant, strong depressants that would actually make the venom assume that the body is already dead. Coz that is only the time they die too. Surprisingly Yokozawa, that serum you have, I've checked it contains the strongest kinds of nervous depressants; sodium pentothal contains benzodiazepines, 3-quinuclidinyl benzilate, scopolamine. It will depress the nervous system for 30 to 60 seconds…that's enough time for Chironex to assume the host is dead and they go dying in the stream, will be released as sweat or urine."

Yokozawa sighed, and pondered at what he just heard. They were too much information, but he thought he got what Takano was thinking. The man frowned at one problem he was seeing.

"But Takano, this is too tricky. We don't even have a subject to test it to. Besides, if you injected the Chironex venom to Onodera, and your deduction with the sodium pentothal is wrong, _you_ will definitely kill him."

The man slowly placed the bottle of Chironex venom on the table beside the sodium pentothal. His face showed complete determination.

"I would rather take chances Yokozawa. This is the least I could do for Ritsu…" Takano glanced at the figure beside him then back at the two bottles. "I don't want fear taking over me. This is my deduction, so be it."

* * *

Wiping blood oozing from his nose, Ritsu wiped it off with a tissue. He stared blankly at the monitor of the computer before him. He was told to type the formulas for LSD. But it was even as if he was too tired to even lift a finger. Not that he had any intention of exposing LSD reproduction stages in the first place.

Sighing, Ritsu stared at the dark sky outside. Strangely, the weather completely reflected how he was feeling inside. The insane Usami was still as nice and clingy to him, it depresses him that he couldn't do anything anymore after all he'd been through, after all the promises he made with Misaki and the sane Usami. He knew Chironex could save them. But he had no ability to think of what was behind that dead end. And so slowly, aside from LSD eating away at his flesh, depression was also taking over him.

He had never felt so alone. The spacious, fully furnished room made him feel more lost, telling him he wasn't in control. The men guarding outside his room were suffocating. Even the very clothes he was wearing felt like it was choking him.

"I'm about to die…Takano-san…" Ritsu sniffed, disgusted at the blood that fell on the white table top. "I want to see Takano-san…" he muttered under his breath, not knowing that he had unconsciously typed 'save me' on the blank document.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

THANKS FOR READING! WHOA..I AM ALMOST THERE...THE KIRIxYOKO BATTLE? THE HANKY? LOL...NEXT CHAP. STAY TUNED! ^^

FINALLY..WHEW!

* * *

**SCIENTIFIC FACTS**

**sodium pentothal** is really a truth serum used by some in criminal cases. but some are not in favor of using this since, they say it is questionable. besides, truth serum does not really make the person say the truth outrightly,

"The patient may lose the inhibition, but will not lose self-control. Therefore, the patient will not tell the truth if he/she chooses not to do so. "-This article was prepared by: Svetlana Kadoshnikov , Chemistry 1, Spring 1998.

**benzodiazepines,3-quinuclidinyl benzilate,scopolamine **===these are active chemical substances in sodium penthotal, but unlike in my fic. these dudes are purely sedatives or hypnotics

**chironex is a ** box jellyfish that can kill you right away...dont go near them!they have killed more than sharks have !

there you have it...some scientific infos


	27. Bloody Reunion I

_When I saw him, I heard something snapping inside me. My blood rushed to my head. I felt my whole body and soul heating and tensing up. My vision became a blur of undisguised anger. It was red…bloody, and dripping red. That moment I knew I was possessed. I have never felt this strong urge to kill someone in my entire life. _

* * *

**Bloody Reunion I**

Sitting on a stool with his head bowed, hands clasped together between his legs, Takano Masamune, shut his eyes in a very short prayer. "_Let my Ritsu be safe. If You are really there…Let him be safe…"_

The fifteen men were all occupying some space inside the meeting room. Some were on the floor polishing their guns, while others were standing against the walls, their eyes at the ceiling. It was quiet. It was the deafening kind of quietness. Every rustle of clothes or a click of boots on the floor vibrated ten times stronger.

They all had serene expressions plastered on their faces. It was as if everyone was contemplating the years that passed in their lives and how they would be battling death that night. They were as if already grieving, so that when they entered the battle field, there would be no regrets. It was how Yokozawa's team prepared themselves before a battle. _Grieve already as if you already died. So in the middle of the battle, there would be no hesitations left because you went in dead. And if you come out alive, then you were reborn._

It was a twisted kind of belief since most people would want to think of the positive, but it worked for Yokozawa's team ever since they became a group. Hopefully, with all the guidance from an immaculate, sacred power, it would work again for them in this circumstance.

Everyone looked at the man who stood in the doorway. He was wearing black all over to easily blend in with the night just like everyone else. His ears plugged with earphones, his waist cladded with grenades, and smoke bombs and his chest carried confidence.

The moment they've been preparing for finally arrived.

Moving inside the room slowly, Yokozawa gave each man an approving look. "Always remember these, the guns in your hands, the grenades you carry are for last options only. As much as possible, only knock off the criminals. Be cool, don't let your emotions…" He stopped at the last word looking at Takano. "…take control over you. And lastly…" Yokozawa's lips curled into a smile, "It's always an honour to be working with you guys. I want your asses here for the next mission. Now go."

Like an air gun fired into the sky, the signal has been given off and the small group of men walked towards their specified cars. The group was divided into twos, and Yokozawa stood in the emptying room, waiting for his partner to move. But Takano remained in that sitting position without moving an inch.

"Takano…" Yokozawa started walking towards the unresponsive man. Still, there came no reply. The man then noticed Takano's shaking hands and knees. Sighing, Yokozawa placed his hand on Takano's shoulder.

"Keep it cool Takano, you'll be able to see him soon."

Takano looked up at Yokozawa with a grin plastered on his face. "I can hardly contain myself…this is it."

Smirking, Yokozawa crossed his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes at Takano. "I know your training was just very short, but you can at least protect yourself right?"

Takano stood, feeling the two bottles inside his pocket and smacked Yokozawa on the shoulder with his fist. "You better watch your back and not me, Yokozawa."

* * *

Eight cars took eight different routes into the deepening night. All had one destination. Usami Estate.

* * *

Usami Akihiko stared at the blank word document with his eyes narrowing into slits. Hand on the computer mouse scrolling, he threw a glance at the brunette who was absentmindedly standing in front of the huge window, eyes fixed towards the starless sky.

"Ritsu…" The silver-haired man began, loosening his tie. He sat on the edge of the white table top watching Ritsu's back. "I left you for two days," the man paused and inhaled. "Yet, you haven't typed a word. Are you by any chance testing my patience?"

Ritsu somehow felt scared at how Usami's voice sounded strange. The gentle and warm voice he was used to hearing was nowhere to be found. He didn't dare move on the spot where he was standing, but deep inside, he was trembling. True enough, he'd have no excuse this time. He couldn't say he was feeling ill, he was having a headache, he sprained his wrist, all the possible excuse for not following the once patient Usami ran out. And the wealthy, insane man, by the way his voice sounded, he clearly was at his rope's end.

The small antique clock that read 10:15 ticked loudly in Ritsu's ears as he slowly raised his arms to hug himself. He felt suddenly, terrifyingly cold. He could now clearly feel what the poor Misaki must have felt when the older man was not in a good mood. Just the sound of his deep, low, cold voice was enough to send his knees wobbling.

"Ritsu, I. Am. Talking. To. You."

Trying to act brave, Ritsu swallowed the lump forming in his throat. With painstakingly slow movements, the brunette turned his head a little towards Usami. "U—usami-san…I…I…my memory is somehow blurry that's why…I am still recalling things…"

A pair of angry, lavender eyes glared at Ritsu. It left Ritsu speechless. It was as if he just swallowed his own tongue.

Unbuttoning the first few buttons of his long-sleeved polo, Usami darted his eyes at the blinking vertical line over the white page of the computer. "But dear Ritsu, it wasn't what we talked about before I left for a business convention two days ago."

Ritsu completely turned his body, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He had never seen the man act like this. It was chilling.

Eyes still at the monitor, Usami sighed shaking his head slowly. "What you promised was when I get back…LSD procedures would be done. And now…two days after…" Usami looked at the shaking Ritsu with his expressionless face. "None."

The cold Usami rolled up the sleeves of his shirt slowly, looking at his hands as he did this. "I told you never to betray me, didn't I? Don't you know that breaking a promise is considered betrayal?"

The only thing Ritsu could do was gulp and hold his arms harder.

"ANSWER ME!" Usami yelled smashing the monitor of the computer against the marble floors. It crashed violently, breaking into poor pieces.

Shock poured over Ritsu, finally making his knees give out and made him fall on his bottom. With wide eyes, Ritsu looked at Usami and at the broken monitor alternatingly. It was as if the now unusable device was a representation of what soon will happen to him.

"U—u" Ritsu tried to talk, but he couldn't bring himself. He couldn't. Not when the insane Usami was already walking, slowly, menacingly towards him. He could only do as much as crawl backwards.

"I've been always kind and gentle with you Ritsu because I thought you wouldn't betray me. But you ended up being just like everyone else. Just like that whore Misaki."

With trembling lips, and terrified eyes, Ritsu tried to stand as he felt his bony back touch the glass of the huge window.

Cornered with nowhere to run, huge tears started to roll on Ritsu's cheeks. "Sorry-sorry…"

In truth, Ritsu wasn't apologizing about not being able to type anything. He was saying sorry for not knowing how to save the both of them after all the hopes he gave to the sane Usami. Looking now at the insane man, he was scared and sad at the same time.

But feeling sorry instantly disappeared and was replaced by full fright, when Usami grabbed Ritsu's brown locks backwards. The pain and the fear of his neck breaking took over. "U—sami—sa"

The enraged man leaned over, his mouth against Ritsu's ear. "Sorry? What for? A sorry doesn't solve anything, does it?" the cold voice whispered.

Being weak as Ritsu had already approached the last stage of the LSD contagion, his struggles against Usami were useless. He pounded his fists against the man's chest but it felt like he was hitting a metal. And instead of trying to at least incur any pain against Usami, he hurt himself instead.

The evil man chuckled. "My, my Ritsu…maybe I should give you a little taste of what a person experiences when they break my trust?" Usami's grip on Ritsu's hair grew stronger, the tear-filled man felt his scalp would break lose any moment. "That way…you would know…never to betray me."

With his head still bended backwards, Ritsu tried his best to look and meet Usami's eyes. "Pl—please…No…"

A sorry expression passed by on Usami's face in a fraction of seconds. "Onode—" It disappeared in a blink of an eye. And this time, Ritsu was crying hysterically. Usami ripped open his polo. Buttons falling everywhere.

"Usami-san! Usami-san!" Ritsu cried, flailing. The smiling Usami removed his loosened tie and used it to lock Ritsu's arms behind his back.

"Please! No! Usa-" Ritsu coughed as his throat constricted from screaming and crying at the same time.

Grabbing Ritsu's chin, the totally lost man squinted at Ritsu. He licked the tears off the brunette's face tasting the salty liquid of fear and pleas. "Crying out like that…_you_ really know how to turn me on."

With eyes blurry with nausea, chest with fear, body with weakness, Ritsu tried his best to free himself from the cold, huge hands against his skin, his feet kicking in the air as the taller man swept him off the floor like a sack of rice.

"Usami-Ahh!" Ritsu violently landed on the bed, even the softness of the mattress didn't help to ease the pain from the impact.

"Maybe this would make you a little more obedient?"

Ritsu felt Usami's weight press on him. With vision blurry from his own tears, he could still make up the devil's smile on Usami's face.

* * *

_Huh? Who's that screaming?_

_"_Ugh—Ahh…stop…AHH!"

Laughter.

"It…hurts…HU-RTS!"

_It sounds like my voice…why am I crying? What's…going on…_

"HAH!—Urgh…" Ritsu finally regained his consciousness after passing out for a short period of time. His eyes right away darted at the man in between his legs. A wave of pain shot right from where they were joined up to the base of his skull. He bit down hard on his lower lip that blood started to trickle down his chin, to his neck, finally landing on the white sheets.

The pain didn't just run throughout his body, but rattled deep down his very soul.

"Usami-saaan…" he sobbed. But the insane man was deaf to everything.

The bed was creaking violently with Usami's forceful thrusts. Ritsu's hands tied under him dug into its own flesh. The four corners of the room were filled with Ritsu's softening wails, as his throat started to give out as well.

Thrusting fiercely, violently, deeper into the soft flesh before him, Usami, raised the poor trembling legs of Ritsu. He was completely at a loss in pleasuring himself, while the man at the bottom writhed in excruciating pain.

Ritsu inhaled deeply, slowly brought his gaze to his nether regions and felt his pupils go dilated. There was blood…on the sheets…under him.

A silent scream escaped Ritsu's quivering mouth. Usami soaked in sweat stared at the pair of fear filled, emerald eyes before him. He slowly pulled out…Ritsu running after his breath. But the unforgivable insane man grinned then violently went in deeper this time.

Ritsu shut his eyes hard, stifling a scream. He felt his body shook like crazy, as the pain grew more intense by the minute. And when Usami released his seeds inside the swollen flesh, Ritsu arched his back, screaming to death.

"TAKANO-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAN!"

* * *

"Takano?" Yokozawa called out, stealing a glance at the man sitting on the passenger seat. Takano had suddenly turned his head outside, his night vision binoculars falling on the car floor.

"There was a scream," Takano whispered, tensing up.

Yokozawa moved his eyes back on the empty road. "There was no scream Takano. Besides, the windows are sealed."

"I heard it…" Brows furrowing, Takano picked up the binoculars and drew a deep breath. His heart was feeling pain he thought of wanting to cry. The only thing left for him to do was wait though until they reach Usami Estate. And although they were already running at full speed, he felt that they were not moving at all.

_Ritsu…hold on…please…_ Takano repeated in his head hoping that at least, this would reach the other. For in his heart, he knew something bad was going on.

* * *

The vast Usami estate was quiet. The white building of the G&C Pharmaceutical Laboratory looked haunted. Two men signed using their hands and crawled on the tall grasses before them. No matter how tight the security was, with a huge land as that, there would always be holes in it. And so the plan was cause a huge explosion in the laboratory. Team Cienna would cause a fire to the laboratory, diverting the enemies' attention to it, so that the force inside the mansion would flock right away to the burning junk.

Kentarou was focusing on his remote as he manoeuvred a mini spy kite carrying dozens of high calibre silent explosives while Ichida, lying on his stomach studied the top of the laboratory from a GPS device device. Their source informed them that the laboratory had its own methane processor for producing its own electricity, set-up on the top. It would surely aggravate the explosion. Just what they wanted.

"Kentarou, hover lower…there on the right…"

"Roger that," the man answered on the speaker clipped on his collar.

"At the count of three…drop it," Ichida informed.

"3…" they both counted. "2…1!"

Within a matter of seconds, an explosion that should have awakened the whole city appeared. But no sounds came. Only the fiery mouths of red fire hissing as it swallowed the laboratory fast.

The other teams, seeing the fire from afar, started moving into the openings of the mansion they tagged as dead; No cameras and easy to sneak into.

* * *

"Chief! There's a fire in the laboratory! We're being attacked!"

Calmly sitting on his chair behind his huge table, Kirishima Zen pulled his drawer open and grabbed his Mamba Pistol. Pulling the speaker connected to all his men's ear gear, he inhaled, his icy voice filling their ears.

"Squad B, the visitors are here. Give them warm welcome to your heart's contents. Teams 1, 2 and 3, stay here…the rest…scatter outside."

* * *

As Kirishima was giving out orders, Yokozawa and Takano were already inside the mansion through the ceilings. They were the first team to get inside. Their light sticks brightening their cramped space as they crawled in deeper into the mansion.

"Takano…wait," Yokozawa bit the light stick as he pulled his GPS device. "On the left, there's an exit. Pull it off," he squinted. "That exit leads to a comfort room. From there, that's where you'll have to find Ritsu. I'll leave that job to you."

Takano wiped a sweat on his forehead, it was sure hot in there. "Got that. And you?"

Pushing the GPS device back in his vest pocket, Yokozawa pointed his light stick towards a way to the right. "I'd have to help the others take down the bastards."

The two men raised their clenched fists and hit them together.

"Good luck, Takano."

"Good luck, Yokozawa."

And the two men started crawling to their own exits.

* * *

Leon dashed out carrying his precious assault rifle grinning.

"This is awesome…this is exactly what the Chief said is going to happen!" He exclaimed leading a group of four men. "Hoi, you two, set-up tear gasses on that alley. Let's see how good this Yokozawa's men are."

* * *

Despite the alarm ringing inside the entire mansion, Usami kept on ravishing the raw flesh in front him oblivious to everything. Suffice to say, the insane Usami fell much deeper into the contagion. And the now exhausted Ritsu, just stared at the ceiling, even crying had become a hard thing to do.

* * *

Yokozawa threw his light stick, kicked his way out and jumped on a dark, empty hallway. Putting on his night vision glasses in place, he swiftly traced the place, left, right, up, down, clear. With his breath controlled, and his gun for play in his hands, he walked slowly, feeling everything. His entire senses on guard.

He heard a couple of gun shots from far away. It definitely has started.

"Chief…Kentarou! Kentarou's down!" Yokozawa heard from his earphones. A worried look flashed before his face, but before he could even reply, a hand yanked the ear gear off him from behind and kicked him at the back. He fell on his knees.

"Argh!" Yokozawa grunted as rain of hard kicks from a heavy shoe hit him all over his body. "Bastard…" Yokozawa hissed and grabbed the man's foot when it kicked him again. This time he didn't let go. He pulled it hard making the enemy hidden by the darkness fall on his back.

It happened in a matter of seconds. The two of them rolled all over the floor. Being good at close combats, Yokozawa picked up his pace and in no time was at the top of whoever the bastard was, pinning him down hard. "I'll send you to a slumber…" Yokozawa hissed once more as the man under him tried to escape.

"Like hell you…" the man was cut off. Yokozawa just hit the base of the man's skull hard, sending him unconscious. He won't be waking up until tomorrow.

Panting, Yokozawa staggeringly stood and rested his back on a wall. He got a little dizzy with the rolling spree he just had. His night vision glasses broke when they fought and rolled on the cold floor. It broke into shards, slicing a bloody line on Yokozawa's cheek. And his ear gear was nowhere to be found.

It was completely dark, but his eyes already adjusted to it, letting him move around better. He was about to walk away and leave the unconscious man when he heard a hissing sound. It was coming from the sprawled man. He bended a knee and inspected the man. Inside his pocket was what appeared to be a speaker.

Yokozawa pulled it out and waited for a voice to speak. Surely this man was connected with the rest of their team, he could use that opportunity to trick their foes.

A good ten seconds passed but no voice came.

The man, wiping the blood he felt was coming from his cut, frowned. He was getting bored and irritated at the speaker that he was about to smash it down since the only sound it produced was a hissing one. Maybe it also broke when they rolled and punched and smacked each other.

Then there was an icy chuckle.

Yokozawa stared hard at the small speaker in his hands.

"Hello. Yo-ko-za-wa."

It was dark, only the speaker and him, but Yokozawa felt he can clearly see the mock on the bastard's grinning face.

"You…" Yokozawa said glaring at the small speaker.

"My…It seems like our ways of thinking are also the same."

The anger in Yokozawa rose. He held the speaker tighter. "Show your face to me coward," he hissed between his gritted teeth.

Laughter.

Then a gunshot pierced Yokozawa's ears coming from the speaker and a scream.

"Ah—my bad Yokozawa…one down."

Yokozawa started running off the dark hallway, jumping his way off a stair.

"Bastard!"

A soft chuckle was Kirishima's reply. Then silence.

"Kirishima Zen!" Yokozawa yelled as he dashed.

A hissing sound from the speaker answered. Then a sigh. "You finally called me by my name."

"I am not fucking kidding around with you, you damn bastard! Let's get over this!"

Kirishima sighed. "Yokozawa…" the somehow strange voice called out, as if he was just whispering in Yokozawa's ears. "You know the handkerchief I gave you? Do you know what it meant?"

Yokozawa somehow slowed. The handkerchief? Damn it was still even inside his pocket, cushioning his hopefully still working GPS device.

"What the hell are you? I am not your fucking chat mate!"

"Yokozawa, the Lipstick Killer is waiting for you. Hurry…"

"Enough with your stupid talk!"

"Come and find me, and then you'll know…" Then the hissing died.

"Hoi! Hoi!"

Irritation and anger swelling inside Yokozawa, he threw the small speaker somewhere and started his hunt.

* * *

The exit that Yokozawa pointed for Takano won't budge. It left Takano no choice but to turn around and look for other exits inside the sweltering, cramped maze.

He bit his light stick hard as he crawled on all fours. Then he saw a light. He hurriedly crawled towards it. Peeking at the space below, it seemed to be another comfort room. He carefully removed the barrier which easily took off when he pulled.

He then let himself fall on the detailed flower designs of the tiles. He didn't even have to wear his night vision glasses since it was fairly lit. The door was ajar.

Slowly walking, careful not to hit anything, he stepped towards the door and peeked at the opening.

* * *

There he saw, an unfamiliar man, thrusting like a maniac into the figure which was very much familiar to him. He felt his strength running away from him. He wanted to go deaf as he heard the vicious, disgusting sounds coming from the thrusting. The wet sounds made him want to throw up. The rhythmic creaking of the bed pulsated in Takano's head.

It was as if he suddenly got frozen at the sight. But he snapped when he saw the stains on the sheets. It was clearly blood.

Goose bumps crawled all over his body hearing the voice he so wanted to be only his. "Ta—ka—no—san…" It was barely a whisper. But it made Takano go crazy.

* * *

When he saw Usami Akihiko, he heard something snapping inside him. His blood rushed to his head. He felt his whole body and soul heating and tensing up. His vision became a blur of undisguised anger. It was red…bloody, and dripping red. That moment he knew he was possessed. He has never felt this strong urge to kill someone in his entire life.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

wow…to be honest..i was feeling lazy. I felt so comfortable lying on the sofa watching Sekaiichi Hatsukoi for the millionth time. LOL…but then…when I typed the first paragraph while still watching the beloved yaoi…I suddenly started typing away..not realizing it was aalready 3:40 in the morning.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. I was completely on a wild ride while typing this!^^

Muahahahaha!

Thanks for always the support! Leave a review please! Did it make you excited like it did to me? ^^

btw:the Spy Kite can let you capture photos from heights of up to 80ft that you can download to a pc using a flash drive. it was never used to carry anything...but lol..i dont think it would hurt the little guy to carry something rigth? hahah just for your info.^^

* * *

**to the reviewers**: I AM ALWAYS HAPPY TO RECEIVE SUCH HEART WARMING COMMENTS FROM YOU GUYS! LEARNING THAT YOU ENJOY EVERY CHAPTER I POST, ALL THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND ZOMBIE WALKING DURING THE DAY PAID OFF! AHAHAHA...DOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!


	28. Frenzy

_The State of Madness._

* * *

**Frenzy**

"Someone! Someone! Open this door!"

Misaki had been nonstop slamming his fists on the thick mahogany door. He kicked, tried to use a pin, the paper cutter anything pointy to unlock the door but everything didn't pay off.

He was nursing yet another broken heart seeing from his window that his Usagi-san just came back from a business convention. But right after arriving back to the mansion, the said man right away, went to the brunette's room. He couldn't hear or see anything, but he knew deep within him what was going on those very moments he was lying limply on his bed.

Then he heard a series of what sounded like gunshots. That's when he knew something was awfully wrong.

"Someone!" Misaki cried until his throat ached. He thought of jumping out the window but it would be suicide.

There was another gunshot. So loud and clear that Misaki knew it was just outside his room. He pounded harder until his fists hurt. "Please! Let me out!"

"Oi! Hanada! What are you standing there for? Come on!" Matsuda called out to his partner.

Hanada, the man with dreadlocks wiped a sweat from his forehead and focused his senses to the muffled sound. "Wait…somebody…is calling out..."

"Huh?" Matsuda walked towards Hanada, focusing their sense of hearing away from the gunshots.

"Please!"

"There it is!" Hanada exclaimed.

Placing his ear on the one nearest to him, Hanada finally confirmed it was coming from that door. He pulled the knob but it was locked and it didn't budge.

"Oi! Can you hear me!? Move away from the door! Move away from the door!" Hanada yelled.

Frowning and glancing on both directions, Matsuda smacked Hanada lightly on the shoulders. "Stupid, don't shout too loud."

Misaki gulped, running after his breath. A ray of hope lightened his heaving chest as he scrammed from the thick door. After a couple of seconds, there was a loud metal clashing sound and the door swung open.

The frail boy felt like crying when he saw two men staring back at him like he was some rare animal for show. From the looks of them, they were the good guys. Hanada slowly walked towards Misaki, hand extended.

"Boy? Are you alright? Come here, we'll get you out of here."

Misaki nodded and took the extended hand. Meanwhile, Matsuda started ripping his own shirt off which made Misaki nervous. Ripping sounds of clothes gave him the fright after what he had experienced with the man he couldn't hate no matter how inhuman he was treated.

"Matsuda?! The hell are you doing?! You're scaring the kid!"

The well-built man then threw his shirt and started taking off his bullet-proof vest and handed it to Hanada. "Make the kid wear that. It's raining bullets outside."

"But…Matsu—"

"If my brother was alive, I think he'd be around the same age as him. Well…just let him wear it. Don't worry bro, my luck is incomparable."

Silently, Hanada placed the vest on Misaki's small body and the three of them went out the room that seemed like a prison for Misaki. Hanada silently praying that the luck Matsuda was saying wouldn't run out.

* * *

Misaki found himself rolling on the cold floor when Hanada pushed him away. They were suddenly cornered by three armed men and they started showering the two guys who saved him with bullets. Whether the men were still alive or not, Misaki didn't know.

"Sorry…" he whispered as he started to crawl, going to the floor where his Usagi-san might be, leaving Matsuda and Hanada to fate.

* * *

Leon's eyes glinted with excitement. He was crouched low behind a door as he tried to contact some of his members. But all four of them were not answering.

"Are you people dead?" the smiling young man whispered in his device. Only hissing sounds replied.

Licking his upper lip, he gathered his hair wet from his own sweat away from his eyes and tied them using a band. He then made sure that his Mamba Pistol, same model as his Chief was fully loaded once more. He was getting hyped since Yokozawa's team have proven to be not easy targets, which made him thirst for blood and screaming all the more.

Slowly, with a grin he couldn't stop from appearing on his face, he stood and took calculated, silent steps away from his hiding place. Slowly moving forward towards the end of the 2nd floor hallway, he raised his gun, ready to shoot whoever will come his way.

Leon stopped moving.

Yokozawa did the same.

The older man felt something just as he was nearing the cross section of the floor. Slowly, barely making a sound, he felt the need to raise and ready his gun, although he was just using his brute force from the beginning. His guts told him to be ready.

Both were slowly inching forward. Their fingers ready to pull the trigger. Both stopped their breathing. And with one swift dash, they found themselves facing each other's guns.

* * *

The sound of gunshots from outside grew stronger with the seconds that passed by with Yokozawa and Leon staring at each other.

Leon's grin disappeared and was replaced by a sudden recognition of the man before him. He felt his body go rigid, his hands shaking a little. "Yokozawa…" Leon hissed.

Frowning first, Yokozawa glared at Leon and raised his gun more, lining it in front of the young man's forehead. "You are decades early for aiming a gun at me, punk."

Like a wind, Leon suddenly disappeared in front of Yokozawa's eyes. In a matter of seconds, Leon had Yokozawa's arm pinned behind his back, his gun falling on the floor, his chest pressing hard against the wall.

_"What the fuck…this…"_ Yokozawa grunted, remembering a similar attack.

Despite being shorter than Yokozawa, Leon had successfully made the man totally motionless.

"Hey, mister," Leon spat. "Don't underestimate me. Everything I know, it is Chief who taught me."

A sudden chuckle escaped Yokozawa's lips it made Leon more irritated.

"What the heck is so funny?!"

"No—nothing," but Yokozawa continued chuckling. Due to frustration, Leon twisted Yokozawa's hand hard enough to make Yokozawa grunt.

"Don't mock me you bastard!"

"You see punk…don't go…" Yokozawa had his leg tangled on Leon's left leg and mightily dragged the black-haired young man down with him. The older man swiftly crawled and settled his right knee on Leon's back, putting force on a vertebra which when snapped, would send Leon either a vegetable or dead right away. This time, the table has been turned. "Don't go overestimating yourself next time, brat."

How Leon managed to draw out a hidden blade from his free motorbike-gloved hand was a surprise that sent Yokozawa toppling over when he felt the sudden slash on his left leg. It wasn't that deep, but enough to sting. Leon hurriedly moved away and faced Yokozawa with one knee on the floor. His other gun aimed at Yokozawa.

"The Chief said not to kill you. Honestly I don't get him at all! But perhaps, he'd go back to his normal self when you're not around anymore!"

Yokozawa turned his head towards his gun lying idly on the floor. It was too far, it'd be too late for him to go get it. He rattled his brain for ways to get out being cornered. But his brain was put to a halt when a gunshot vibrated in the long hallway.

His eyes darted to his back to find one of his men had shot the punk.

"Don't shoot! Stop!" Yokozawa shouted, fury in his chest as he saw the young figure collapse on the cold floor.

Glaring, Yokozawa stood. "I told you, guns are for last resorts only!"

"But—"

Yokozawa ran towards the motionless figure, blood forming underneath Leon.

Delicately tapping Leon's face, Yokozawa searched where the young man was shot. He got surprised when blazing, brown eyes of anger gazed at the ceiling and with no warning, shot the man who had shot him. Yokozawa heard a grunt and a body collapsing on the floor. Leon was moving in reflex to protect himself and had the gun aimed at Yokozawa's chest. But Yokozawa had hit the gun away just before Leon could pull the trigger.

The punk had very fast movements that in no time, Yokozawa was blinded by a smoke bomb, and heard footsteps fading away.

"Hijikata! Are you still alive?!" Yokozawa shouted under a cloud of smoke.

"Yokozawa-san, I'm okay. Got my kneecap shot though…"

"Because you're too reckless! Idiot!" He scolded his man as he tried to help him get away from the suffocating white smoke.

_"Damn, he was trained real good."_

* * *

Usami Akihiko didn't see it coming. His back was facing the plush comfort room, he didn't notice the man shrouded in complete anger approach him.

Takano's brain was blank. He just saw the silver-haired man with his black slacks still on his hips with just his fly open, ramming in frenzy into Ritsu's unmoving, frail body. He noticed him and nothing else.

Ritsu stared at the ceiling, but appeared to see nothing. He already fell into unconsciousness with his eyes open into nothingness.

Takano's hands were clenched into tight fists, trembling, wanting, and itching to hit the man on top of his Ritsu endlessly. A gunshot wouldn't suffice. He wanted to incur grave pain, pain that would make the cursed man beg to die.

"Enjoying yourself much?" Takano hissed in a voice not even him knew he had.

When Usami Akihiko turned his head, he felt his jaw snap at the sudden impact from Takano's fist. Coughing, with little blood from the corner of his lips, Usami fell on the bed massaging his numbing face.

"Not yet…not yet…" Takano said in a daze.

Having caught up by surprise, Usami still hadn't gathered his self when he felt another wave of pain on his stomach when Takano kicked him hard, the tip of his shoe digging into the cum streaked flesh.

Usami coughed once more, catching his breath.

With an expressionless face, Takano bended, grabbed Usami by the hair and hit him on the face once more. "This isn't enough…no…"

In a state of complete fury, Takano hit Usami's face countless of times until his knuckles bleed. Until his own breathing came into rasping ones, until his own body was numb. He hit and hit the bleeding face of Usami. And to Takano's irritation the man didn't fight back. He just received all his hit.

"Repenting are you?"

Takano stood and started kicking Usami, not caring where his shoe would land. Head, face, chest, stomach, legs…he wanted to kill the man into pieces. Make him suffer a death with excruciating pain. Make him pay.

Takano has lost it.

* * *

Running with his bare feet, Misaki stopped in front of a room that used to be his. Now Ritsu's. He gulped before reaching for the knob.

_"What if it's locked?" _He stopped midway.

Closing his eyes, he prayed that everything would be fine. Deliberately, with a trembling hand, Misaki held the knob and turned it.

He felt faint with what he saw after opening the door.

* * *

His eyes instantly focused on the bloody face of Usami who was lying on the floor. Not moving. Not fighting.

Misaki felt his heart constrict. A lump formed inside his throat. His body moved on its own. Misaki, with his skin and bones body hugged Usami, accepting all Takano's blows.

"Please stoooop! Stop this!" Misaki screamed, feeling a rib about to break despite the vest he had on. But Takano was already blind, he continued anyway.

The thin figure tried to catch the long leg and hold onto it but Takano instead swung his leg away and kicked Misaki on the chest which sent the lad rolling on the floor.

"Stooop…" Misaki cried, with no voice coming from his mouth.

His Usagi-san, so strong, was sprawled on the floor, a big bloody mess. "Usagi-san!"

Hand on the area where he was hit, Misaki crawled towards Takano. He staggeringly stood and encircled his bony arms around Takano's waist, pulling the man away. But Takano just dragged him by the collar and threw him on the floor.

Takano was in his own frenzy. He couldn't, wouldn't forgive the man even if it killed him. He couldn't stop himself anymore and lashed out over and over at Usami who might be dead already.

"Please! Please! Leave Usagi-san alone!" the lad cried, grabbing on the bed for support. He felt himself go limp when he saw what state Ritsu was in. Legs spread apart, blood under the sheets, body full of bleeding bite marks, cum streaked stomach, mouth with strings of saliva, and a pair of glassy eyes staring into air.

Sobbing hysterically, Misaki crawled on top of the bed, towards Ritsu.

Misaki grabbed Ritsu's shoulders and shook the man lightly. "Onii-san…wake up…wake up!"

But Ritsu didn't show any response.

"Stop him…god stop him!" Misaki had buried his head on Ritsu's chest, crying, trembling, begging.

"Usagi-san is all I have! Onii-san…help me!"

* * *

_"Is it me again who's crying?"_

_"Agh—my body feels so heavy."_

"Usagi-saaaaan! Stop! Please don't kill him!"

_"Usagi-san?"_

'Usagi-san is all I have! Please!"

* * *

Slowly, the haze in Ritsu's brain started to clear. His dreamy eyes rested on a messy head, shaking terribly.

"Mi—misaki…"

As if electricity ran all over his body, Misaki sat and stared with tear streaked face at Ritsu. He didn't say anything. He just cried like it was the end of the world.

With body as heavy as lead, Ritsu sat, wincing at the pain running on his spine. The first thing he saw was Usami, sprawled on the floor on his stomach. Blood all over. Then, his eyes travelled from the unconscious man towards the broad shoulders, the dark locks, that profile.

"Takano-san…" Ritsu said, but only a gush of wind escaped his mouth.

Hurriedly, Ritsu moved out of the bed, not caring about his nudity. But when he stood, he instantly tumbled over. He couldn't feel his lower half.

"Why-" Ritsu started to cry himself…His left eye couldn't see anything anymore.

With his ears filled with Misaki's cries, Takano's hits, and his own panic, Ritsu with all his might crawled towards Takano. Coughing a trail of blood on the way, he grabbed Takano's leg.

"Takano-san…" But it was so weak.

"Takano-argh!" Ritsu coughed again with blood.

The man who has lost it stopped in mid-air as the corner of his eyes caught a naked body, with brown hair lying beside him, coughing up blood. He couldn't believe his eyes.

Ritsu slowly raised his head, still holding on Takano's legs. Ritsu and Takano's eyes met. Green eyes filled with tears, mouth dripping with blood, it was the worst nightmare Takano could ever dream of.

Snapping out of a terrible trance, Takano fell on his knees. Ritsu, smiled at Takano. Takano, reached for Ritsu's face with trembling hands. He didn't know how to hold him, afraid he might hurt him, afraid that if he touched him, he'd break.

"Takano-san...don't…kill him…"

Takano just bit his bottom lip, pulling off his strong front. He couldn't cry in front of Ritsu who was trying to be brave. His Ritsu appeared as if he would leave him forever anytime.

"God…Ritsu…" Takano slowly lifted up the limp body, gently placing the man on his legs.

"He…he is also affected by LSD…don't hate him…"

"God, how can I do that?!" Takano shouted, grabbing Ritsu into a hug, burying his face on Ritsu's shoulder.

Clammy, cold hand touched Takano's neck. When he looked at Ritsu's face, a moan escaped from his mouth. A moan of pain, and fright. Why did it feel that it was Ritsu's final smile? Why?

Takano gently laid Ritsu on the floor and grabbed a blanket on top of the bed. Misaki had ran towards Usami who had gone unconscious. Carefully, Takano wrapped the blanket around Ritsu. He actually planned on injecting the Chironex Venom and Sodium Pentothal when everything was over. But he couldn't wait anymore.

With tears he so tried to stop from forming, he pulled out the two bottles and the small injection he had inside the mini bag around his waist. Takano searched the entire room like crazy for alcohol and pulled a box of tissue when he couldn't find cotton.

With the gunshots firing from everywhere, Takano ignored them all. Nothing was more critical than that moment. Takano placed Ritsu's head on his lap and raised a thin arm. Ritsu opened his closed eyes when he felt something warm dropping on his face. It was Takano's tears.

"Why are you crying like this?"

_What a stupid question._

"Don't worry now Ritsu okay? This will definitely free you from LSD…okay?" Takano cooed in a hoarse voice.

Ritsu raised his free hand and lightly touched Takano's cheeks. Sliding his fingers in circles to dry Takano's tears away. "Thank you…"

Takano slowly pressed the injection in Ritsu's pale arm, feeling the pain himself.

"Takano-san…"

"Hmmm?" Takano replied as he wiped the spot where he injected with tissue soaked in alcohol.

"Give…Usami-san…too…"

With that, Takano stiffen. His fury once again rising. "No."

"Please…don't be like this." Ritsu begged, cupping now both of Takano's flushed face.

_You're so cruel…how can I save the guy…who…who…_

Pierced at the sight of Ritsu crying once again, Takano sighed and nodded his head while gritting his teeth.

Slowly, Takano carried Ritsu and let the man sit on a sofa with the blanket wrapped tightly around his bruised body. When he had Ritsu carefully placed on the sofa, he turned his back to attend to Usami. But he felt a hand caught up in his.

"What is it?" He asked turning back.

Ritsu signed for Takano to lower his head down with hand movements.

Puzzled, Takano still bended lower, waiting for whatever Ritsu would say. But no words came. Instead, it was Ritsu's cold lips that brushed against his warm ones.

Everything in Takano's chest was muddled. He began to cry. He had never cried so much in his life. And he never thought he would just from Ritsu's childlike kiss.

When Ritsu pulled away, he had an angelic smile on his face, and formed words using his mouth but no words came out from them. Takano could only make out what Ritsu said by reading his mouth movements. It made Takano weak.

"I love you" were the words.

Takano turned his back and didn't answer. Afraid that if he give Ritsu an answer right away, the man might slip off from his grasp forever. Takano would make Ritsu wait for his answer, sly but if that was the only thing to let Ritsu stay, so be it.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes**:

-was I the only one who got teary eyed with this? LOL…I broke my own heart….T_T

THANKS FOR READING! APPRECIATE YOUR TIME!

_awww..will i be able to reach my goal of plus 100 reviews here before this fic even finishes? T_T_

**AND READERS WHO'VE BEEN COMMENTING! **i LOVE YOU ALL! AHAAHAHHA...you give me so much inspiration to turn into a saddist (kiddin) LOVE LOTS AND TAKE CARE! HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT!^^


	29. The Lipstick Killer

Behind the smiles, is a grieving heart.

* * *

**The Lipstick Killer**

Takano dragged himself towards the half-naked unconscious man, lying, bleeding on the floor. The word 'hatred' wasn't enough to describe the emotion he had towards Usami Akihiko. He loathed the man. And it was racking his very soul.

How dare the bastard touch Ritsu like a puppet?

How dare he lay his dirty fingers on him?

How dare he embrace Ritsu with his disgusting form?

These are a few of what the angered Takano was thinking. And thinking that he'd have to save him, felt like he was betraying his own self.

"Please…don't hurt him anymore…" Misaki begged, hugging, shielding Usami away from Takano. With a shaking body, Misaki clung tighter to the unknowing man like clinging for life. His lips were quivering, endlessly murmuring 'please', 'please','please'…

The longer Takano looked at Usami, the deeper the want inside him to stab the man deep in the chest. Plunge into his sickening heart, put a stop to his breath. He was in complete anger but he was crying himself. Crying because a test wasn't needed to prove that Ritsu became worse during his stay with the damned Usami, whatever the fuck his name was.

"Shit—stop…" Takano muttered to himself as his eyes got blurry with the hot liquid he thought was only a sign of weakness before. He bit down hard on his lower lip that it hurt so much, but his chest was so painful. His heart was in so much pain he could die himself.

He ran a huge hand across his face to calm himself. He gave a one last look at the small, quivering figure hugging the silver haired man.

Misaki cupped Usami's bruised face, whispering, praying, calling. "Usagi-san…you can hear me right? This is Misaki…Usagi-san…god…I don't want to be alone…" The young man slowly raised his head towards the man towering before them. His eyes were pleading towards Takano. "Please…I don't want, I don't want to be alone again…Usagi-san is not a bad person…he…" He wasn't able to finish what he wanted to say as new waves of painful sobs racked his body, filling the entire room with his voice.

Takano clenched his fists, his fingers digging into his own flesh. He drew a very deep breath and sighed.

He turned his head to look at Ritsu. His heart drumming.

_"What if when I turn to look, he wasn't-there anymore…?"_

Ritsu was as pale as a ghost. And he was smiling at Takano.

It felt like eternity for both Ritsu and Takano just looking at each other like that. Before Takano knew it, his eyes, were already, again weeping when he realized that despite Ritsu's smile, the corners of his eyes were also glistening.

"Don't cry while smiling you idiot…" Takano whispered, not that Ritsu would hear it. "You make me want to break down and die."

Sure that Ritsu was watching him, Takano pulled himself together and stooped before Usami. Misaki's eyes questioning. Takano didn't dare look at Usami's face in fear that he might press harder than he ought to and break the needle, sending it to the man's bloodstream. Killing him. It might be the best thing that could happen, he thought. But Ritsu was looking up to him. It was Ritsu who asked him to do it.

That time, Takano tried to bury his loathing and instead, act purely as a doctor, saving lives.

"What did you do mister?" Misaki asked, eyes at the now empty bottles.

But the man didn't answer. He right away stood and walked towards Ritsu not paying even one glance back at the man he almost and still wanted to kill.

When he reached Ritsu, he got on his knees to be on eye level with him. His one hand patted Ritsu's hair while the other one was tugging the blanket tighter around the pale body.

"I did what you asked. Happy?" He said faking a smile.

Ritsu just nodded.

_"Why won't you say a thing?"_

"I'm sorry it took me a while to come get you, I'm really sorry," Takano said in a voice close to a whisper. His shaking hands now touching Ritsu's pale face.

Ritsu just jerked his head sideways slowly, still that strange smile on his face.

_"Say something! Don't just smile there…don't just look at me…god…"_

The gunshots became more rampant. The indistinct chatter outside and in the entire mansion, increasing by the minute. He badly wanted to take Ritsu out of the damned place right away. He didn't want his Ritsu stay for another second in that filthy room, but he couldn't risk carrying Ritsu, running while the firing was still going on. They were on the fourth floor. Impossible not to meet somebody else on the way.

_"Just a little more…"_

Trying to lighten the mood, Takano grinned, pressing hard on Ritsu's cold hand. "So handsome, you cannot take your eyes off my face?"

Ritsu's lips twitched for a second. But it was just a smile.

Takano stared hard at Ritsu's glassy eyes. He leaned closer. He slowly raised his free hand in front of Ritsu's face and waived it. There was no reaction.

A lump started to form in Takano's throat. Stopping the panic his chest was having, Takano swallowed hard, maintaining an even tone.

"Ritsu, you can see my hand?"

A slow nod was Ritsu's reply.

"I have my fingers in a peace sign. Yes or no?"

A tear just rolled down Ritsu's face. Then he nodded. A yes.

Takano looked to his side, towards the bed. Stifling his sob. Takano had his hand closed into a fist, not in any sign. He wondered if Ritsu could feel his shaking as he held his hand. Never had he felt that trying to stop yourself from crying out loud could be this painful.

_"Damn, my eyes…won't stop…"_ Takano muttered gripping harder on Ritsu's hand.

"Yeah…you got—it right…you're correct," The shaking man said as he stared back at Ritsu's face.

Not being able to contain himself anymore, Takano stood, sat on the sofa together with Ritsu and hugged him. He buried his face on Ritsu's shoulders. His warm arms wrapped around the blanket-covered body of Ritsu.

His mouth, no matter how hard he tried to stifle his sobs, painful gush of wind still escaped them. But what made Takano's tears flow endlessly was despite the hug, Ritsu, didn't respond. He just sat there. Motionless.

_"No...Ritsu…you'll make it…"_ Takano thought to himself. _"You have to…"_

_"_Ta—ka—no—san…"

When Takano heard Ritsu's voice, he felt he could jump out of joy. He released the man from his hug and cupped Ritsu's face.

"Ritsu…we'll get out of this soon. Everything will be fine. Just hold on…okay? Okay?"

He asked, pouring little kisses on Ritsu's forehead.

"Can I ask—" Ritsu breathed deeply, as if the very act of talking was painful. "…for a favour?"

Takano grabbed Ritsu's shoulders lightly and looked him in the eyes, eyes, that don't see anymore.

"I—am so tired—" Ritsu wheezed. "Can I sleep, for a moment?"

Takano's face turned blank. His grasp on Ritsu lightened. And he just watched Ritsu waiting for his answer.

"You—want to sleep?" Takano repeated.

A slight nod.

Takano chuckled. Masking his fear. Then he pulled Ritsu on his chest and patted the brown hair lightly, in exchange for a lullaby.

The black-haired man, swallowed hard. His eyes blurry again. "O-okay…sleep…sleep…I'll be right here." He murmured as he rested his head on Ritsu's silky hair.

Ritsu closed his eyes and sighed. Tears, falling from them.

Takano's arm fell on Ritsu's shoulder. He kissed Ritsu lightly on the neck. Slowly bringing his lips towards the closed, cold lips. He brushed his lips into it. It was cold, and dry.

Sniffing, which he couldn't ever remember doing before, Takano brought his lips towards Ritsu's ear and breathe into them.

"Ritsu…" Takano was already choking in his own tears. "I haven't answered you back yet…" Takano was now hugging Ritsu so hard. "I'll tell you once you wake up. Okay?"

Takano was freely crying now. Not paying attention to the screams. Not paying attention to the gunshots. Not paying attention to Misaki and Usami. Not paying attention to anything.

Truth was, Takano didn't want Ritsu to sleep. He was dead afraid that he wouldn't wake up anymore. How many times have he seen that situation in his job? The patient sleeps. And never wakes up. Countless.

_"God. Do me a favour. Let my Ritsu stay with me." _Takano closed his eyes hard, begging to the Supreme Being, he never once gave a serious thought. _"Make him stay with me…"_

Takano searched for Ritsu's hand and held it.

His hold became tighter. "Just sleep…for a moment. Promise me. Ritsu."

"Y-es…just a mo-ment…" Ritsu whispered back, returning a weak squeeze. "Promise."

* * *

His movements being slower than was supposed to be because of the wound he had on his leg, Yokozawa left his wounded man, Hijikata in a place where there would be no likely attacker.

He continued his search. During this search, he came across some of Kirishima's men. But what bothered Yokozawa was those men just gave him a punch or two and acted as if not really fighting him. As if avoiding him. It made him mad that Kirishima was playing with him.

Confessing, he was in love with him.

Forcing a kiss on him.

Killing him, but failing in the process.

Bothering him with a stupid handkerchief.

And egging him to an official one on one.

Kirishima was so strange it made his head ache to understand the man.

But why was he even bothering to understand him in the first place?

"I'll rip your head off when I find you," Yokozawa hissed leaving yet another empty room.

On the fifth and final floor of the mansion, the hallway was completely dark. The only light he could see was from an opened door of the farthest room. Catching his breath after running up and down the stairs, Yokozawa looked behind his back first before slowly moving on to the light.

His body tensed. Because he felt, because he knew, because he sensed that the bastard he was looking for was in that room, waiting. He swallowed hard, and wiped the sweat on his forehead with his hand. Stepping slowly towards the room, Yokozawa finally reached the ajar door.

The man rested his back against the wall, and then slowly moved his head to look inside. He scanned the room. It was a surprisingly small room. With only a table and chair inside it. It was empty. Or so he thought.

Yokozawa, tiptoed his way in. The door giving a mysterious, creak as he opened it, wide enough for him to be able to pass.

When he got inside of it, he noticed a shoe tossed in the corner of the room. And a trail of blood. The blood was as if calling out to Yokozawa he followed it. And led him to the only cabinet the room had. Slowly, Yokozawa placed his hand on the knob and pulled it.

He couldn't believe his eyes.

He cursed under his breath and bended over to pull the body out of the cabinet.

"Hijikata?! Hijikata!?" Yokozawa called out.

"How did this happen?" He asked into air, looking at the open eyes of Hijikata. How in the world did he end up there? He left him on the third floor.

The man had a shot on his chest, the blood still warm. It made Yokozawa sick. Hijikata was sometimes acting in a rush, but he was always a happy comrade. He was the first man Yokozawa saw in his team to die. He didn't know who else, and he seriously prayed no one else anymore.

Hands drenched in blood, Yokozawa tried to look for the man's ear gear. That was when he felt something cold press against his sweating nape.

* * *

Yokozawa slowly stood, the touch of that familiar object still on his nape. He didn't turn to look to see who it was. He knew it already.

"Long time no see, Yokozawa."

But Yokozawa didn't respond. He just stood there, motionless, looking at the dead body of his comrade he was with just a few moments back.

Kirishima chuckled. "Ah—that? I saw him sniffing around. And you're so slow…so I had to kill time." The cold voice said flatly.

Body shaking in anger, Yokozawa slowly turned to look at Kirishima square in the eyes.

"That's it. Maintain those eyes okay?"

Without notice, as fast as the blink of an eye, Yokozawa lunged forward, his fist aiming at Kirishima's damned face. But Yokozawa slowed down a bit when he noticed that it was as if Kirishima was waiting for it. Slowing down made Yokozawa's defences open. And before he knew it, it was him in a disadvantage having his left arm twisted behind his back.

"Don't let your guard down in front of me, Yokozawa. I might not be able to control myself."

"Bastard!"

With Yokozawa's free hand, he extended his fingers in a slicing position and swiftly hit Kirishima's pressure point where the jaw and skull meet. However, before Yokozawa could apply all force, he felt himself fall on the floor after Kirishima had hit him on the knee.

Both of them panting and staring at each other's eyes. But Kirishima was smiling as if enjoying it.

"I wasn't wrong when I chose you."

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

As if there was an unheard countdown, the two of them leaped towards each other, fists landing hard on both of their faces. Yokozawa's lip busted, a trickle of blood running from it. Kirishima wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and spat blood.

"Why is your hit so lame now Yokozawa? It didn't even break a tooth," Kirishima whined, standing properly, his gun still in his hand. Was that only for display?

Yokozawa's other knee was still on the floor as he tried to gather himself. Even he didn't know what was going on with him. He came to give all his shot. But somehow, he couldn't get it out. Something was really strange here.

The two of them, continued fist fight, as if dancing with the gunshots outside.

"Come on, Yokozawa. Hit harder."

"Damn you!"

It was as if Yokozawa was running after Kirishima who was acting as if playing. Yokozawa kept on hitting, but he knew Kirishima was just somehow purposely accepting all the blows. The puzzle 'why' was what tires Yokozawa.

Suddenly, Hanada appeared on the door, aiming at Kirishima. That's when Yokozawa saw real anger in Kirishima's face. In a flash of light, movements so fluid, and everything before Yokozawa's eyes, Hanada sprawled in front of the door. Motionless.

"Ha…na…da…" Yokozawa uttered under his breath. What just happened?

With killer, cold eyes, Kirishima who was standing mightily in front of Yokozawa glared at him.

"Yokozawa…if you don't hurry up. I'll kill more of your men."

As if a thread has snapped in Yokozawa's head, he dashed towards Kirishima, hit him on the face, blow by blow, Yokozawa lashed out at Kirishima. Kirishima hit back, but not as strong. But Yokozawa was all too caught up with his sudden burst of anger to notice it, he kept of hitting Kirishima everywhere, until his fist hurt.

Kirishima staggeringly rested his back against the wall smiling despite his now swollen face. Still gripping the gun in his hand.

_"Keep going…Yokozawa…"_

Yokozawa, gasping for air, stared at Kirishima with his eyes hazed by anger. For a moment, Yokozawa saw something glisten at the corner of Kirishima's left eye.

_"A tear? Impossible. A bastard like that, won't cry."_

With Kirishima's other hand on his chest where he felt a rib had been broken, he looked at Yokozawa, grinned and pointed the Mamba Pistol at him.

"Let's finish this, shall we?"

Yokozawa just stared at the gun pointed at him.

Unexpectedly, a gush of blood oozed out of Kirishima's shoulder, as Hanada shot the man using the last of his strength.

Again, the anger in Kirishima's eyes welled and shot the sprawled man, this time in the head, before collapsing on the floor.

Yokozawa didn't know where to go. For the first time, he felt so much confused. Under any given circumstance, he would have gone to his dying man. But instead, his head kept on replaying and replaying how Kirishima's blood gushed out in front of him.

It made his knees weak.

Slowly, Yokozawa walked towards Kirishima whose eyes were closed.

_"Is…he dead?" _

Kirishima then suddenly pulled Yokozawa's leg, caught by surprise, Yokozawa fell on the floor. Before Yokozawa knew it, Kirishima was already on top of him. Both his arms pinned on the cold floor. Where Kirishima was getting his strength despite his bleeding wound was a mystery.

Kirishima lowered down his face towards Yokozawa. His lips just an inch away from Yokozawa's, the latter can clearly feel the warm breath, and smell the minty scent.

Looking eye to eye, Kirishima slowly drifted his lusty eyes towards Yokozawa's thin lips.

Without removing his gaze in the appetizing flesh, Kirishima spoke. "Yokozawa, if you don't move and finish this, I will rape you."

Before Yokozawa could react, Kirishima leaned closer, nipping at Yokozawa's earlobe. "I'll rape you right here, right now."

* * *

Finally gathering back his senses, Yokozawa gave Kirishima a head-butt. The man rolled on the floor clutching his forehead. Yokozawa took the opportunity to push Kirishima down, all his weight on the man's chest.

However, Kirishima's fast movements were still a hindrance. Yokozawa, finally have his gun pointed at Kirishima's heaving chest. Kirishima's gun, aimed at the place under Yokozawa's jaw.

Kirishima smiled at Yokozawa. "What a sight, you're riding me."

Yokozawa felt his ears grow hot. The bastard really knew how to aggravate him.

* * *

Then the grin suddenly disappeared. It was replaced by a serious stare that felt so piercing in Yokozawa's…soul.

"Remember what I told you? Shoot me before I shoot you. Kill me before I kill you."

"Good for you bastard, I have a good memory."

"Come now…pull the trigger," Kirishima encouraged. "If not, you'd be sprawled dead in here."

Yokozawa's brows met in a frown. His sweat, running to the tip of his nose. He positioned his gun, aligning it perfectly towards Kirishima's heart.

"Let me ask you a question first."

"Hurry up."

"Why me? Why did you write that in the handkerchief?"

Kirishima stared at Yokozawa's heating face. "So you knew?"

"Damn, I work killing off assassins, bastards, the likes of you! Of course I know the Lipstick Killer!" Yokozawa roared.

Yokozawa's breath caught up in his throat when Kirishima smiled at him. It was a tired smile. "If you knew…then hurry up. I am impatient. If you don't want to die," Kirishima pushed the gun further; it was already digging in Yokozawa's neck. "…pull the trigger fast."

* * *

On that cold day, in front of Shibuya station, Yokozawa received a white handkerchief with red writings from a lipstick coming from Kirishima.

_"For heavens_

_sake catch me_

_before I kill more_

_I cannot control myself"*_

* * *

Kirishima watched Yokozawa stare at him.

_"The Lipstick Killer and I are the same. But unlike him, I don't want to die of old age. I want to die, in the hands of the one…who made me love again, although that feeling isn't going to be returned."_

* * *

_**chapter end notes**__:_

_Yey! Finally I was able to start the YokoXKiri part. It is kinda hard you know? _

_And seriously…I maybe too emotional or something, but my tears are running stupid while typing the TakanoXRitsu part. Why am I breaking my own heart? BTW…are you guys still okay? Please let me know what you think about this chappy. Thanks!_

_By the way. _

_*_**William George Heirens** (November 15, 1928 – March 5, 2012) He was called **THE LIPSTICK KILLER** BECAUSE OF THE MESSAGE HE LEFT SCRAWLED ON A MIRROR OF A CRIME SCENE. He wrote:

**For heavens **

**sake catch me**

**before I kill more**

**I cannot control myself. ***

*(^ **_a_** **_b_** **_c_** **_d_** **_e_** **_f_** **_g_** **_h_** **_i_** **_j_** **_k_** Geringer, Joseph, "William Heirens: Lipstick Killer or Legal Scapegoat? Chapter 2: The Atrocities" URL accessed Jan 29, 2007 )

* * *

So guys, the** LIPSTICK KILLER ** was real. Maybe, he really was afraid of his own self. T_T When I first read what he wrote, I got goose bumps running all over my body.

THANKS FOR READING AND STILL BEING WITH THEM IN THEIR JOURNEY, HAPPY OR SAD!^^

review! review! review! ^^


	30. Longing

I am very sorry for the late update this time! Hehehe…I just did a Sekaichi Hatsukoi (1&2) and Junjou Romantica (1&2) marathon for the millionth time. And I used up all my weekend to reread most of the mangas I have ( i dont know what has gotten into me). Lol…kiddin aside…lol…hope you enjoy this chapter…! Domo Arigatou Gozaimasu!

* * *

What you imagine can be scary.

* * *

** Longing**

Gritting his teeth because of pain, he did his best not to make a sound. Leon gazed at the seemingly blurry ceiling before shutting his eyes. The shot on his lower abdomen gave searing pain, he thought he would soon collapse.

_"No…I can't yet. Not after I killed Yokozawa!"_ He screamed in his mind. And like a lion in its anger, he turned his head to look at his Chief, smiling like an idiot pushed down to the floor, with his hated man on the verge of killing Kirishima.

He'd been listening to them while resting his body against the wall. Hiding from Kirishima's sharp instincts, hiding from Yokozawa's eyes so he can kill him with ease. He drew a deep breath. With shaking hands, he raised his precious gun, given to him by Kirishima himself and aimed at Yokozawa's head.

With a pained expression, with his dark locks plastered on his forehead, and with his laboured breathing, he slowly started putting pressure on the trigger.

"Now I know why I hate you Yokozawa. You're _that_ person."

* * *

_"Seriously Chief you're giving this gun to me?!"_

_Totally uninterested, Kirishima sighed and raised his legs on his table before closing his eyes. "How many times do you intend to ask the same question? You're getting annoying…"_

_Leon who was sitting on a sofa, marvelling at the old yet shiny pistol ran like an excited puppy over Kirishima's table. Leaning over, eyes shining, he almost sat on the table itself._

_"B-but Chief…I just can't believe I will get something as important as this from you! You know I am you're number one fan…so this is like…way out of my imagination…"_

_Kirishima opened his eyes with a frown and raised his palm to push Leon's face away from his. "Brat, to tell you, you chose to follow the wrong guy."_

_The still recovering lad from a gang war stared at Kirishima looking suddenly depressed. "But, Chief…when you killed those gangsters, you were so cool. It was as if no one could ever be able to stop you. Since that day, I thought, I wanted to be like you, unbeatable, strong…"_

_With a look of exasperation, Kirishima stood from his seat, the creaking of his swivel chair echoed rather loudly. He slowly walked towards the window covered by a thick curtain and pulled them away. Revealing a huge, red, setting sun. In Leon's eyes, it made his Chief look like he was mourning over something._

_"It is something that I cannot stop. Once I started, I won't stop until the last man is dead on the ground," Kirishima said looking outside. The red shimmer of the sun casted a mysterious feeling all over the room. "More like, a killing machine."_

_With the shallowness of a kid, Leon looked troubled. "But that is what makes you cool! Why…would you stop if you must finish them…?"_

_Sighing, Kirishima turned a little to look at the newbie who just invited himself and started to cling to the group. "I've been searching for someone who could stop me."_

_"…?"_

_Kirishima started to walk towards Leon. He looked at Leon with a longing smile. "I don't know where or when I'll meet that person who could free me from this unstoppable cycle…but when that time comes…you Leon, will not interfere."_

_"S-stop you? What do you mean—"_

_Huge hand patted Leon's head. "Means someone I chose to kill me. I want to die in the hands of the person who would teach me the feeling of 'love', 'obsession'…" The tall man stopped when he noticed Leon staring at him madly. "Corny isn't it? Naturally, no one would like a mad criminal like me, so at least..."_

_Chuckling, Kirishima lightly smacked the lad on the shoulder. "I know what I've been saying is disgusting. But, the path I chose to take left me with an empty feeling. You see, I may not look it, but I am really…really tired of this life."_

_"Why are you—" Leon began with lips trembling._

_"When you're older, you'll get to understand the feeling of gnawing guilt."_

_Slowly, Kirishima made his way through the door. "Even I don't know how I ended up being like this…I've chosen the coward's death," was the last faint words Leon heard from his idol, a year and a half ago. _

_Tired or not, guilty or not, Leon didn't give a damn to what Kirishima said. He's had enough of people precious to him die in front of him. _

_Since that day, he swore he'd stay with Kirishima, a person he looks up to, a person he thinks of as an older brother. And kill, whoever that chosen person would be. _

* * *

A piercing sound brought Leon back to his senses. His throat constricted at the realization that dawned on him. His hand that was holding the gun lost its strength and fell limply on his side. Pain from his own wound forgotten, Leon just stared unbelieving inside the room.

"Aniki…" Leon muttered under his breath. The word he so wanted to try calling Kirishima but never had the guts to do.

He was too late.

Yokozawa had pulled the trigger.

* * *

Yokozawa was chasing after his breath. The end of his gun still with a faint smoke after pulling the trigger. He got himself full of anger…too much of it that he felt his chest would explode. The bastard didn't even blink when he pulled the trigger. Kirishima just stared at him with his piercing eyes. It made Yokozawa lose control.

"Where are you aiming at Yokozawa?" Kirishima asked quietly, not moving, despite the bullet that just landed and burned a hole against the floor so near with his left cheek.

Yokozawa grabbed the other man's arm and pulled the gun out of his grip. Yokozawa then raised Kirishima's gun and pointed it at his own head.

Leon who was caught with all the confusion stared in disbelief, he thought his Chief was already dead and now Yokozawa was trying to kill himself. "What is going on?"

Kirishima looked at Yokozawa in awe.

Yokozawa pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

Nothing happened because Kirishima's gun was already empty of bullets. Which was also a part of his plan.

"Asshole…" Yokozawa hissed. He violently threw the gun which hit the wall before falling with a thud. With face red in anger, Yokozawa pulled Kirishima's collar, pulling the man's face closer to his.

"DON'T MAKE ME AN ACCOMPLICE TO YOUR SUICIDE YOU BASTARD!" Yokozawa spat at Kirishima but Kirishima just looked the other side.

Irritation, anger, frustration, all muddled up emotions welled up in him Yokozawa gave Kirishima a good blow on the face before letting the man's collar go.

Yokozawa was shaking. Kirishima could feel it. The man who was still sitting on top of Kirishima drew deep breaths. His face totally hidden by the shadows, Kirishima didn't know what Yokozawa was actually thinking. He just couldn't help but think that his plan was just busted.

"You want to go to hell that badly?" Yokozawa whispered in a voice full of rage.

Kirishima chuckled. "I just thought you'd be worthy for the job."

"I didn't know the likes of you could feel guilt…" Another hiss from Yokozawa.

"What are you talking about? I was capable of falling in love…why can't I feel guilt?"

Yokozawa's hands gripped tighter on Kirishima's collar once again. He looked at the swollen face. The bleeding shoulder. The tossled hair. The man in white suit. The man in the dark alley. The man under the night sky. The man who kissed him…The man who confessed to him. The man who was asking to be killed.

_"Why?...I've become…strange…"_

It seemed like forever has passed. Yokozawa had been staring at Kirishima's face with a confused look he so tried very hard to hide, but failed. Kirishima couldn't help himself and started smiling again.

"Come on…finish this. I'm going to get an erection if you don't stop looking at me like that."

"You're so guilty you wanted to die, leaving your men alone?" Was Yokozawa's reply.

Losing patience, Kirishima frowned. "Stop the drama will you? I'm that kind of person. Now do it!"

Yokozawa bowed his head as if defeated. "If you want to go to hell that badly…" He started now glaring at Kirishima. Before the latter could react, Yokozawa had pulled him by the collar. And with all suddenness, their lips met. It left Kirishima very surprised that he had his eyes opened wide the entire time.

When Yokozawa pulled away, his face was beet red. But he was still glaring at Kirishima. Confused and still surprised, Kirishima was already half sitting, staring back at Yokozawa.

"IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE HELL THEN LIVE!"

"Huh?"

Blushing to death, Yokozawa ran a hand on his hair and scowled. "I SAID, IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE HELL THEN LIVE!" Yokozawa leaned closer. "I'LL MAKE YOU EXPERIENCE SOMETHING WORSE THAN HELL YOU BASTARD!"

"Yokozawa…"

"DON'T GO WANTING TO DIE AFTER ALL THE SHIT YOU'VE BEEN SPOUTING AT ME!"

Face that cannot be painted, Kirishima placed his hand on his mouth. He was caught off-guard. He totally didn't expect anything of this.

"If you don't stop saying those things, I might raise my hopes. It's true I kept on hitting at you, but honestly, I didn't expect too much of you to return what I feel," slowly, Kirishima reached for Yokozawa's red face whose eyes were looking the other way. "Does this mean you like me?"

Like a cornered animal, Yokozawa staggeringly moved backwards, slapping the other man's hand. "Like hell! Ju—just take responsibility of your crimes like a man!"

Hands trembling, Yokozawa searched for his handcuffs and handcuffed Kirishima's left hand and his right hand. On the process, Yokozawa tried as much as possible not to look at Kirishima's face.

_"What the hell did I just do?! Shi—it!"_

The room became filled with Kirishima's soft, hypnotizing chuckles. Kirishima's free hand hid his face as he started to laugh violently. The other man sitting in front of him stared in confusion. The only thing Yokozawa could do was stare with wide eyes, as Kirishima suddenly grabbed him down on the floor. He was struggling but Kirishima pinned him down hard. The man with an unbelieving strength just buried his face on Yokozawa's neck still giggling.

"What the hell is your problem! Get off me!"

Already calming down, Kirishima ran a huge hand on Yokozawa's hair, Yokozawa felt goose bumps running all over his body. He didn't want the feeling of the warm breath filling his ear, but for some reason, he was getting weak.

Kirishima turned to look at the door way. He knew from the very start that the loyal punk had been hiding behind the walls. Seeing the younger man sitting in awe, watching him and Yokozawa, he just smiled at Leon. And formed a silent 'thank you' with his lips.

Then Kirishima once more snuggled on Yokozawa, hugging him tighter. "I am looking forward to your kind of hell…"

* * *

Yokozawa stared in awe at Kirishima who started inserting an ear phone in his left ear. With his only free hand, Kirishima started pressing buttons on a mini remote, his eyes full of concentration.

"Squad B...this is Kirishima. Order grey. I said order grey."

Within a couple of seconds, a white firecracker broke the darkness in the sky.

Takano and Misaki turned their heads towards the window.

Silence filled the Usami estate.

Squad B and Yokozawa's men stared at the sky. Lowering their guns, lowering their guards.

5 casualties from Kirishima's team. Three casualties from Yokozawa's team.

* * *

The battle ended after Kirishima released the 'order grey' and the firecracker. Order grey meant only one thing. The chief chose to surrender.

Leon lay on his back touching his abdomen. "Chief doesn't need me anymore…where would I end up?"

Kirishima raised his handcuffed hand, raising Yokozawa's hand in the process as well. "I bet, it's a life sentence of imprisonment for me…right?"

Yokozawa didn't answer right away. He looked at Kirishima intently then outside where helicopters with EHO sign was approaching. "Life sentence huh?" He repeated.

* * *

It pained Takano so much it transformed into anger. Looking at Usami Akihiko wearing hospital gown, slowly but showing recovery made his blood boil. The happy smile of the young man he heard to be Misaki as he pushed the wheelchair where Usami was sitting sent bolts of anger through his entire body.

Why were they so happy?

Why was the bastard recovering so fast?

Why was the Chironex venom and sodium penthotal working in him?

Why…

Takano stared with a blank expression outside the window. His eyes drifted from the happy couple outside towards the vegetable man lying on a bed in front of him. He had brown hair, pale skin, and frail body.

Since that night two weeks ago, Ritsu never once opened those emerald eyes.

* * *

One week ago…

"Not only did you make a move without the EHO higher ups knowing, you had the guts to barge in and make a full blown attack! What were you thinking!"

Yokozawa, who was standing in the middle of a court like room didn't answer. He just stood with his head raised, proud of whatever he did.

The President of EHO slammed his fist on the table. "If you realized that your superiors were being bribed, you should have let us know! How many times have you been like this Yokozawa?!"

Yokozawa smiled. "I'm sorry for my rushed acts. But I don't have time to wait. Forgive me."

There was a wave of murmurs in the hall. The spokesperson took over the floor as the president was already having headaches. Every time he gets to see Yokozawa, they were always discussing missions he took on his own.

"Ehem," the spokesperson cleared his throat and scanned the hall then faced Yokozawa. "Okay, regarding Squad B, you better deliver a plausible statement, as it would gravely affect them. Be glad this didn't leak out in the press or even the Japanese Government. We will deliver the punishment. Now, begin…"

Wearing now a serious expression, Yokozawa began his statement that caused him three nights of sleep.

* * *

When Yokozawa unlocked Kirishima's cell under the Official Japan EHO Base, he saw Kirishima lying on his back, a book on his face, breathing rhythmically.

By reflex, Yokozawa had locked the door. It was protocol after all.

Yokozawa stood in front of the small bed and sighed. He was drained of the long meeting he was glad it was all over. It was a serious pain.

"So? What will happen to my men?"

A voice escaped from under the book. Yokozawa was a bit surprised.

"I was able to convince EHO to take over them. After all, you swore taking all the responsibilities."

There was a loud sigh of relief. "That's great news. So, when will they take me to the federal pen?"

Yokozawa got irritated at how Kirishima was talking to him. He pulled away the book and tossed it away. "They'll be taking you to somewhere worse, stupid."

Kirishima slowly stood and massaged his temples. He snickered. "Worse?"

"You'll be sent to the trouble team of EHO. You'll work your ass off. Under that known unruly, tyrant leader everyone knows in EHO."

"What happened to the life imprisonment?" Kirishima was now looking wide awake at the man before him.

"KIRISHIMA ZEN, ASSIGNED AT EHO BIOCHEMICALS TEAM. SHOW SOME RESPECT TO YOUR CHIEF, YOKOZAWA TAKAFUMI." Yokozawa had declared with his most diplomatic voice.

A slight pause on Kirishima's face it almost looked comical, then he began laughing out loud. He laughed so hard he almost cried.

Then a hand reached for Yokozawa's collar pulling him down on the small space.

"What the fu—"

Kirishima grinned as he slowly pulled off the necktie around Yokozawa, letting it fall on the floor.

"Seriously…" Kirishima began, pressing more of his weight on Yokozawa as he slowly unbuttoned the first buttons of Yokozawa shirt.

Yokozawa grabbed Kirishima by the shoulders and pushed him away, but Kirishima just leaned in closer.

Kirishima brought his face so close to Yokozawa's reddening face the man thought he was about to be kissed he shut his eyes hard. But nothing came.

He opened his eyes with embarrassment. _What the hell am I doing?!_

"Move!"

The man on the bottom struggled but he stopped when he noticed Kirishima was just looking at him. "Wha-what the hell is wrong with you!?"

With a confused look, Yokozawa felt a hand grip his jaw, tilting his head a little higher, leaving him with nothing to see but Kirishima's staring eyes.

Kirishima opened his mouth, about to speak. His breath touching Yokozawa's mouth. "Don't you think you should have said 'You are sentenced life imprisonment with Yokozawa Takafumi?'" Kirishima chuckled. "I don't mind."

"Ha-?"

No other words escaped Yokozawa's mouth as hot lips ravished his. His once struggling arms going limp on his sides. Much to his embarrassment, a moan escaped his mouth his eyes opened wide.

He looked the other way to catch his breath. Kirishima had slipped his hand under Yokozawa's shirt, traveling to all sort of places Yokozawa glared at Kirishima.

"If this is the hell you're talking about, I must say…this is going to be a perfect heaven…" the other man whispered, while already unbuckling Yokozawa's belt.

Yokozawa, this time pushed Kirishima away with all his force, he managed to run away. He stared at Kirishima while fixing his clothes and his belt.

"Asshole, there are CCTVs in the four corners of this room! The hell are you doing!?" He spat.

"Let them watch."

_"I can't believe this idiot!" _

Once Yokozawa has calmed down, he walked towards the door and turned at Kirishima. "Well, aren't you getting out of here?"

Snickering, Kirishima followed. When he stepped outside, he noticed a black haired guy standing on the side, waiting. He hurriedly went to Leon and grabbed the guy into a brotherly hug.

"How are your injuries? Fine?"

Leon buried his face on Kirishima's shoulder nodding.

Crossing his arms, Yokozawa frowned at the sight. "That punk insisted on following you. So he'll be in my team as well…honestly this is stupid."

Kirishima ruffled Leon's hair. "Nice man, be good with your new Chief there."

Leon stepped backwards glaring at Yokozawa. "You're the only Chief I will follow! Why should I bow down to your 'wife'?!"

Yokozawa's arms fell on his side, dumbfounded. "Wa—wife?"

"The two of you are an item right?! I don't know with your kind of relationship, but don't do your stuff in front of me!" Then Leon hurried past Yokozawa, disappearing into a turn.

Yokozawa chose to just let it pass and started walking away. Kirishima following.

"Thank you."

Yokozawa looked at Kirishima for a brief moment before looking back in the front.

"I didn't do anything."

"That punk, stupid and shallow, I still treat him as a brother though. I bet he'll learn a lot from you."

"You're giving me goose bumps. Shut-up."

Then all of a sudden, Kirishima lowered down his face against Yokozawa's ears. "Then let me tell you one more thing," Kirishima drew a deep breath. "Let me correct what you said earlier…" ticklish breath passed Yokozawa's nape. "It's not me who's gonna work 'their' ass off."

Then Kirishima moved away.

Hand behind his ear, Yokozawa stared at Kirishima and he hated it but he couldn't control his blood rushing to his face when he realized what the other man was implying.

"You—are unbelievable…"

Kirishima just grinned a playful one and continued walking up the stairs where Leon was waiting.

Yokozawa looked hard on his shiny black shoes with his fists clenched.

"Damn him…" Yokozawa murmured. He spent five hours, defending Kirishima's case in front of the EHO higher ups. Almost like begging to lift Kirishima's punishment for exile and instead work for him. Focusing all his points at how Kirishima's abilities would be wasted if he was thrown somewhere.

"Hoi, Yokozawa…let's continue where we left before so get moving!" Kirishima called out pausing in the middle of the steps.

"The hell, like I would let you!" Yokozawa stomped his way as he stared at Kirishima's back.

He'd die first before he'd admit that he lost three nights of sleep studying his argument regarding the punishment for Squad B. Regarding how the supposed to be exiled man would be working under him. He'd rather be dead than tell the over confident guy walking ahead of him.

* * *

Takano slightly dabbed a wet cotton on Ritsu's dry lips. With eyes weary and tired from not sleeping, he gazed longingly at the sleeping face. Yokozawa had been countlessly telling him to get rest, sleep, take a short break. But Takano insisted.

"I want to be the very first person he would see once he wakes up! Leave me alone!" Takano had snapped once.

Yokozawa just sighed in defeat.

* * *

Slowly, delicately, Takano ran a sponge on Ritsu's unmoving body. Every day, without fail, he cleanses him, and gazes at him day and night.

"Ritsu…how long is your 'for a moment'?" He asked while brushing his fingers on Ritsu's hair.

Every day, he didn't know whether his eyes were playing tricks on him. Ritsu looked paler. Could he get any paler than this? He looked thinner…he looked so dead.

The doctors looking after Ritsu already removed the oxygen that supports him. They already declared Ritsu to be brain dead. He's a living corpse. But Takano refused to give up.

Everytime Takano stared at Ritsu, he couldn't help but feel like dying himself. The first time he met him, he was shy, looking down, moving those huge green eyes, his mannerisms, his states…he missed them all.

He adjusted Ritsu's head on the pillow. He bit down hard on his lower lip while tracing Ritsu's cheeks, Ritsu's nose, Ritsu's lips with his finger.

He wrapped his arms around Ritsu, begging for the millionth time for him to wake up. "I don't care for how long I have to wait. Just don't break your promise…please…wake up soon…" He was already soaking Ritsu's pillow. "I will seriously die…if you just decided to leave me all alone. Don't teach me how to love…if you're just going to abandon me…"

Kissing Ritsu's forehead, he swallowed a sob. "Ritsu, whether you still suffer from LSD or not…I will put up with all of you…just…-for me…"

_"Takano-san…"_

Takano froze. His breathing stopped. With tears flowing he looked at Ritsu. This time Takano grabbed on to the bed for support, but it didn't do any good and he slowly slid on the floor.

Ritsu was as dead-looking as before. He was far from waking up.

"God, Ritsu, my head's playing tricks on me…I badly…so badly need you…" Takano ran a hand on his face, wiping away the tears blurrying his vision, feeling the faint stubbles on his jaw. If he could only just wipe away the pain just as easy.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

Guys..i know there is nothing to cry about at this chapter. but I was crying (more for Takano) ...i am really good at making my self cry. and I was grinning like an idiot at how Kirishima and Yokozawa ended up. was it rushed? lolHahahaha..oh no…this isn't over yet…so please…stay tuned. ^^

THANKS FOR READING! REVIEW APPRECIATED!

and to the reviewers..you dont know how happy i am from all of your words! T/./T

どうもありがとうございます！（๑￫‿ฺ￩๑）


	31. Akirameru

_Hello! Right now I have a fever, and my throat hurts like hell. And I was crying my eyes out. Maybe I am emotional because I am sick….Hope you enjoy this chapter! kimochi warui…TT_TT_

* * *

**Akirameru**

**あきらめる**

_Giving up..._

* * *

Slender fingers pulled Ritsu's eyelids upwards, a mini flashlight pointed at the still pupils. Another pair of hands has been feeling the pulse on Ritsu's wrist. Then, the irritating sound of fountain pen against paper vibrated in Takano's ears.

All Ritsu's regular check-up, Takano had been standing with his back against the wall, eyes scrutinizing what the doctors were doing. If Yokozawa hadn't insisted that other doctors should look after Ritsu, he would be the one doing all the tests.

_"Look at yourself! You're in no position to look after him!" Yokozawa snapped once. "For all I know, you'll be sprawled dead somewhere in no time. Don't push yourself too hard. If you got ill and Onodera wakes up, who'd look after him and give him support? Pull yourself together. The doctors here in EHO are all competent. Stay back for crying out loud!"_

Takano crossed his arms against his chest as the female doctor approached him. Smiling, the doctor named Samara Rie stood in front of him, flipping through her records. She started to talk. She started to talk but Takano wasn't listening.

How many times did they have to repeat to him that Ritsu's vital signs were weakening?

That there was a huge possibility that even if Ritsu wakes up, he won't be able to see anything? They have found out that some of the major optical nerves gave out due to pressure in the brain.

They didn't have to slap at Takano's face that Ritsu's case was falling. He knew it for himself.

"Thank you." Takano replied when he noticed the doctor already stopped talking.

The woman smiled a bitter smile knowing that the man hadn't paid attention to a single word she said. She just bowed and called her assistant out the room. Takano's aura was all "leave us alone".

Once Takano and sleeping Ritsu was alone, Takano sat on Ritsu's bed slowly and pulled a book on the table top next to the bed.

"See Ritsu, a favourite author of mine released a new book. Do you want to read it together?"

The hazel eyes watched the slow breathing of the man before him. Takano smiled, swallowed and started flipping through the thick hardbound book.

It was early morning. The thin white curtain, softly fluttering with the cold breeze. The sunlight, entered through the open window, making the room a little warmer. Later Takano would have to close the small window to stop the cold from seeping inside the room, after all winter was just around the corner.

Takano had to close the book for a moment, fighting warm liquid in his eyes. Why was the book like that? Stealing a glance at Ritsu, Takano finally opened the page he left and continued reading.

"_I hardly ever cried…"_ Takano started reading once again in a voice so slow, as if he forgot Ritsu and was now reading the book for himself. "_That's probably why I was crying now, because of all the things I had never cried about before. It was as though Lay Me Down and my childhood had merged into the same thing: losing what mattered, losing love.*__1__"_

"Shit…_" _Takano muttered under his breath. He didn't want to read something like that in a situation he was in that time. He wanted to stop but couldn't.

_"I cried because it was a terrible way to end a relationship. I cried because I was afraid it was too late for me to find love. I cried because I was losing Lay Me Down…__*2__" _Takano ran a hand on his wet face and looked at Ritsu. Lay Me Down seemed to be representing Ritsu. A horse who was still calmly waiting for her end to come, and her owner feeling a part of her die as well as she watched her beloved horse fall to death.

Takano held one of Ritsu's hands and squeezed tightly. The owner decided to have her horse go into euthanasia to end her suffering. The man stopped reading the book out loud and started stealing glances on the lines. _"I look down at the huge unmoving body and felt a moment of pure horror. What had we done? I wanted her to finish her apple, to have her get up. I wanted her back…"_*3

The book fell on the floor, with Takano glaring at it. Slowly jerking his head sideways. His chest hurting as he tried to stifle a cry that was so wanting to escape his closed mouth.

* * *

When Takano noticed the time, he stood up and planted a kiss on Ritsu's forehead. He had a meeting with the late Miyagi Yo's legal counsellor regarding the man's fortune being transferred to his name. Truthfully, he wanted to decline, but now that Ritsu was in the picture, he decided to accept. And signed documents must be submitted. That was why, even though he didn't want to leave Ritsu's side even just for a minute, he had to.

"I'll be back in a few okay?" Takano ruffled the brown, tousled hair, closed the window and made sure that the blanket was fully covering his precious Ritsu.

When he was at the door, he glanced once more to the bed, towards Ritsu. As much as he tried to hide the lingering feeling of being afraid, it was gnawing in his chest. The dread he felt towards coming back in that small room, half expecting a man's face covered with white cloth, it was a vision that kept flashing in his mind.

* * *

Misaki tiptoed inside Ritsu's room. His breathing got stuck in his throat. It was the first time he saw Ritsu, three weeks has passed. His huge eyes stared at the pale face and he started to sob. He bit his bottom lip as he started to take small steps towards the bed.

The young man caught a glimpse of the wall clock, ticking loudly in the quiet room. 5 pm. And due to the weather, the sun has started to set, making the entire room feel gloomy.

"Uhm—Onii-san…this is Misaki, can you hear me?" Misaki began, holding Ritsu's hand. "I don't know where to start…" Misaki started chuckling, masking his embarrassment. Gripping the hem of his shirt, Misaki started kneeling before Ritsu's bed and begged Ritsu who was oblivious to everything that was happening around him.

"Onii-san, they will take Usagi-san to prison…they will take him away from me again…" Misaki gripped harder, the bony hands of Ritsu. "Usagi-san's lawyers said that the only chance is to file a 'moment of insanity plea'…but no one could prove it. There's no witness…it's only you…this is so selfish of me…but a lot of people need you."

Misaki sniffed as he brushed his bangs way from his eyes.

Misaki stood and glanced at the door. There he found Usagi-san standing, smiling at him.

"Usagi-san…what…?"

"I've been worried since you disappeared so suddenly. You look pathetic crying like that."

"Whose fault is it that I am crying like this?" Misaki asked in a low voice. "I don't want us to be separated again…Onii-san here is the only one who could prove that it wasn't you who did all those crimes…" Misaki whispered.

Limply, Usagi-san walked inside the room and grabbed Misaki's head burying the younger man's head on his chest. "Sorry for making you cry many times…Misaki."

Planting a kiss on Misaki's head, Usami faced Ritsu. A porcelain, expressionless doll.

Slowly, Usami touched Ritsu's hand and gave a light squeeze. "I am in no position to ask anything from you, after all the things I did to you. Just…wake up, be well and end that man's suffering," Usagi murmured, pertaining to Takano.

* * *

Tired, inside and out, Takano sat on one of the empty long tables in the cafeteria of EHO quarters, staring at his now cold coffee. He had to release all the negative feelings he had in him before going back to Ritsu's room. He didn't even notice Yokozawa sitting across him with his own cup of coffee.

"Takano."

"Takano…" Yokozawa repeated.

Finally, Takano looked at Yokozawa who was staring at him intently. "How was the talk with the lawyer?"

The other man stirred the coffee lazily and sighed. "Everything went well. After a couple of days, the transfer would be complete."

Yokozawa loosened his tie a bit and sipped a little of his still hot coffee. He could clearly feel the stress Takano has. "How's Onodera doing?"

"The same," Takano answered with a sigh.

Out of nowhere, Yokozawa almost jumped from where he was seated when he felt a heavy arm casually resting on his shoulder. When he turned to look at his side, Kirishima had already invited himself to sit beside Yokozawa.

Yokozawa smacked the arm away. "What are you doing?"

"I was looking for you."

Leaning a little lower, Yokozawa smiled with a gritted teeth. "You are sitting too damn close."

"What's wrong with two close buddies sitting together?" Then Kirishima eyed Takano. He bowed slightly.

In reply Takano bowed his head a little, watching the two fight like two children.

Kirishima then slapped a folder against the table. "There, the information you are asking for yesterday."

Surprise on his face, Yokozawa looked at the folder and at Kirishima alternatingly. "Already?"

The other man snorted, sliding his hand on Yokozawa's leg. "Who do you think I am? That was a piece of cake." Takano didn't see it. But Leon did, who was about to have his afternoon snack.

With a glare, Yokozawa tried to move away, but instead, Kirishima placed his arm once again on Yokozawa's shoulder, leading him to look at the folder as he open it.

"Check it…" Kirishima whispered.

Yokozawa who knew that the bastard was just toying with him looked at Takano and at the folder. Avoiding to make a scene.

"Okay people…No PDA's (Public Display of Affection) please…" Leon announced as he made his way in between Kirishima and Yokozawa. Placing his tray on the table, and glaring at the two men before sitting.

Leon ate as if nothing was happening. Kirishima stared at the young man. Yokozawa sighed in relief.

Seeing the trio like a family already, Takano couldn't help but smile. Just one look at that Kirishima and Yokozawa, he already knew 'something' going on between the two. He was tired and stressed, but the scene before him lightened his mood even for just a bit.

Yokozawa looked confused when Takano stood.

"Takano? Leaving already?"

"Yeah, got to check on Ritsu. Thanks."

"For what?"

Takano smiled a small smile, looked at Kirishima and Leon, and started walking away.

_"What is happiness?" _was the question running on Takano's head. The people he saw earlier were a picture of it. Truthfully, he didn't know anymore, that kind of feeling.

* * *

The sudden burst of light as he flicked the switch on hurt his eyes. Looking at Ritsu, who was still in the same position he left him that morning, Takano removed his coat, threw it on the nearby chair and sat on the bed.

"I'm back," he whispered, caressing the once pinkish cheeks. "Are you having a nice dream?"

Since there was no reply, Takano just watched Ritsu. No matter how long he'd been staring at the same face, day and night, he wasn't getting tired of it.

Takano glanced at the window, it was already dark outside, and no stars could be seen. When he looked at the clock, it was 8 pm already. He suddenly felt sluggish and sleepy. The legal meeting, waiting and his aching heart having its toll in his body and soul, Takano slowly lay on the small space beside Ritsu. Sliding down his arm under Ritsu's head, he wrapped the other one on Ritsu's shoulder, tapping lightly in rhythm, just like what mothers do to make their babies have a good, restful and assured sleep.

"You know what I was thinking when Director Miyagi offered me to be your doctor?" Takano chuckled a little. "I was completely uninterested. I knew you'd be a headache and I was right."

The man took a deep breath on Ritsu's hair and sighed. "I'd rather have you as a headache forever though, so wake up with me tomorrow, okay?" He whispered that simple plea he'd been repeating like a broken recorder every night.

* * *

_"I love you." _

* * *

Takano opened his still half-asleep eyes. He blinked a couple of times and grunted. His head was aching a little, but he was sure about what he heard. Ritsu's voice.

Sitting frantically, he watched the once pale face now a deep red. The once calm breathing now, a laboured one. As if Ritsu was running after his own breath, running after his own life.

Hands trembling, Takano was already wide awake. He placed his hand on Ritsu's cheek. He was burning.

_God, something is definitely wrong here…_

"Ri—Ritsu?"

Before Takano could grasp Ritsu on both shoulders, the small frame suddenly went rigid. Takano, still unable to grasp, more like denying what he was seeing stared, as Ritsu's arms and legs started to tremble, jerking rhythmically. Not after did Takano saw Ritsu's eyes at him with tears flowing did he found what little strength he had in his body and scrambled towards the attached emergency wireless phone on the wall near Ritsu's bed.

Takano's heart was breaking as he looked at Ritsu. It was as if Ritsu was trying to say something, but couldn't.

"SOMEONE ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!" Takano screamed as he held on to Ritsu's hand.

Takano squeezed. Ritsu squeezed back.

A sudden ray of hope filled his darkening heart from the response only to be thrown back to hell once more. Ritsu wasn't responding. He had gone to convulsion.

Unaware of the tears in his eyes, Takano threw the phone hard and picked up Ritsu in his arms. The body thrashing, hitting Takano, the body was strangely strong. A thread of saliva dripped down Ritsu's neck. The only thing Takano could do was held on tighter.

"Don't do this to me... Ritsu…Oh my God!"

What the group of doctors found when they rushed inside room 345 sent them into a halt. Takano was almost already on top of Ritsu, pinning down the strong flailing hands that didn't care whether it hit its own body or the metal sides of the bed or Takano himself.

Takano threw a helpless glance towards the group of people.

_What would they do? Even I don't know what's happening anymore…I…don't know…_

The male nurses pulled Takano off the bed who was reluctant to leave Ritsu alone. The doctors started injecting tubes with liquids of different colours to Ritsu's thin, still trembling arms.

"Temperature…"

"40 degrees…"

"Blood pressure…"

"200/…"

Everything was fading into Takano's ears, his vision was only focused towards Ritsu's face with half-open eyes.

"Ritsu…hold on…hold on…" Takano had slumped on the floor, burying his face on his hands. He felt a sudden squeeze on his shoulder and looked up. It was Yokozawa, who was still panting, clearly he ran from wherever he was when he heard that something was going on.

Yokozawa then looked at Kirishima who was standing behind him. The man, who was usually indifferent about people dying, looked as if he was hurting as well that he had to turn and look at Yokozawa's eyes. Everyone in the room started to weep. Even the doctors, even the nurses.

It was as if they were called there just to watch another patient go, without them having done anything. They couldn't do anything anymore in the first place. Ritsu was declared brain dead three weeks ago. This was to be expected. And yet, they grew to admire Takano always waiting, talking and staying with Ritsu, that they began to hope and believe that a miracle would happen.

Because Takano deserved it.

Misaki stood trembling on the door way. His hair messy and was all over the place, which was the only sign that not long ago, he was sleeping peacefully on the bed next to Usagi-san.

"He's biting his own lips! He's biting it off!"

"Onii—" Misaki was about to run inside the room, but felt a strong hand grabbed his, pulling him back. When he looked who it was, Usagi was standing behind him, shaking his head slowly as if saying "No."

Misaki stared at Usami's eyes and began crying. Usami just sighed, pain in his eyes, as he watched Takano on the floor, and Ritsu, thrashing on the bed.

"God, why is it so hard for these two to be finally together…?" He whispered, patting Misaki's trembling back.

"Doc, temperature is still rising…41, 42…"

Takano began sobbing violently. He never once showed any weakness before others, but that moment, he was just another man, crying his heart out, unable to take everything anymore.

Yokozawa knelt before him, shaking Takano on both shoulders. He realized from the short period of time they were together, that Takano might be always cool outside but he was the type of person to really carry everything in his chest.

"Takano, don't run away. Look at him!"

"It's so painful…painful…" Takano whispered in between his hands, gasping. Yokozawa started to weep despite his irritation.

"This is the time you have to be tough! Look at him…whether he would stay or not, you have to be with him till the very end!"

"Vital statistics, going down…"

"Takano!" Yokozawa shouted. Yokozawa had grabbed Takano by the shirt and yelled at his face. "Onodera had been brave enough to last this long, you have to make him feel at ease. He's in pain, more pain than you are!"

The doctors, the nurses who some already have an idea what their relationship was, cried while looking and checking at the medical apparatuses. Those who didn't know that the two were more than friends, still was affected by the heavy sadness in that room. They had to swallow hard their own sobs.

Leon was outside the room, his face hidden by his hair. His arms crossed across his chest. Looking composed and cool. And yet, his lips were quivering.

"I don't want to let him go. If I said he could finally rest, he'd leave me…I haven't answered him yet…I haven't…"

Kirishima walked towards Takano and pulled the man by the arm and dragged him towards the bed. "Don't you feel bad seeing him like this? Look at him and stop being damn selfish!"

"I only wanted him to be with me...is it too much to ask..." Takano whispered to air.

Takano, trembled, his knees weakening that he ended up kneeling before the bed. A strong arm hit him lightly on his back. "Sometimes, letting go would be the best course of action…"

Kirishima walked towards Yokozawa and placed his arm around the man's shoulder.

"What a speech you have there."

Kirishima lowered his head on Yokozawa's shoulder gripping the man's hand. "I'll release you from the pain but I'll follow you," he whispered. Yokozawa could only smile sadly.

"I wouldn't want that," Yokozawa whispered back.

* * *

It took great efforts from Takano to look at Ritsu's half-closed eyes, his bleeding lips from his own bite and his still trembling arms and legs being held down by the nurses.

He had to swallow hard to stop from just kneeling there and losing it.

"Did I do this to you?" Takano asked, moving his hands to touch Ritsu's closed, trembling mouth. "I'm so selfish…I'm sorry…I knew you were in pain yet, I…"

"Misaki, look at Onodera now, don't hide," Usagi said while pushing Misaki away who had buried his face on his chest, soaking his hospital gown. "Be brave…just like that man over there."

"Onii-san had a lot of things he wanted to do…he told me…why is this happening to him?"

Yokozawa and Kirishima had lowered their heads in what seemed like a mutual support for Takano.

Takano pulled the shaking arms of Ritsu from the nurse and kissed his hands, it was so hot. A guttural moan escaped Ritsu's mouth, and he jerked his head sideways.

Crying this hard, Takano could only see a blurry picture of Ritsu as he started to move closer at the brunette's sweaty face. Takano then grabbed the other hand and clasped them together.

The people watched, sniffing, wiping their faces with their sleeves, or whatever they could find.

Takano smiled despite the excruciating pain inside him.

"Ritsu…" Takano leaned over the unconscious Ritsu, his tears landing silently on the fever-streaked cheeks. "If you're tired, this is enough. It's okay…"

Weak as he was, Takano rested his own forehead against the burning forehead of Ritsu, closing his eyes. "You may rest now…I'll be okay…I'll try to be okay…"

The thrashing subsided that the nurses didn't have to hold Ritsu's legs anymore. And everyone was watching silently at the painful sight in the middle of the night.

"I want to let you know something first…" Takano murmured. He was now able to grab Ritsu in a hug as the trembling already disappeared. "Did you know I was in love several times?"

A long silence passed inside the room. "First was when I saw you…the rest was every moment I gaze at you."

Takano buried his face against Ritsu's neck. "I love you. I love you…Ritsu…I'll love you forever…"

An eerie silence filled the room. Except the long beep of a machine with a straight continuous, green line.

Ritsu was there, yet he wasn't.

* * *

***chapter end notes:**

Hey you guys? You think this is the end? Buwahaha *grinning sneakily*. I still have some things up in here. So just be patient with me. *coughs…with blood..lol)

This chapter is so hard to write. I don't know why. This is the chapter that took me the longest time and I really can't explain it. LoL. I tried my best but as usual, I cried at my own writing. I hope it reached you even just a little. I am glad I was able to bring all the couples in one room!

And soo..the question of 'IS RITSU DEAD ALREADY?" WHAT OF USAGI? WHAT OF TAKANO?" MUAHAHAAHA..STAY TUNED.^^

THANKS FOR EVERYONE…I WOULDN'T REACH THIS LONG IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU!^^ KEEP THOSE REVIEWS COMING PLEASE!^^

Chosen by a Horse page 207*1

Chosen by a Horse page 229*2

Chosen by a Horse page 238*3 (One of my favourite books titled "Chosen by a Horse by Susan Richards -so good, I really, really cried like mad)


	32. Galanthus

**Galanthus**

* * *

_Courage and comfort_

* * *

Galanthus. Pure, innocent, peaceful, beautiful. And Takano was holding it delicately with a trembling hand. Ever since that night, he made sure he puts these flowers in a vase on the window of room 345. And as he gazed at the flowers and at the rising sun through the window, he sighed, with eyes starting to redden once more…

* * *

_I couldn't think of anything else. It was just pure overflowing throbbing pain. I didn't know where to place that feeling. It was too much that it left me blank._

_That moment, I realized how it felt to be stabbed in the heart without being able to bleed. How to die while still being alive. _

_It was suffocating; it was tightening inside my chest. I wanted to scream, but when I opened my mouth, I heard not my voice but a howl instead._

_I heard some said "poor guy"…"poor Onodera-san"…but who was the real pathetic man here? _

_The one who left? Or…the one that was left behind?_

_I say the latter. _

_I grabbed Ritsu's limp buddy so tight I could feel his bones._

_"Touch me, open your eyes…open them…" I begged in my head while lifting Ritsu's cold hand against my wet cheeks._

_ How in the world did this happen?_

_"I'm begging you…"_

_Everyone was crying in that room, that I hated it. I hated it so much that they're mourning already. They made my fear so real. _

_"Why are you crying! There's nothing to cry about!" I screamed in my head. Even though my own tears soaked Ritsu's neck._

_I started to regret telling him that he could rest…why should he rest when all he did the entire time was lay there, make me wait, make me hope, and then make me hurt like this. _

_"You're so unfair…" I sobbed, or croaked. I didn't know anymore._

_In the corners of my eyes, I saw everyone weep. Was it really for Ritsu? Or for me? For both of us? _

_How cruel can it be, that fate didn't even allowed me and Ritsu to start something we both wished. It hasn't even began and yet it ended already. Funny. Very funny. The kind of fun that makes you cry. I began thinking that maybe because I was so apathetic that they, whoever they are, fate, god, devils did this to me. _

_I was crying tears worth more than my lifetime. And I know it was ridiculous. _

* * *

_"Takano, let go now. Let them…" I heard Yokozawa stopped midway._

_I could feel blood rushing to my head that I remembered glaring at him. "Let them what?! Take Ritsu in a morgue? Prepare the funeral? No way…no way…" _

_I could remember clinging to Ritsu even more. I hugged him and wrapped myself around him, not wanting anyone of those alive people touch Ritsu. Or touch me. After all, I knew that I was dead already._

_When I saw the damned green line, I knew a huge part of me died as well._

_ I also realized that time why Ritsu had that D and H state. It was a defence mechanism to stop too much pain. And I was starting to develop my own. Or so I thought._

_I knew I have gone crazy. _

_I knew I have gone crazy when I started to force myself to believe that the hand I was holding was lightly caressing my cheek._

_I have gone crazy when I started to imagine that the neck where I was burying my face would again gain its pulse._

_It was scary._

_I was so engrossed with my self-pity, hatred and sadness that I failed to notice a distant sound in the room. So different from the sobs around me. Something so unnerving. _

_Raising my head a little, gasping for air, with my arms still wrapped around the delicate frame, as if I was so afraid that if I put him down even for just a second, they'd snatch him away from me, I focused my numb senses to that sound._

_I looked around, like I was lost. And I could feel everyone following my gaze. _

_And then there._

_ I stopped. _

_I stared. _

_I didn't know I could still shed tears. _

_But I did._

_"Oh my God…" I heard a voice mumble. And the sobs grew even louder than before._

_I stared with my eyes wide, tears flowing freely as I look at that small equipment, with a red heart blinking, the long straight line now a zigzag. And the long beeping sound, now corresponding to a heartbeat._

_Slowly, from where I was looking, I placed my blurry vision towards Ritsu in my arms. His eyes were still closed. He was the same as before. Dead._

_But his mouth was half-open. _

_I was scared that I was just being tricked. I'd definitely die. Please don't…_

_I lowered my head. _

_And I froze. _

_"Ta-kano-san…why…is everyone crying?" _

_I lifted my head and stared at Ritsu's face. His lashes fluttering as he tried to stay awake. _

_My senses left me. And just whispered "thank you", "I love you", "thank you"…over and over and over again like a broken tape._

_I never believed in miracles. But I was holding in my arms my own miracle. Ritsu. _

_And he's alive._

* * *

"Takano-san?"

As if awoken from a trance, Takano stuffed the flowers in the vase before turning his eyes towards Ritsu.

"It's still early…you can still sleep a little longer," he said, taking his strides towards the bed.

Sitting, Ritsu looked at the flower vase and at Takano and looked away.

Everything Ritsu did, Takano find it fun to watch. How can a man feel such contentment by just watching someone?

Takano sat on the bed beside Ritsu, ruffling the brown hair. "You're bed head…will become permanent."

Ritsu ran a hand on his hair trying to fix it while quietly looking at the flowers. His eyes still had the glimmer of guilt in them. And a hint of sadness. Or a feeling of being lost. Confused? Awkward?

Finally unable to control himself, Takano had grabbed Ritsu, and wrapped his arms around the frail body.

"I am so sorry for everything Takano-san…you had to endure all these…" Ritsu mumbled on Takano's shoulder, the latter could feel the warmth from Ritsu's breath. More proof that he's alive.

"Aww, come on…are we still going to discuss this? You've been saying sorry every morning. Cut it out."

The taller man ran his fingers on Ritsu's hair, burying his face on it. "And how many times do I have to tell you that I don't regret anything. The most important thing is that you are back, you are wake…you are alive…don't think of anything else."

But Ritsu started to cry. His hands gripping hard on Takano's shirt. "I am so sorry…really sorry…"

Only the muffled cries of Ritsu filled the room instead when Takano's mouth covered his.

It was their real, first kiss in a long while. That the only thing Ritsu could do was sit motionless, feeling his mouth being filled, his chest having different kinds of sensations enough to make his tears break out and fall on his cheeks. He badly wanted this. He badly wished for this. He thought of this, when Usami had been touching him during those hellish nights.

A moan escaped from Ritsu's mouth and Takano broke away. Watching the man before him, he felt so happy he could die, that finally there was the color back again on Ritsu's face.

Slowly, gently, as if Ritsu was a delicate porcelain, Takano kissed Ritsu's tears away. "Don't cry…shush…" he murmured on Ritsu's ears.

"I missed you…"

Takano flicked the tip of Ritsu's nose with his fingers with a frown. "If anyone did the missing here, it's me. I have never cried like this in my entire life, you better make it up to me…"

"Can't wait to spend time alone with you," Takano whispered. His breath caressing Ritsu's lips.

"Wha-what are you saying? We're alone right now…" Ritsu stammered trying to inch away.

Takano grabbed Ritsu's hands. "When I say alone…I mean doing something more than this…" Without warning, Takano claimed Ritsu's lips once more.

At first, the lips were reluctant, but slowly, it opened up to Takano, encouraging him even more. It was searing hot that Ritsu found himself crying. But he realized it wasn't just him. When Ritsu opened his eyes, the corners of Takano's closed eyes were glistening with tears.

But unlike before, it wasn't sadness, but the tears in their eyes contained pure happiness and thankfulness.

Feeling excited that the story they thought they could never begin could finally, after all the things that happened, could be now started.

* * *

_"_Psst, Kaori-san, what are you doing there?" A nurse called out.

The short-haired girl looked surprised and then looked away, blushing. The other nurse thought it was weird that Kaori was still standing outside room 345, carrying Ritsu's morning vitamins.

"Ahahaha—I am just stretching a little…"

Frowning, the other nurse continued to walk away, but turned once more. "And you…don't leave those drawing books on your table. If the chief nurse sees those pictures, you'd get a good load of sermon."

Bowing, Kaori smiled. "Thanks for the concern." _They're not drawing books though… _she glanced once more to the ajar door and blushed even deeper.

"I'll enter once they're done," she told herself while giggling.

* * *

Yokozawa watched Dr. Samara Rie as she pulled the folders out of her drawer. The office was the kind he hated. It was neat but the woman's perfume was so strong he felt dying in there. But he maintained a poker face despite wanting to puke his head out.

"This is really something we have to study more," the woman said crossing her legs as she pointed some highlighted lines on the documents.

Yokozawa just listened.

"We took Onodera-san's blood samples; it was mostly water and 60 percent sodium pentothal. The crazy thing about this is not only the latter cleaned the blood stream, it somehow, for some reason regenerated the optical nerves which is totally impossible in medicine."

Yokozawa just nodded. And tried to focus his attention to the doctor. But he couldn't help himself but think where the overconfident guy, who always messes up with him was. He hadn't seen him since after breakfast.

* * *

It was after one pm. Yokozawa still hadn't seen even Kirishima's shadow. Not being able to focus anymore with anything he tried to do, he decided to go to the sleeping quarters not far from the EHO building itself.

"It's me," Yokozawa said irritated while kicking the door lightly a couple of times.

But no one responded. He tried to call Leon, but the punk was doing some sneaking out that he didn't know where Kirishima was. However, Yokozawa knew he was lying.

_"Tsk…I'll break this damn door…" _

Yokozawa was already about to kick open the door when it opened slightly. He quickly walked in only to find the man he was looking for standing with his back on him.

"Hoy…you're acting really strange…" Yokozawa said reaching out to Kirishima's shoulder.

And when he forced Kirishima to look him in the eye, he gasped.

* * *

"What the hell happened to your face?"

Yokozawa had thrown his coat on the nearby sofa, pulled his sleeves up as he dabbed some medicine on the cut under Kirishima's left eye.

Despite being questioned, Kirishima just sat there quietly, poker faced even when Yokozawa had been dabbing a little harder than necessary.

Once done, Kirishima slumped down on the sofa and acted as if sleeping.

"You're ignoring your chief like this you scum?" the already annoyed man asked who stood and was kicking Kirishima on the leg.

"Can you just leave for now?"

That was something surprising. And Yokozawa didn't want to admit, but he felt something unpleasant with that.

_"This bastard…"_

With an irritated grunt, Yokozawa turned his back and pulled his coat back on. Fixing his tie and his now wrinkled polo.

"I don't really care when you bother me. But I get disturbed when you don't disturb me…" Yokozawa mumbled to himself, he'd never say that to Kirishima's face though as he tried to put his shoes back on. "And damn the treatment I get."

He already had his first steps towards the door when he felt himself falling. Kirishima had pulled the end of Yokozawa's coat and the poor guy landed sitting back on the sofa. Mad, annoyed and not in the mood for anything, Yokozawa threw a deathly glare at Kirishima and stood up.

Kirishima pulled him down again.

"Could you stop this stupid game?" He shouted, pulling his arm away from Kirishima.

The other man sighed, ruffled his own hair in exasperation and lightly scratched the part where Yokozawa had placed a Band-Aid.

"Look, this isn't a big deal. It's normal."

Yokozawa smiled mockingly. "Normal? Normal to have your face busted for no reason? And damn you got it inside EHO premises? That's not a big deal?"

Yokozawa scowled at Kirishima's calm face. And then it hit him.

Suddenly understanding everything, Yokozawa lowered his head.

"I told you, this is normal. You can't expect all the members of the team to just accept me with arms wide open. I killed some of your members, this is just a kind of welcome for me. After this it's fine, entry ritual over." Kirishima reminded, crossing his arms.

"Well…" calming down, Yokozawa looked at Kirishima and at his wrist watch. "I expected some of these from the very beginning. The thing that surprised me is you didn't fight back."

It was Kirishima's turn to be shocked.

"How'd you know that?"

"If you did, there would be an uproar. I didn't know a man like you with pride higher than the sky would just stand there being beaten."

Kirishima chuckled, closing his eyes. "You will get involved since you're the one who took us in your team. That is something I at least don't want to happen. That's just trouble."

Suddenly, Kirishima opened his eyes and leaned closer to Yokozawa. "But that is just once. If they started it again, I'll beat the crap out of them, that I can assure you."

Yokozawa stood. Kirishima grabbed his hand. "Hey…now that I think of it, we haven't done anything yet."

"Ha?"

"Oi…don't act like you don't know what I am talking about," Kirishima answered grinning. "You haven't even told me you love me…"

Pulling his hand away abruptly, Yokozawa scrammed, was about to open the door, but Leon had already opened it.

Leon's, brown eyes darted from the messy haired Kirishima to the red faced Yokozawa and raised an eye brow.

"I am not interrupting anything…right?"

Laughing rather forcefully, Yokozawa continued walking away.

"What's with him?" Leon asked himself.

"Yokozawa!" Going into a halt as he heard Kirishima call his name, Yokozawa glanced back and saw Kirishima standing just outside his room.

"Are you saving 'them' for Christmas?"

"Keep your dirty thoughts for yourself! Asshole!" He shouted back. Good thing most of the people in EHO sleeping quarters were at work.

He turned his back and walked, stomping hard on the cold floor and could still hear Kirishima's unnerving, meaningful laughter.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

hey guys…LoL…I don't; know with this chapter but I still hope you enjoyed it. Anyway..the next chapter probably might be the last OR THE SECOND TO THE LAST (DEPENDS)…HAHAHA..THE CHRISTMAS…hohoho…would I ever end this without our couples having A steamy Christmas and closures? hahaha..course not…THANK YOU THANK YOU FROM THE VERY DEPTS OF MY HEART AND INNARDS. ^^

SOOO…I HOPE I HAVE GLUED YOUR HEARTS BACK TOGETHER. I REALLY WANTED TO DO THIS..MAKE IT SEEM LIKE RITSU IS ALREADY DEAD..THEN WAAAA…HE RETURNED TO LIFE. Hahaha…

MY BRAIN IS STILL NOT WORKING PROPERLY. IT GOT ROASTED WITH MY FEVER. HAHAHA…


	33. Honesty

Hello everyone! Sorry for the very late update this time. I was never the very "romantic type" so I had to rummage my dry brain for this and been busy with stuff and my colds still NOT going away. So everything was just muddled up! hahaha…I DO HOPE YOU GET TO ENJOY THIS CHAPTER. SO THIS CHAPPY ISN'T THE LAST ONE. I COULDN'T SQUEEZE ALL THREE COUPLES IN ONE CHAPTER UNLESS I WANTED THEM TO JUST SAY I LOVE YOU'S IN THE END. THAT WOULD BE CRAPPY AND TOO RUSHED! HAHA..I'VE SAID TOO MUCH…HERE'S THE CHAPPY FOR YOU!

* * *

**HONESTY**

* * *

**_ Is something you should have to avoid regrets..._**

* * *

Finally, Ritsu was released from the medical department of EHO. It was a celebratory phase but Ritsu chose to still stay at EHO because of the on-going trial for Usami Akihiko which was going roughly.

December 23, two days before Christmas, Ritsu went out of his room happily that morning. And Takano was happy just by seeing Ritsu starting to be lively once again. It was three in the afternoon when Takano saw Ritsu enter Yokozawa's office. Taking a long drag from his cigarette, he waited for the brunette.

But when Ritsu came out of the room, he looked depressed, and his usual glow gone. Takano tried to ask what the matter was but the man dodged the question away, not looking at him in the eye.

To lift the gloomy atmosphere around Ritsu, Takano asked Ritsu out on a drive. Ritsu looked lost, but eventually nodded. However, his second thoughts completely showed on his entire face which bothered Takano.

* * *

The whole ride in the car was awkward, quiet and intense. Takano would open up a new topic here and there but Ritsu would eventually fall into his deep thinking. It made Takano somehow worried and annoyed at the same time.

"Do you have anything you want to do on Christmas? It's two days from now. Like make it your celebration for the release in the EHO hospital too. What do you think?"

"That's nice but I'm fine without the celebration…"

Silence.

_"What is wrong with Ritsu today? He's finally released in that place, and he's still depressed, what did that Yokozawa tell Ritsu…?"_ Takano thought while stealing a glance at Ritsu who was staring with a troubled expression outside the trees they passed.

"Takano-san, where are we going?" Out of nowhere, Ritsu asked without taking his eyes off the now darkening sky. They've been in the car driving for 3 hours now.

Slowly stepping on the accelerator, the corners of Takano's lips curled upwards. "You'll see when we get there."

The brunette curled into a ball before letting out a sigh.

* * *

Rubbing his cheek on a soft piece of fabric, Ritsu found himself sighing in contentment. Smiling a little at the relaxing, warmth draped around him, he inhaled that faint sweet yet manly scent.

_"That scent…?" _Still half-asleep, Ritsu slowly opened his droopy eyes and found Takano sitting on the driver's seat, watching him. He sat straight with a jolt and the jacket made from wool and cotton hanging around his shoulders fell on his lap.

"Oh—Takano-san, I'm sorry…I fell asleep," Ritsu stammered while picking the jacket and folding it. He was more surprised to see Takano's face as if the man was enjoying watching him sleep than actually falling into a deep slumber on a car.

Takano placed his huge hand on Ritsu's head and patted it a couple of times. The thing that made it nerve-wracking for Ritsu was Takano did it with just a smiling face and without saying anything.

Throwing his head sideways to see where they were, also to run from the mood, Ritsu focused his eyes on the view on his right.

His eyes grew wide, sleepiness leaving his senses and practically almost gaped at it with his nose almost touching the car window.

"Wow, Takano-san, that house, look!" Ritsu even urged Takano to gaze at the small but enchanting two story house, with a very huge window. Ritsu could practically see everything in it with the thick, huge draperies pulled on the side. Christmas decorations, the furniture, the long spiral staircase leading to the second floor. In contrast with the dark, cold sky, the house seemed lively and warm.

"It looks very homey! Right?" Ritsu asked Takano with his eyes beaming.

"Is that so?" Takano asked glancing back at the house.

With his eyes still fixed at the house, Ritsu nodded vehemently. "It's not too big that the members of that family would be separated by thick walls," the ecstatic brunette commented then looked at the nearest house which was a good 10 meters from the house in front of them. "That house looks very beautiful and it's very big, like those houses in lifestyle magazines, but it feels…lonely."

A low "hmmm" was Takano's only reply.

"I wonder, what kind of people are living there…" Ritsu said it without thinking. He just voiced out what was on his mind. Having a not so good family background, with money always the problem, it was somehow a part of his dream to live in a warm home. If he had a dream house, it would totally be that. Simple, warm and peaceful.

Watching Ritsu gawk at the house like a child, Takano smiled to himself before slipping a stick of cigarette in between his mouth. He was itching to smoke. But he was trying his best not to when Ritsu was around. He wanted to make sure that even the air Ritsu breaths was clean.

"One thing I know, is that the owners of that house are both crazy…"

Ritsu turned his head to look at Takano, totally intrigued.

"You know the owner? Are we visiting a friend of yours?"

The dark-haired guy removed the cigarette from his mouth and twirled it in his fingers. "Yeah, he bought that house just recently for his loved one."

Smiling at the thought, Ritsu once again looked at the house. "They must be a great couple…"

Takano chuckled which made Ritsu look at him once more. "No, they are full of flaws. But, they're trying their best…I guess. Do you want to meet them?"

Ritsu gaped at Takano, threw a glance at the house then lowered his head. "Are you serious? I—I want to meet them but, won't I make them uncomfortable?"

Takano frowned before exiting the car, slamming the door close. He ran to the other side, pulled the door open and pulled Ritsu out.

'Ta-Takano-san! I am not yet ready to meet other people right now…" Ritsu whined.

"Tsk…come on…it's alright!" Takano then grabbed Ritsu's sweating hands due to nervousness and pulled the man along with him.

Once they reached the door, Ritsu tried to pull his hand away but the other man's hold just got tighter. Exhaling, which sent a puff of misty cloud before him, Takano pushed the doorbell several times. But no one answered.

"I don't think this is such a good idea Takano-san. What if they're busy? This is very impolite…"

"Shhh…" With a sneakiness of a burglar, Takano slowly turned the knob. "It's not locked."

Now nervous that the two of them both seemed suspicious, Ritsu glanced sideways, looking for people, or a guard who would definitely question their behaviour. "Takano-san…"

Chuckling softly, Takano pulled Ritsu inside the house, closed the door and watched Ritsu's awestruck face as he scanned the living room.

Ritsu was really feeling guilty at sneaking in without the owners, but the house was really his dream he can't help but just absorb everything. If he was able to build a house, that was the same design he'd use. Not very posh, but the Japanese culture, mixed with modern life, and the colours were all cosy in his sight.

"Takano-san, we better leave now…"

Throwing a final glance at the shining Christmas three, Ritsu had to force himself to turn and take his step out of the house.

But Takano blocked the door. The man had a very serious face plastered on. His eyes were as if passing through Ritsu. Slowly, Takano slipped a hand inside his pocket and pulled something out of it. He then closed the distance between him and Ritsu.

As much as Ritsu wanted to take his gaze off Takano, he couldn't. There was something in those hazel eyes that left him motionless, and he just waited like a stiff leaf to what Takano was up to.

Takano grabbed Ritsu on both shoulders ever so gently, Ritsu's heart started to race. When the taller man planted a light kiss on the top of Ritsu's head, Ritsu flinched. Just a simple kiss yet he felt being scorched. With his green eyes shut, Ritsu felt his body tensing up when Takano, lightly ran his hands on the length of Ritsu's arms.

Ritsu looked up when he felt Takano slipping something cold and hard in his palm. Emerald eyes searching the smiling hazel eyes, Ritsu slowly raised his right hand to check what it was.

When he opened his closed fingers, Ritsu's tears started welling in his eyes. He raised his head, with a confused look.

It was a key.

"What the hell is that kind of face?" Takano teased. Having that kind of gentle expression while doing that, Ritsu felt so lost his chest was feeling so full already. He was afraid he'd burst out any moment.

Huge hands cupped Ritsu's flushed cheeks, gently raising it so that the two of them were on eye level with each other.

"Ritsu…will you live with me, forever? Here in this house?" Takano whispered it was barely audible. However, in Ritsu's chest, every word struck his every nerve.

Ritsu stared hard at Takano, looking for any sign of jesting. "Y—you bought this house?" Ritsu asked in a choking voice.

Takano leaned a little closer. "Didn't you hear me? I said earlier the owner bought it for his loved one, right? I bought it for you, for us."

"But," Ritsu moved his eyes around the room, still unbelieving. "But—Takano-san…am I really worth it…?"

Takano had been moving Ritsu's face to make him look at him, but Ritsu would always look the other way, ashamed, embarrassed and lost in happiness. Who on earth would ask a man to live together in such a manner? It was all too good to be true that Ritsu was starting to think he was already really dead and was just having a dream of the dead.

"Are you an idiot? Is this even the right time to be asking if you're worth my everything?"

Ritsu gripped the key tightly in his other hand, the other one gripping on Takano's shirt, speechless. He wanted to say 'thank you' but Ritsu's tongue seemed to have rolled back, he couldn't utter a single word.

"So, what's your answer? I asked you properly, you have to answer me properly…" Takano said, just allowing the overwhelmed Ritsu rest his head on his chest. Ritsu felt he was a woman being proposed to. It was so embarrassing he could die.

"Wobchorse…" Ritsu murmured sniffing.

Takano smiled before pushing Ritsu a little away from him so he could look at the man's face. It would definitely be a reaction he'd treasure forever. Wiping the tears in the corners of Ritsu's eyes, Takano grinned wider.

"Can you please answer in a language I can understand?"

"Of-of course…"

Satisfied, Takano once again patted Ritsu's head before letting go. "Why don't you check out the entire house?"

Excitement on Ritsu's face, he slowly walked away from Takano and circled the living room.

_"I'm glad, he's not looking gloomy anymore…"_ Takano sighed, completely happy. If it was not just really embarrassing, he would have shouted and jumped up and down like crazy when Ritsu agreed to live with him. Him asking another man to live with him never crossed his mind, never would have thought he'd cross that line. But he didn't regret anything. Just looking at Ritsu smile, he felt he could smile himself for no reason.

* * *

Takano finished a stick of cigarette outside while Ritsu roamed the house. When he opened the door, Ritsu was nowhere to be found. So he slowly made his way to the second floor.

"Ritsu?" Takano called out but no one answered him.

Deciding to look at the room where a light was coming from, he peeked inside and saw Ritsu's back who was standing by the window.

"Oi, Ritsu…"

When Ritsu turned to look at him, the bothered expression he had on earlier was back.

He walked towards Ritsu and stood beside the man. He gazed at the view he could see from where they were. A small pond where the moon was reflected, countless trees before them, and the vast, dark sky. The both of them took in everything silently.

It was Takano who started to break the silence. "If you are bothered by something, you have to tell me, you know?"

"…"

"You had that face after leaving Yokozawa's office. What did he tell you?"

"It's-It's your birthday tomorrow…right?" Ritsu began. "Yokozawa-san had mentioned…" he muttered sullenly.

With a face, annoyed as hell, Takano stared at Ritsu. "Hah?! Why is my birthday making you act like this? It's not like we're teenagers here."

Ritsu's brows furrowed before gazing back at the pond. His fingers drumming on the windowsill.

"Because it's your birthday…I feel so useless."

"Ha?"

"Unlike me, Takano-san you have a name in the medical field. You've accomplished many things. I on the other hand is a no one. I don't even have the ability to buy you a small present," Ritsu even lowered his head. "And at the end of the day, it's your birthday but you are the one giving me so much. It feels so not right."

"What the—that's your problem?" Takano blurted, watching Ritsu throw a "what'-so-wrong-with-that" look.

"It might be senseless to you Takano-san, but it's a huge thing for me to be able to give you something special!"

Takano gave a one last frustrated look at Ritsu before sighing from the depths of his soul. He ruffled his dark locks and gave another sigh.

"You know—you have a very bad personality. Have a little confidence, will you?"

"It's so easy to say-"

Ritsu stopped talking when he felt Takano held one of his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"How stupid of you not to realize that you've given me something I consider the greatest gift of all."

"I never…"

"Listen," the taller man bended a little to stare at Ritsu face to face. "You're alive, you're here. That's the greatest gift. I am not asking for anything else."

"But that is hardly…"

"Ahh—shut up already…" Takano cut-off, before pulling Ritsu towards him, kissing Ritsu on the tip of his nose. "The only thing I could ever ask of you is this…Live with me, live for me."

Takano grinned suddenly. "Ah…not gonna lie…this too."

"…!"

Ritsu didn't have any chance of voicing out any objections if there was any. Takano's mouth locked in his, the man suddenly swept him off his feet and carried him towards the master's bed. Tongues intertwined, Takano ravished the insides of Ritsu'mouth like he was deliriously wanting for more. All pent up wants, desires and feelings, brimming.

Lying on his back, Ritsu helplessly broke the kiss as he needed to breath. Otherwise he'd lose consciousness just by the searing tongue tug-of-war they were doing.

"Takano-san…" Ritsu uttered while catching up on his breath. Takano was in no listening mood as he started unbuttoning Ritsu's shirt with expert movements, like it was a talent to be able to do that in just a matter of seconds.

Ritsu slapped his hand on his mouth and shut his eyes hard when Takano's hands started creeping on his chest as the man pleases.

When Ritsu tried to steal a glance at Takano, he was already topless. "Ritsu…" the man uttered, tugging Ritsu's hand away from his mouth that was sealing his voice.

"What are you doing, stifling your cries like that. Cry out as much as you want."

The other man whose face was already red from embarrassment, avoided Takano's gaze.

"I feel…embarrassed," Ritsu whispered barely discernible. "I wonder why I feel so ashamed to have you see me like this…"

Takano who was practically on top of Ritsu narrowed his eyes. His eyes gazing from Ritsu's red face, to the white neck, down to the creamy chest, the enticing navel, down to the still buckled up belt. Takano threw both his arms on Ritsu's sides, his face hovering over Ritsu's.

"Because you're conscious of me, you're aware of my presence, my feelings and…" Takano lowered his mouth down Ritsu's left ear. "…my wants…" he whispered, tickling the other man's outer ear before nibbling on it.

* * *

Ritsu screamed his head out from the shock and intensity when after being loosened up with Takano's exploring fingers, Takano had just plunged in without warning.

Huge tears rolled down his face, gasping and digging his fingers on the sheets. With a worried look, Takano moved his face closer to Ritsu and licked the tears away.

"I'm so sorry... but I can't control myself anymore…" a husky voice muttered, licking Ritsu's closed eyes, and cheeks with his warm tongue.

Ritsu opened his eyes, and saw hazel eyes burning staring at him. He raised both his arms and circled them around Takano's neck, Ritsu kissing Takano on the neck.

"It's okay…I've always…wanted…this…"

The bold act of Ritsu sent Takano in frenzy even more, that his cock started to throb more in the soft, insides of Ritsu.

"You caught me by surprise…" he whispered lunging out, leaving only the tip of his member inside, before pushing even further.

Ritsu moaned, and bit on Takano's shoulder helplessly as he started to tighten around Takano.

Mind hazy with all the sensations from where they were joined and Takano's expert hand working on Ritsu's throbbing member, Ritsu could only do so much as cling on Takano or he would end up collapsing.

"Arg—Ritsu…Ritsu…" Takano grunted as he thrust his way in and out, not wanting to stop.

* * *

Noticing Ritsu was about to slip away from consciousness, Takano pulled Ritsu up, so that the man was in a straddling position. Ritsu's green eyes shot wide at the sudden pain running through his spine with the force of being filled in an unusual way. Takano's member throbbing ever so wildly at the weight on him that gravely turned him on, Takano wiped Ritsu's sweat streaked forehead before burying his face on Ritsu's wet neck. Smelling the sweet, sex streaked sweat on Ritsu's skin.

"Ahh—hya…" a sultry voice escaped Ritsu's mouth when Takano started moving again.

This was the first time they were joined, in their home, and he wanted to pleasure Takano as much as he could. Already in the middle of doing something as intimate as that, Ritsu threw all the remaining shame he had and he crawled his finger tips from Takano's chest fondling on them while the other was still clinging around Takano's neck.

Bold and straightforward, while Takano moved, Ritsu licked and slurped at Takano's neck and chest. Their body heat far from easing down.

With a feeling of still not getting enough, Takano pushed Ritsu down again on the bed, spreading the man's legs apart pressing Ritsu hard on the bed. The creaking of the bed, that seemed to give out from the intensity of the act and the wet sounds by their being connected filled the room. Strangely, they were being turned on by both.

"Ritsu…arg—" Takano panted as he continued to move in and out as if he got all the stamina in the world like a hungry predator. "Call me…call me by my name…" He asked, feeling himself nearing his climax.

Ritsu's vision was blurry with sweat, from tears and from Takano's sweat as well that his eyes sting. He couldn't see clearly. But he didn't care. All he cared was their bodies joined, finally imprinting each other's promise, sealing their starting relationship.

He pulled Takano's face towards his and kissed the man ardently. Ritsu's tongue mimicked Takano's thrusting as he plunged his own hungry tongue inside Takano's mouth. Muttering "Masamune" over and over again as he continuously kiss him.

Sealed with a kiss, joined and one, both of them finally reached their climax that sent the two men shiver despite the heat. Takano and Ritsu's chest was covered with Ritsu's sticky, release. Limply lying on top of Ritsu, still inside of him, Takano lightly pecked on Ritsu's neck.

"I'm sorry, I came inside you…"

Ritsu smiled, ran his fingers on Takano's wet lock softly. "I wouldn't want it any other way…" he said blushing.

Ritsu had been pulling a lot of surprises towards Takano that the man forced himself to lift his head resting nicely on Ritsu and searched the green eyes. "You sure are very bold today…"

"I—I can be pretty wild you know!" He scowled. He never would have acted that way if it wasn't Takano. From all the things he had experienced, he learned one important lesson he put to heart.

Ritsu gazed back at the hazel eyes, circling his thumb on Takano's slightly flushed face.

"I've learned my lesson…"

The other man threw his body on the bed and pulled Ritsu towards him. Wrapping his arms around Ritsu's frame, he breathed in deeply on Ritsu's hair before closing his eyes. Happiness was doing crazy things in his chest that resulted from his own eyes welling up unexpected wetness.

"Lesson…what lesson?" Takano asked very softly.

Ritsu looked up to meet Takano's eyes. With all sincerity, Ritsu smiled a little before snuggling his face against Takano's chest.

"To be honest with every little thing. Be honest with what I really feel. So that I wouldn't have any regrets."

Takano chuckled. Kissed Ritsu's head murmuring "I love you" before falling in a sweet sleep.

* * *

When Ritsu opened his eyes, he was completely clean, wearing a navy blue pyjama, his nose smelling the aroma of a hot coffee nearby.

He was feeling perfectly fine when he sat, but felt sudden numbness in his lower half, he had no choice but to stay in the sitting position. He was wincing, yet blushing, remembering how the both of them went over the line and ravished each other wildly.

"Is it too painful?"

Ritsu shot a surprised look towards the voice and saw Takano standing on the doorway holding two cups of coffee.

"Your face is awfully flushed so early in the morning…do you have a fever?"

"No-none!"

Takano then walked towards Ritsu, and offered the other cup he was holding. When Ritsu looked at it, it wasn't coffee but hot chocolate.

"Takano-san…I want coffee too."

Takano sat beside Ritsu, sipped a little of his hot beverage and grinned a little teasing the other man. "No…coffee is bd for your health."

"But you-?"

"Just listen to me…okay? It tastes good you'll love it."

Complete lost, Ritsu started sniffing at the chocolatey aroma before him, then suddenly turned at Takano.

"Takano-san…I remember…I wanted to go back studying…"

"Studying? That's not a problem. Do as you like."

All of a sudden, the excitement around Ritsu disappeared. "But…"

"Tuition? Expenses? Don't worry about it. Director Miyagi left you an ample amount. Use it accordingly."

Ritsu stared confused at Takano before sipping his hot chocolate.

"He did?" he lowered his head remembering the kind man. "He was really good to me…"

"I respect the man," Takano muttered.

* * *

The occasional soft breeze that sent the wind chime hanging by the window, filled the room with an enchanting music. It was a perfect morning to wake up to. A place called home, with someone who completes you, enjoying the peace and quiet was everything Ritsu could dream of.

"Takano-san, how did you choose this house? It's as if a house built out of my imaginations…"

The other one patted Ritsu on the head and stood, facing the window. "Well you're right. I tried my best to make this look as it is right now."

"But how…?"

"From your doodles on those kinder-like notebooks. A house from stick, swirling line I took for the stairs, a blotch of unrefined circle I thought might be a lake or a pond. Honestly…" Takano turned to look at the sitting Ritsu. "You have very bad drawing abilities."

Embarrassed with his drawings, Ritsu glared at Takano. "Sorry for drawing badly!"

Takano just laughed it out.

* * *

Ritsu kept on staring at the broad back before him debating whether to greeting Takano would be fine now. Giving into the want to greet the man, he took a deep breath.

"Takano-san…" he called out meekly.

The other man slowly turned and moved closer to Ritsu, thinking the other ma would be asking for a favour to help to the toilet or something.

"Hmm? Need help?"

"Ha—happy birthday."

For a moment, Ritsu thought he saw Takano blushing, it was so fast he thought he might be imagining things. Takano crouched down, his other knee on the floor. "Thank you. This is the best birthday I ever had."

"…"

"What do you want to do today? Roam around or the both of us stay here the whole day before going back to EHO for the party?"

"Ro—"

Takano suddenly stood, towering over Ritsu and sighed. "Okay, it's decided. We'll stay here in this room the whole day!" He exclaimed before pulling Ritsu down on the bed with him. Just hugging Ritsu tightly.

"Ha? I haven't said anything!"

Takano snuggled on Ritsu, sighing in contentment. "I bet that's what you want too."

Acting as if fighting away, he tried to pull his body away from Takano's embrace but eventually let himself lay comfortably next to the warmth beside him.

"Tsk…don't decide for yourself." Ritsu mumbled.

Takano smiled, hugging Ritsu tighter. "Okay…okay…"

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

thanks for reading! ^^ please tell me what you think...hahaha...omg...^^

maybe the next chappy is the last one...unless i get carried away with YOKO X kiri or UsamiXMisaki..

sorry for the sloppy smex scenes...i just want to keep it as wholesome as possible..lol...wholesome? in yaoi? hahaha...

THANKS AGAIN...^^

-SHUUSETSU


	34. Bruises

Hello! ahahha..to **MiniBlueSkirt:** I am actually planning to have all three couples have their spotlights...hehehe...THANKS FOR THE REQUEST ANYWAY! REALLY HAPPY AND APPRECIATE THAT!

TO EVERYONE WHO'VE BEEN READING...I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER! NEXT WOULD BE YOKO*KIRI THEN THE FINALE...T_T

I WISH I AM MORE ROMANTIC...T_T LoL

* * *

**Bruises**

* * *

_...are marks of pain and other things..._

* * *

The ticking of the wallclock was making the observative Misaki more anxious than he already was. He was pouring some sakura tea on two delicate cups as he glance at the young yet strict looking lawyer and at the silver-haired man who was reading some files. The two men had been talking for almost two hours now. And both of them wore very serious faces as if they were discussing something very serious as life and death. However, Misaki knew, it may not be life and death matter but for Usami Akihiko, his Usagi-san, it was a matter of prison or freedom.

With trembling hands, Misaki carried the tray and made his way to the two men. He slowly placed the cups in front of them and stood, waiting for anyone to take a sip. But no one did.

More importantly, Misaki had been bothered by two things; Usagi-san's ongoing trial and Usagi-san's feelings towards him. He stood like a statue while staring at the frowning, flawless face of Usami. He looked at him with a face of adoration, and doubts.

"Usagi-san is very busy...but...I wonder...I wonder..." the young man had unconsiously bitten his bottom lip lightly with his eyes starting to water. He let out a gasp when Usami Akihiko suddenly looked up to glance at him.

"Misaki? What's the problem?" the deep voice called out as Usami placed the papers down with a frown.

Masking a smile, Misaki ran a hand on his hair and laughed. "Ah-nothing...nothing..."

Giving an all over glance at Misaki, Usami smiled something like a business like one. "Yamada-san and I still have a lot to talk. Go and take a rest," he offered glancing back on the folders as if Misaki had already disappeared in the room.

With a heavy heart, Misaki slowly made his way towards the door still carrying the tray. He sneaked one last glance to his rabbit before closing the door softly. He sighed while walking.

Usami Akihiko was always very gentle to him. But Misaki could not remember the man ever touching him more than simple patting on the head and hugs after he was released from the hospital. And even those contacts seemed very calculated.

"Usagi-san...why are you not touching me like you always do?" he whispered to himself. Suddenly, he stopped on his track and slapped a hand on his mouth with his entire face blushing. "What the hell is with me?! It-It's not like I am wanting Usagi-san to do 'those' stuff! No-" he defended himself against his knowing mind.

However, his shoulders drooped as he reached an open window in that small villa the Usami's owned.

He never said outright that he hated being very intimate with Usagi-san, to his shame, he missed the man very badly. The Usagi-san who was always gentle and who always looked after him was back. He couldn't ask for more. However, at the back of his mind, there was a thought he so tries to hide, afraid of it being true, and afraid of getting hurt because of it.

Usami Akihiko might have returned, but Misaki couldn't help feeling that the man seemed so far away. His touch were all so distant, and even his smiles. And when they talk, there was always this thin barrier that separated them. It may be thin, but he was afraid, it was getting thicker by the hours.

Misaki felt that Usagi-san was avoiding him.

* * *

"They're all healed..." Misaki blurted as he expected his small body in front of a huge mirror.

Left without nothing to do, he just then decided to dip in a milk bath. After the relaxing bath, he stood naked expecting his body. The marks of how brutal the insane Usami was were dark bluish. They were scattered on his arms and legs. But they were really prevalent on his chest, around his collar bones. He ran his fingers on it, smiling a bitter smile. He was able to put up with everything, and in the end, his hell ended, but his heart was having a different kind of torture.

"Tonight, I'll have to do something. I have to know why Usagi-san, isn't interested in me anymore..."

* * *

Misaki remembered, when everything was still fine back then, Usagi-san would always take advantage of him whenever there was an opportunity. He would complain how perverted the man was, but he woud eventually give in. Out of all the things the man did for him to show how he really loves Misaki, the man's touch was a seal, a promise, a sacred bond between the two of them. A mark that both of them were in love with each other.

Misaki wanted to know if after all that they've gone through, at this moment, it was just him in love, and the other, not anymore.

With shaking knees at the stupidity and embarrassment of what he had in mind, he messed up his hair a little and made sure that the few buttons of his polo shirt were undone. Making sure that even though he was trying to reveal more skin, his bruises won't be visible.

"I'll seduce...Usagi-san..." he muttered desperately to sink into his own head his own plan. "Argh-I can't believe I am doing this..." he wavered. But then again, he remembered the old Usagi and he pulled himself together. "I'd rather have a perverted Usagi, than a distant one! Go me!"

* * *

Carrying another tray of chamomile tea this time, he stood like a statue in front of the huge door of Usagi-san's room. He even added daifukus he made himself for a change for he was thinking that maybe Usagi-san was about to drown from drinking tea the whole day.

"Knock! Oi, Misaki, don't tell me...you're running away now!" He debated. His heart was pounding like crazy. It was always Usagi-san who initiates, now that he was up to it, he was now in utter loss at how Usagi-san was always so calm and composed whenever they...reached that 'point'.

His hands were starting to get sweaty as the seconds passed by debating whether to continue or not.

Shutting his eyes hard, he raised his foot he would use for knocking. Instead of hitting the hard wood, he felt he hit something else with his sleepers.

"Misaki?"

Shock waves all over his body, Misaki stepped back with the tray trembling about to crash. Misaki stared at Usami's freshly showered figure in his robes motionless.

"Ah-eh...Usagi-san...I brought you some snacks..." the stammering dark-haired man offered still watching Usagi's reaction.

He felt conscious with himself, when he noticed the tall man's eyes wander from his lips down to his neck. That was the whole point of doing this ridiculous ploy.

Although he was embarrassed, there was no turning back now.

Misaki smiled his best smile, or at least that was the best smile he could pull off. But Usagi-san was silent as he stared at the tray. The man sighed and looked at Misaki, moving to the side to let him enter. "Come in."

The silver haired man slumped on the huge recliner flipping mindlessly with the channels of the huge flat screen television in front of him. The indistinc voices of the late night news anchors filled the room as Misaki started serving the tea. He was planning to seduce the man at first, but they all disappeared. He suddenly just wanted to have a proper talk.

Misaki bended to place the cups on the small table before Usami. The older man's lips twitched in discomfort as Misaki's collar exposed the skin under it. And the man changed his position on the recliner.

"Uhm-Usagi-san, can I...sit beside you?"

"Go ahead."

The two of them stared at the tv without actually paying attention to a single thing. Both of them were absorbed with their own thoughts.

"How are the preparations for the trial?" Misaki asked when heil could no longer take the cold atmosphere between them.

Usagi-san who was currently taking a puff of his smoke looked at Misaki with uninterested eyes before looking back at the tv once more. "Don't worry, Onodera-san is helping out with everything he could. It was tough, but I know everything will turn out fine."

Silence.

"Usagi-san, how are the daifukus? I made sure the strawberries are all sweet..." Misaki started again, feeling that he was about to cry any moment. The barrier was even thicker now. He couldn't pass through it no matter how hard he tried. Not if the man he wanted to reach wasn't allowing him.

"Ah...it's good. But it's already late, I'll finish them tomorrow."

Misaki gritted his teeth, and clenched his fists as the tv became a white blurr in front of him.

Usami turned at the sniffing ball beside him with a shocked expression. He reached his hand to the trembling shoulders while stabbing the cigarette with the other against the ashtray which was already full.

"Misaki...why are you crying? What's the matter~~"

Usagi was even more shocked when Misaki slapped his hand away. "You are the reason why I am like this!"

"What are you saying..." The man looked the other way. That very act of Usami pissed Misaki more.

"Are you tired of me?!" Misaki screamed. "Do you STILL love me?!"

Misaki started to sob loudly, burrying his face on both his hands. He was so tired of feeling unwanted. Tired of all the uncertainties. Tired if he was still waiting for someone who won't be returning to him. Tired. So tired.

Usami's eyes were reddish. Above everything he didn't wish to see, it was Misaki crying because of him. The sight of his small body, trembling as he sobbed was killing him. He drew a deep breath and slowly, delicately took hold of the thin wrists, pulling them away from Misaki's face. He searched the green, tear-streaked eyes while praying strenght for himself.

"Where are you getting all these ideas...you idiot..." the man teased while smiling, an obvious nervous smile.

Misaki looked up and moved closer. "Then-why are you avoiding me? Why-won't you to-touch me..." he whispered in a sound almost begging.

Usami released the wrists and cupped the small, wet face before him. Slowly leaning closer, he brushed his lips on Misaki;'s eyes, as if drying the tears away. Misaki felt so ticklish with just the little kisses he very much missed. He won't allow his stubborness to take over him and made sure he would summon his courage to respond to his Usagi-san.

Misaki rested his small hands on Usami's almost bare chest feeling the rain of little kisses on his forehead, cheeks and eyes. The man just brushed his lips against Misaki's as he started to unbutton the remaining ones while snuggling on Misaki's milky scent. Usagi was almost losing it. He was as excited as Misaki with this.

Maybe even more excited. He opened his eyes slightly as he felt Misaki tremble in his arms, after he successfully tugged down the shirt.

Usagi's breath got stucked in his throat and he remained motionless.

The younger man felt the cold hands sliding away from him and opened his eyes. "U-usagi-san...why..."

Usami pulled the shirt and put it back on Misaki's shoulders with his face hidden from his silver locks. "I'm sorry...Misaki. I-I can't."

Misaki's face was red with embarrassment as he glared at Usami accusingly. "So-that's your answer?"

Huge tears fell from his already swollen eyes. Misaki stood abruptly, gripping at his shirt. He then dashed out the room, slamming the door behind him. And Usami Akihiko just sat limply on the reckliner. Feeling he aged ten years more.

He badly wanted to feel Misaki, to touch him, to whisper in his ears and feel his warmth. But everytime he sees the marks, the bluish bruises on that pale skin, he couldn't help but feel disgusted at himself. He developed deep hatred. Insane, or sane...it was still him who did and caused those hideous bruises.

* * *

The next morning, Usami woke up with the usual breakfast in the kitchen. When lunch came, his meal was waiting for him. And when the time for supper arrived, Usami found food on the table with no one else but the food waiting for him. He hadn't seen Misaki, not even a glimpse of his shadow.

He slowly turned the knob of the door to Misaki's room. It wasn't locked so he let himself in.

"Misaki..." he called out in a low voice he knew for himself no one would hear it.

Usami slowly walked in deeper into the room when he heard splash of water. He knew it must be Misaki. Walking without making a sound, Usami moved in closer at the ajar door. The steam, and the scent of milk filled his nose, Misaki's usual scent. He was about to leave when he heard a frustrated sob. That was the time Usagi realized that Misaki wasn't just 'taking a bath'.

Narrowing his eyes, he watched Misaki sitting on the tiled floor, scrub so hard at his arms and legs enough to make it reddish. "Be gone...be gone..." Misaki pleaded.

The man just stood in the doorway watch Misaki cry while trying to scrub his bruises away. And it stabbed him.

Misaki knew that doing that won't do anything. But he'd go crazy without having to do something. He wanted to erase the bruises not because he was disgusted by it, but he knew that his Usagi-san, after all the thinking he had done that night he ran away from Usagi, was still feeling guilty for everything.

"Go away..." he scrubbed harder, but when it got too painful, he threw the sponge on the floor and hugged his knees together.

"Usagi-san...what will I do? They won't go away in a flash..."

Misaki's voice, being drowned by the running water, everything tugged at Usami's chest he wanted to break on the spot where he was standing.

* * *

Misaki couldn't believe his eyes when after he lifted his face, Usagi-san was kneeling before him. Getting soaked by the shower himself.

With gentle eyes, Usagi took hold of Misaki's left thin arm and raised it in the air. His other hand carressing the reddidh skin from all the scrubbing. "Why are you doing this. You're hurting yourself..."

The other one bit his bottom lip, not caring if he was all naked before Usagi. He didn't look at Usagi, he knew he was being stupid. "I just want to erase them..."

"Why would you do this?"

"Because!" Misaki shouted at Usagi. But the he lowered his head. "I just thought you are getting reminded of the terrible things that happened when you see these bruises...Usagi-san," Misaki had lifted his free hand to touch the older man's cheek. "I don't feel disgusted by this bruises. I don't blame you for anything...They'll be gone over time...but if this reminds you of painful things...enough for you to avoid me...I can't deal with that."

If Usami was crying or not, it wasn't clear, as the steam and the splash of the shower soaked every part of him.

The man rested his forehead on Misaki's and touched the small hand against his cheek.

"I-was just mad at myself...for hurting you so bad it left marks like this. I promised to be taking care of you, and yet...I hate myself..."

"Usagi-san...have you forgiven Takano-san for almost beating you to death?" Misaki asked as he soflty slide his thumb up and down the soft cheeks.

"Why did he suddenly came up?" Usagi asked back, now staring at Misaki's eyes.

"Have you?"

Usami sighed seeing the boy won't stop until he gets an answer. "I did. He had all the reason in the world for doing that."

"Usagi-san...forgiveness isn't something you only give to others. It's something you give for yourself too..."

The man stared hard at Misaki's mature face. And he started to feel his chest about to burst.

''Usagi-san...come back to your usual self now...please?"

The man drew a deep breath before grabbing Misaki in a hug. He hugged him so hard, as the waters washed his own tears away at his stupidity. 'I'm sorry, Misaki...I'm sorry..."

Usagi-san, for his age...actually still didn't know how forgive yourself meant. If forgiving others meant accepting what they've done and thinking they're just human, just like what he did to Takano, forgiving himself was a lot more harder. It would forever be in his chest that there was a time he tortured Misaki, even though he couldn't remember it. But that very moment, he realized that he was again torturing Misaki in a different way. Hating himself had put his love into more pain than peace. And hearing his lover encourage him enlightened him more than anything else.

What good was it to linger in the past wounds that would soon heal? The best thing he could do to make up for everything was to help in healing those wounds, and patch it with new memories.

* * *

Crying, that finally he was able to tell Usagi-san what was in his mind, he just rested his hands on Usami's hair and lightly ran his fingers throught it. "It's okay..."

Usagi then cupped Misaki's face this time and smiled the real, first smile Misaki had missed for so long. "Can I kiss you?"

Blushing like stupid, Misaki glared at Usagi-san. "How am I supposed to answer that!" the feisty tone back in his voice.

Chuckling, Usagi moved his lips on the tip of Misaki's nose. "Your 'yes' is always fun to hear..."

Misaki didn't had the chance to fire back as Usagi-san proceeded to capture his lips in a soft kiss. Both feeling the warmth they give off to each other.

"Misaki, I love you..."

"-ve you...too..."

After hearing the confirmation, Usagi started to thrust his tongue into Misaki's mouth. The teen gladly let the strong muscles in, feeling the hot sensation at the passionate kiss both of them haven't had in a while. Everything was like 'first time' for the both of them.

Unable to let it go longer, Usagi suddenly scooped Misaki off the floor and took him out the comfort room. He felt himself slowly landing into the softness of his bed. Urgency was pounding in every nerve and muscle of Usami that he started kissing the moaning mess on the neck, on the chest as his fingers expertly made their way in gently loosening up Misaki.

Once again, Usami looked at the bluish marks on the pale skin which were so visible. And he started licking on them. As if doing that would erase the marks. He let out a laugh which sent Misaki gasping as the warm breath caressed his exposed nipples begging for attention. Usami thought he was doing something similar to Misaki's scrubbing.

"Ah-Usa-usagi-" Misaki chanted over and over as the older man started running his tongue around Misaki's nippes, before nipping on it and sucking on it. Misaki could only do much as to circle his arms around Usami's neck and his press his body even more closer to Usami's, feeling the hot, hard, throbbing member under fabric against his stomach.

"I miss everything about you..." Usagi murmured as he slowly made his way down to the flat stomach, pecking on it. He then went lower, and lower and kissed Misaki's member which was already oozing with pre-cum. Usagi smiled as he watched Misaki gasp for air. He missed making Misaki feel good. He missed everydamn thing.

Usagi bit the insides of Misaki's thighs lightly, nibbling on it before planting kisses on them.

Misaki on the other hand, teary eyed, opened his eyes to see Usami nip at his thighs. He bended to reach Usagi's hair, urging the man to stop.

"What is it Misaki?" Usagi asked dumbfounded.

"Usagi-san...you always do this alone...this time..." Misaki gasped for air once more, as the tingling sensation in between his thighs sent him shiver. "Let me..."

Slowly, Misaki let Usagi sit on the edge of the bed, and he staggeringly kneeled on the floor. He slowly reached for Usami's zipper and pulled it down. Once he had tugged down the underpants, Misaki touched the member delicately which was already rock hard. He couldn't help but think how he would suck something big like that.

Usagi rested his hand on Misaki's head. "You shouldn't force yourself you know..."

Misaki jerked his head sideways. "No-I want to do this..."

The young man licked the head a couple of times, unsure of what to do. Strangely enough, Usami thought it very cute to see Misaki's pink tongue doing that to his manhood.

Finally, Misaki decided to suck on it. At first it was just very light, without force, but he remembered some of the things Usagi does do him that he tried it out.

Sucking it hard, then lightly, changing pace and pressure, he started to pick up his own pace and before the both of them knew it, Misaki had been sucking frantically, while Usagi had his head thrown back feeling him nearing his limit.

"Misaki-" he grunted before pulling Misaki by the armpits and throwing the boy back on the bed. "You're very skillful for a first timer...but I couldn't hold it anymore."

Usagi had spread Misaki's legs apart as wide as he could and positioned himself. Misaki shut his eyes as he clung on the Usagi's shoulder, expecting the penetration. Misaki had moaned when he felt the sensation in his entrance. He was treated so badly before, without any gentleness, but at that moment, Usami was taking his time, slowly and gently, allowing Misaki to adjust to him, he could cry.

The two of them stayed that way for a while. Usagi, inside Misaki without moving, Misaki, crying and burying his face on Usagi's chest.

"Usagi-san...please..." Misaki moaned.

At the urging, Usagi started moving, slowly at first then picked up his pace. His thrust became deeper, and faster when he saw Misaki already fully adjusted. He felt himself about to melt as well as the overwhelming feeling of finally becoming one again with the one he loved while he was consious filled his chest. As he felt Misaki gripping him tightly, he let a grunt himself and continued possessing Misaki while busying Misaki's mouth with his exploring tongue.

Both of them collapsed on the bed gasping for air after their climax. Sweat to sweat, skin to skin, Usagi gathered Misaki and locked him around his strong arms as if he won't let go, whispering sweet nothing into Misaki's ear.

"I love you...Misaki..."

Just at the sound of his name from Usami's mouth was enough to make him cry once more. Not wanting to be a cry baby anymore, Misaki swallowed hard and snuggled on Usami's sweaty chest.

"I love you more..." Misaki's muffled voice answered.

'What? No-I love you more..." Usagi countered.

Misaki raised his head and let his fingers dance on Usagi's chest. "No-I love you more..."

Usagi frowned. Then smiled devilishly at Misaki. "Then..." The man had rolled over, pressing his body weight once more to the exhausted Misaki. "Say one more round?"

Misaki's eyes grew wide at the devil on top of him.

"Can we at least rest...a little?"

"No can do..."

"Huh?!"

Usagi started licking Misaki's jawline once more while the one at the bottom struggled weakly. "Uwah-stupid Usagi! I take back my word, don't be your usual self...AHHHHHH!"

* * *

**Chapter end notes:**

**Okay..so the smex is rushed...I was kind of uncomfortable with MisakiXUsagi smex coz I am not really used to imagining them...hahaha..i still hope it turned out well though.^^**

**ps. daifukus are really awesome...^^ i wanted to use dangos...but it makes me laugh just thinking Usagi-san eating those colorful, tasty balls...Usagi felt so high profiled so let's use a little something classy looking. But i think the real Usagi would like THE dangos too. Anyway...it has strawberries, the daifukus and it reminds me of Misaki...so i guess it's just fine. HAHAHAHA**

**^^THANKS FOR READING...PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! MUAH EVERYONE! **


	35. Words

**Words**

* * *

_Action speaks louder than words...but words give the symphony._

* * *

Out of all the smiling faces in the hall where the EHO Christmas party was being held, Kirishima's face was standing out. Not because of his dashing smile, but because he had the grimmest face among the rest.

It was EHO's tradition to have their company party always on December 25, not just their employees and agents but their families as well. And despite the festive atmosphere, Kirishima was surrounded by the aura to kill. Even Leon had to tone down his jokes around his Chief. Just by looking at the man's face he knew Kirishima Zen was soon to snap.

December 23 was the last time Kirishima saw Yokozawa's shadow. The man just disappeared without so much as a notice. And at that moment, Kirishima's eyes were narrowing into cold slits as he watched the man wearing a black suit, talk merrily with the others in the hall, looking so damn fine and guiltless.

Kirishima had his arms across his chest, passing his irritation on chewing a gum. He would slightly bow his head occasionally when someone tries to talk to him. But the air around him was too suffocating, people were starting to back away. Leon was the only one who had the nerve to join Kirishima in his wall.

"Ei, Chief," Leon started popping a cherry first into his mouth before talking. "I've never seen you so pissed this much. Why don't you try enjoying the evening? The food is..."

Kirishima who just took a glass of wine let out a low growl Leon stared wide eyed at his Chief. "Chief~?"

"Who is that man over there? That moron wearing eyeglasses?" Kirishima asked in a voice almost with a threat already. Yokozawa disappeared, and appeared without notice, and in his eyes, the man was being almost too chummy with that nerd looking guy, he was completely about to lose it.

Leon raised an eyebrow, knowing the real reason why Kirishima was in a very bad mood the past two days. And it even doubled at that Christmas party. When Yokozawa entered the hall, he just bowed his head slightly acknowledging Kirishima then started running around the hall, talking to almost everybody. And Leon would always see that rare glint of something scary in Kirishima's eyes as he watched Yokozawa in the hall.

"Geez, this two..." Leon thought to himself, he knew where Yokozawa had gone to, but he realized it was best for the two to discuss it with themselves.

"Ermm...That moro~I mean, that guy, is the EHO President's only son, Himura-san. He was in a mission in China and just got back today, that's what I heard..." Leon answered carefully as he scrutinized the guy from afar. A little taller than Yokozawa, the man Kirishima was calling as a moron was actually scholarly looking. He carried himself very well, talked with an admirable tone and a Kendo Champion.

"Hmm..." the other man replied with a disgusted face.

Kirishima fell silent after that. He just watched Yokozawa talk lively with the moron. It pissed the hell out of him but he wasn't that childish to go into a rant. Well, not yet.

"Fuck..." Kirishima hissed as he slammed down his glass of wine on the nearest table from him. The Himura guy just rested his freakin arm on Yokozawa's shoulders while chatting. And Yokozawa didn't do anything and continued smiling and chuckling like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Kirishima had always considered himself as level-headed. One who had patience anyone admired, but his patience was nowhere to be found, he realized when it comes to Yokozawa. And he was freaking furious at the man for a lot of reasons.

Kirishima found himself walking where Yokozawa and the nerd was. The two already left their previous group and was already talking with only just the two of them. When he reached them, he smiled like some host at Himura, but he paused longer at Yokozawa who was staring at him with unbelieving eyes.

"Good evening, I'm Kirishima, Himura-san, right?" Kirishima started, extending his stiff hand.

Himura smiled, flashing his toothpaste-model-like grin before clasping Kirishima's hand in a tight shake. "Hello, it's nice to meet you Kirishima-san. I'm Himura."

Suddenly, Kirishima tapped Yokozawa on the shoulder with a cold smile plastered on his face. "Long time no see...Yokozawa-san..." his tongue rolled thickly.

Yokozawa frowned at the tone of the man's voice but ignored it.

"So, Yokozawa-san, as I was saying, I have to go now. But be sure to leave your Monday next week free okay?" Himura said, lightly tapping Yokozawa on the chest. If anyone saw Kirishima's death glare, it was only Yokozawa. "I'm sure you won't regret it. So then...Kirishima-san, I'll be going first."

Kirishima and Yokozawa watched the man in a total casual wear disappear among the crowd. After a couple minutes of silence, Yokozawa turned to look at Kirishima's expressionless face.

"Will you stop giving off that aura of yours? You're affecting others...it's even Christmas," Yokozawa started loosening his tie a little.

"Let's talk."

"Go ahead."

Kirishima smoothly rested his arm on Yokozawa's shoulder just like how Himura did earlier. Lowering his head a little, he murmured something at Yokozawa's ear that sent the man backing away.

"What the hell, why are you freaking in a bad mood? Fine, let's talk somewhere else," Yokozawa said in an irritated voice.

* * *

The walk from the cheerful hall, down to the empty hallways to one of the unused conference rooms was nothing but silence. It was only the soles of shoes and the rustle of their clothes that filled the silence as they continued to walk.

It was Kirishima who entered first. He waited until Yokozawa was already sitting on the edge of the long round table before closing the door. With a soft thud, Kirishima rested his back against the closed door, eyeing Yokozawa intently. Yokozawa stared back, crossing his arms across his chest.

"So then, what is your problem?" Yokozawa asked ruffling his hair. 'Well, I know half the reason why, but...the hell, isn't he a bit too much irrate for not being contacted for just two days?'

"Do you really have to ask? You disappeared for two days, no one in EHO knew where you've been, I would have searched the entire Japan if I didn't have my own work to do, which is totally unethical if I left them undone, but man, have your fingers become paralized you can't send a text that you're damn okay?"

Yokozawa gaped in awe as Kirishima tried to calm his rising anger. He was almost running after his breath, his brows furrowed.

Kirishima laughed. "And after two days, you popped up like a mushroom, totally acting as if there's nothing."

"Tsk..." Yokozawa cut off. "Why are you being so stubborn about this. We both know in our line of work, things happen, and I had an emergency. Things got complicated I can't contact everyone. Chill."

Kirishima walked towards Yokozawa, grabbing the man's necktie to pull the man closer to his face. "That is the fucking reason you have to let me know that you are okay. Do you have any idea how many scenarios have been running in my head?"

Getting irritated himself, Yokozawa slapped Kirishima's hand away. "I am really getting annoyed at how you're acting, Kirishima."

Kirishima suddenly smiled. The kind that showed no any humor. Leaning closer to Yokozawa who was almost already lying on top of the table, Kirishima smirked.

"So then, aren't we feeling a little too close with that Himura? And what's that again? Monday next week?" Kirishima narrowed his eyes, his face barely an inch away. Yokozawa didn't budge though. If they would be having a glaring contest, he won't let the other man win so easily.

"Oi," Yokozawa started, smirking himself. "This~ is so not like you. Can you calm down a little?"

Kirishima exhaled, which allowed Yokozawa to catch a whiff of Kirishima's favorite mint gum. Kirishima did it to calm himself but it did nothing to help ease his rising irritation.

"Forget your disappearance, but I don't understand why you're allowing that Himura to hit on you, and you did nothing but grin like stupid."

Yokozawa's frown grew even deeper at the accusation, he pushed Kirishima away by the shoulders. "What the heck, Himura is a good friend of mine ever since. Pull yourself together will you?" Yokozawa fished his vibrating phone out of his pocket. It was a call from one of their colleagues. "Seriously," Yokozawa said before aswering the phone, "Don't you understand your actions? You're acting funny... Yes~ Kurogawa-san?"

Kirishima smiled at himself, and all of a sudden grabbed the phone away from Yokozawa's hand, removing the battery and throwing the phone somewhere in only a matter of seconds. Yokozawa just stared with disbelief at what happened to his precious phone.

"Yo-you! What the fu-"

The baffled man wasn't able to finish what he was about to say as Kirishima pinned him down the long table, capturing his mouth with a very hard kiss. Yokozawa was caught off guard that he just stared hard at the strands of hair from Kirishima touching his eyes. Surprise and his senses being taken over left him unmoving for some minutes.

However, Yokozawa snapped back to reality when he felt a hand groping in his crotch. Eyes widening, he broke off the kiss by biting Kirishima's lips. It made Kirishima flinch, as the sting started to numb his flesh.

A grunt escaped Kirishima's mouth as he moved his head away from Yokozawa, still not moving off the man. He raised the back of his palm and wiped the warm liquid on his lips.

Breathing heavily, Yokozawa glared hard at the man hovering above him. He felt damn guilty for biting a little too hard that he broke skin. But Kirishima was being too forceful and he didn't like it.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" Yokozawa spat.

The other man sighed, ignoring the blood on his lips, running his hand through his hair. Yokozawa turned to the side in an attempt to completely break away from kirishima, but instead, he felt himself slam back on the table, now lying on his stomach and his hands pinned behind his back.

"Kirishima..." he growled with a deadly tone.

Face hidden by the shadows, Kirishima moved his face closer to Yokozawa's nape and lightly brushed his lips against the warm skin.

"Stop this right now!"

"Hey, Yokozawa, you're right, I don't know what I am doing..."

"Haaah?!"

"I told you, this is the first time I felt this way. That's why I don't know."

Yokozawa tried to free his hands, but Kirishima had them in a tight grip, and each time he moved, he felt himself sinking even more on the hard surface. "Sh-it."

Despite not wanting it, Yokozawa let out a gasp when Kirishima started nipping on his earlobe, before whispering complete nonsense again. "Ah-But I know one thing. That is the want to completely monopolize you."

"Can you get off of me-NOW?!"

Whispering so softly, it seemed like only a breath brushing inside Yokozawa's ear, Kirishima closed his eyes.

"Listen to me real good, Yokozawa... if you're really against this, push me away harder. Hit me stronger. Struggle more. Because your half-assed objections lead me to think that you're fine with me or there is just...nothing."

Yokozawa felt, his arms would dislocate already as Kirishima pressed him harder on the table, he grunted.

"I wouldn't mind locking you up somewhere for myself if that is the only way for me to be sure you're mine. But that would be inconsiderate in your part..."

Just as quickly he was pinned down, everything lightened. His arms were freed, there was no weight pressing on him. He sat fast and saw Kirishima already opening the door.

"Return to the hall. I'll be going back now."

* * *

Tired at the not so good encounter with Kirishima, Yokozawa dragged himself back into the hall where people were merrily chatting away the night. The serene and cold night was perfect for drinking with friends, that was why, when Yokozawa started searching for his team to greet them properly, he found them outside the hall, into the huge garden, laughing loudly.

When he reached the bunch, he realized that one of his men wasn't really laughing but wailing, due to drunkenness.

"Oh-Yokozawa-saaaaan...mellllllllllly quishmash..." the man greeted raising a bottle of wine towards Yokozawa.

"Why'd you let this punk drink so much?" Yokozawa asked, eyeing the other men who was surrounding the drunken mess.

"Eh-Chief, just let him be...he's broken hearted," one of the men answered.

'Broken hearted? Him?" Yokozawa blurted, totally unbelieving that his man, with a wrestler body, bawl like a baby because he was broken hearted. It gathered a roar of laughter from the bunch.

"Uwah-Yokozawa-san so cruel..." they hooted.

The drunken mess hiccupped and slumped on the cold floor now crying.

"You-fools...you jont kno, how it feels..." he started wailing.

Disgusted at the sight of a fully grown man wailing like someone just took his candy, Yokozawa kneeled beside the guy and tapped him on the shoulder. "Oi..." Yokozawa threw a glare at the still laughing men before looking back at the crying man beside him.

"Look, can you at least calm down?"

"But Chief...look at meh! Quishmas and I am alone..."

"Ah damn it...I'll have to be a councilor or something?" "You're not alone...see...your bastard comrades are cheering you on..."

The man threw the bottle on the ground. Good thing it landed on the soft grass and not on the concrete. "Chief-tell me...why? Why is she so cruel?"

"How would I know!" The other guys just laughed harder. "Damn you bastards, if you're not going to calm this fool, don't make fun of him!"

The guy threw up and wiped his mouth with his sleeves, still hiccupping. The other men already left after half an hour, seeing the man they're laughing about was already sober. They'd look for someone to laugh at somewhere.

"Feeling better?" Yokozawa asked as he handed a glass of water to Kiyoshi.

"Thanks Chief...embarrassing..."

"Don't mention it." Yokozawa replied, sipping a little of the glass of wine he took on the way from getting water.

"Chief-I really love her you know..."

Yokozawa sighed, not wanting to listen to a love problem when his insides was still messed up. But he chose to just stay quiet and listen.

"Why, she dumped you or something?"

Kiyoshi, even though he was like a brawler, he was actually very timid and kind. So somehow, Yokozawa felt bad to see one of his men cry like how he did earlier. Sure he was under the effect of alcohol, but wasn't alcohol just helps real, burried feeling surface?

"Chief, it's more painful than being dumped. I'd rather her doing that than how she is treating me..."

With that, Yokozawa suddenly got interested. What is more painful than being rejected anyways?

"Huh?"

Kiyoshi rested his back on the huge post and sighed, his breath clearly visible. "I don't know what to expect or think anymore Chief. I mean, she lets me kiss her, she lets me hug her from time to time...but everytime I tell her I love her, she acts as if its nothing important. I follow her everytime, she doesn't complain, she shows concern for me which makes me really happy, but when it comes down to it...she backs away, looking at me with a glare like I am a monster. But all I want is assurance from her that we're going steady!"

Yokozawa cleared his throat. Why was the girl somehow similar to someone he knew?

"But~" Yokozawa started, looking at the red liquid in his glass. "the way you described her, I mean, she clearly likes you...maybe she's just not used to telling them outright..."

"Heh...but Chief, if you really like the person, isn't it that you'd naturally assure them you love them by your actions, backed up by words? I am not asking her to chant she loves me...all I'm asking is hearing it from her mouth that everything is not just me getting ahead of myself."

"Hmm...well, action speaks louder than words right?"

Kiyoshi laughed in exasperation. "Well Chief...that is true...but you won't understand how I feel, saying 'I love you' all the time and gets no response. I believe in that too Chief...and I understand that it's the true things that are the hardest to admit...but you know...I realized one thing. There are only two reasons why a person can't say he or she loves someone back."

Yokozawa's grip on the glass tightened almost as if he was breaking it.

"One...they're really the extreme shy types...or two...they really don't feel anything in return. Which leads me to two, because that is more sensible."

"Then..what are you gonna do?"

"It's tiring Chief...sometimes...it leads me to thinking of just giving up and finding someone el~"

Kiyoshi stared dumbfounded when Yokozawa just dashed without saying anything, leaving him alone. "...but...of course I won't give up..." he continued to air before going back to the warmth the hall was offering.

* * *

The echo of running shoes into the empty hallways of the sleeping quarters was so loud in Yokozawa's ears. He just ran like an idiot when he heard the word 'tired' and Kirishima's words earlier kept on repeating in his muddled head.

"Yokozawa... if you're really against this, push me away harder. Hit me stronger. Struggle more. Because your half-assed objections lead me to think that you're fine with me or there is just...nothing."

"Give up? After all the stupid things he'd been saying since the beginning, trying to force his way in my life? I am not going to just sit back and allow it..."

"That moron...is he thinking that I'm just toying with him?! If you only knew...how hard I worked for us to be together..."

He felt his face burning at the realization. It may not show in him physically but he was just one of those extremely shy types when it comes to these things, what's more, it was with a man no less.

Yokozawa ran the steps up to Kirishima's floor three at a time, sometimes almost tripping over. When he reached the sixth floor, he was already out of breath, his face and body all sweaty despite the cold temparature. Why he just ran for about 20 minutes without stopping just to get to where he was standing now.

Filling his lungs first with the misty air, Yokozawa just turned the knob, telling himself that if it was locked, he'd smash the door down.

But the knob turned as if it was waiting for him.

He barged in the room like he owned it and saw Kirishima staring wide eyed at him. He was apparently on his way to the refrigerator to get some beer.

"Yokozawa?" He muttered in a surprised face it was almost comical the way he stared at Yokozawa as if he couldn't believe it.

With a deep frown, Yokozawa slammed the door shut and took huge steps towards Kirishima.

"What is it? You're going to give up because I won't say it and won't let you do it?!" Yokozawa yelled.

Kirishima cocked his head to the side, clueless at why Yokozawa was acting strange. Looking at the man with a red face, breathing heavily, sweat on his forehead, there was only one thing he could think of. "Are you drunk?"

"Damn it. Am not!"

Kirishima eyed Yokozawa intently as if scrutinizing him, it made Yokozawa feel somehow very conscious. "You want some beer too?" He asked before turning his back.

"Kirishima, about earlier..."

The other guy stopped on his way and turned his head.

"I mean...the two days I was gone, I couldn't really do anything about it, I-went to a secluded area and there's no signal there...so...that is really why..." Yokozawa's eyes were wandering at his surroundings but never landed on Kirishima.

"And Himura...he really is just a good friend...and the Monday...his sister was opening a cafe...so he's inviting me..."

Kirishima just stood there watching.

"Do-you want to know more?!" Yokozawa asked as if he was mad, but he was just really embarrassed at how he was acting like he was a teenager in confession.

When Yokozawa gathered his wits and tried to look at Kirishima, the man was already moving towards him. But he didn't move away and just looked.

Kirishima stood in front of Yokozawa, lifting his hands to Yokozawa's shoulders. "Why are you telling me this?" He asked while his fingers were already doing their stuff on Yokozawa's buttons.

Pasting a cool expression, despite his real self breaking out in cold sweat, Yokozawa glared at Kirishima. "YOU SHOULD KNOW WHY! DAMN IT!"

The other man chuckled, as his arms encirled Yokozawa's waist. "I love it when you give me your 'love glare'...but I want to hear it from you."

"Lo-love glare?!" Yokozawa exclaimed. "Am not giving you love glare!"

Kirishima pulled Yokozawa to his chest, his hands dancing on the man's back. "Aww~ come on...didn't you rush in here to tell me something?"

"Who rush~~!"

Kirishima had already burried his head on Yokozawa's neck, Yokozawa could feel the trace of smiling lips against his skin.

"Shying away at the last minute, are we?"

Yokozawa shut his eyes and finally surrendered. Why is the freakin' three-word sentence so damn hard to say? He screamed inside his head.

Mustering the strenght he he had inside him mentally, Yokozawa drew a deep breath and mumbled on Kirishima's broad shoulder.

"I~I am not like you who're so shamelessly saying love stuff and all that shit...at least get it into your skull that you're important to me..."

"...and?"

"Fuck you...you're too confident now huh?"

"Shhhsh..we'll do that..." Kirishima laughed on Yokozawa's neck, the other man tensed. From where was that confidence coming? "But you have one more thing to say, right?"

Gritting his teeth, not wanting to give Kirishima more pleasure from teasing him, Yokozawa turned his head towards the head nuzzling on his neck so he didn't have to say it too loudly. And just as soft as a whisper, he sighed into Kirishima's ears, the words he never would have imagined in his life to be saying towards another man.

Kirishima stood straight, his hands on Yokozawa's arms as he searched the man's eyes. "Can you repeat that? I hardly heard it..."

"I AM NOT GOING TO REPEAT THAT EMBARRASSING TH~"

Soft lips halted Yokozawa's complaints. And he felt his knees already giving out. "What's this...?...What's this?" Yokozawa repeated inside his head over and over again. The other man had him already pinned down on the sofa with him just obliging like a good kid. But his heart was thumping so hard he felt his heart would leap out of his throat any minute. His chest was so tight breathing was so hard, he could only watch at Kirishima take his shirt off.

Both arms on the sides of Yokozawa, confining him as if afraid that the man would run away again, Kirishima leaned closer. Smiling. Yokozawa couldn't shake off in his mind if what he saw on the sides of Kirishima's eyes was tears...and yet he could not focus his mind any more, as his heart grew thumping more violently, as he watched Kirishima slowly pull his neck tie away.

"Yokozawa...can you feel that?"

"If you're asking about your thing...you're so shameless!"

Kirishima, slid his hands on the already exposed chest before him, his hands just barely touching the skin. "There is 'that'...but...Yokozawa..." Kirishima lowered his face down to Yokozawa's. "The feeling of that heat...from that excitement of being one in body and in words...don't you feel that?"

Thunderstruck, Yokozawa just gulped as he stared at Kirishima's eyes.

"Not going to run away anymore?"

"Who's running away!?"

"Not gonna bite my lips anymore?"

The guilt Yokozawa had about that incident became fresh once more, and instead of answering in words, he did it in action. Yokozawa pulled Kirishima by the neck, encircling his arms around it as he initiated a kiss. For a moment, Kirishima was motionless that allowed Yokozawa to completely take control, wandering his tongue inside Kirishima's mouth.

But it didn't last long, as Kirishima started to take over.

* * *

Feeling a searing pain that ran from his bottom down to his spine, Yokozawa clung tightly on Kirishima as the steady rythm of thrusting and grinding, sent him senseless. His mind was blank.

Before they started, he was actually thinking why he'd be the bottom, but the moment, Kirishima started pouring on little kisses on his face, his neck while his hands skillfully held his member, his brains, with his entire strenght went mushy.

"Haa...Kirishi-Kirishima..." He blurted, as he felt sudden waves of intensity blurring his every being.

"Yokozawa..." the man panted, ever increasing in speed. "Don't -agh-chant my name like that...I'd go crazy..."

"Asshole~"

Kirishima's face which was nuzzled on Yokozawa's sweaty neck moved up to capture again the lips he was craving for, his tongue, mimicking his thrusts and Yokozawa was just left to pant and gasp beneath him.

Pounding into each other like crazy beasts, they made love several times.

* * *

Both lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling completely drained, Kirishima shuffled to his side and stared at Yokozawa's sweaty profile.

"You'll burn a hole in my face like that."

"I like your sweaty look. Makes me feel I could go for more..."

"Please...shut-up..." Yokozawa spat.

Acting like a spoiled child, Kirishima moved closer to Yokozawa, resting his leg on Yokozawa's. At the weight and contact, Yokozawa started struggling.

"Can you let me rest in peace for a while?! You went into a frenzy, dumbass. Let me rest."

A faint chuckle filled the room and out of nowhere, Yokozawa felt himself, leave the softness of the wide bed. How they got there from the living room was a mystery too for himself. Yokozawa felt warm skin instead after Kirishima had him rest on his chest. He was shocked but he wouldn't complain at something that feels so good and content.

"Hey...can you tell me you love me again?"

"I AM NOT GOING TO SAY THOSE THINGS EVER AGAIN! YOU SHOULD HAVE RECORDED IT COZ I WILL ONLY SAY IT ONCE EVERY CHRISTMAS!"

Hugging Yokozawa tighter, Kirishima brushed his lips on Yokozawa's shoulder. "Actually, you really didn't have to say you love me in the first place..."

Yokozawa raised his head to glare at Kirishima. "What are you going on about?"

"You know the reason I was so shocked when you barged in the room earlier?"

"What about it?" Yokozawa muttered irritated.

"I said...'if Yokozawa comes in without knocking, he's completely head over heels with me'...and then you right away appeared before me..."

Turning red to his ears, Yokozawa moved away but Kirishima stopped him.

"What are you? A child?!"

Kirishima laughed. "But it's too good to be just a coincidence right?"

"You have really strange interpretations! I'm going to the bath!"

But Kirishima's hug just got tighter. "Stupid...this is the first time...but definitely not the last for the night...you are not going anywhere..."

"Wha-what the hell?!"

* * *

Moments later, Kirishima found Yokozawa sleeping soundly with his arms under him as a pillow. He gently brushed Yokozawa's hair away from his eyes and pulled the blanket properly.

The sound of Yokozawa's breath and the rising of his chest while he sleep was enough for Kirishima. He was really happy he could cry. Yokozawa, with his stubborness might not realize it. But he just gave out a huge confession without knowing it.

"...YOU SHOULD HAVE RECORDED IT COZ I WILL ONLY SAY IT ONCE EVERY CHRISTMAS..."

Kirishima smiled as he remembered it. Kissing Yokozawa's forehead before closing his eyes to sleep, Kirishima sighed totally in a bliss.

Didn't that just mean that Yokozawa was already unconsciously thinking that they'd be together next Christmas, and the coming Christmas over the years? For Kirishima, it's a confession worth a lifetime. Because although he knew the road was rough, both of them being stubborn at times, he also was thinking the same thing.

* * *

**chapter end notes**:

hAHAHA...i am sorry, i am not in the mood for any lemons...i tried but i couldn't. i just like it that way.^^ i think it's sweet enough like that and if i forced to insert lemons, i will just ruin it...hehehe...BUT I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU LIKED THE CHAPTER. i havent updated lately that doing it now felt somehow awkward...feels like its been years! hahaha...

THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE.^^!

i figured this is the last chapter...just tell me if you still want some extra or something. i am happy to have given all couples their moments...a first yaoi fic i ever wrote where i managed to pull through.

ALL YOUR SUPPORT ARE IN MY HEART FOREVER! ^^


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